A/N: Rated "M" for mainly language. Can't handle verbal abuse? I suggest you move on : Reviews are welcome, as usual, of course.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter & Co. do not belong to me.. But the idea is tempting.
"I bet you'd laugh when I die, you good for nothing piece of---"
He cut her off with his callused hand, before she amused the walls with her profanity-populated rant.
And for a moment, the non-existent audience heard deep breathing...and then a grunt, caused by the caress of the groin area by a knee.
"YOU FUCKING CUNT!"
She now cut him off, not with a hand, but by lighting a cigarette.
"Lovely word, cunt."
Out came a smoke ring, and the silent glare from the man who was bent over in sweet delicious pain.
"Don't talk, or the next time your thin sliver of meat'd be touched with is gonna be with stitches instead of ole Lizzy's mouth".
"Linda, actually"
She glared before speaking.
"How was the bitch anyways? A definite improvement than Pansy with the looks... I'd bet she has the same brain capacity as Pansy… Suggesting they had any, that is."
She nodded towards the unconscious figure next to the fighting duo; quite smart of her to not be able to utilize her ears at a time like this.
The man, opposite her, muttered "Linda". He raised his hand, but quickly put it down.
"You're not a smarmy schoolboy anymore, Malfoy, but I'll honor your role-playing and pretend I called on you."
"Fucking hell, Granger. I wouldn't have moved in with you if you were this possessive in the first place."
"The reason you moved in here in the first place is because of your possessiveness. And to quote, 'I don't trust that mangy, filthy, perverted bastard that lives next door'. End quote. Two, the cause of this fiasco isn't me being possessive, it's what's gonna happen every time you bang around and moan and groan and shout how to suck your 4inch organ, which causes phone calls from the supposedly perverted bastard."
"This coming from the woman who has men come over that drinks straight out of my milk carton."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, it's MILK. Get some pregnant lady to squeeze some out if you're that desperate."
"It's not just about the milk, Granger."
"Draco, want me to buy another carton? Because I'll go out right now, disregarding that it's three o' clock am and buy my little boy some milk."
He noticed that she had used his first name.
"It's not about that. It's ---"
"What I don't understand is why you keep mentioning a small incident that happened Thursday night. It was just a coincidence that he drank out of your carton, sensing the manliness, and not drinking my Soy Milk."
"That's not the reason I'm pissed. I'm pissed because the man who probably sucked at your clit put his lips on my milk carton."
"It's my clit, then is it? Well, I don't particularly enjoy listening to your sexual activities because they usually lead to this."
"It's not about your clit."
She lit another cigarette and rolled her eyes.
Then sighed, her cigarette wedged between two fingers.
"You're killing me, Malfoy."
Draco snorted as the conversation came around in a circle, the mentioning of her death.
The unconscious woman next to them let out a snore, her mouth wide open.
Hermione glanced at the figure then at her stub of what was left of her cigarette, deciding whether or not to do such an unruly thing.
She decided it was for the best, and placed the stub between the lips of the figure and gently closed the jaw.
"You know she'll probably swallow the ash, right?" but Draco made no move to pull the deadly cylinder out of his past lover's mouth.
Hermione shrugged.
"She practically swallows everything else, so she wouldn't mind. Don't tell me you're worried of her well fare."
Hermione smirked, and walked over to the man on his knees, his pain forgotten.
"Back to the milk carton discussion, was the man any good?"
"You flatter me with your jealousy."
"I'm serious."
Hermione shrugged for the second time.
"Didn't really expect much, but he seemed eager to please. Nice face, though… Pity he was a horrid kisser."
"Did he know it was a one night thing?"
"You wound me, and we already planned our honeymoon---."
Hermione got caught off with a glare.
"Yes, he knew."
"Good."
"Yeah, no more big bad men to come and steal your milk."
"How about Daniel, then?"
"Malfoy, dove, let's continue this interrogation some other time… Over tea and biscuits, perhaps."
She walked over to her room.
A flood of pink explored Draco's cheeks before he spoke.
"Granger?"
A yawn then, "what?"
She opened her door.
"Do you want me?"
Hermione turned her head to face him.
"Cocky, are we?"
"Granger, I'm serious. I want you. Not sexually… well, yeah, sexually, but as in… I'll figure that out later, but yeah."
Her eyes turned soft.
"You're gonna have to deal with blue balls, then."
She shut the door after her.