Rin's Roulette

I don't own Inuyasha or the song Russian Roulette by Rihanna

Take a breath, take it deep

Calm yourself he says to me

If you play, you play for keeps

Take the gun, and count to three

I'm sweating now, moving slow

No time to think, my turn to go

I laid there. My body shook and I flinched under his touch. "Calm yourself. You know there's no turning back once this is done." The fear rose within me causing beads of sweat to roll down my chest. I reached slowly to my shoulder as if I already bore the mark. Looking up into his eyes I tried to keep tears from forming. In that moment there was nothing but coldness against the amber that used to represent warmth.

(Chorus)

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving

Know that I must pass this test

So just pull the trigger

The threat of his aura rose over me, watching me, sizing me up like his prey. He wasn't the one who I had fallen in love with. He had changed. He had become the beast that he truly was. His body became the line between life and death. He was testing me. Testing my trust.

Say a prayer to yourself

He says close your eyes

Sometimes it helps

And then I get a scary thought

That he's here means he's never lost

Moving his claws down my neck and shoulder, he drew closer to me. My shaking hadn't subsided. "Close your eyes." His voice so threatening and deadly. I'm too afraid not to do as he says. I can hear and see him clearly in my mind. His eyes are red and his fangs are bared. Do I really want this? Yes, I…I love him.

(Chorus)

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving

Know that I must pass this test

So just pull the trigger

I can feel him closer. His hands chain my own beside me as claws painfully cut into my skin. Why haven't I run? Because of love? No, because I can't! I chose… to love him! I felt my whole world pulse. Shock went through my body as if I had been split by lightning as he bit down into my shoulder. Just as I began to recover from the shock I felt pain like no other. His poison was breaking into me.

As my life flashes before my eyes

I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise?

So many won't get the chance to say goodbye

But it's too late too pick up the value of my life

My screaming isn't enough to save me. I struggle but he's not letting up. The images that pass through my mind represent death. I'm in so much pain. Where is it all coming from? Was I so ignorant, so naive? No. I want…to love him. But…what does love truly mean to him?

(Chorus)

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

And I'm terrified but I'm not leaving

Know that I must pass this test

So just pull the trigger

Tears stream down my face. I haven't opened my eyes but I know that I'm bleeding. My body hurts from the poison. His rage subsides as he releases the grasp of his hands from mine. Now's my chance to run. But why, when no other can touch me. He destroyed the old life that I once knew. I'm bound to him forever because…

"I'm sorry."

he loves me.

Sesshoumaru's words, "I'm sorry." are supposed to take the place of the sound fx for the gunshot at the end of the song. I thought that worked better for Rin's reaffirmation.

LadyRin23