I've been working on this story for quite some time, and I hope it lives up to the expectations that are set on AkuRoku day! I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you guys like it too, even though at time it seems like nothing good could come from the situation.
I do not own the song lyrics. They belong to Leonard Cohen.
"Well, there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below;
but now you never show that to me, do you?
But, remember when I moved in you,
and the holy dove was moving too,
and every breath we drew was
Hallelujah."
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Soft mewls of desperation offset the normally stoic atmosphere, coinciding with forbidden lust and combining with thin lines of crimson on the older male's back. Arching into the flurry of miniscule flutters along his sides, he lolled his back until it collided with the pillow that had been strategically placed behind him, mouth open and eyes wide. A whimper escaped his swollen lips and reeled Axel in, who had conveniently settled himself between Roxas' legs, grinding their erections together.
Axel pushed his body up until he was sitting on his knees, a hand sliding into Roxas' open palm above his head and entwining their fingers. Emerald eyes traced the outline of the body beneath him covered in a sheen of sweat and breathing heavily; naturally spiked golden hair sticking to his face in odd places and his eyes giving Axel the once over, stopping at his face as a light blush crossed the bridge of his nose. The way Roxas' chest rose as he inhaled, squirming as to get Axel's attention to continue, was more erotic than anything the redhead had ever seen.
Roxas was more beautiful now than he ever was before, and Axel sought to embed this imagine into his brain, afraid that when he woke up in the morning it would all be a dream. A cold, evil trick that his mind played on him. Axel couldn't remember a time when he wanted something so bad it hurt, and he was certain that Roxas hadn't either.
"A-Axel," the blond teen moaned, shaking his head from side to side as Axel slid himself into Roxas' body, eyes closed. It was tight, warm - and oh, it was wonderful.
Axel's slick torso slid along Roxas, creating a synchronized rhythm of shallow thrusts and musical intonations. Axel was panting, his head lowered and each wisp of breath dancing over Roxas' lips. Axel opened his eyes, azure catching jade as love flashed through Roxas' eyes. Axel could have sworn that he felt his heart swell so much that it was pressing against his ribcage; it hurt - oh boy, did it, but Axel had never felt so alive in his life.
Roxas smiled up at him, wrapping his arms around Axel's neck as he brought their bodies closer, the friction rubbing against his neglected member was stimulating. "Nn, f-fu- Axel!"
Axel captured his set of moans with a series of chaste kisses sporadically placed against his lips, and he increased his speed just slightly, trying with all his might to keep release at bay. It was only a matter of time before he lost control. Axel wanted to keep this going for as long as he possibly could, but Roxas' legs latching onto his waist weren't helping him at all.
Scarlet tresses fell from around his shoulders, covered his eyes and shielded him from the love of his life beneath him. A gentle smile played on his lips as he felt Roxas swipe a hand across his forehead, pushing strands of hair away so that the blond could look into pools of emerald as they came together. Axel sharply angled his pelvis, pushed deeper into Roxas and collapsed on top of him as his seed spilled inside the blond, a single phrase tiptoeing on his tongue as Roxas arched into him as his own orgasm constricted him.
They lay together, one on top of the other, basking in the moonlight that shone in from the open window above the bed. Roxas kissed his forehead, letting his arms drop down beside him as the redhead pulled out of his body. He winced; the feeling of emptiness overwhelming his senses as Axel rolled over to lie beside him, facing the younger male and smiling brilliantly.
"I love you," Roxas whispered, pressing their sweat laden chests together and closing his eyes, falling asleep to the sound of Axel's calm breathing and their hearts beating in time to one another.
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eight-thirteen
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"No," Roxas reiterated.
"Bu-"
"There's nothing going on between us, and there never will be," he lied, thinking back on the passion and the lust - and more importantly, the love.
Sora, bewildered and in awe, tilted his head at his brother's confession. It struck him like a pick on a guitar, strumming the wrong note and ruining the song. He'd been wrong; the entire time he'd been incorrect in his assumptions. Sora was, at one point, more than certain that Roxas had finally opened up to Axel, allowing him closer to his heart. They'd become inseparable throughout the last few months, and Sora could have sworn on more than several occasions that their best friend relationship had been kicked up a notch- because really, who cuddled with their best friend in the middle of a movie that was neither scary or romantic?
"Why not?" Sora inquired.
"Because… I just… trust me on this one," the blond spoke softly.
"It doesn't make sense though, Roxas. You guys are perfect together!" the younger twin exclaimed, a small smile gracing his lips as he spoke his mind; a frown worn on almost identical features at the outburst.
Roxas lightly sighed, collecting his thoughts. "You really want to know?"
A quick nod was given to him as a form of silent affirmation. Inhaling heavily and exhaling a shallow breath he wasn't aware that he'd been holding, Roxas crossed his arms over his chest, cerulean eyes nervously fluttering about the room in search for something to concentrate on so he wouldn't have to meet Sora's eyes.
If this would have been any other time he wouldn't have a problem confiding in the brunet, but after the night he had spent in bed with Axel, it was something terribly huge; a problem bigger than he could have ever foreseen. Roxas hated the idea of bottling everything up; he hated spilling his secrets more. He couldn't possibly tell Sora that he slept with the fiery redhead in question the night before or that he'd confessed to him, because it would make his resistance towards taking the next step to something greater futile, and he had already made up his mind to not venture into the unknown. But this wasn't any other time in their lives - this was now and this was Sora's curiosity that he was trying to flee from in regards to the relationship he'd built with Axel.
"Okay…" Roxas drawled, oceanic eyes locking onto Sora's dark blue. Momentarily he found himself wondering why he was gifted with eyes that gave him away; eyes that drew Axel in, hook, line and sinker. Roxas secretly longed to have eyes like his brother. A pair that wouldn't tell the world his story.
"It's because… he doesn't talk," he whispered, his head hung low in shame at the superficial confession.
"What?" Sora gawked, eyes widening in astonishment.
"Yeah, that's why." he confirmed. "Sora, please don't tell him that."
The brunet wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to something so trivial, "that hasn't stopped you guys from becoming friends though, Roxas. He's your best friend."
Roxas couldn't respond - he didn't know how to - especially when Sora was right.
"Why would that little detail be a problem now?" Sora asked incredulously.
"…"
"Look, Roxas. You mean the world to him, and I'm pretty sure that he's your world, too. I see the way you look at him, don't think I've missed those quick glances." Sora nodded to himself, adding, "and it isn't like he can't talk at all, he just doesn't want to. There's a difference."
"I'm sorry," Roxas apologized, curling in on himself. "But it's the truth. I can't change that, you know."
"A vain truth," the brunet shook his head.
"I know…" Roxas agreed; boy, did he know. "Maybe if he could speak, or would, I could be with him, but he won't and I can't do it. He doesn't fucking talk, Sora! I know he used to before I met him, but that's changed and he doesn't now!"
Roxas' chest heaved as he tried to steady his breathing, anger bubbling under his skin as he tried to defend himself against Sora. He had nothing to prove to him, just like he had nothing to gain from telling him anything. Roxas knew that he was setting himself up for disappointment, but to the extent of having his own twin obviously annoyed with him over something so shallow? Roxas hadn't been aware of that. He had hoped that Sora would understand.
"You have no idea how hard it is. Can you imagine your relationship with Riku if he didn't talk? I'm pretty sure you'd feel the same way, Sora!" he yelled quietly, trying not to disturb Axel as he slept in his room; in his bed.
A heavy silence befell the twins, and Sora contemplated Roxas' question and accusation. Would he really treat Riku differently? Would he seriously consider their relationship if he wasn't able to hear Riku's silky voice on a daily basis? And anyways, why did it matter? This was about his brother and the redhead, not him and Riku.
"I'd still love him," Sora stated confidently. "Roxas, Axel loves you. He loves you more than anything in this entire world, and you're just going to give up on him because of one minor disability? What happened to the Roxas that I know? You know, the one that would look past this."
"He isn't here anymore,"
"Obviously," he snapped.
Sora was disgusted with him, he knew, but he couldn't change the way he felt. He'd tried, and he failed, and he hated it. Roxas hated it more than anything because the way he felt for Axel was deeper than anything he'd ever felt before.
"… I'll never get to hear him tell me he loves me," Roxas choked, his voice riddled with pain as he vocalized his hidden realization to his brother. "I'll never get to hear those words, Sora. You don't understand…"
Roxas stood with his fingers digging into his clothed sides, his chin against the base of his neck, and sun kissed spikes shielding his eyes from the agonizing look Sora offered him. His body noticeably shook and he had to suppress a set of tears that had been waiting for release since he admitted to himself and Sora that he was indefinitely in love with Axel.
"Oh, Rox…" Sora joined Roxas, his arms sliding around his waist as he held him close.
"I hate it." he whispered, arms limp at his side, while he buried his face against the white t-shirt covering Sora's torso. Sora rubbed soothing circles on his back.
"It's okay," he cooed.
"It isn't okay. What if he found out…?" Roxas asked, sniffling.
"He won't," Sora promised.
Roxas nodded slowly, allowing several tears to slip from his eyes as he focused on Sora for strength. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with Axel, because he did - very much so. He had dreams about it.
About being wrapped up in Axel's arms, warm and secure; about telling him his feelings for the first time and hoping that it wouldn't be the last; about giving all of himself to Axel in return for every ounce of love Axel could offer; about sharing many memorable moments with him and looking forward to the future.
Only, that wouldn't happen because Roxas was scared.
Roxas was afraid that not hearing Axel speak those three forbidden words would be the end of their relationship, either by his own accord because of his obsession to be verbally told that he was loved, or by Axel's frustration over not being able to tell him how he felt. And then where would they be? Back at the beginning, if not fighting to keep some kind of friendly base between them for the sake of people in their lives that they shared. It was a catch twenty two, and he hated it.
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Silently and hidden around the corner of the room, Axel listened to the conversation between them, his ears picking up on the heartbreak that spilled from Roxas as he audibly cried on his twin's shoulder. Anger boiled in the pit of his stomach, and for the first time since meeting the stoic blond, Axel felt betrayed. Roxas wouldn't be anything more with him because of his refusal to speak? Even after everything they'd been through, and after the night that had brought them together in ways that Axel couldn't have ever imagined? It was absurd.
Screwing his eyes shut, the redhead pushed himself away from the wall. It wasn't exactly his fault that he couldn't speak, voluntarily or involuntarily. He had been waiting for Sora to leave so that he could finally embrace Roxas and confide in him all of the things he'd been thinking over the past two months, when they began to get more intimate, and to inform Roxas that he could, in fact, talk.
Axel thought that keeping his mouth shut was a way or showing the world that he obeyed and was no longer a 'bad boy', as his father had called him on many occasion during his childhood and early teenage years. And now, after finally deciding that he trusted Roxas enough to talk to him - after he fought with himself over whether or not to spill his secrets - Roxas pulls a stunt like this and completely shatters him.
He could quite literally feel his heart fall from his chest, and he could hear it break like a tiny glass object against the carpeted floor. It sounded strange and oh-so familiar. Hadn't he felt this way before when his father forced himself on Axel? When his own flesh and blood took from Axel, all while knowing that he was doing something wrong and unforgivable. Axel lost his innocence that night, but he hadn't lost his will to love.
Roxas had given him hope a month after they'd met at a party on the beach - Riku's birthday, to be exact.
It was a surreal moment for him as he sat with Roxas between his outstretched legs, their fingers interlaced and Roxas' head resting back against his chest. It was in that moment that the redhead knew that he had found what he'd been searching for since his father hurt him, and he wasn't willing to let it go. Now not; not ever.
"Roxas, it's going to be okay."
Axel could hear Sora's attempts to calm the blond down, and it was working, albeit slowly. He just hoped that Sora would be able to keep Roxas from going off the deep end as he took the turn around the corner and into the living room, staring directly at the brunet's back. His sluggish movements didn't go unwarranted as Roxas lifted his head slightly from Sora's shoulder and opened his eyes. Sky blue met emerald, and another round of tears began to make their descent in twin streams down Roxas' rosy cheeks.
Axel stood with his hands lodged in his pant pockets and his head cocked to the side, a fragile smile placed on his lips as he tore his eyes away from the gaze of one vain blond. Looking back up, he captured Roxas' eyes for a second time and it appeared to him that Roxas hadn't stopped watching him since he'd entered the room.
It was now or never…
"I love you too, Roxas." Axel spoke with certainty, his voice gentle and cracking after days of practicing his confession and years of not being used.
Sora froze, dropping his hands from Roxas and stepping to the side so that Roxas could have easier access to Axel standing in front of the door. The hurt underlying Axel's voice was identifiable, and with a brief glance to his brother, Sora watched Roxas' expressions change from pain of realizing he'd never hear Axel's voice, surprise of actually hearing Axel's voice, and guilt for being so disgusting in his selfishness to want, but not give.
Roxas took a single step towards him, but with a raised hand from the redhead, he halted and was forced to watch as Axel turned his back on him. His chest hurt as he sobbed, digging his fingers into the palms of his hands and trying to keep himself from falling to his knees as his one chance for happiness walked out of the door. He had messed up; this was it.
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eight-thirteen
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Sora wasn't sure how long Roxas stood there after Axel left with tears in his eyes and his heart on his sleeve, but there was one thing that he was sure of- Roxas was happier than he had ever been in his life, and it was because of Axel. It was just a shame that Roxas had been the one to make that choice in letting him walk away.
An hour passed, and then two, and before either twin knew it, the sun was setting behind grey storm clouds. Thunder could be heard from a distance, clapping for an encore of lightning that flashed through the skies. The rain came down in hard pelts against the roof, rolling like marbles into the drains.
"Axel," Roxas said, knowing that he hated storms and getting wet; he also knew that the redhead liked to spend his time after being upset walking around aimlessly. The scenario that was presented to him wasn't pleasant, and despite the drastic lapse in time between the ordeal earlier and now, Roxas had to find him.
Roxas decided to leave without even informing Sora, as he had returned to his room the moment Riku came over. They were preoccupied, so his disappearance wouldn't phase them in the slightest. Well, that was unless they came looking for him. He prayed that they wouldn't; he had to do this alone.
With his back facing the door, he pushed his way out of the house and onto the front pouch to be welcomed by a round of thunder and an onslaught of wind and rain. It stung his face, but he didn't let it bother him. Instead, he turned to walk down the steps in search for his red haired best friend. With a start, Roxas jumped before he could even reach the top step.
"Axel?" Roxas called to him as he noticed a figure sitting on the steps of the porch in the dark. Lightning illuminated him, giving his position away to the blond standing behind him.
"Roxas…" his voice was quiet; vocal cords still not used to working. It was apparent in the way he said his name that Axel had been crying.
"Oh god, Axel." Roxas sighed in relief. "The storm; you out here, and fuck, I came looking for you."
"Never left," the redhead told him as he lifted his head to look at Roxas, who had taken the liberty to move so that he stood beside him. Axel's bright eyes, laden with crystallized tears, were haunting and mesmerizing as they looked at each other. Roxas could see himself drowning in his eyes, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
"Roxas." he whispered, the corners of his lips pulling up, despite his attempts to keep himself from smiling. Roxas had come after him.
Axel stood, facing the blond. Roxas took the opportunity to throw his resolve away as he slid his arms around Axel, smiling up at the redhead as he felt a pair of strong arms embrace him. Axel leaned in and tenderly placed his lips to Roxas' mouth, caressing his lips with the utmost love and affection.
Roxas pulled away, realizing with a squeeze from Axel that it didn't matter if the redhead could speak or not, because actions spoke louder than words and Axel had already shown him a lifetime of love.
I wanted to add more, but I think the ending works for it, even though I'm not very happy with it. Lemme know what you think, 'kay?
Happy AkuRoku day!
Review, please. Thank you.
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