It's because of her

I watch her lying there, and wonder how the Hell she got there, how did we end up here together, and what I did to deserve someone like her.

She loves me I know that, but how did I fall for her, I've never let my guard down never knowingly let her in, but she's here, with me.

I think back to the first time standing in the hallways of the hospital being asked if I liked her, watching her watching me hoping I'll say yes.

I use the fact that I know she likes me and make her pay for making it so damn obvious, make her regret it, make her hate me.

Foreman was right I should make her hate me make her feel like she just dodge a bullet , because life with me would be a nightmare for her, wouldn't it?

I never used to question my actions after I've already made them , I must have had my reasons for doing it in the first place right?

All the things I love about her are all the things that annoy me the most with her, like the way she always trying to make me do the right things, making me feel guilty for saving a patients life, just because her morals and wish for every thing to be happy happy won't allow her to do what is necessary to save a life doesn't mean that I must follow suit.

But although I don't show it 's because of her that I feel it, I feel guilty about lying to a patient at death door, now when did that all change? It's because of her.

Like me holding her hand on the street, and kissing her in public places for the whole world to see, I would never have allowed that ever to happen but she allowed me to feel normal like every one else without ever once trying to change me, but it's because of her I changed.

I'll still call you an idiot when you walk into my exam room with a rash in your lower regions, when you tell me you don't know how it got there, but I've changed with Allison , and I don't care who sees it.

when I went with her to meet her parents I never insulted them once , actually I even congratulated them on having such a wonderful daughter and telling them that they should be very proud of her, because I didn't, no I couldn't let her go, not again I needed her to be there I needed her with me, she's close to her parents I could tell and I wanted their approval on our relationship because Allison wanted it so much. That I felt I had to do the necessary to help them to realise that me and Allison where the real thing.

It may not be all parents dreams to see there daughter with a man almost twice her age, crippled and as bad tempered and bad mouthed as PMSing teenager, with a keen interest for daytime television and game boys. l knew that I didn't need to, Allison would have still loved me if I was the same old miserable self I usually am, but the difference is I wanted to because of her.

When we announced our relationship (or when we where finally caught out after our 8 months of secrecy) I didn't hide in my office and let Allison take the heat for it, I didn't repudiate all accusations and I sure as hell did not fuel any of the gossiping that may or may not have been going on. What I did do was allow any secret bet's that had been going on (which I knew as Chase and Foreman kept on at Allison to confirm our relationship status) to be settled, once and for all me and Cameron where an item, as strange as it sounds in my head was just how strange it must of sounded to the gossiping staff at Princeton Plainsboro teaching hospital .

But that was a piece of cake compared to the gossiping and psycho analysing Cameron suffered after both the announcements that even my close friends (Namely Jimmy) and family thought that I would never make which was first the news that Allison and I were getting married , which is a normal step after a year and a half of almost living together. Secondly the announcement of Allison expecting the twins which in all fairness came a shock to me, as I suspected Allison Pregnancy, but when I saw the two unrefined baby figured staring at me from the black and white screen I almost fainted (that would have been top of every gossiping list).

Allison was worse than I was she couldn't see her self as a stay at home mum, but she also didn't see herself as a workaholic who allowed nanny's to do the job of raising her children, she was frightened that she was going to be a bad mother that she was making a mistake. Me on the other hand was secretly happy, it was a shock but Allison was going to a great mother if she was worrying it should be over how bad of a father I was going to be, an elderly Crippled drug addict dropping his 10 years olds to school was not an image that sat agreeably in my head.

But when they came our daughters Emily Olivia Cameron-House and Katie Melissa Cameron-House both our fears, not went away but settled, Allison worked part time at the hospital when the girls were very young, and then started back full time putting the girls in the Hospital day-care centre. Allison insisted on the girls having both our names as she kept her last name to reduce any mishaps and misunderstanding that comes with having two Doctors going around with the name House (Especially if like me you have a skill for generating allot of fuel to the fire of very angry pissed off patients)

I was happy and it was because of her.

I am happy because of her.

I watch her lying there, and wonder how the fuck she got there, how did we end up here together, and what I did to deserve someone like her.

I lean over her and kiss her temple on the damp of her hair she mine an she knows it. She opens her eyes and smiles the coy little smile she knows I love and lifts her head up just enough to reach my month and kisses me back, when she draws back I feel the heat from her breath whisper an " I love you".

finish