I stumble and fall onto my bed, head spinning and heart hammering. I whine and shiver as I curl into a ball and just laid there on my bed. Panic attacks were never fun, but I could never control my own emotions, they usually just got the better of me. They just overwhelm me I guess, considering nothing of real importance actually triggered me today.

The thoughts just whirled in my head, one thought bleeding into the next.

Unimportant
Worthless
Disgusting
Fat
Unloved
Useless
Whore
Die
Just die you idiot

I carefully lift my head and look at my bed side table. I knew I kept all of my pills there. Maybe I could do it today.

If you die you'll be happy.

Really?

My breathing calms, my eyes droop and I sit up slowly, just listening to the words my mind supplied.

Of course, of course. If you die, no more school. No more stress, no more dysphoria, no more eating, no more people judging, misgendering, nothing. You'll be safe and free.

I nod once, slowly, as I crawl towards my stash. If I die, no one can make fun of me anymore. No one will bother me, and I'll be okay again.

A tear slips down my cheek.

God I just want to be okay again.

The dam breaks, and I'm sobbing as I grab the Tylenol bottle and rush to the bathroom. I don't look into the mirror. I know I won't like what I'll see, and now that I'm crying, I'm even uglier. There's no point anymore...

One.

Good, good, take another.

Two, three.

Another dear.

Four, five, six, seven.

You're getting closer Hiro.

Eight, ten, twelve, sixteen.

More Hiro, I know you can do it.

Twenty, twenty five, thirty one.

God I feel sick...

You deserve it.

I know I do.

Thirty five. Thirty seven. Forty.

I feel sick and sleepy. I don't want to throw any of it up, it'll be a wasted effort.

You won't, just take more darling. You'll be okay, everything will finally be okay.

Forty two. Forty five.

The tears have dried on my face. The panic is gone, all that's left is a light headed feeling and a shooting pain going through my body, mostly my right arm.

It just means it's working.

I'm tired.

You'll go to bed soon, just a few more Hiro.

Forty six. Forty seven. Forty eight. Forty nine.

Fifty.

I stumbled out of the bathroom, catching myself on the wall before I could completely fall to the ground. No one was home to hear me, so it didn't really matter anyways. However, sleep should be done in a bed, so why not?

I walk as quickly as I can, the light headed feeling keeping me on my toes, yet giving me a head ache whenever I try to focus.

I'm tired.

Then sleep.

Yeah?

You've deserved it.

I smiled and bundle myself with my blankets. The world fades in and out, I feel hot and cold all over, and the pain moved to envelope my entire right side. Yet I still smiled.

Because I deserved it.

Good night.

-o-o-o-

AN: :3 Guess who has depression~ Me! :D I feel like absolute shit, so I took it out on little trans Hiro. Sorry, but I just don't wanna do what. I made Hiro do... again. haha. fun.

*flails* Sorry for angst, I'll post fluffy stuff later. Nyeh.