-1Those Five

TamoraGregory916

AU. The point in each of the five interns lives where they decided to become a surgeon or not. This time they choose not to.

Meredith

Meredith ran her fingers through her blonde hair and sighed. She was sitting in front of a lot of paper work. A pile of college applications that came almost up to her waist. She hadn't been expecting the mass of paperwork for her Christmas holiday. In fact she hoping to spend her last Christmas skiing with her high school friends. But today they were on the slopes and she was telling Duke what issues should be at the top of the presidential agenda and why. It was now Christmas Eve and she had wished herself a Merry Christmas a while ago. Her mom was still in surgery. She had negotiated Christmas off, although Meredith had to twist her arm quite a bit, but now she had to go in to do an emergency removal of cerebrospinal fluid that had built up on a patient overnight. She had promised Meredith she would be back for Christmas dinner but it was nearing seven and she still wasn't answering her pager. Meredith looked at window. A tiny sprinkling of snow fell from the sky but most of it was slush.

"A wet, icy Christmas. It's got a ring to it."

After ten thirty she gave up. She shuffled down the stairs in her old sweats and put the prepared meal in the microwave and sat in front of the T.V which was showing Meredith's favourite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. Even at eighteen Meredith couldn't help but crack up when Ralphie's friend sticks his tongue to the frozen pole. She poured herself some mulled wine, but couldn't bring herself to toast to a happy Christmas and many more. It wasn't her mother's fault that these emergencies happened but she could get someone else to take care of them. But no, Ellis Grey always had to be in on the best surgeries all of the time. The good surgeries, they were her territory. And Meredith had learned to live with it over time, she tried to complain at first. The crying never worked though and eventually, at the age of twelve she gave up and taught herself to cook and run the washing machine. The best Christmas she had ever had was many years ago, she barely remembered it now, of a couple the woman was called Adelle who gave her the most beautiful porcelain doll. The woman, Adelle, she recalled played tea party with her all night. She had no idea where her mother was the whole night.

Lost in her thoughts, Meredith drifted slowly to sleep. Her dreams were filled with her running after a scalpel, covered in blood, and Adelle sipping tea from a china tea cup her mother laughing at the man in the background. The slam of the door jolted Meredith awake. Her mother walked into the living room and glanced at Meredith with a tired look.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Since when do you do holidays?"

Meredith looked down at her empty dinner plate and bit her lip. Now wasn't the time to argue.

"Have you finished your applications, yet? The earlier you send them in the higher you get on the pre-med program. You don't realise how many strings I've had to pull already."

Again, it was how ungrateful Meredith was. Maybe it was the holiday spirit in Meredith, or the crick in her neck from sleeping on the couch but Meredith snapped.

"I haven't filled any of them out."

"Well then you better get upstairs instead of lying in front of the T.V."

"I'm not going to, Mom. At least for now. I'm not going to med school."

Meredith's mother let out a small laugh, probably of disbelief.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're my daughter, you are going to go to medical school."

Meredith stood up and raised herself to her full height. She had been taller than her mother for a while now and used it to her advantage.

"I told you, I'm not going until you apologize."

Ellis now smiled genuinely and said,

"Is this some kind of a joke? What exactly am I apologizing for?"

"For not being there."

The look on Meredith's face could have curdled milk and she stared deep into her mother's eyes, hard and unafraid.

"Alright now Meredith, cut it out, go upstairs. You better a lot more thankful when I help you get into the best med school this country has to offer and put you on one of the best surgical internships a person could ask for."

"All you have to do is apologize."

Tears welled up into Meredith's eyes. It was so single and solitary the word sorry, yet it stood the test of time. It was all she needed, but as she stared into her mother's unwavering eye's she now she was losing the battle.

"I'm going to ask you one more time Meredith, go upstairs and start filling out those damn papers."

"I said no, Mom."

Ellis's face went red and she threw her hands up.

"God damnit!" she screamed and slapped Meredith across the face.

Meredith brought her hand up to her face and touched the stinging cheek.

"Oh," was all she said. Ellis looked at her hand and back up at Meredith again. You could see the gears turning in Dr. Grey's mind. She pivoted towards the kitchen and Meredith went for the stairs and up to her room. She threw open her closet and took out her suitcase. She flinged everything she saw into the suitcase, dry-eyed but blind with fury. She could her mother downstairs beginning to shuffle around the kitchen, probably making her chamomile tea. Not even having a second thought to hitting her only daughter, her only child.

Meredith zipped the suitcase and half ran out of the room. She never wanted to see the house she had spent most of her childhood in for the rest of her life. She stood at the bottom of the steps and looked at the oak door. This was it, there was not turning back. No surgeries, likely no college. She thought, but for only a fleeting moment, to say something to her mother. She shook her head, scolding herself for such a thought. She turned the door handle and stepped out into the freezing cold.

"Meredith, close the door you'll let in the cold."