This tells the story of what would have happened had the ninth doctor, in the first episode, not told Rose that the TARDIS could also travel through time, meaning she never went with him on the adventures. This story takes place right after the the doctor leaves in his TARDIS from the alley, leaving Rose and her boyfriend on Earth. Rose had also never been able to speak to her mother on the phone, meaning she still did not know whether her mother was okay or not.

TARDIS disapparating out of the alley*

Rose knew, the second she said no, that she shouldn't have said it. when she could no longer see or hear the TARDIS, a heavy weight settled on her shoulders. She waited in that spot, with mickey holding onto her for dear life, and begged internally for The Doctor to come back.

But he didn't.

With great difficulty, she turned away, and put her arm around Mickey to guide him out of the alley. She looked back one more time as they turned the corner exiting the alley.

He wasn't there.

She walked Mickey home, neither of them speaking much other than Mickey uttering the occasional 'bloody hell' as he continued to process the information. She put Mickey into his bed and she went home slowly.

When she got to her flat, her mother was not there. Rose had expected her mother to engulf her in a hug and go on about how worried she had been and wanting to get compensation for this or that. But the only thing that greeted her was silence. It was a cold, dead silence.

Not wanting to panic yet, she rifled through her pockets until she found her phone. She opened it up and saw that her mother had called four times.

oh god

Dread and fear of what might have happened settled into her stomach. She listened to the voicemails that her mother had sent.

"9:43pm: Rose, sweetheart, i don't know if you're home or not but don't go outside! There are terrorists or creatures or something and their attacking everyone, just stay inside." beep. The voicemail ended.

Rose breathed deeply and played the next one.

"9:45pm: Honey please pick up the phone! Everyone is panicking- (stops talking)...oh god, no!(loud jumbled noises) Rose, sweetheart. i love y- (phone falls from Jackie's hand.Jackie begins talking to someone else) No please! Please don't I have a daughter! Wait-"

There was a loud bang and the phone is filled with static and distant screaming. The voicemail ends a few seconds later.

Rose can't breathe. She drops her phone and stumbles back against the wall theb collapses. When she catches her breathe she slowly scrambles for her phone and calls the police. She frantically explains the situation and the Operator calms her down enough for her to give them her location. A police car picks her up to take her to the station. As they drive, Rose has a chance to look around, London looks like a war zone, mini fires were splayed about, People looking around in fear, bodies lying on the asphalt, glass from shop windows strewn about. Police, fire departments, and Rescue workers are doing all they can but thedestruction is massive.

The Doctor could have done something. But that thought is useless because he isn't here.

He's never coming back.

Tears filled Rose's eyes. Part of her knew that she was alone now, even though the police told her to stay positive.

They get to the police department and she gives them her phone so they could make a copy of the voicemails her mother had sent. Then they began tracing the phone's signal. It was an hour before they were able to do it because they were very short staffed, considering everyone was out trying to help people after the attacks.

A police officer was sent out to the location and Rose was not allowed to come. She was told that they would come to her house as soon as they heard anything. She was dropped off at her house and promised that they would do their best. Rose didn't say anything. Rose made a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa staring at the wall. Rose was too distracted to do much else that night. She didnt eat and didn't even change her close before collapsing into her bed. When the adrenaline began receding, she realised how exhausted she was. But even so, she couldn't sleep, regret and sadness filled her mind. It was hours before she finally succombed to sleep. Her dreams, or more accurately: her nightmares, were filled with The Doctor. She fell to sleep with the haunting thought:

I made a mistake.

The next morning she woke up before the sun had even risen. It was five in the morning.

The police knocked on her door a few hours later and she opened it. The detectives were used to seeing distraught family members so they were prepared for her appearance of exhaustion and red-rimmed eyes. They explained to her that the damage in the location that they found her phone had been so complex that they had to organize a rescue crew to scavenge the area and the crew had not found anything yet. But that they were still looking. They asked their routine questions and, as she showed them to the door they asked if there was anyone they could call to come over and help Rose here. Rose gave them Mickeys number and they left. Rose stood there for a moment, lost in thought.

Not even twenty minutes later, Mickey showed up, looking as if he had just run a marathon.

"i came as soon as they called... Come here", Mickey held his arms out for Rose and she slowly walked into his arms. He held her for a while and then guided her to the sofa. He wrapped her in a blanket and put a pot of tea on the stove. When it was finished, he brought the tea out in a mug that had been on the drying rack.

He set it down in front of the sofa on the table. Rose stared at the mug, it was her mothers favorite... he stayed the night, falling asleep on the sofa with her curled into his side.

Two weeks had passed, but Rose hardly noticed. To her it felt like she was stuck on the same day, just one long bad dream. A nightmare that will never end.

The Police had come three days after their first visit and told her the bad news. They had found the body and the ID on her had shown her to be Jackie Tyler. Rose set the funeral date and prepared what was necessary.

The funeral was three days after she heard the news, and it was closed casket. a bullet wound to the head had made the body too gruesome to let family see. plenty of family friends had come to the funeral. Rose cried quietly, Mickey holding her the entire time.

But, now it was over. and Rose couldn't get herself to cry. She felt dead and numb. Not even Mickey could comfort her. And it seems like Mickey is starting to give up on trying.

a week after the funeral*

She woke up early as she usually did now. She doesn't even set her alarm anymore, it's as if her mind decides not to let her sleep long enough for the sun to rise. She got up robotically, getting dressed in whatever was cleaner.

When she got to the kitchen she saw her mother sitting at the table.

Rose sighed,

she still won't go away

Rose didn't acknowledge her. She just walked past the table and put a pot of coffee on the stove. when it was done she went to the sofa and quietly sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her mother, Jackie Tyler, came out of the kitchen, not saying anything, and sat on a chair across from Rose.

Rose closed her eyes and a few tears leaked out. She had gotten used to the constant presence of her mother. She was usually silent, until the demons in Rose's head told her that she was to blame for her mothers death, then Jackie would start talking, sometimes about memories and sometimes casually agreeing with the demons or ask where the doctor was now.

I can't keep doing this... Doctor, please... come back.

Rose cried herself into a fitful sleep on the sofa while her mothers screams filled her dreams.

*Rose Nightmare

"rose!!"

"mum?! where are you?"

"Rose! Help me! Don't let me die!"

It was dark. Rose couldnt see anything.

"mum!? Hold on! Ill save you!"

Jackie suddenly appeared in front of Rose, with a bullet wound between her eyes.

"its your fault" Jackie glared at Rose

"mum I-"

"no! you did this to me"

Rose's voice cracked

"please! mum! i love you please!"

Her mother began fading away into the blackness

"No! mum please! I need you!"

"Doctor, where are you? please help me Doctor!"

Rose heard her name being called distantly. And she felt like that voice was slightly familiar.

end dream*

Rose woke up with a start. Tears were streaming down her face and her skin was damp with sweat. Her hands were shaky and she was out of breathe. She hated when she had these nightmares.

She sat up and nearly fell off the sofa when she realized she wasn't alone in the house. It was her mother... again.

Despite knowing that it wasn't truly he mother, she began to cry. All she wanted was The Doctor to take her away, to hold her and care for her.

whats the point of continuing?

She didn't have an answer.

Why not just end this?

Rose got up, walking to her bathroom. She looked in the mirror, which she hardly did anymore, and was shocked at the sight: she had bags under her eyes, she had lost weight, her hair looked dead, and her face was pale.

"you helped save the world from living plastic, and you are beaten by grief... thats pathetic," Rose said to herself.

Rose opened her cabinet and got out her shaving razor, she broke it apart and just took the blade, tossing the plastic holder aside.

She thought there would be tears at what she was about to do but all she did was gaze at the shiny razor with dull eyes. When did an instrument of death become brighter than herself?

She held the razor over her wrist, and paused. She took a deep breath and let the razor slowly sink into her wrist, allowing the bright red blood to trickle slowly over her wrist, staining the metal red. she knew she didn't hit an artery so she paused again to admire the wound.

The Doctor appeared in front of her, he was an illusion she knew but, that didn't stop her from reaching her hand out to him. The illusion faded when she tried to touch him and she broke down, dragging the razor across her wrists, not paying attention to where she did it and barely noticing the amount of blood.

She screamed out for the Doctor, her voice quickly fading as the lump in her throat became bigger until she was sobbing breathlessly.

she knew no one heard her desperation.

She kept mumbling his name as she fell to the floor, pulled her knees to her chest and rocked her body in a vain attempt to comfort herself. Her body was shaking, her heart was beating quickly. Then, without warning, nausea took hold and she emptied what was left in her stomach, which was only a bit of coffee from last night and a lot of stomach bile. She sat hunched over, her arms barely able to support her. she looked around her and noticed the room was getting darker.

looks like i got the job done

Rose sobbed and called for the Doctor again, she had the overwhelming feeling of lonliness and it suffocated her.

Just as she was about to collapse into her own vomit, the Doctor appeared in front of her again. She knew it was an illusion but it still brought some sense of comfort that she wouldn't die alone.

But she noticed something different about this illusion, usually when the Doctor came, he had a kind but blank expression and never spoke a word. But this illusion looked frantic and concerned and his mouth was moving as if he was speaking but her mind was too foggy to comprehend any words.

why overthink it? it'll be over in a few moments anyway.

She closed her eyes and was oblivious to the guilt-ridden expression of The Doctors face as she passed out.

Doctor point of view. two days after he dropped off Rose*

The Doctor was sitting in his TARDIS, just letting his ship float in space. He had no destination in mind, he just wanted to go back to Rose but she had other people to be with.

The first few days he moped around, not knowing what to do with himself. But after the third day he knew he had to go do something. He couldnt just sit in his TARDIS for the rest of his life and mope.

So he started up his ship and she purred in gratitude. The Doctor flew to the only place he could think of: the Barra system. He had a lot of friends there and he was sure that they would allow him to stay with them for a while. He landed on planet Baste and he was greeted with the Bastian peoples music and food. They could sense emotions and already knew that he was hurting so they gathered a party of his closest friends to cheer him up and welcome him back to their planet.

He stayed out with them for hours and hours, just enjoying the heart warming gathering. And, as the party died down, he sat down next to a fire to warm himself up and gazed at the brilliant night sky that showed two twin moons and endless colored stars.

"it is beautiful, is it not?"

The Doctor looked over to see a good friend of his, Bastar, sitting next to him gazing up at the sky like he was.

"yes it is"

"As beautiful as the girl on your mind?"

"almost as beautiful but not quite."

He was quite used to Bastar's uncanny ability to know certain things that he is thinking about.

"i should say so. She is all you have been thinking about. Where is this lucky girl now?"

"Took her home. She lives on earth."

"An earthling? i shouldn't be surprised that you are so infatuated, they are curious creatures."

"They are passionate too" the doctor added.

" indeed they are. You do not intend to go back to this girl... why?"

"She has family, i'd only get in the way"

"That's not what im reading. she is missing you too, very much, id even say she needs you"

The Doctor looked at her and before he could ask why Rose needs him, his TARDIS key began to glow and burn in his pocket.

He took it out quickly and examined it before he was forced to drop it as it burned brighter. His TARDIS summoned itself to where he was standing, which it only does when there is extreme distress among himself or people that have been in the TARDIS.

"It appears that i was right, Doctor. She needs you now"

The Doctor didn't ponder her statement further, he scooped up his key and ran to his beloved TARDIS.

"who is it, girl" he muttered to his TARDIS while checking his screens to find the source of the distress call. But he realized that no one had knowingly sent a distress call. That meant someone who was previously in his TARDIS was in trouble. He let the TARDIS take him to the source of the distress and it immediately took him to Earth, specifically London.

He had never felt his TARDIS so distressed before and it put him on edge. He sprinted up to Rose's apartment and let himself in. He stopped in the living room shocked at the emptiness of the house, it was a mess with dust on a lot of the furniture. He walked into Rose's bedroom and couldnt help the staggering of his steps. There were holes in the wall the size of a fist, there were picture frames scattered over the ground, her bed was unmade and the lamp shattered against the wall.

what happened here?

He whipped out his sonic screwdriver when he heard a groan from further away in the house. He slowly followed the hallway to an open door that he thought the noise came from.

When he got to the door he pushed it open slightly to reveal a bathroom. What he saw on the floor made his blood run cold. Rose kneeled over in front of a pile of vomit, blood seeping into her sleeves and slowly dripping onto the floor.

He knelt down over her, asking what had happened and frantically trying to keep her awake. But it seemed as if she didn't even comprehend that he was speaking. He reached down quickly when she finally collapsed, unconscious.

He quickly picked her up carrying her, bridle style, in his arms. He ran out of the bathroom and down the stairs, leaving her apartment. He layed her down in the TARDIS and flew back to the Barra system. He felt like time was too slowly, that he wouldn't make it in time to save her. He begged for a miracle, just one miracle.

Let her live.