My Secret Life
Chapter 1
"Run faster, you're almost there," I forced myself to kick up my speed once I saw an outfielder throw the ball to third base.
"Safe!" I heard from the sidelines followed by cheers from the kids and parents in the bleachers. I sighed in relief and began looking for my girlfriend in the stands. I smiled once I spotted her and she gave me a thumbs-up. She was everything to me and knew all about me…except for one thing, I write my own music. Last time I told someone I wrote my own songs, they laughed and never spoke to me again after telling me it was lame.
"Run!" screams brought me back to reality. I started panicking knowing I wasn't going to make it to home base. The last thing I wanted was to let my teammates down. I did the first thing that came to mind, and that was to slide. Unfortunately, I didn't slide in the position that avoided getting dirt into my mouth.
"You're out!" I walked off the field into the dugout, slapping my teammate's hands reassuring me I did alright. After another hour, the game ended with us winning 3 to 7.
"You did great," Paige greeted me with a smile. I looked her in the eyes for a few seconds, taking in the moment and knowing she was all mine.
"Let's go get some ice cream," I offered, and she politely accepted by interlacing our fingers and smiled.
We entered the ice cream parlor hand-in-hand and ordered one bowl of chocolate mint ice cream with two spoons.
"Let's add the toppings ourselves," She commented and I found myself following her to the buffet of toppings that involved sprinkles, marshmallows, chocolate chips, M&Ms, and cherries. Bananas, hot fudge, and whipped cream were put to the side as well. She picked up two cherries and placed them on top of the ice cream. "We have to have these…"
I smiled, knowing she was up to something. We picked a booth in the back where anyone rarely sat in that area.
"So I have a question," I said, taking the first bite out of the ice cream.
"What's your question?" she asked as she put her hand behind her ear so it wouldn't get in the ice cream.
"What's going to happen?" I questioned, watching her scoop the ice cream off the spoon into her mouth contently.
"What do you mean?" she cocked her head.
"With us, after I leave," I finished, making my question clearer. She looked back down at the ice cream, scooping more ice cream on the spoon. She didn't eat it. Instead she looked back up at me, without a smile.
"Aren't we at least going to try?" she asked in return, putting the spoon down in the ice cream bowl.
"Yea… I mean I want to," I said with uncertainty showing in my voice. She took both of my hands in hers and squeezed them gently.
"I love you," she spoke clearly. She never told me that before, I was shocked.
"What...?" I became speechless, not knowing what to say.
"I love you," she repeated.
"Uh…" I blinked, knowing I couldn't say those words back. That's when I saw hurt and confusion on her face for the first time. "I don't know what to say…" I confessed.
"How about you say it back…?" she looked at me with hopeful eyes.
"I can't…" I replied almost inaudible. I looked down, fiddling with the spoon, unable to look her in the eyes. When I did, I saw the unshed tears she was trying to hold back. I suddenly felt sick. It felt like someone was kicking me in the stomach. I never said those three words to any girl before, and I still wasn't ready to. I couldn't be in love with someone I couldn't even be comfortable with showing not even half of who I am. Not even my family knew how much music means to me. Others write down their life stories in a journal or diary, my songs are like my own journal.
"Then maybe we should just end it now," I looked back up at her once she spoke those heartbreaking words.
"Are you serious?" Now I knew it was the right choice not to show her my full self.
"If you can't even say you love me, then why should we try to keep a relationship when you'll be gone to college?" she stood up from the booth, letting me know she was done talking.
"Paige, this is unbelievable. Why are you—," I couldn't finish my sentence as I watched her walk away from me. I knew this would be the last time I ever saw her again.
"Congratulations, Nick…" I said aloud to myself.