She didn't pay attention to him; she tried not to. There was this hint of sadness behind his eyes, every time he looked at her, this tiny spark only she could see. It was the color of the sea, deep and blue and lonely. Of course there wasn't really color in the dark eyes of the detective; it just felt blue to her. She tried to avoid that gaze everywhere she went. The look that stripped her of her secrets, reminded her of the miserable girl she had become after her parents death, just looking at him, hunched over his work made her think of the nights she had cried herself to sleep, that she hadn't talked for days. It made her nervous, the thought that he could see it. The thought that he saw the same little blue spark of loneliness in her eyes drove her mad. She hated him. Fiercely, like you hate the knife that cuts you for the split second it takes you to withdraw your skin from its sharp blade; only that his gaze was always a blade, and she could never withdraw.
The way he hung around Light. Always there, always close. She had considered playing with him, making him a toy of her affections, so this gaze would disappear. The peek on the cheek, that was a test. Afterward his gaze burned. It wasn't like a blade anymore, it was like a fire in her chest, all-consuming, eating her inside out, taking all her secrets and hidden frowns and ignored pain and displaying them for him to see.
She watched him watch her, all the time. When he spoke he seldom lifted his gaze off of her, while she clung to Light, hiding away from the fire.
The day he died he looked at her that very same way. But somewhere along the way, just as if he knew, he smiled, ever so softly, the tiniest and sweetest smile she had ever seen, directed only at her, existing only for her.
When Light died, she realized that he did know, from the start. He always knew everything, somehow. He had known this too. So why hadn't he walked away? It was the blue spark, that tiny traitorous thing. And as much as she wished to forget, she couldn't. Putting on her best make-up, dressing up in her prettiest clothes, she tried to remember a time where he hadn't watched her. She couldn't. A soft smile on her lips all the way she took the shikansen back to her hometown, back to the place her parents had died and that blue spark had been born in her eyes.
There she climbed the tallest building, taking a glass elevator to the top floor and hopping the last stairs up to the roof as if she was going to a marvelous place. She never forgot how Light once had carelessly slipped that the man she was following liked rain. She wished it rained that day, but there was not a single cloud to hide the unrivalled beauty of the sunset.
The smile still clung to her lips when she hit the pavement.