It had all gone so horribly wrong.
He'd once told Shepard during a private conversation that he was expecting this mission to lead to casualties. Perhaps one or two of the team would lose their live for the greater good of the many. Perhaps he would lose his life in the battle to save the galaxy.
But this… this was unacceptable.
Garrus Vakarian mindlessly ran through his current series of calibrations, mulling on the day's events. The so called suicide mission had proven to be just that. Suicide for the entirety of the team that Shepard had formed to save the galaxy. Suicide for all, except for Garrus.
'Sole survivor… again' Garrus thought. A sense of déjà vu following his stint as Archangel on Omega flowed through him. Was he fated to have all of his friends die, again and again? First Omega, now the Collector Base. And if he didn't pull his act together and find some way to stop the Reapers in Shepard's place, he was damn sure he would experience the death of all his friends all over again. Hell, Harbinger would probably spare him in order to spite him and make him suffer.
'Maybe I'll end up like Saren.' Garrus thought. 'An indoctrinated husk.' The idea of comparing himself to the disgraced former Turian Spectre did little to cheer him up. Instead his mind shifted back to calibrations. The endless and seemingly benign action was intended to improve the weapon accuracy of the Normandy's weapons.
'Not that it did much good in the end, everyone except you still ended up dead!'
There went his train of thought again. Images began to flood Garrus' mind. Of the people who had sacrificed themselves for what they assumed was the greater good.
Tali's face appeared first in his mind. The sweet innocent Quarian who he had enjoyed teasing and provoking responses from. Dead, thanks to the seeker swarms. How he wished he could apologize for his actions right now. Tell her he hadn't meant it. Now he wouldn't get that opportunity.
To his surprise, Grunt appearing next in his thoughts. The tank-bred Krogan, designed to be perfect in every way should have been a boon on Garrus. Turian's and Krogan were not natural allies. But maybe it had been Garrus' experiences and unorthodox friendship with Wrex that had allowed Garrus to be open minded about Grunt. He had been paired up with Grunt many times throughout the journey with Shepard, the two forming a solid and reliable duo in Shepard's words. The Krogan may have been young, but he was a warrior in his own right, and Garrus respected that. Likewise, the Krogan had referred to Garrus as part of his clan on numerous occasions. Garrus was sorry to see he hadn't survived.
Perhaps the biggest surprise to Garrus had been the addition of a geth named Legion to the crew. He was naturally wary of the machine to begin with, as he had spent a good amount of his time aboard Normandy being shot by them. But despite this, Garrus was willing to admit that he was wrong to mistrust Legion. Doctor Chakwas had informed him of Legion's sacrifice in order to allow the crew to survive. The thought of a machine giving itself up for organics astonished Garrus to begin with, but he realised in time that Legion had been just as alive as everyone else on the ship, and thus just as willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Garrus would honour that if nothing else.
Garrus shook the thoughts of the deceased from his head before they overwhelmed him.
'Can't do anything to save the dead, focus on the living Vakarian.'
Garrus returned to his calibrations before his mind could wander again. The crew had often made passing remarks at Garrus' zealous attitude towards his work. Numerous times people had entered the main battery, the place he made his own, either to talk or to just downright annoy. Tali had come numerous times during her off hours, bringing with her assortments of dextro food. Chakwas had come down to remind him to look after the scaring he had acquired on Omega. Even Joker, to his surprise, had hobbled down to see him once or twice, usually to make some passing insult at the Turian, of which Garrus would always take in his stride, and then make one back towards the pilot.
Garrus wondered how the pilot was taking this whole catastrophe. Sure, he had seemed stable down in the shuttle bay overlooking the coffins of the dead. But Garrus knew first-hand what this sort of trauma would do to a person. He also knew Joker. He would bottle it up and then one day it would explode. Explode and no doubt take Joker with it. Garrus was the same after Omega. After Sidonis. It had taken the calm and collected Shepard to get Garrus to release his pent up anger and self-hatred. Only then had Garrus seen how close he had been to the edge of darkness. Garrus would not allow the same to happen to Joker.
Shepard. That was another person who frequented the main battery. Whether to talk, either socially or about the mission, or just to enjoy each other companionship in silence. Shepard had been there for Garrus at is most dire time.
And Garrus had failed to be there at Shepard's in return.
'Damn it, here we go again.'
A wave of depression and anger hit Garrus. How the hell had Shepard died again! Why hadn't Garrus been there to help him. Like Shepard had been for him.
But ultimately, there was nothing Garrus could do. Shepard was dead. As the entirety of the team. Except for him.
'The sole survivor.' He thought. Well he would show the Reapers what this sole survivor could do. Shepard had proved that the Reapers could be beaten time and again. And Garrus intended to live up to Shepard's name. He had promised Joker that he would try. That they would try.
So he would, regardless of the result. He owed them all that much.
Garrus powered down his console and turned, leaving the main battery in his wake. There was no time for meaningless calibrations. He needed a plan, and for that he needed the crew.
As he made his way to the elevator, fully intending to speak to Joker and EDI, he allowed himself to remember the fallen.
'Miranda. Jacob. Mordin. Thane. Jack. Kasumi. Zaeed. Samara. Grunt. Tali. Legion. Shepard.'
Twelve new names for his visor. Engraved next to the fallen members of his Archangel team.
'A fitting tribute.' Garrus thought.
He would stop the Harbinger. In their name.