Hi guys!
This is a song fic with one of my favorite songs, you should really go listen to it, it's amazing.
I'm sorry about my series, I haven't shut it down because i really want to continue it, but i don't know how to continue it right now, I do have a few oneshots I'm working on though, so I might start posting a little again.
This story is very different from what I've previously posted, I'm not sure how i came up with it.
I'm sorry if there are some mistakes, it was originally written with two female characters i had made up.
I will warn again, this contains small mentions of death and suicide.
I shouldn't be here.
This is wrong.
Why him?
I looked over to the side, at the casket standing in the middle of the isle, beautifully decorated with flowers.
"Stop it!" Kurt tried to yell through his laughter.
I had him pinned underneath me, running my hands up and down his sides, tickling him.
I loved his laugh, the way his nose scrunched up just slightly, his beautiful blue-green eyes sparkling, he was so beautiful like this, so careless.
It was always amazing to see him like this, on the days he wasn't like this, when he was down, consumed by selfhatred, too scared to do anything, he was always so sure I was going to leave him, so sure that I'd get tired of him. So many times, I'd tried telling him, I couldn't ever leave him, sure, we were young, but you'd be amazed by how big a difference there is between those silly teenage crushes, and loving someone with your whole being.
I was broken out of my trail of thoughts by a pair of hands on my hips, and a body suddenly pinning me down.
"What are you thinking so hard about?" Kurt asked with a smooth voice, but his eyes full of worry.
I reached a hand up to his face and traced his jawline lightly with my fingers.
I was so captivated by his eyes, I didn't even answer him, just stretched my neck so I could reach up, and kissed him lightly on the nose.
He giggled, "what is with you today Blaine?" he asked.
"Noothing..." I said with a purposely suspicious tone. I smiled up at him, moving my hands from his sides to the small of his back. I pressed my hands down so he fell fully on top of me.
He rested his head on his folded hands on my chest, "please Blaine, what is it? Do I have something on my face?" he asked, lifting a hand to his face to try and find what wasn't there.
"No" I laughed softly, taking his hand in mine, "you're just so wonderful, sometimes it amazes me that I'm the lucky one you chose" I told him softly.
Starry, starry night
Paint your palette blue and gray
Look out on a summer's day
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul
What is this hell, what did any of us do to deserve this?
Please come back.
"I can't!" Kurt shouted from across the bedroom.
"People always say things will get better, but when?" he asked, his voice raised, a look of despair in his eyes and tears trailing slowly down his cheeks.
I hated this, it wasn't right, a person so full of love, so full of hope and dreams should never be this close to the edge of giving up.
How could people do this?
Why would people do this?
Why do they feel the need to do their best to destroy the purest and most precious of people?
I walked over to him, took him in my arms and sat us down on the bed.
He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, "why does this happen Blaine?" he asked silently.
"I wish I could tell you, I really do, but I don't know to be honest. All we can really do is stay strong and try to let the good times outweigh the bad" I said as I kissed his forehead.
"It's just so hard sometimes, it all becomes too much" he said sadly.
I lifted his chin gently with two fingers so I could look him in the eyes.
"It's like one of your favorite quotes, have courage and be kind, just please always remember that you're not alone, I'll be here for as long as you want me here" I said and kissed him gently.
"I love you Blaine" I always loved when he would tell me that, but not this time, this time there was an indescribable sadness to the words, and it hurt.
"I love you too Kurt".
Shadows on the hills
Sketch the trees and the daffodils
Catch the breeze and the winter chills
In colors on the snowy linen land
The coffin had been lowered into the ground, I walked over in silence, not noticing the people around me.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I let go of the rose in my hand and watched it fall down and land on the coffin.
This really is the end.
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
"Blaine, could you maybe grab my water bottle from my bag?" Kurt asked as we walked out of the school, one less day till summer vacation, and Kurts birthday, gosh I need to find the perfect gift for him, he deserves nothing less than the best.
I opened the biggest pocket of his bag and went to grab his water bottle when I saw a little piece of torn paper. I don't know what made me pull it out and look at it, maybe a bad feeling.
I gasped as I read the words. I went to crumble it together hoping Kurt hadn't seen it, but I was too late, and by the looks of it, he didn't know it had been there in the first place.
He looked torn for a minute, like he was debating what he should do.
"Kurt..." I said softly and reached out my hand for his shoulder. He flinched away slightly, shook his head a bit and said, "thanks Blaine" as he took his water bottle and started walking again with his head held high.
I was proud of his ability to make it look like nothing other people said or did could touch her, but also scared of it.
Sometimes he would open up to me about how things were affecting him, and any idiot would be able to realize that, no one could go for as long with the comments and punches he got without being affected even just a little by it. It scared me however, to know that he might be even more affected than he would tell me he was, he might be suffering more than he's letting by, and I wouldn't know…
We got in the car, I turned to the passenger seat where Kurt was sitting and gently laid my hand on his that was on his thigh, "Kurt please look at me" I said.
He turned his head slowly and raised his eyes to meet mine, and his tears flowed over.
Starry, starry night
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze
Swirling clouds in violet haze
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue
Colors changing hue
Morning fields of amber grain
Weathered faces lined in pain
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand
I'm numb.
I should be feeling sorrow, anger, hurt, something, anything, but I don't, I feel nothing.
Where do I go from here?
Everyone tells me that I need to move on, even he told me I had to move on, but I don't want to, I can't.
How could I possibly?
How do you move on from the person you were supposed to spent the rest of your life with?
Now I understand
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they did not know how
Perhaps they'll listen now
For they could not love you
But still your love was true
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night
You took your life, as lovers often do
But I could've told you Vincent
This world was never meant for
One as beautiful as you
I was sitting against the headboard of Kurts bed with Kurt in my arms.
I don't know what has happened, he just called me late in the night crying, he didn't say anything, he didn't have to, the second I heard him I was on my way out the door.
I wish I knew how to make things better for him, wish I knew how to take the pain away, but I just don't know what to do. He didn't deserve any of the hatred other people were showing him, he was too kind, too loving, and too forgiving.
I looked down at him, finally sleeping and with one of his arms holding tightly to my waist and tear stains on his cheeks. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, seeing him like this was almost even more heartbreaking though, because I know when he wakes up everything will come back, but right now he was peacefully asleep and looking so beautifully content.
I sighed sadly, I would do anything to keep that look on his face, he deserves love and happiness, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as him.
Starry, starry night
Portraits hung in empty halls
Frame-less heads on nameless walls
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget
Like the strangers that you've met
The ragged men in ragged clothes
The silver thorn of bloody rose
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow
When I had to leave later after that night it was the first time in forever he had given me a genuine smile, the first time in forever he had kissed me like that, the first time in forever his eyes were sparkling, and the first time in forever he had told me he loved me, little did I know at that time though, that it would also be the last time.
Now I think I know
What you tried to say to me
And how you suffered for your sanity
And how you tried to set them free
They would not listen, they're not listening still
Perhaps they never will
Having thrown the rose down in the grave I wished I was down there with her, it couldn't end like this, our story wasn't over.
Someone had come over and tried to tuck me away, I could faintly hear a voice asking me to go with them but it was like I was hypnotized.
As I let myself get gently dragged away from the side of the grave I softly whispered "I'll see you soon".