There was a knock at the door.
Tearing his eyes away from the empty goblet on his desk still smoking from the Wolfsbane potion, Remus looked up.
"Come in." he said softly. He felt awful. He ached, his stomach churned, his head throbbed and pounded as the wolf within him fought its way to the surface. The potion was both a blessing and a curse- it kept him sane when he transformed, but also left him conscious to the pain of transformation.
The door creaked open, and a shock of pink hair in pigtails poked around the door.
"I thought you'd be hungry." Tonks said. Her heart shaped face seemed to glow in the dim light, and she smiled at him.
He smiled weakly back. "Thanks, Tonks… But I'm not feeling so good. Maybe later?"
Her smile faded, and she looked at him seriously, her eyes piercing his.
"Remus, I know you're not feeling well." she said, moving to lean against the doorframe. "Iknow."
A lump rose in his throat. Here was the inevitable- she would ask him why he didn't tell her, he'd say that he hadn't wanted to ruin their friendship and deprive himself of the laughter, the subtle smiles, and the general cheer that accompanied her presence. She'd say that he'd misled her, and that she didn't want to come near him again. She would refuse to be his second on their upcoming mission. She'd give him a look full of revulsion and then she'd leave.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she interrupted him.
"That's why I made you dinner. I thought this might be a bit more… palatable." There was a ghost of a smile lingering on her face as she drew her wand from her back pocket and summoned a plate. It glided through the air and landed smoothly on the desk in front of Lupin.
Steak. A rare stomach growled appreciatively.
He looked up at her, trying to gauge her response to the discovery. She was still smiling. A glint of silver floated past her- a fork, he thought, but as it drew closer, he saw that it was not one fork, but two.
Tonks conjured a chair across the table from Remus and sat down. She picked up a fork and looked at him expectantly.
"Tonks, I-" He didn't understand it. Why wasn't she leaving? Why was she still smiling at him?
She smiled again, more broadly. Her eyes lit up.
"Remus, please. I don't care about that. Eat- you'll feel better." She twirled the fork, stabbed a piece of steak, and popped it in her mouth. She grinned at him, and gently took his hand in hers.
Remus was dumbfounded.
"You dont… Care. You aren't bothered by this?" He gestured at the scars on his cheek.
Tonks stood up and moved to stand behind him, wrapping her arms loosely around his neck and setting her chin on his shoulder.
"Remus. I'm an Auror. It takes more than lycanthropy to scare me away."
Remus felt more torn than he'd ever felt in his life. He knew he loved Tonks- the way she lit up a room with her smile, the way she tripped but never let anyone help her up, the way she joked and the way that she could seem so powerful and yet so youthful. But he couldn't condemn her to his disorder. He was a risk. He was a danger. Even if he had the potion religiously, he would still be a pariah. He couldn't force that life upon her.
"Tonks…" He said, reaching up and taking one of her hands in his.
She kissed the top of his head and then pulled away. "Eat, Remus. We'll talk after the meeting." She gave his shoulders a squeeze, and then, with a smile that lingered, walked back to the kitchen.