DISCLAIMER: The TMNT are not mine, and never will be. Credit to Kameterra for being a fantastic beta and Kismet for putting up with really random last minute consultation. Read their stuff, it rocks.

Sober

Takes place during 'The Monster Hunter' - S1

"You can't do it Raph."

"Why not?" The lack of belligerence and atypical patience were completely un-nerving. This is not my brother.

I can't allow the clan's pitbull be freed from his leash, that's why! Breath catches in my throat. What's wrong with me? I can't say that. My mind runs through as many different arguments as possible. It's winter; he'll get sick. Deep in thought I recoil from the steam a second too slow … It still manages to blind me. And though the past weeks tell me I'm safe, the raw memory of New York tells me otherwise. Regardless of my expectations, no Elite emerges from the billowing cloud. Idiot! I knew that would be the case. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Focus, on New York and Raphael. Why can't he go? I need an answer, throughout my body muscles tense under the stress of it all. Sensei won't allow it? I dimly shake my head whilst nausea runs riot in my gut. That won't work and telling him he can't go because I can't go sounds like the pathetic excuse that it is.

So what now?

"You're not going. It's not your fight." Unsure of the words as they form in my mouth, they come out as little more than a murmur.

What if I'm not ready for this?

What if I fail again?

My stinging eyes regain some semblance of vision and I can see him, tongs in hand, his expression steady- waiting for the ending.

Raphael knows.

I can see it in his eyes – he knows what I'm going to say before I even do. It's raw instinct on his part. Actually, no, it's weird as Hell. And a little surprising. Aren't I master of my own destiny?. This is wrong somehow- we never agree. On anything. The faintest of wry smiles forms on my face. There are no words, but what else is new? With Raph there rarely are, so no change there. Still, I can feel something shift; Raphael deserves this for his unwavering loyalty The words about to spill out of my mouth were once as natural as breathing to me…and yet I almost can't bring myself to say them. In that moment relief trumps nausea. I finally get it. He's going to be with me every step of the way. My instincts tell me that. Shoulders square, eyes harden. Through a cloud of steam I meet his eyes and I will not cower.

"It's mine."

Complete