Tequila Sunrise
A/N: This is the final story in the "Tequila" series.
Inspiration came from the episode Seoul Man and the quote given by Granger, which Hetty translated:
"After hardship comes happiness."
This story picks up six months after Tequila & Lime With a Grain of Salt ended.
WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED *M* FOR LANGUAGE & SEXUAL CONTENT.
Chapter One – G Is For Grisha
"Agent G. Callen, are you feeling okay?" The raspy, sinister voice that had haunted him in his head for years was now only a few feet away.
A muffled scream came from the woman Marcel Janvier had bound and gagged in a chair, a noose around her neck. Special Agent G. Callen had encountered many a tricky situations in his career, both professionally and personally, but this was by far the trickiest as no one knew where he and Katie had ventured off to on the Thanksgiving long weekend.
When Callen rubbed the back of his head he felt a large bump. Fogginess of what happened kept him from immediately seeing the image before him. Janvier was strategically positioned in case the younger Callen snapped into reality and decided to lunge at him. Before Callen could get even one of his feet off the ground, the chair Katie was strapped into would be kicked from under her, automatically triggering the rope attached to the noose to be yanked upward.
After Janvier had ordered Katie silent, G finally processed what was happening. When Marcel's face lit up with glee, Callen's adrenaline kicked in. The throbbing pain and slightly blurred vision in his right eye, caused by the blunt object Janvier had used to knock him out, was secondary on his agenda of things to tend to. He did, however, wonder how Janvier had escaped prison and tracked him down on the beach he and Katie strolled on as the sun set on Catalina Island.
Silence engulfed the small room with no windows until he heard his name; barely making it's way beyond the blue rag in her mouth.
"Grisha."
It had only been three nights since Callen had experienced a surreal nightmare like the one that had just taken place. He knew it had to do with a Christmas card that would soon be arriving any time after Thanksgiving with a postmark from Fremont County, Colorado. Janvier's stay at Guantanamo Bay had been short lived and so with his return to the super max prison came apprehension for Callen and a yearly Christmas card. With the renovations completed and Katie now living with him, it would be more challenging than the previous year to conceal the arrival of Janvier's card.
He allowed his heart rate to slow before getting out of bed and was thankful his live-in girlfriend had learned to sleep through his night and early morning wakings. His body had somewhat adapted to longer hours of sleep since being in a relationship with Katie and those hours of slumber usually entailed sweet dreams or crazy assed ones. But this one was a terrifying, wanting to never go to sleep again, nightmare.
Despite all of the good he now had in his life, Callen struggled with the (still alive) demon he created by shooting Marcel Janvier in the face and not knowing when the man serving three consecutive life sentences would make the next move in their game. He wandered into the living room and in need of a distraction he glanced around for the TV remote. After eyeing it he picked it up, turned on the TV and aimlessly flipped through the channels. CNN's Breaking News caught his attention. He sat in the middle of the couch, kicked his feet up on the coffee table (something Katie hated him doing), leaned back and watched the sadistic state the world unfold.
Callen saw Katie emerge from the hallway just after 4:30am but didn't acknowledge her presence. He wanted to be alone.
"Hey," she said quietly but loud enough for him to hear.
His recently increased night waking was troubling her.
"You want to talk about it?" She asked knowing it was another dream that led him to sitting and then sleeping on the couch in the middle of the night.
He shook his head.
"It can help to talk about it. Dream interpretation is …."
The pressing of the mute button created a thick silence in the room lit only by the screen of the TV and a faint glow from the light above the stove in the kitchen.
"It was a nightmare. No matter how it's interpreted, it will still be a fucking nightmare." Just after he pressed the mute button again to hear Anderson Cooper's voice emerge from the screen, he again spoke harshly, "Leave me alone."
She respected Callen's request to be left alone but instead of walking back to their bedroom without saying another word, she told him they would be talking in the morning. He grunted something in return which Katie ignored. She knew he needed help to deal with whatever it was that was troubling him. Although trained in helping children & teens, she could apply her knowledge to an adult situation. She anticipated resistance from him but was more than ready for the challenge.
At 4:45am Callen turned off the TV, pulled a blanket and pillow from the storage ottoman on the other side of the room, settled back on the couch and although it seemed to take forever, fell asleep.
Four hours later Callen woke, showered and started to prepare Sunday breakfast for him and Katie. Given they both had busy work schedules during the week, and at any moment he could be whisked away for days or weeks at a time, they made a pact to have Sunday breakfast together whenever they were both home.
Callen's thoughts were all over the place as he turned on the kettle after hearing Katie get up. He couldn't tell her about the nightmare and the impending arrival of the unwanted Christmas card but he could tell her about how what he had been struggling with since they moved in together.
As a loner, compartmentalizing feelings had become second nature to him, but since the way he viewed and lived his life had drastically changed, it became more of a struggle to tuck the unpleasant things in the back of his mind and pretend they didn't exist.
"Good morning beautiful," he said as Katie entered the kitchen. He waited until she neared him and then leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek.
"Good morning. Thanks for preparing this," she said pointing to the stove.
"You're welcome."
The tension from earlier still lingering Callen addressed it immediately, "Let's eat breakfast before we talk, okay?"
Where her eyes met his tired ones, the only response she could give was that of being in agreement. The conversation quickly shifted when Katie mentioned she would like to have a House Warming Party to show off the amazing transformation the renovations had given their home. Callen agreed. He informed her though that Sam would want to take over cooking when he saw the BBQ in their new outdoor kitchen. She smiled and said that would give them both more time with their friends and family.
Katie was a natural planner and organizer when it came to these things but Callen knew it could be a lot of work. "Let me know what I need to do," he said before tending to the food on the stove and serving it.
Having showered earlier, Callen offered to clean up while Katie showered and dressed. He was finished before she was ready so he sat in his (new) favourite chair and prepared himself for what he was about to tell Katie. Just as he was mentally rehearsing his words Katie came into the living room and sat in the chair beside him.
"I'm sorry you had a nightmare. However bad it was, it might help to talk about it."
"Well that's getting to the point," he stated as he shifted his hips to get more comfortable as the conversation was going to take a while.
Her innocence that he envied also made him want to scream at the top of his lungs. He reminded himself (again) that Katie could never now about Marcel Janvier and his obsession with the NICS Special Agent and destroying all Callen loved.
"I'm not going to talk about it Katie. Ever." He lifted his head to look her in the eyes. "I've been thinking a lot lately."
"About what?"
"Everything."
"That's a lot to think about."
"Yeah, it is."
It had only been a few minutes since they sat down and already Callen was fidgeting with his watch. Sensing it might be more comfortable for both of them, she stood and gestured to the couch. After getting comfortable Katie reached out and took his hand in hers. The heat of his skin against hers was akin to two sticks rubbing together to make a fire. But just before any sparks could ignite, he parted their hands.
"Remember when I told you I met my father, even though he didn't actually say he was my father?"
Katie nodded and remembered the conversation vividly. "And you learned what the G stands for."
"No one has called me Grisha."
"You said you didn't mind if people still called you G or Callen," Katie intervened.
"I know what I said," he responded sarcastically.
Katie's eyes darted to his conveying a silent message that she didn't appreciate his tone.
He took heed to her response. "I've spent my life wanting answers and now that I have the one answer I thought would bring me the most peace, I don't feel peaceful."
Katie had seen Callen frustrated but that morning he had taken it to a whole new level.
"We had a case three weeks ago where Sam and I had to talk a twelve year old boy out of …." He paused, the sickening reality of what happened that day reassuring him that he wasn't crazy for the thoughts he had been having.
"What happened?" Katie asked as she placed her hand on his knee to help keep him from bouncing it nervously.
He looked up at her, tears welling in his eyes, "He had be chosen to be a suicide bomber."
That had been "the straw that broke the camel's back" after years of keeping his vast knowledge of unwanted things in the back of his mind. Since he met Katie those thoughts had been coming closer to the forefront of his mind, simmering as he struggled to find a balance between work and life with her. As with all things simmering in a pot, they come to a boil unless the pot is removed from the heat.
Katie's love for children paralleled Callen's and it only took a moment before she too had moist eyes. She knew he faced some harsh criminals in his job but children being suicide bombers? The pit of her stomach tightened.
"Nadir was his name." Katie re-clasped her hand over his as he continued, "We had lots of time to talk while the bomb squad did their thing. Then when we were back at the boat .." His sudden halt perked Katie's curiosity.
"The boat, what?"
"The boat shed. The place where we do our interrogations." He didn't wait for reply. "When we were back at the boat shed and Nadir was reunited with the family that he had been separated from at birth, he said that I was right in saying he would find people he felt safe with in his life. Earlier that day when I was trying to calm him down for the bomb squad to disarm the bomb, I told him I know what it's like to be scared as a kid. I also told him about not knowing my first name until recently." A few tears streamed down his face as he remembered with bitter sweetness his conversation with Nadir.
Katie listened with her usual compassion. "Just as I was leaving the room to give him some time with his family, he told me that for the first time in his life he felt safe. I reassured him that his family would always keep him safe." Callen hesitated a moment and cleared his throat. "Nadir said that it wasn't his family he was talking about. It was me. He felt safe with me. No one has ever said that to me."
Katie had thought many times how safe she felt with him but had never told him. She wanted to tell him at that moment but he was on a roll and continued before she had a chance to.
"Then he asked me what my name was. I told him but also said that no one ever calls me that. He looked up at me with his beautiful, big brown eyes that were no longer etched with fear and said, Thank you for making me feel safe, Grisha." When he said my name, I lost it. I left the room very quickly, walked out on to the dock and given there were people around I refrained from screaming. Instead I lowered my head and watched as the tears fell from my face into the waves crashing against the dock."
Katie pulled him into a hug, comforting his as the insecurities and vulnerabilities he kept well hidden from the rest of the world, surfaced into the arms of the only person he comfortable exposing them to. Katie comforted him until he leaned back and regained his composure.
"I'm sorry," he managed to voice.
"You don't have anything to be sorry about."
He nodded as he peered into her compassionate eyes, "I can't do this anymore. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to me."
"Do what?" Katie had been on the same wavelength as her boyfriend, until that moment.
"Do my job and be in a relationship with you."
Katie's body froze unsure of where this was going.
"The idea of retirement has been lurking in my mind the past few months."
Katie was not expecting him to say that! Her ridged body relaxed and her off handed nervous laugh surprised Callen. "Retirement? You're only thirty-eight."
"I'd retire from being a Field Agent, not actually retire." His sincerity was prominent.
"And do what?" Katie asked. She still didn't like that he was doing such a risk job but she had followed through on adapting to life with him because she knew how much his job meant to him. The Special Agent though, had grown somewhat despondent about the amount of time his work took him away from her.
Her question startled him as he thought she would have jumped up with joy.
"Callen, your work is a part of you, part of the man I love. You wouldn't be happy." And before he could interrupt her, she added, "And that would make me unhappy."
"I didn't think I could give it up but now, I think that is the only thing I can do."
He felt he was being rational given he knew more than Katie did about why he wanted to find a less stressful and dangerous job.
Katie could sense he was focused and had given this a lot of thought. "Callen, thinking about finding another job and actually doing it aren't the same thing."
"You wanted me to give it up before."
"I am going to ignore that Special Agent G. Callen." If those words had been bullets, he would have had, he quickly counted them, ten new holes in him.
He leaned back into the soft cushions, and pinched the bridge of his nose before turning back to face her, "You've been so patient and understanding. What happens if, you know?"
They were committed to each other forever and always however, they were both human and therefore, underlying unpredictability would always be there.
"I think I have been doing very well at adapting to your work schedule."
His body filled with that detesting guilt he couldn't completely shake when it came to counting the time his job took him away from her, "Katie…"
Katie shifted her body with agitation knowing he needed some one more qualified to talk through this with, "I don't think I'm the only one you should be talking to about this."
He glared with intensity at her, "You think I need to see a shrink? Won't happen," he mumbled.
There was only one person he was allowed to talk with about the sensitive information he had stashed away in his head. However, he wasn't going to confide in a man, he once respected, who tortured him to protect an undercover identity. Actually there were two people he could talk to but he had lost all respect and trust for Hetty Lange when he clued in that it had been her who had given Nate the information on him that aided in the psychologist's torturing of him.
G. Callen could be a man of many or little words but by speaking those two words with an abruptness Katie rarely heard, she knew this wasn't him being stubborn about not wanting to talk to the psychologist he had mentioned seeing in the past.