Title: Doohickies and Doo Dads
Rating: M for mature themes and innuendo
Warning: minor language
Summary: Trouble always seems to follow Jack and Daniel
Spoiler: NO spoilers, set in any season
A/N: I couldn't help but write this, after a rather interesting discussion we had on the SAGC thread, discussing doohickies. So this is for all the Samandan's out there. Thanks to RepliCartertje, for the assistance.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. We have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the authors. Not to be archived without permission of the authors And anyone else who now owns the series.
Doohickies and Doo Dads
"Oh hi Jack, where are you heading?" Daniel asked, fixing his glasses after running into Jack as he came out of his office.
Jack looked down at his ever-clumsy friend, knowing one of these days Daniel was going to bump into the wrong person. "I was just heading to Carter's lab to see what she's up to"
"Oh okay, I think I'll join you, I have a few questions for her too"
As Jack and Daniel approached the door to Sam's lab, they heard voices. Jack stopped in his tracks, grunting when Daniel bumped into him yet again. "What's wrong Jack, why did you stop"
"Carter's not alone; I don't want to interrupt her. Let's just wait here until they are done." Daniel shook his head, but reluctantly nodded his agreement.
"You know Sam; I thought I'd seen everything; that is until today"
"That's Janet's voice, I'm sure she won't mind us going in." Daniel hoped to get Jack to agree with him, trying to push Jack towards the door. Seeing Jack's annoyed looked, Daniel gave up his endeavour.
"Funny Janet, I expected more from you, and stop looking like that, this is not funny."
"Oh yea, Carter's definitely pissed." Jack whispered to Daniel, putting his finger to his lips to signal Daniel to be quiet. Both Jack and Daniel leaned closer to the door so they could hear better.
"How on earth did you get stuck like this?"
"Well at first I thought it would fit, I didn't think it would enlarge and swell, quite so quickly"
"I am afraid I am to blame Dr. Fraiser"
Jack pulled himself back, flat against the wall, "That's Teal'c, what the hell is going on in there"
Daniel shook his head, looking just as shocked as Jack did.
"Uh huh," Janet acknowledged.
"Had I not tried to pull it out so roughly, it may not have started to swell so quickly."
Daniel saw Jack's face, turning red as they listened to Teal'c.
"I'm afraid this may cause problems with your…." Janet started.
"Doohickey"
"Is that what you're calling it Teal'c?" Janet asked with a slight laugh to her voice.
"Well, that's what the colonel calls it," Sam added.
"How do Teal'c and Sam know what you call it?" Daniel whispered in shock.
Jack was getting even angrier now, turning even redder and tried to go to the door, only feeling himself being held back by Daniel.
"Jack, you can't go in there now"
Jack nodded his resignation, and went back to leaning against the wall, making sure he could still hear what was going on.
"Well maybe if we can get you to the infirmary"
"What! We can't walk down to the infirmary like this!" Sam shouted in shock.
"Well, then let me see what I can do here. Sam do you have any lubricant"
"I already tried that Janet; it's just too stuck for the lubricant to penetrate"
"Maybe if I try a syringe, I can get some of the lubricant inside"
Both Jack and Daniel looked at each other, their faces quickly turning pale.
"Will that not do harm? Teal'c's voice resounded loudly.
"Oh yea, that will do harm to the doohickey all right," Jack whispered angrily to Daniel.
"Well, we'll just have to risk it, unless you want to be stuck like this indefinitely"
"Ah no, I don't think I'd like that." Sam answered, her voice sounding dejected
Jack and Daniel looked at each other, each having a look of disgust on their faces, before turning their heads back towards the door.
"Okay, that should do it, now on the count of three I want you both to pull away from each other. Teal'c make sure you have a good handle on it"
"Indeed Dr. Fraiser, I will endeavour to do my utmost best"
"Got to hand it to Teal'c, being so calm at a time like this," Daniel whispered.
"Yea, well I'll be having a word with him, on just how he got to be in a situation like this." Jack whispered, almost spitting in Daniel's face.
"Okay now, ready? One, two, three, pull!"
Jack cringed as he heard Sam grunting.
"That's it keep pulling, it's starting to slide out." Janet's voice carried out into the hall.
"Ahhh! Jack heard Sam yell, as well as hearing things crashing and falling.
Without any hesitation Jack raced in the room followed by Daniel, "What the hell is going on in here!"
As he looked around, Jack saw Sam sitting on the floor on one side of her bench, Teal'c standing a few feet away on the other side of the bench holding some sort of alien doo dad , and Dr. Fraser standing at the edge of the bench.
Teal'c cocked his head to the side looking at a red faced irate Jack O'Neill and a very embarrassed looking Daniel Jackson. "Major Carter's thumb was stuck in this…doohickey"
"Ah," said Jack, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.
"Why, what do you think was going on, Sir?" Sam asked after getting herself up off the floor.
"Oh, ah, nothing really, Daniel and I were just…um"
"Coming to see if you wanted to get some lunch."
"Yea lunch, so what do you say Carter?" Jack was hoping his nervousness wasn't showing.
"Ah Sir, seeing as it's only 0930, I think Sam should wait until I have a look at her thumb first." Janet added giving the two a very odd look.
"Okay, not a problem, see ya later Carter. Come on Daniel, we have things to do"
"Oh yea, yea right Jack, we have ah, reports to read." Daniel supplied, receiving an angry glare from Jack as they awkwardly left the room.
"Reports to read? Come on Daniel couldn't you come up with something more believable than that." Jack huffed, hitting Daniel's arm.
The End