Syed's Seven Deadly Sins

Longest one shot I have ever written, hope it doesn't feel so long when you read it…

I don't know why this came to me and why its written kinda like a movie…It just is.

Deception

JULY 2ND 2010

"I love you."

Christian looked up at the beautiful creature before him. He sighed and took in all the miserable features of the man he loved.

Loved. Past tense. He didn't need this, not anymore. He couldn't do it, have his heartbroken once again. He wished that he just had the strength to turn the magnificent being in front of him away. But he didn't and he knew that this kind of love and relationship just couldn't be good for him.

"Really? Like you loved me before?" he asked hoarsely, struggling to find his voice.

Syed took a step closer and pulled out a chair. He collapsed heavily into the mahogany furniture and looked Christian in the eye, his brown eyes watering slightly.

"This isn't something I'll take lightly. I mean it this time; give me one more chance…" he whispered, never once taking his pleading eyes off of Christian.

Christian inhaled sharply and averted his gaze. He didn't want Syed to look into his soul and see how much this meant to him. He didn't want to look any more vulnerable and desperate as he already did. He took a moment to gather his bearings and then looked up at Syed, a hard look in his eye.

"You can't runaway this time. We're in this for ever or not at all." He stated calmly.

Syed nodded slowly and heaved a heavy sigh.

"I know… And this is it for me Christian. I don't want anyone else. I want you." He promised.

Christian stood up and walked over to Syed's side. He opened his arms and stooped down to hug him tightly. He tried to ignore the fact that Syed didn't relax and melt at his touch, in fact he froze up even more. He closed his eyes and inhaled the familiar smell and felt a smile spread across his lips at the feeling of contentment that was rushing through his veins.

"You'll just have to be honest Sy. No hiding the truth this time." He murmured.

Syed nodded and rolled his eyes.

"I know, believe me, I know." He muttered darkly.

Christian rested his chin on Syed's head and tried to ignore the strange feeling that was starting to ebb its way into his stomach. Something was wrong here, he just couldn't decide what. Syed felt different, harder in some way.

"D o your parents know?" he asked gently.

Syed wriggled out of his embrace and turned to face Christian, looking him in his amazing eyes. He searched Syed's face and was amazed that he could no longer read him like a book.

"Of course I did. Why do you think I'm here?" he said softly.

Christian grinned.

"Because you love me…" he purred, leaning in to kiss Syed.

Syed moved his head ever so slightly so that Christian got his cheek. Christian frowned. Syed looked at his hands.

"Well…that and I'm homeless. No one else would take me in." he admitted.

Christian ignored the sinking feeling at the truth that he hadn't been Syed's first choice. Instead he forced a smile and shrugged.

"Ah…well obviously you'd look somewhere else. We wouldn't move in together this soon." He stated calmly.

Syed nodded and held his tongue.

Honestly? If he had a choice he would be anywhere but here, love or no love.

Rejection

AUGUST 28TH 2010

Syed tiptoed silently across the flat, desperate to make it to the bed without walking Christian from his sleep. He snuck into their bedroom and slowly started to undress, holding his breath every time Christian stirred in the bed. He was down to his boxers when he heard the smug chuckle behind him.

"It's been a while since I've seen you this naked…" he whispered.

Syed spun around, holding his shirt up against his chest, trying to cover himself. Christian raised an eyebrow.

"Trying to hide your lady bits?" he snorted.

Syed dropped the shirt slowly, feeling only slightly stupid.

"I thought you were asleep…" he muttered reluctantly.

Christian laughed again.

"Asleep? My God you sounded like an elephant thundering across the flat!" he mocked.

Syed silently cursed himself for being so loud. Why couldn't he do anything right?

"Sorry…go back to sleep." He said softly, pulling on his pyjama bottoms.

Christian shook his head and patted the space beside him.

"It's fine, I'm awake now. We may as well we do something useful." He said seductively.

Syed shivered involuntarily. Christian saw this and frowned, sitting up.

"Are you cold?" he asked slowly.

Syed nodded quickly, glad of the excuse. His stomach rolled with nausea as Christian smiled sexily and pulled him by his hand into the bed. He took deep breaths and tried to relax. He knew at some point he'd have to have sex with Christian again, in fact he was surprised that Christian had lasted two months of celibacy. He carefully lay beside him, trying to ignore the repulsion crawling over his skin. Christian rolled on top of him and smiled down at him.

"God, I have missed this!" he breathed, hovering his lips over Syeds.

Syed took a deep breath and crashed their lips together. His body grew tense at the feeling. His stomach turned. He tried to feign an interest but he was doing a God-awful job. After a few moments of simple kissing, Syed started to grow less uptight. He no longer felt disgusted. That was until Christian went for the band of his pants and drew back, surprised that there was no arousal awaiting his attention. He looked at Syed, shocked.

"Huh? That's strange!" he giggled, grasping Syeds manhood in his hand.

Syed took a few deep breaths to steady himself but soon found himself hyperventilating. Christian let go of him immediately and looked up at him in concern.

"What-" he started to ask but Syed pushed him away and jumped off the bed.

"I CAN'T! I CANT DO THIS! LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed, grabbing a jumper and pulling it on.

Christian leaped off the bed and raced to his side.

"Syed, I-" he began to soothe but again Syed silenced him.

"I lied Christian. Just stay away from me." He pleaded.

Christian raised an eyebrow and grabbed Syed by his shoulders. Syed grew angry and tried to shake him off.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!" he roared.

Christian let go of him as if he were on fire.

"That's all you had to say…" he said in a hurt manner, surprised that Syed didn't understand.

Syed looked at him sadly, his chest heaving.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, leaning against Christian and wrapping himself around his thick waist.

Christian shushed him and kissed his forehead.

"No, I'm sorry…"

Infliction

DECEMBER 31ST 2010

Syed awoke, miserable. He sat up and pushed away all the pillows that separated himself and Christian. Christian was fast asleep, an unhappy look seeping into his features. Syed watched him for a moment, surprised that they had lasted this long, especially since sex was off the table. He shimmied closer to Christian and rested his head on his bare chest. This was something that he always used to do when he stayed over before… Well, before everything. It felt strange to him now, unfamiliar, as if it were not Christian he was laying with at all. He slowly traced the small tufts of hair on Christian's chest with his long, cold fingers. He missed the intimacy, the love. He kissed Christians stomach and rolled away again, sad that Christian would never get to see just how much he loved him.

"You feel more than you show Sy…" Christian croaked, opening his eyes slowly.

Syed looked at Christian, startled that he had been awake.

"Pardon?" he whispered, playing dumb.

"I know you say you love me but you refuse to show it to me. But just there you lay on my chest and kissed me. You wouldn't do it if you thought that I might see how much I mean to you. Why?" he demanded, sitting up slowly.

Syed shrugged and pulled on his lime t-shirt.

"I can't show it…" he said softly.

Christian reached across the bed and stroked his cheek gently. Syed rubbed his cheek against the palm of his head.

"Of course you can. You've shown me your true feelings before." He insisted.

Syed shook his head, his eyes watering.

"I can't Christian… because if I do it and no one else witnesses it, then I can pretend that it never happened." He choked.

Christian looked confused.

"Why would you want that?" he requested.

Syed's lips started to shake.

"Because if I can pretend that I'm not…this…then maybe Allah can forgive me." He explained shakily.

Christian took a deep breath and looked at Syed sadly.

"Why do you make me so miserable? Why can't you want to make me happy?" he asked desperately.

Syed looked at him, his eyes wide.

"I don't know…" he breathed.

Christian wiped his own tear filled eyes and looked away.

"I wish this were easier." He said to no one in particular.

Syed nodded and took Christians hand in his.

"Please, don't give up on me." He pleaded.

Christian looked up at him and nodded.

"I wont." He promised. "But only because you've hurt me so much now that I'm numb."

Desertion

JUNE 11TH 2011

Syed walked around the apartment aimlessly. He hummed tuneless songs to himself and counted to 345,789,120 in his head. He tried to ignore the itch to race into the bedroom, grab his rucksack and fill it. His phone rang over and over, that damned Nokia tune imprinting itself in his mind so that he may never forget it. He groaned and sank into the sofa. He had to go. He had to leave. He couldn't stay here knowing what he knew. His parents hated him, they had told him time and time again to stay away from them. He did as he was told, willing to be the obedient son this time around. Tamwar had gone to Manchester. He was studying Chemistry and he was going to be a famous…chemical person?…Engineer! That's it, that's what he wanted to me. Syed smiled triumphantly at his ability to remember such mundane details. His smile faded however when he realized that he had no choice but to leave. He grabbed his phone and sent her a text. She would take him in, she always did.

He ran to the bedroom and grabbed the bare essentials, some clothes, shoes, toothbrush, toiletries, the usual. He walked over to Christians wardrobe and opened it tentatively. He looked at all the shirts and grabbed his favourite one, the crisp white one and inhaled deeply. It smelled like the old Christian, his Christian. He pulled it off its hanger and folded it neatly in his rucksack. Finally he got some paper and scrawled Christian a note. It read:

By the time you read this note, I will hopefully be well gone. I've decided that unhappiness is a personal choice and I no longer want you to be that way. I have to leave for a while Christian, I need time to think, time to re-evaluate my entire life because God knows I have been drifting for the past year and a bit… I'm miserable and I hate seeing my emotions mirrored so beautifully in your eyes. Please understand why I'm doing this. I love you Christian and someday I will come home and physically show you just how much you mean to me. That's a promise. I wont be gone for long, just long enough for you to miss me. Don't hate me; I hate myself enough for the both of us. I promised I wouldn't do this again but sometimes a promise needs to be broken. I'll ring you soon.

Love Always,

Syed x x x

Reclusion

SEPTEMBER 8th 2011

Amira jiggled Anwar to the other side of her hip and watched as Syed stared at the bowl of porridge in front of him. She eyed his slight frame worriedly and bit her lip.

"You should really eat up." She said gently.

Syed looked up at her as though he had been woken from some sort of dream. He nodded slowly and licked his chapped lips.

"Yes, I can do it today but…" he started to say but his voice trailed away.

Amira raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow and placed Anwar in his high chair.

"Syed, listen to me: eat your food." She said slowly.

Syed smiled at Amira and then pulled a face at Anwar.

"I will…I'm just letting the porridge cool down…" he explained.

Amira nodded and sat down beside him.

"Your mum called. She wanted to know how you were. She said she'd like to see you." She said softly.

Syed pulled another face and pushed his breakfast around.

"Why? Because I moved in with you? She probably assumes I'm straight again." He said bitterly.

Amira sighed and started to feed Anwar some mashed bananas and sugar.

"It might be good for you Sy, try and get back to the way things were?" she offered.

Syed shook his head and pushed his bowl away.

"No Amira. I can't be the son they want me to be. I'm just a failure, I've come to accept that." He admitted sadly.

Amira rolled her eyes and smiled at Syed.

"You most definitely are not a failure. I never loved any man as much as I loved you and while you broke my heart, you also gave me a beautiful baby and now, a wonderful friendship. You are anything but a failure in my eyes." She said sincerely.

Syed watched his gorgeous ex wife for a moment and then felt himself smile, the first genuine one in what seems like forever.

"You're amazing Amira… You truly are." He whispered.

Amira smiled even wider and winked at him.

"I know, now c'mon babes, lets go shopping or something-" she started to chirp but Syed cut across her.

"I-I…I've actually got to check up on some e-mails. Maybe next time, yeah?" he said quickly.

Amira frowned deeply and shook her head.

"Syed, you haven't stepped outside the door in over three weeks. C'mon!" she snapped.

Syed stood up from the table and shook his head violently.

"No, no way. I'm not going!" he said hysterically.

Amira looked at him in confusion and sighed.

"Syed, he wont be there… He's in Watford." She said in a soothing voice.

Syed shook his head again and itched his chin, covered in heavy stubble.

"Amira, please don't make me!" he pleaded.

Amira groaned and was about to answer him when the phone rang. She went out to the hall to answer it. Syed breathed deeply and tried to steady his shaking hands. How does Amira know where Christian was? He could well be there, ready to beg him to return home. He wasn't ready. He really wasn't. Syed's panicked thoughts were soon interrupted by Anwar's screaming. The child was reaching as far as he could for the bowl of food in front of him that was just out of reach. His crying rang through Syed's ears. He looked at his son, his only child. His eyes started to water as he realized that he couldn't do it, he couldn't pick up his own son. He was terrified that his son could see through him already and know what he was. Amira shouted at him from the hallway to feed him but by then Syed had already raced back into his room, the door locked behind him. He closed his eyes, leaning against the door, breathing heavily. Good God, he needed to get away.

Manipulation

NOVEMBER 21st 2011

Christian awoke to the sound of knocking. He looked at his digital clock beside his bed. It was a little past two in the morning. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes before slipping out of his bed. He padded across the living room and opened the door slowly, cautious because of the time in which this caller had arrived. His heart stopped when he saw him. There stood Syed, in his white shirt, which he swamped in and jeans. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

"The prodigal boyfriend returns!" he exclaimed darkly.

Syed winced and took a step closer.

"I told you I'd return, I'm just sorry it took so long." He whispered.

Christian exhaled and shook his head.

"Yeah…so am I." He said softly.

Syed took yet another step, until he was an inch from Christian. He smiled up at him, a smile that really seemed to reach his eyes. Christian licked his lips.

"So…you want to come in?" he offered.

Syed smiled even wider.

"Of course I do, I want to come home." He giggled, tugging at Christian's waistband. Christian raised his eyebrows even higher.

"Wow…really? During Ramadan?" he teased.

Syed nodded and latched himself onto Christian's lips. Christian started to kiss back until his head screamed at him to stop. He pulled away from Syed, who was breathing heavily and undoing his shirt hurriedly. He closed the door behind him and glared at Syed.

"Do you honestly think-" he started to say but Syed distracted him by slowly tugging down his jeans.

Christian's eyes widened. He hadn't seen any part of Syed in such a long time and now Syed didn't have boxers on. Oh God, he really, really wanted this. He cocked his head to the side and opened his mouth to argue but once again Syed silenced him.

"Yes Christian, I did a terrible thing and yes I broke a promise and yes I am an awful man, but please, please, forget about all that because I am ready to prove how much I love you!" he purred, moving towards Christian seductively.

Christian groaned loudly and embraced Syed happily feeling his arousal grow at the touch of naked skin.

"I missed you," he murmured as Syed gently started to kiss his neck.

Syed smiled against Christian a small blush spreading across his cheeks. He really felt at home he supposed. He had missed this wonderful man, he could admit that much.

Still it never ceased to amaze him how sex could get you just about anything you wanted, including forgiveness.

Syed's final sin was devotion and love. The love and devotion to one man for the rest of his life. Yes, he has wronged this man on many occasions but he was forgiven, because that's what love is: forgiving a person and accepting them for who they are.

Syed and Christian married and adopted two children.

Zainab and Masood never forgave Syed for what he did but on her death bed Zainab revealed to Tamwar that she had never stopped praying for him and would continue to do so in the afterlife.

Tamwar become a chemical engineer and met the love of his life in College. They too married and now have three children. Every Saturday they meet with Christian and Syed, delighted to be able to share their life with two wonderful men.

Amira remarried to a rich investor and had another child. Anwar loves his family and his other family with Syed.

Love will prevail.

(Hopefully I didn't bore you too much)