The Canadian Blog
So, I kinda wanna write about Canada, but I want to have America and England in it. And I wanna write a world meeting, but I kinda wanna write a blog type thing…. Hmmm… Let's see where this goes…
Hey. My name is Matthew Williams. Otherwise known as Canada. This is my polar bear. His name is Kumajiro.
Who… who are you?
I just told you, Kumajiro. I'm Can-a-da… As you may already know, I'm quite forgettable.
Who…?
CAN-A-DA… I wouldn't be surprised if you've never heard of me… I'm located in North America, directly above my brother, Alfred. He's the United States of America. He seems to be the reason that no one ever remembers me. No, he doesn't "seem to be the reason", he IS the reason. His head is big enough to fill both of our lands plus some. My soft, quiet nature is completely overpowered by Al. He's loud, energetic, obnoxious, and has a God-complex that rivals Prussia's. Not that I have anything against Gilbert, he just has a HUGE ego.
Anyway, I don't know how Al got to be so annoying and, as he thinks he is, "awesome." We were both raised by Arthur, who always taught to be civilized (well, accept for when he was drunk). Artie really is a good guy. Manners were the first thing he taught us. (This was before he attempted to force his nasty cooking on us. I much prefer Francis's food.) He may have been strict, sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. Especially towards Al. Maybe, that's the reason Al wanted to rebel against him so badly… But that's a story for another day.
Right now, I want to talk about the many glorious things my lands and people have to offer this world. I, Canada, have a lot to show you.
Who's Cayda…?
It's CAN-A-DA. I'm Canada! And I, CANADA, am a very important nation. I'm sure that other nations couldn't get along without me.
Who…?
CANADA! CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA! MY NAME IS CANADA! I AM THE NATION OF CANADA! I AM CANADA!
Who…?
CAN-A-DA!... Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. I was talking about what I have to offer the world. Besides the great sport of hockey, I have some beautiful scenery.
Which would be nice if you could get past the bitter cold. Seriously Mattie, can't you get any heaters or something. I can't stand to visit you, if it's that cold. Even heroes have limits.
*eye roll* Sure, Al, let me just install my central heating on the whole country. Buy a parka, genius.
I have a parka! How else would I maintain the great state of Alaska, as well as my other northern states?
Well, buy a better one. It's not my fault your cold.
BUT IT'S YOUR HOUSE!
*eye roll* Ignoring my brother, I am going to continue to tell you about the scenery in my land.
Which doesn't make it any warmer…
FIRST, I would like to mention the great Niagara Falls. This is something you may have heard of. It's a beautiful waterfall that is on the coast of my land.
And is half in MY state of New York…
*sigh* Moving on. There IS more scenery, AWAY from my southern borders.
But no one ever notices because it's TOO COLD!
OKAY! There is Newfoundland. Which is kind of close to Alfred's Maine, but no, not really. Anyway, in Newfoundland, there's a place called Iceberg Alley. This is where 10,000 years old icebergs from Greenland gently melt into the gulf stream of southeast Newfoundland and Labrador.
Too cold to notice
*loud sigh* And, of course there are the famous Hotel de Glace. This is North America's only ice hotel. When it was opened in 2001, it had over -
Freezing
half a million visitors. And I can't forget the fabulous—
IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOO COLD!
Al! We get it! … Let's talk about something else. Like… Canadian culture! There are two main languages we speak in Canada: English and French. This is because Artie and Francis both had colonies on my land, when I was very young. They taught me some of their culture, but we still have our own original Canadian culture, as well.
Who…?
Dude, the bear forgot your name. Hahahahaha!
CAN-A-DA! MY NAME IS CANADA! Quit laughing, Al! It's not funny! You big-headed ego-maniac! Why don't you try to live in your gigantic shadow? Every day, when Cuba sees me walking down the street, he hits me on the head repeatedly. He thinks I'm you! And when have you ever bothered to tell him to stop confusing us? If you weren't so awful to the guy, this wouldn't happen. Every time, I walk into a G8 meeting everyone looks at me like they've never met me. All they see is the quiet guy that looks kinda like Alfred, or they don't see me at all! The only time I was actually REALLY acknowledged this year was at the Olympics.
Really? You're gonna bring up the Olympics? Not cool, Mattie.
*laced with sarcasm* Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like to talk about how I beat you in both Women's and Men's hockey?
Seriously Mattie, I really don't want to talk about that hockey game. Either of them.
Oh so the great heroic Alfred doesn't want to hear about how much better at hockey I am than him?
Seriously Mattie, that is the ONLY thing you can do better than me. Everything else I'm the winner.
Accept with cooking. I'm a hell of a lot better at cooking than you are.
What kinds of food do you even have? Besides that weird bacon?
… Syrup…
That's about it.
Ok Al. My head is starting to hurt. I'm done arguing for now.
You're right. I'm too hungry to fight with you.
Want me to make some pancakes?
Mmmm… Pancakes…
Not just any pancakes, Canadian pancakes.
Who…?
From the author,
TA-DA! Well, this is where this fanfic took us. Don't know what happened to the world meeting. Seriously, I've been trying to write this fricking meeting fic FOREVER. I just got major writers block, or it comes out awful, or I end up with this. (Maybe, some other chapter? If I don't, y'know, die of writer's block.) Honestly, I had no idea where I was going with this originally. I just started writing and this came out of my fingertips.
I love Mattie, just saying.
BTW, I'm not Canadian (I'm quite American, actually), so if anything's completely wrong with the Canadian-ness of this, please do tell me.
Review if you must.