Author's Note: Hey, guys! This is my first Chicago PD fic. It's a retelling of Erin and Jay that begins in the third season. Some chapters will be just missing scenes and I'll introduce them with which was the last scene aired before the chapter. But though I'll write some "missing scene" I'll also ignore some parts of the show so I can change the story a little. It might be M rated later on. Just give it a chance. And please, review!

Chapter 01

S03 E01:

Erin: You okay?

Jay: I'm just glad it was you that they sent in.

(they look at each other as she tears up)

Erin: I gotta go wash this up.

If he wanted he could find numerous excuses to why he was awake staring at the news on the TV instead of resting as the doctors told him to. He could blame the sirens that he could hear a block away and were too loud to let him sleep. Or the doors opening and closing every time someone passed by them. Or the lights in the corridor that were always on and so bright they were blinding. He could say that if he was back in his apartment, quiet dark and alone, then he would be sleeping like a baby. But he knew that wasn't true.

What really kept him awake and agitated was the the fact that he didn't really know what was happening. It was wondering if maybe Erin was not back for good. The thought that she might be drinking away her problems right now while he was laying on a hospital bed. It was wondering she might be his partner again when he was cleared for duty. It was all the questions that kept him awake and restless.

He stared out of the window at the darkness until he felt his phone vibrate once on the bedside table. Needing anything to distract him he chose to check who had sent him the message; probably Antonio or Olinsky checking on him. They had been longer on the job and understood better what he was going through, Ruzek and Atwater were still too green to think about checking on him so soon.

When he unlocked his cell and saw the message was actually from Erin his heart sped up for a second. He hadn't expected to hear from her so soon, thinking she was probably going to avoid him for a while. Opening the message he read it quickly. It was short and she was obviously unsure of what to say.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Fine. You?" he quickly sent back.

"Good."

He knew this wasn't like Erin. She was stalling. She wanted to say something but she didn't know how. If they were facing each other it would be easier but trying to convince her to open up even a little through messages would be tricky. Still, he had to try.

"What's up? I know sth is bothering you."

This time it took a minute for her to answer and until he saw his screen lighten up he wasn't sure if she would.

"Voight let me go back to Intelligence. But I need to know if it's okay with you."

Jay had to read it twice to let it sink in. She wanted to go back and Voight had let her. To be honest he was surprised Voight had allowed her to go back so quickly but he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. The fact that she was doubting herself and how he would welcome her let him know that she was still feeling far from 'good', but he already knew that.

"You're the only partner I want." When she didn't answer for a long time he decided to send another message, "I'll be released tomorrow. Maybe we could grab a coffee and talk?"

He didn't want to push it but he thought it would be better to clear the air before they went back to work. They had to work out at least some of their shit before they were back on the streets so they could really watch each other's back.

"I'm not in a good place yet. I'll be on medical leave this week."

As soon as he read her message he knew she was going through withdraw. He had watched Nadia go through it and he knew it wasn't pretty. The idea of Erin in pain, shaking and sweating with chills made him angry but he knew there was no other way to go through it. It was hard to admit how scared he was that she would slip but he knew he couldn't let it show, so he decided to deflect using humor, "Just like me."

"Not quite."

Although he didn't want to let her know how worried he was he couldn't help but ask, "Are you alone?"

"I'm staying at Hank's. One of his rules to be allowed back into Intelligence."

That was definitely the first of Voight's rule that he actually liked. Not that he liked the fact that she was living with Voight. He would much rather be the one taking care of her. But at the moment that just wasn't possible and he'd rather have her with Voight than alone in her apartment or worse, with Bunny. He wanted to tell her he was there for her, that she could lean on him but he knew it would probably just send her running in the opposite direction so he refrained.

Before he could answer her message she texted him again, "I should go. TTYL"

He knew better than to push her so he just texted, "Good night."

Not surprisingly half an hour later he was sleeping deeply for the first time in almost a month.

He sat in his car watching the house in front of him. It had sounded like a good idea in his mind to show up unannounced at her door with lunch from her favorite place but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Having the door slammed on his face was a strong possibility and he had no idea what she would be like during withdraw. Yet he couldn't stay away so he got out of the car and walked the short path to Voight's door.

He knew she had made herself clear a couple of nights ago about not wanting to have visits but he couldn't help it. She was his partner. And he would be there for her for better or worse, even if she didn't want it. He had tried to keep tabs on her and reached out while she was going crazy with parties and drugs so he sure as hell would be there for her while she was recovering. He knew it would be hard for her and Voight couldn't stop working so he just needed to be there to help.

Besides, he had nothing better to do while he was recovering from his injuries; at least he hoped she would accept that excuse. Personally he thought his medical leave was unnecessary; he was bruised and had a few cuts but otherwise he was fine. The taser's effect had been short term and he had no internal damage. He could at the very least be on desk duty. But he suspected it wasn't a coincidence that Voight had chosen to give him a few days off at the same time Erin was recovering.

When he finally reached the door it took him a few seconds until he rang the doorbell, preparing himself for anything. Erin opened the door a couple of minutes later and the first thing he noticed was how tired she looked. She was wearing sweat pants, a tee and a hoodie. She wasn't wearing shoes but had colorful socks on, which he found funny but inappropriate to make a joke on at the moment. Her hair was in a messy knot and she had dark circles under her eyes.

As soon as Erin saw him she crossed her arms around her protectively and looked away, "You shouldn't have come here. I told you it wasn't a good time."

He ignored her words and smiled softly. "Before you send me away you should know I brought food," he said, showing her the bags he was carrying.

She glared at him and stood blocking his way for a couple of minutes before turning around and going back inside, leaving the door open for him. He followed her inside to the living room where she sat on the couch folding her legs under her.

"You really shouldn't have come," she said in a low voice looking at her hands. He could see that she didn't want him to see her like this but she just didn't get that he needed to make sure that she was okay.

Jay decided it would be better to ignore her again than start a fight so he changed the subject as he sat next to her on the couch and put the food on the coffee table, "I wasn't sure what you were up to so I brought a little bit of everything. I know you can't cook to save your life and Voight doesn't look like he is much better."

She took a deep breath and shrugged, "He does okay. So, what did you bring?"

He started to list the items as he took them out of the bag and set them on the coffee table, "Turkey sandwich, roast beef sandwich, croissant, muffins, soup, scones, bread, apple juice. I also went to the grocery store in case you wanted some real food. I can make some mac and cheese or mashed potatoes if you want."

She scoffed and shook her head. "You're too good for me," she told him spontaneously.

He just reached a hand to her face and combed a strand of hair behind her ear with his fingers. Saying anything would just drive her away right now. "So, what do you want?"

She shrugged, "I can't keep much down right now. I can only drink water so no juice. But soup and bread sounds good."

He nodded and took everything to the kitchen behind them putting everything away before preparing a tray for her. Soon he was back on the couch handing her the tray and she thanked him with a small smile before hesitantly trying the soup. She ate a spoonful and then started stirring it instead of eating.

"Not good?" he asked wondering if he should offer to get her something else.

She shook her head, "It's good. I'm just not handling food very well." She sighed frustrated, "I told you not to come. I might get sick after I eat."

"Eat what you can. I can heat it up later if you're not feeling up to it now. And if you want to throw up that's fine. I can hold your hair and rub your back."

"Damn it, Jay! I don't want to get sick in front of you. I don't you to see me like this," she raised her voice for the first time.

He watched her silently gathering his thoughts and trying to find a way to make her understand, "You came for me when I needed you the most. You were in a really bad place and somehow you pulled yourself out of it because I needed help and you wanted to be there for me. I have no idea how you did that and I know it must have been hard as hell but you did it. You did it for me. So tell me, how do you not understand why I need to be here?"

Her eyes filled with tears, "It's different."

"It's not. You're going through something and I need you to let me help." When she didn't say anything he insisted, "How would you feel if you were in my shoes?"

She looked at him and he could see in her eyes that he had got her then. "You should know that I'm not in the best mood most of the time. I get sick a couple of times a day and I take a short nap every few hours," she paused, "And I don't feel like eating right now."

He nodded and silently took the tray back to the kitchen putting everything away. When he walked back to the couch she looked even more exhausted if it was possible with her eyes half closed. He sat closer to her and hesitantly wrapped his arm over her shoulder. "You look tired. Want to take a nap now?"

"I guess," she said settling next to him. He was surprised but hid it well as he laid down carefully taking her with him and wrapping his arms around her.

She wanted to stop him but she was just so tired. Still, she felt like she had to protest, "Jay. This- it's not like that. We can't be like that."

He nodded to appease her even though he didn't agree, "I'm just taking care of my partner; that's all."

It wasn't satisfying at all to hear him agree with her but that's what she needed right now. She became quiet for a minute gathering the courage to share with him another piece of the puzzle. "Jay," she started slowly, "just so you know… sometimes I have nightmares. So if I start trashing just wake me up before I elbow you or something, okay? I don't want to worsen your injuries."

"I'm fine, almost all healed up; don't worry," he paused unsure. "These nightmares… you have them often?"

She shrugged, "I didn't when I was high; I just felt numb. But now that I'm clean… I can't sleep for more than a couple of hours."

"You wanna talk about it?" he offered even though he already knew the answer.

She just shook her head.

Jay looked at the broken woman in his arms and tried to remember that just having her let him take care of her was a big step and it would have to do for now. He tightened his arms around her, "Just rest. I'm here. I've got you."

And though Erin felt uncomfortable with the fact that him being there made her feel better she let it go and relaxed against him. Although she had protested she had to admit at least to herself that his warm body was helping the chills and his arms around her not only made her feel safe but also kept her from shaking. She was sure he had noticed all her symptoms from withdraw but he was nice enough not to comment; and she was thankful for that. Closing her eyes she focused on his warm breath on the back of her neck and was fast asleep sooner than either of them expected.

A/N: So, what do you think?