I Suck At Love
August 12th 2014
Plot by Elise the Writing Desk, Characters by QuinRose
*All references mentioned are not mine.
The last time I had a boyfriend, my romantic story didn't end well, because my ex broke me up for my sister.
That's an awesome way to start a story...
Anyway, the last time it was like Japan's silent surrender after Hiroshima and Nagasaki got bombed by America. I put up a good face and acted like nothing bad had just happened, and stepped back...and then if I was, in fact, Japan, then I'd revert back to my hundreds-of-years-reclusive life-style.
Because going out to the world sucks and hurts.
No, I didn't become a reclusive, duh.
I am not like Isabella Swan who ended up in a pointless turmoil because she was dumped for no reason after some minutes the movie New Moon started. Nah.
Just smile and wave, buddy. Smile and wave.
Ah, by the way, the reason I'm reminiscing my past bad-end romance is because of the current situation I'm in right now.
Seriously? I thought getting dumped for your own sister was bad enough, but THIS? This is outrageous! This is crazy...this is...just...damn, this is stupid.
My boyfriend's mother personally asked me, to break up with her son.
Now don't get the wrong idea. I love his mother. We're like, bestfriends, really. We went to shop clothes, eat dinners and spa together. We're even close enough to get in a jacuzzi together, and she loves me enough to braid my hair.
But all of these trains of thoughts were only running for a few seconds. You see, as an introvert, I'm always thinking, even as I speak. I can think of a plan on how to dominate the world while talking about how Orlando Bloom became my hero by just showing the intention to punch Justin Bieber.
So yeah, as I was saying, while I'm thinking all of this, it was only thirty seconds when, my boyfriend's mother, Mrs. Villiers, said, while sitting across me in her warm and spacious living room, with a set of tea between us, that...
"Alice, you...should break up with Pierce," she said with a wry smile. "Please don't take this as an offense, honey?"
I was just reaching the cookie in the jar provided on the coffee table when she asked the damn deed.
"Uh...?" my hand wasn't being cooperative, as it ignored my brain-pause and continued to take the cookie. "Ah...um...did I do something wrong?"
I didn't understand my self. I asked that question and then took a bite of the cookie.
Ahh, but Mrs. Villiers cookies were just so good...
FOCUS ALICE, GOD DAMN IT.
Mrs. Villiers laughed and took her teacup and blew the heat gently. "No, honey. If it were up to me, I'd like to have you as my daughter-in-law...You'll be my daughter...and I'll have your children as my grandchildren, ahh, that'd be wonderful..." she sighed dreamily.
Whenever she did that, she reminded me of Pierce. Which reminded me a lot about Vargas the North Italy from Hetalia.
"So, I didn't do anything wrong?"
"No, you didn't! You're perfect, my girl," she stood up, taking her tea cup and took a seat beside me and snuggle. "But, since my eldest son passed away, someone has to take over the company...and the only choice left is Pierce...and to do that, he has to marry the daughter of our closest partner,"
Keep in mind, that my mental-monologue was running in a mere fifteen seconds.
Great.
Awesome.
It appears that it's my fate to always surrender and put on a smile as I broke up with my boyfriend and watch him go for another female.
This sucks.
SUCKS. GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
WHAT DID I EVER—
Calm down, Alice. Remember how did you finally get in a relationship with Pierce. And remember how it's like before you got in a relationship with him.
Thing is, we've been childhood friends, and whatever we've become, we'll always act the same. Besides I accepted his request to be his lover just to relief his possessive nagging. He just wanted the excuse to cuddle and kiss me. Isn't that adorable?
So if I break up with Pierce, the only thing that will happen is, that Pierce will stop cuddling and kiss me. Then we just keep being friends.
Besides, I don't believe that love should sacrifice other people's comfortable living.
Just imagine if I have a daughter and she sold my house just so she can pay the rent for her boyfriend. I'd spank and throw her off a cliff. My God, I do hope my future children won't be genetically predisposed as twats. Jesus.
Twat child.
NEIN.
I've sacrificed my own romance before. Either it's so that I look selfless, or I just couldn't stand up to my sister—or I was too prideful to accept that I'm so damn plain compared to my sister, so I acted like an honorable loser.
HUH? There's no such thing as an honorable loser! A loser is a loser. The worse form of a loser is a sore-loser. So, in order not to become a sore-loser, I did what Japan did; silently surrender.
Hmm...I guess that kind of make me like a sore-loser. But, hey. No one likes losing, especially accepting your lost, so silently surrendering is pretty decent.
Now, let's stop talking about Japan and the silent-surrender and go back to discuss how 'Breaking up with Pierce is for his own good'.
SHIT WHY IS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME!?
I AM NEVER GETTING A BOYFRIEND EVER AG—
If I continue thinking like this, I think I'll break into tears in front of Mrs. Villiers, so I just quickly made my decision.
"Alright, Lacie," I said and finished my cookie. "If it's for Pierce, then I'll do that. I can't imagine him being a hobo just because of me," I took my tea cup and began to drink, as Mrs. Villiers hugged me.
"Aww, Alice, you're so kind!" she teared up. "This is actually true love...you think of Pierce first-hand instead of your feelings first...I'm so sad that you can't be together, but so happy that someone loves my son this much,"
As a matter of fact, I said in my mind, I only agreed to this so that I can get the hell out of here, go home, lock myself in my room...
And cry.
So, sorry, Lacie Villiers. I'm really sorry. It's not because of true-love, not because I think of Pierce's wellness that I sacrifice my own feelings or anything.
I JUST WANT TO SAVE MY GOD DAMN FACE, HAPPY!?
~.X.~
Pride. Pride. Pride.
I don't understand girls who'd break down and cry in agony, begging for their love to return to them, because, damn, that's so pathetic. I'm too prideful for that.
Just smile and wave, son.
But, GOSH, DARN IT. WHAT I'D GIVE—just to have a boyfriend who don't leave me and I don't have to beg for him!
PRIDE.
Because of my damned pride, my relationship with Pierce is kind of distorted. Even way back before we're dating.
NO. IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT, I TELL YOU.
"Alice~! I'm hungry...I want to eat...Please cook for me~?" Pierce Villiers pleaded as he skipped into my house in one random Sunday.
And there I was, like, mopping the floor, cleaning the house.
"Stop coming to ask me to cook! I'm not your damn wife!" I deadpanned and brushed the floor with all wrath I've got. It was irritating. Really irritating.
He's rich. Why'd he keep coming to free-load from me!?
"I want cheese omelet, but if it's too much of a hassle, grilled-cheese is a-okay, too!" he ignored me and began to cling to me. "Please? Please? Please? I'm hungry, Alice..."
So I ignored him and consider to date my floor because it's so damn interesting.
"Alice? Aliiice? Hey, hey, Alice?"
"Aaaaliiice?"
"Alice, Alice, Alice, Allllice~?"
Nag. Nag. Nag.
Nag.
Nag. Nag.
"After I finished mopping the floor."
Pierce teared up. "Aw...but, Alice, I'm hungry right now! I think I'm going to die! Pleaaaase, cook for meee!"
"If you're so hungry, just call a delivery!"
"But fast food is bad for Pierce! Bad, bad!"
"If you want me to cook, at least be patient and wait until I finish my job here!"
"I'm hungry now, Alice, please! If you don't cook for me now, I won't be hungry again but I'll be really tired and won't move..."
Ignore him, Alice. Just ignore the damn brat.
At some point, he stopped nagging.
But...
"Alice, you should go and cook my food, while I'll finish mopping the floor! Isn't that a wonderful idea?" he suggested happily. I stopped in the middle of trying to reach the floor beneath the table and stared at him.
"Really?" I brightened up. "Well, I guess that'll do. Here," I handed him the mop, and he grinned as he accepted it.
"Ahh, don't you think this is kind of making us like a married couple?" he laughed cheerfully and snuggle the mop. "The wife cooks while the husband cleans, we're so adorable, riiight?"
He's lucky he's cute. Damn it.
That was one; an unreasonable free-loader.
~.X.~
What made us weirder is the fact that he's such a crybaby and always run to me whenever he got bullied.
We were just eight, and I've begun to question my own sexuality.
Because, let's be honest; DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN A BOY RUNS TO YOU AND BEGS FOR HELP!?
Just another day in elementary school...third grade...I was reading One Piece. That time, the story was at the part where Ussop, as Sogeking, fought Princess Horo-Horo with his tricks. I was about to burst laughing when the gothic girl began to bubble up as cockroaches cornered her.
And then, I thought I was imagining Horo-Horo crying, but something came and hit me.
"AAALIIIICEE...WUAAAAH HA HA HUUU...BORIS IS CHASING MEEE...WUAAAHH..."
"Pierce, you almost ruined my manga!"
"But, but, but, BORIS...HE'S..."
I grumbled and pushed him off of me, picking up my manga, and saw Boris Airay, the fifth grader loomed over us.
"Boris, stop bullying Pierce!" I yelled impatiently. "This is affecting my comfort. If you'd please be a bit more considerate,"
He laughed, almost crying and did a double take. "Hahaha...Alice, why are you talking like an adult? Geez! I was just playing tag with him, seriously!" he grinned, and then threw a devil glance at the guy behind me. "...With pebbles and stick, though." He added.
"Uhuhuhu...Boris is so mean to me..." Pierce sobbed behind me.
Did you know why I've been keeping up my pride? I was born already with pride. My pride made me strong. I've strongly thought about how much I 'never want to wail and run in fear like Pierce Villiers', and it whipped me up into a strong little girl who could stand up to bullies.
PRIDE IS EVERYTHING, AHAHAHA...
"Boris, if you don't stop for today, I have something for you," I pulled out a piece of paper from my pocket.
"It's called Boris Airay's Math Test Result that is an F,"
Boris' jaw fell.
"No...you did not!"
"Oho, yes, I do."
"Give it—" dodge "—back you little—" pull "—NO!"
As he's taller than I do, he finally snatched his horrible result.
"Hah! Now what can you do about it, huh?" he mocked, and I just pulled another piece of evidence of his retardedness.
"Unlike you, a foolish ape, Boris, I've copied hundreds of your math test result, just in case," I smirked and waved the proof of his dumbness on his face. "Now what can you do about it, huh? HAHAHAHAHA...!"
Pierce laughed. "Alice, you're so cool!"
I don't know why, but I wish I can say that line to a guy, instead of having a guy saying that to me...
Boris ran home in defeat, and I took Pierce home and treated his wounds. I began to worry about the bumps on his head; kids liked to hit his head with a stick, and I hope that wouldn't make Pierce even dumber than he already has.
"UAAAAHH ALICE, IT HUUURTS..." he cried when I cleaned up his scratches with antiseptic.
"Be quiet! Stop being such a crybaby, you're a boy, geez!" I forced to keep his hand still and applied the antiseptic, ignoring his tears. "I told you not to be around Boris, didn't I? What were you doing anyway?"
Pierce hiccuped and flinched everytime I touched his scratches. "I was just eating my...cheeseburger...I didn't know why he'd do that...he said he's bored and began to hit my head with a stick...huhuhu...Boris is so scary..."
So this had been a pattern since we're kids. Pierce cried, I come to the rescue.
For example, one day, Ace Pendragon, our classmate, was bullying Pierce. Again, with a stick.
"HEY! STOP HITTING PIERCE WHEN I'M NOT AROUND, ACE!" I ran over and yelled, only to make the boy run and laugh.
"Hahaha! Alice is scary~!"
"I WILL SHOVE A DAMN MAP INTO YOUR MOUTH IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT!"
Chasing and trying to beat that god damn idiot, I returned only to find Pierce was already crying again and getting bullied by Boris.
"Huhuhuhu...it hurts, ow, ow, ow..."
"YOU TOO, BORIS! HEY! STOP THAT!" I chased Boris off, and decided to stick around. "Jesus! Those brats won't stop messing around! And you, too, Pierce! If only you're not so—"
"Ow, ow, ow! Huhuhu, ow..."
"Dee, Dum, why are you hitting him? Aren't you friends?"
"Ah, sorry, we just can't help it," Dee laughed.
"Seeing his face makes us want to hit him with a stick," Dum laughed.
And I admit, that was true. If only he wasn't so pathetic and tearful whenever he got hurt. People liked to bully him just to see him cry, because it was just that hilarious. Oh, yes hilarious. If only that applied to me.
No matter how mean I am to Pierce, he'd never cry. He'll just laugh and be like...
"Hehe~ Alice is so cute when she's angry~!"
I am not amused.
~.X.~
We became friends since playground. I was only three, but I've been reading and talking. I wasn't really good at walking, but that's how I met Pierce.
That time, I was reading the Adventures of Sinbad. I was in the garden alone, because my parents dropped me there, and I couldn't walk to the class.
"Hey, hey," a boy walked up to me, albeit stumbling. "Pierce!" he said.
Being a smart kid, I concluded that it's his name. "I'm Alice," I said, looking up to him, because he's standing.
I wished I can walk already.
"Reading?" He asked, squatting beside me, only to fell and sat on the ground.
"The Adventures of Sinbad," I said the title to him. He gasped, looking impressed that I can already read. Then, he continued to stare at me, as if waiting for me.
So, I read the story for him.
Pierce liked it and kept clapping whenever Sinbad succeeded in his adventures. Sinbad was in the valley of diamonds when suddenly a kitty came running to us.
"GYAAAAAAAAA...!" and off he went, running faster than adults.
I wonder. If I was such a coward crybaby, maybe I'd already learned to walk.
~.X.~
Oh, and at some points...I...made Pierce grew an 'Italian Pride'.
Yes, I was referring to North Italy in Hetalia.
It'd be worse if Pierce would actually bring around a white flag and wave it whenever Boris or Ace was around...
I was going to my grandmother's funeral, and had to skip school in the fourth grade. I went to Pierce's house to tell him.
"Pierce, I'm going to my grandmother's for a week," I said when he greeted me on the porch. "Take care of yourself, okay?"
He laughed. "Hehe, Alice, you're so weird~! You're the one going, I should be saying that to you...!"
I wanted to smack him.
"I'm only saying this because I won't be around when Boris or Ace bully you, you know," I said indignantly, crossing my arms. He frowned and puffed his cheeks.
"Uuu...it's not that I like to keep depending on you..." he puffed his chest. "Don't worry, Alice! Even if you're not around, I know how to face Boris and Ace, so you can ease your mind!"
As I was saying, it'd be really bad if he's actually producing white-flags and would wave one whenever the bullies were around. Still worried and unconvinced, I secretly went to school just to see what Pierce would do if the bullies came up.
Oh, but no, he was an idiot alright.
"Ace!" Pierce ran towards Ace. "Aaace!"
"Huh?"
"It'll be different today!" he yelled in determination.
I really thought he was going to challenge Ace and was about to be impressed.
"Hoh~? Heheh, what is this all about?"
Pierce shivered. "I...I will prove...that I have my pride, too!" he clenched his fists. "From now on, I'll show you what I'm capable of, you bully, Ace!"
And with that, Pierce put on a pot over his head and cower on the ground like a turtle.
It took me quite a while—for Ace as well—to understand what he's doing. But then what he said explained everything.
"You won't be able to hit my head with a stick anymore! Never!" he screamed albeit muffled by the grass. "NEVER! I won't get hurt! I will prove to Alice that I also have my pride! You won't ever hurt me with a stick anymore, Ace!"
Apparently, Pierce's Pride was about protecting his head with a pot while cowering like a god damned Koopa Troopa that got stepped on by Mario.
I couldn't look at him anymore, so I left with Ace's laughter echoing in my steps. I ended up in a depression, and everyone thought it's because of my grandmother's death, when it's actually about how I was 'friend' with that little waterworks.
And I heard a rumor that Ace was submitted to hospital because his jaw got dislocated from laughing too loud.
~.X.~
Even though he's so...I don't want to say it...Well, let's just say that, at some points, I really like Pierce, because he's such a good friend. He's weak and a crybaby, but he never had any ill-intention...despite he's so irritating, he didn't mean to be. (Which was, if you think about it, is irritating)
Well, I often see people more from their will and intentions than what they actually do.
Pierce was the one who taught me to walk when we were in playgroup.
He also taught me how to run. But he sucked at it. In High School, we had a habit to jog every morning, which was more about Pierce trying to catch his breath as he stumbled behind me.
"Ah...I can't take this anymore..."
"What are you talking about? Come on, Pierce! One, two, one, two!" I lead him, trying to encourage him.
"Hah...hah...hah..."
"One, two, one, two! Come on! I'll cook breakfast for you!"
With that, he ran slightly faster, at least he ran alongside of me.
"Oh, it's Alice and Piercey~! Hello!" Boris greeted us, holding his cat on the sidewalk. I swore I saw him smirk when suddenly, his cat hissed and jumped off his arm, beginning to chase Pierce.
"HYAAAAA...! CAAAATS! NOOOO...!"
"Why are you so fast when you're running away!?"
Pierce was the first one who said that we're friends and we'll help each other. I was happy when he said that...even though I saved him, most of the time.
And I remember the first and the last time Pierce ever tried to save me.
Going back to the third grade. Alongside of Pierce, I was also a target of Boris and Ace's bullying. Though I can say that I can stand up most of the time. Well, not when the two were teaming up...
"Hey, hey, Alice, why is your hair so long?" Boris randomly came up to me and pulled my hair. "Heh, you shouldn't have such long hair! Girls can have long hair!"
I looked up from the book I was reading. "I'm a girl, stuuupid!"
"Hey, hey, Ace! Alice said, that Alice is a girl!" Boris laughed, waving to Ace.
"Haha, well, Alice, you should just be a boy, because Pierce always come running to you," Ace laughed, and took his scissors on the table. "Let's start with cutting off your hair! Haha!"
"Good idea, Ace," Boris grinned and pulled my hair.
"No! Stop!" I screamed and began to run. At some points, Boris grabbed my hair, but I kept running. Ace tried to catch up and cut my hair.
Suddenly, Pierce came. "Hey! Stop! Don't bother her!" he yelled, yanked Boris' hands off my hair. I sighed in relief and stood behind Pierce. "You can hit us with a stick, but if you try to cut our hair...you're pushing the wrong button!" he yelled angrily.
"Uh, they still can't hit us with a stick," I deadpanned.
Boris laughed. "Heheh...Yeah? What are you gonna do? Cry?"
"Wow, hahaha, Pierce is trying to save Alice! Let's see how he'll do it!" Ace laughed and tried to approach me with his scissors. "But on the mean time, I want to cut her hair~!"
"No, you won't!" Pierce yelled. "I will protect Alice! Because friends help each other!"
I really thought that the day had finally come when Pierce finally saved me, instead of the other way around.
"Use this, Alice!" he dropped a pot over my head. "Let's put our hands up and run!"
Yeah. Until he did that.
But Boris and Ace didn't come to school the next day, because they got stomachache from too much laughing.
Nevertheless, his intention to save me was appreciated. (Cries)
~.X.~
As for how we ended up dating was quite a simple story. Since we've been together for so long, neither of us had those 'romantic-reproach' to each other. Like, when I was with my ex, I flinched over trivial things; touching hands in accident, getting caught staring...
Well what do you expect? Pierce and I had seen each other changing diapers!
Or maybe I was really that dense.
"Alice...I know you're still...sad about Charles..."
"No, no I'm not," I deadpanned, since he's stepping my pride-zone. "I'm perfectly fine! I'm not sad, don't put words in my mouth,"
"Okay, okay, don't get so angry about it..." Pierce laughed nervously. "Then, Alice...will you go out with me, please?"
I paused. Even my brain did. As an introvert, that was the first time my brain ever stopped thinking. It took five minutes for me to ask him back.
"You mean the casual go-out or the serious go-out or just go-out like, let's go-out or...go-out as in...go-out with me?"
"Th-The serious go out," Pierce blushed, staring at the ground. "I mean...like...being my girlfiend...like, girlfriend-girlfriend, not girl-friend. Like...I've been in love with you since we're kids..." his head was hung even lower than I couldn't see his face, that was beginning to get as red as his auburn hair.
Pierce liked me since we're kids. Wow. How come I never noticed that?
Oh, right. How could I? I never saw him as a guy, and I barely realize that I'm a girl.
And whose fault was that? Pierce's!
Like...how...HOW, am I supposed to know that? He came everyday to my place, asking food, clinging and hugging me, crying with no shame to me, we could sleep in the same room without much thoughts about it, I had to comfort him when we were watching Maleficent, and...
And he's beautiful—he's cuter than me! He's like a girl! How am I supposed to notice him as a guy and that he had been trying to make a move on me when he had been doing that for the whole fifteen damn years? (We were eighteen when he confessed)
"Look, Pierce," I held up my hands. "Let's just sort things out. I don't want you to mis-translate your dependancy on me as love. Just because we've been together, and I never left you no matter how many troubles you brought to me, doesn't always mean you're in love with me and vice versa."
He sighed. "I know you'd say that...it's my own fault..." he began to tear up, but I'm already immune to that. However, when he looked straight to me, I couldn't find his teary eyes, only determination. "But you'll go out with me, right? I'm sure...if we try to, maybe we'll find out..."
"Pierce, seriously? I doubt that anything will change even if we go to the next level,"
He approached me and took my hand. "I...When you were with Charles, I didn't dare to hug you at all, because I realized, Alice is...is not for my own...and Charles can do things I can't! And I hate that!"
I frowned and smiled wryly. "Well...if it'll make you happy, I guess I'll try,"
Just like that. Bam.
After that, he's evolved from a nagging free-loader...
To a sticky octopus.
~.X.~
The ideal couple should be like this: the male partner lend his arm for the female partner to cling onto and drag around. The female partner should frequently snuggle to his chest while they walking together at the mall.
Sometimes, the female partner will say; "Oh, what a cute teddy bear!"
And the male would reply with; "You're cuter, darling,"
After a round of walk, they'll settle in a cafe with a nice view of the town, by the window. They'd order a meal for couple. They'd talk about trivial things. At some point, the girl would talk dreamy things like 'if you have a kid, how many would you want?' or 'If I have a son, I want to name him Ali Baba'.
You know. Stuff like that?
Hmm...I guess I'd be bored as hell if I were to be that girl. But seriously, going on a date with Pierce was just like our daily hang-outs.
"Aliiiice! Look! Mozarella! Cheese cake!" he'd drag me to the nearest bakery from the front door of the mall.
"Alice, Alice, look, those dolls are cute, aren't they? Do you want me to buy you one?" he asked eagerly with gleaming eyes.
I sighed and shook my head. "No, I don't need dolls. You're cute enough for me, Pierce,"
And he'd blush and hugged me.
And I really, really questioned my gender whenever I did that on reflex.
Sometimes we'd also talk about stuff like;
"Alice, if you have a son, what would you name him?"
"Hmm...Boris,"
"Eh...?" His eyes were wide in horror.
"Yeah. So that I can spank him."
Or stuff like;
"Alice, please be honest with me," he asked this with the style of an inspector. "Did you ever kiss Charles?"
"No."
"Alice, please don't sound so sad when you said that, it hurts me!" he began to tear up. "Are you still...in love with him?"
I sighed and turned away. "No."
"Why are you avoiding my eyes? You're lying! You're still in love with him, aren't you?" he began to sob.
I sighed again. "If that's the case, what are you going to do about it?"
Pierce whined. "Uuuu...that's not what you're supposed to say! You should say; 'No, Pierce! Believe me, I love you and only you!' and I will say; 'Will you swear on that?' and you will shock me with asking; 'I...I want to be your wife...' and then I will stand up and embrace you!"
"Pierce, you watch more chick-flicks than girls do,"
~.X.~
There was only one hint that I dismissed, about how Pierce could possibly like me in a romantic way. It's the fact that he absolutely won't let anyone separate us. I noticed it just once, when Boris was chasing Pierce with a stick again.
"No, ow, ow, ow, it hurts! Huaaaaaa..."
"Boris! Stop bothering Pierce! How many times should I tell you that!?" I yelled angrily and pulled Pierce so that he could hide behind me. Boris groaned and whistled.
"Haah~ You always ruin my fun, Alice...Well, I want to stop bothering him, but then I've got nothing else to do because you're always reading..." he shrugged. "I want to play with you, Alice. I don't want to play with Pierce because he's such a coward,"
Pierce suddenly gripped my shoulders. "No! No! No! Alice, don't play with Boris...he's so mean!"
Suddenly, Boris had an idea. "Hey, I know! I won't bother Pierce again if you be my friend, Alice," he grinned. "What about that? But Pierce can't come! You shouldn't let him follow you around, seriously,"
I blinked, finding that the offer was quite nice. This way, I didn't have to run around to save Pierce.
"You will promise that? You won't bother Pierce again?"
"Alice...?" Pierce tugged my shirt.
Boris grinned happily. "Yeah! I like you, Alice, so I'd rather play with you than bullying Pierce,"
"No!" Pierce suddenly jumped in between Boris and I. "No! You can't take Alice from me!" he yelled, blushing with anger.
"Huh?" Boris twitched, also getting angry again. "That's rare of you to talk back, mouse...Do you want me to hit you with a stick?"
"I'd rather you hit me than letting Alice play with you, stupid!" Pierce yelled back.
I gaped. Pierce.
Pierce Villiers.
Pierce.
PIERCE.
HE JUST CALLED BORIS WHAT!?
Boris was also shocked, but he was more angry from his words. "Hey! You've crossed the line, idiot! I'm doing this so that you don't have to trouble Alice, so shut up!"
"No! I don't want Alice to play with you! She's mine!" Pierce shivered in wrath, spreading his arms as if trying to make a barrier for me. "Go ahead, hit me, I don't care!"
"You little idiot!" Boris shivered in wrath as well, cracking his knuckles. "You're getting this! Aaargh!" he yelled and ran, swinging a fist towards Pierce.
"Hey! Whoa!" I gasped. "Stop it!"
"Noooo! Go awaaaay!" Pierce screamed and head-butted Boris so hard that he flied and hit the ground far from us.
Both Boris and I were beyond shocked. Even Boris was so shocked that he just sit there and glare at Pierce, who was running back to me and hugged me, crying.
"No! Alice, it's okay if you have to save me all the time, don't play with others!" he whined. "Please, don't play with others, Alice, pleaaase...?"
I knew he didn't mean to be selfish, but the very question was irritating.
~.X.~
Now I understand why it's not always a good thing to date your bestfriend or childhood friend. If you were to break up, it'll be beyond hard to repair your friendship. That's what I was dwelling for weeks, ever since Pierce's mother asked me to break up with his son.
We're supposed to be watching Breaking Bad, but Pierce kept talking to me about all sorts of things. This always happened, so I always recorded the episodes.
"Alice, you're going back to Oxford next week, huh?" Pierce asked, nuzzling to my shoulder.
"Yeah," I said, already unable to watch the serial in front of me, busy cracking the sunflower seeds. "I won't be here for three weeks, like usual,"
"Hey, hey, did you miss me whenever you're away?"
I frowed to him, unable to comprehend is unreasonable questions. "We talked on Skype and chat and stuff, why would I miss you?"
He pouted. "Huuuh...Alice is not cute...I want my girlfriend to miss me..." he whined.
"Rather, it's quite refreshing to be away from you," I said evilly, and he whined again.
"So mean!" he puffed his cheeks, and I laughed. "I always miss you...I'm worried that you're with other guys..."
Here we go again...I rolled my eyes, and he whined.
"Stop that eye-rolls! Who is Blood Dupre? Alice, he looks like Charles!"
"He's Charles' little brother, what else?"
"Why are you calling him 'Daddy'!? If you want to play house, I can be your husband and you're my wife!"
"Yeah, he's my 'daddy', and then Julius is my 'mommy',"
"Oh, so you're their daughter? Ah...haha! That's okay, then,"
"Phft, you're so easy to convince," I laughed and pulled him so that he'd sleep on my laps. He'd blush and looked up at me with a really boyish grin. His smile never changed. I was about to squish him by dropping my torso on him, but then he carress my cheek.
"Alice, remember about what I said when I confessed to you...?" he asked with a wry smile. "You said that maybe I was just being delusional about loving you...because we've been together for too long..."
"Y-Yeah..."
"So we began to date to see if we find out what we really feel, right?" he smiled.
Oh no. Not that smile.
Please don't tell me you really like me, not just because I kept saving your ass when we were kids and cook for you...
Because...
Your mother asked me to break up with you.
Please, please, please not now, Pierce. God, please don't make me hurt this guy.
"W-Well...I..." Pierce stuttered shyly and glanced away, blushing harder. "I think...I already find out, Alice," he shut his eyes.
I didn't know what to say, and every seconds of silence were filled with me mentally screaming for him to stop talking.
He smiled and didn't say anything, but that definitely didn't make me feel any better, because the next second, he pulled me by the back of my neck and kissed me on the lips.
You know, I once watched a Youtube Video called; "Why Do We Kiss?" and damn. It's about how good kissing is for your health and mind, and there I was, my boyfriend started kissing me, and I, was the one who slipped my tongue into his.
Like a true boyish-girlfriend I am.
Pierce was giving me an innocent peck on the lips? And what did I do? Girls, I had no idea why I did that, but I really question my gender because I'm like a horny man when I took the simple peck-on-the-lips into a hard-core make out session.
On the couch.
God damn it, I should stop listening to how Blood always did his girls on his couch. Like, seriously.
Attention: this is not what you're supposed to do when your boyfriend's mother asked you to break up with him.
Argh. Scheisse.
Okay, snap out of it. So I pulled away, only to have him groan, pulled me back and shoved his tongue in return, into my throat, because—I don't know, either to return the favor or the kid's infected with horniness as well?
GOD DAMN HORMONES. STAHP. JUST—
"Alice, I love you...!" he stopped the 'session' and hugged me so tight that I feel like my heart will burst into pieces.
From despair.
~.X.~
Two years. Two freaking years of dating Pierce. Two years since his mother asked me to break up with her son.
Wait, WHAT?
Impossibru!
There's just no way his mother would chill knowing that her son refused to marry the daughter of their company's partner because I'm still dating him. No. Nope. Nah.
So let's go back to sixteen months ago.
"Pierce, you have to listen to me," I tend to pick the worst spot to say the most important things.
Like, in the middle of watching 'The Fault in Our Stars', for example. Right in the middle of the theatre running with sob tears.
"This...this..." Pierce was crying to his popcorn box.
"Pierce, we have to break up."
And he turned to me, and his tears instantly stopped, as if freezing—like the Niagara Falls suddenly stopped in motion.
Soon, he was dragging me out of the cinema.
"What is it? This isn't funny!" he yelled at me, fear obvious on his face. He began to tug on my cardigan, as usually when he's scared. "Did I do something wrong...? Is it...another guy...?"
"No, it's your mom."
He froze and narrowed his eyes on me.
"My mom."
"Your mom asked me to break up with you."
"And you're just okay with that."
"Well, she asked me to."
Awkward silence. I really had no idea of how to break this news to him, but seriously, after months of thinking and considering, I realize that no matter where or when I break this to him...well, girls, you know what?
BREAKING UP, IS ALWAYS AWKWARD.
There's no casual-break-up.
I mean, no one's going to be like; "Girl, I'm sorry, but let's break up. Okay?"
And the girl won't be like; "Ahahah, yeah, sure, no problem! See ya at school, bro!"
No, there's not!
Oh wait, wow, this will be the first time I break up. I was dumped the first time, right? Hold on, I shouldn't be excited about this, because Pierce is turning into the waterworks!
"Y-You...I can't believe you!" he yelled at me. "You don't even put a fight! You're just okay with not being with me! I knew it..." he stepped back and turned away.
"You...knew?"
"I knew it...you never feel the same as I do, right?" he wiped his face. "I'm...I'm just a nuisance to you, aren't I? You've been wanting to say this to me for a while, didn't you? You're probably glad you have a reason to break up with me, huh, Alice?"
I...God damn it.
"I don't know, Pierce," I sighed. "I only did what I think would be best for you. You said you're sure now that you love me, but I'm not. I don't know, I still don't know how to feel about you. I just...see you as Pierce,"
"Doing this for me?" Pierce laughed. "Are you sure you're not making up reasons? You just don't want to look bad when you break up with me, aren't you?"
I don't know about that either.
I don't know, Pierce. I don't know about anything.
I don't know my own feelings. I don't know what I'm doing.
"I knew it...you're just...I know you're so prideful Alice, be it getting dumped or dumping others, you'll always protect your pride," he scoffed and walked away, seeing as I didn't have anything to say.
I really don't know, Pierce.
As long as I didn't know and not sure of what I want, I'll just do what I think will save you. I only do what will be the best choice for you.
"I suck at love," I muttered, finally realizing what's my true weakness.
Not my pride.
I was just oblivious of how to love others.
~.X.~
After that, it's Gotye for me. I was glad it was over. But he didn't have to cut me off. It was kind of a really hurt sting to me. We were always together, and then suddenly, POOF...he changed his number disappeared.
For me, as I have pride to protect me from turmoil, I continued my college life as if nothing had happened, because...well, that's what Pierce doing, right?
"Doll Face," I hummed at Blood's nickname for me, and he took a seat across of me in the library. "I'm going to your town next week after exams...why don't we go on a group date? Ask your boyfriend," he smirked, obviously scheming ridiculous scenario for the date.
Which was in vain, unfortunately.
"Ah, yeah. We just broke up," I said, not taking my eyes from the interesting accounting table in the book I'm reading.
"Oh, I see. What a shame," he sighed. "What happened? Are you turning course and trying to chase me, Alice?"
"In your dreams," I rolled my eyes and closed the book, since I can't concentrate at all around this guy, and he knew that. "His mother asked me to break up,"
"Yeah, you've told me that months ago, girl,"
"And I'm just..." I sighed, frowning. "I don't know, Blood. I don't know what I feel...I just don't want him to suffer just to be with me, you know? I'm okay if he doesn't love me anymore, as long as he lives well...That's the most important thing to me."
There was a silence, something common in library. Not because things turned awkward, but because the librarian was glaring at us. Blood signaled me to leave the place with him. We then walked for a while in silence, and stopped in front of my dorm.
"Look, Alice," he sighed and chuckled. "Heh...You're academically smart, but you have such a dense emotional intelligence,"
I stared at him, dumbfounded.
"Hah...hahah..." he began to laugh, something I rarely see. He usually chuckles. "You don't even realize that you're in love, Alice. I guess that's the downside of dating your childhood friend," he smirked.
"I'm in love?" I frowned in confuse. "I didn't feel...anything..."
"Of course you don't. You feel jittery and butterflies around my brother because he's quite a stranger, compared to Pierce. But what you've done is obviously out of love," Blood laughed again as he saw my super-confused-face. "Come on, remember Frozen?"
"Frozen? Let it Go?"
"No, Olaf said the most important thing, didn't he?"
"He had no bones?"
The guy cracked up and patted my shoulder. I had to wait for him to stop laughing while trying to replay the whole movie in my mind. And I regretted it, because that damn 'Do You Wanna Build a Snowman' song stuck in my head now.
Blood took a breather. "You don't know what a true love is? Olaf said that it's when you put someone else's needs before your own," he sighed and smirked at my blank face. "You said that as long as your...'ex' lives well, that's the most important thing to you."
For some reason, I'm sweating in the middle of this cold winter. Blood raised his eyebrows.
"You've been always doing that for so long that you didn't realize it, Alice. You're used to put Pierce's wellness before yours that it comes to your first nature...so natural that you don't feel pain from doing it anymore," he patted my hair. "I think that's an amazing kind of love you're giving to him. Now I'm jealous,"
I felt a stung somewhere inside of me. Like my heart is falling into my butt. I just realized that I've been in love with Pierce and had been prioritizing his wellness ahead of me for so long...I just wished that I never realized it.
"Damn you, Blood..."
Blood faltered as he noticed that I've begun to cry.
"I...why did you have to...make me realize it...?"
He smiled sadly and gave me a comforting hug. I don't know what to feel. I wished I never realized it. I wished I realize it before. But if I did, will I still let Pierce go? If I realize that I've been in love with him for so long that I didn't even realize it, will I still think of his needs first before mine? Or will I be selfish?
I really, really suck at love, that I didn't realize it.
I'm a stupid woman. And I just killed feminism.
~.X.~
I decided that twice was enough for me. I'm too stupid at this love stuff anyway, so I guess I'll just stop. As I've been saying, my pride is protecting me from moping around, and so here I am, on my third semester.
Before Blood made me realize my own feeligs, I could focus my thoughts to the silly economic lectures, but now I'm dual-thinking. Half of my brain is listening to the professor talking about IMF, and the rest had been thinking of how to find Pierce and say sorry to him.
Of course, since I'm an introvert, I can easily cover my feelings.
In autumn, I returned to my hometown for thanksgiving. I began to remember how Pierce used to barge in, whine at me to cook for him and stuff. Oh well, I guess that's that. I really wish Gotye wouldn't end my second romance story.
I was walking to my home when I realized that there was a volvo in front of my house, like, what the hell? Did my dad died and my mother used our inheritance!?
I quickened my pace, feeling really paranoid, because my mother is quite the shop-a-holic, but when I walked past the volvo, the door quickly opened and someone called my name.
"Alice, please marry me!"
Okay, that person didn't just call my name.
THAT PERSON CAME OUT OF A FREAKING VOLVO AND PROPOSED TO ME.
I was actually turning my head to look at the person, and it had been around three minutes until I realize who was I looking at. I wouldn't unrecognize those emerald eyes, because they're obviously Pierce's. He grinned to me, the same grin that didn't grew from playground, and walked up to me.
"P-Pierce...?"
"Let's marry!"
I was beyond...dumbfounded. He licked his lips as he tried to find something in his coat's pocket, and pulled out a box that's obviously filled with a ring. Yeah, he popped it open, and damn, it's a damn ring alright.
It's a damn diamond freaking ring.
He frowned to me. "Or...are you already with someone else, now?"
"Wait, what?" I shook my head, trying to wake up. "Hold on...marry? But, Pierce, aren't you married?"
"I didn't," he shook his head like a kid trying to tell he's not lying. "Our partner's daughter, Vivaldi, is scared of me for some reason, so she didn't want to marry me and just want us to be...well...distant partners..." he shrugged.
I wasn't ecstatic. "Pierce, you don't. You're supposed to be angry with me."
"No, of course not," he beamed at me, shaking his head again. "If anything, I love you even more, Alice," he took my hands in his.
Seeing my doubt-filled face, he chuckled and kissed my knuckles.
"I'm the one who's sorry," he said, and I could feel his forehead on mine. "I should've recognized your feelings too. I guess I just didn't have that much confidence...You always put my needs before yours all the time that I got used to it...at some point, I began to think maybe I love you for doing that, but it turns out, not..."
"It's kind of your fault too, though. You're such an unsensitive girlfriend and not romantic at all...I never know what you're thinking at all...I thought you only did things just to make me happy—which was actually the whole point...I thought you didn't love me back and had been waiting to get rid of me..."
"Get rid of you?"
"Well, I mean...it'd obviously be awkward if bestfriends date and then break up. I thought you accepted me on purpose just to break up with me, make us awkward so that I won't be nagging on you anymore..."
With that, I finally discovered what the hell was wrong with the two of us. I smiled wryly and took the ring from him, putting it on my own, and he just grinned while staring at me.
"I don't want to marry you, Pierce,"
"Eh?" he paled up, and I chuckled.
"Not until I finish my college..."
He puffed his cheeks, crossing his arms. "Ahhh...so you prefer college than I do!"
"I don't think we should be so eager to marry without learning more about love, Pierce." I frowned to him with a tired smile, and he began his irritating childish nagging like old times.
"Huuuh? Why not? We can just learn about it as husband and wife!"
But, no. Not this time. This time, I know we're doing this for both of us, because I don't want to go through this silly 'I thought you didn't love me' and 'I don't know how I feel about stuff' anymore. No, we're absolutely not going to marry for the time being, so right now, I'm just taking custody for the ring.
Because, I have to tell Pierce this important discovery about us;
"Pierce, we both suck at love."
I just realized that Pierce and Italy are a lot alike...But Pierce can carry a gun instead of waving a white flag, because, god damn it, Italy. I'm talking about Hetalia. So, while I'm studying about 'Structures of Organization', somehow, I begin to think how interesting it would be if I cross my boyfriend with Pierce and Italy, and voila, mein lieb, brain fart.
Kindly review if you have the time, you cutie.