The tires of Ally's car squeal to a stop on the cold gravel outside of a church. Ally reaches over and grabs the pamphlet that was sitting shotgun. Saint Peter's Church of Healing. Ally stares at the front page of the small booklet. The priest has a wide grin on his kind face, his eyes are a faded emerald and Ally is praying to a God that she's not even sure exists, begging that this works. She needs this. Literally.
She takes a deep breath and looks at herself in the rear view mirror. She had slept well last night for the first time in eight days. Her brown eyes were clouded with her shiny facade of everything's alright. She combs her un-manicured fingers through her wavy, high-volume brunette hair. She tosses the pamphlet onto the back seat's floor and then takes off her seatbelt and heads for the church.
Ally's not exactly the church type, but her entire life she seemed like it. She smiled lots, had a nice family, and the warmest heart. Maybe that's why it was quitting on her. She slips in the back as the priest is ranting about something and the congregation murmurs in agreement, fanning themselves with their own pamphlets or pieces of paper that they've scrawled out little notes onto. His voice grows louder, sounding like a drum, every time he puts emphasis on his point.
"...And that is why you are saved by grace!" his lips stretch slowly into the warmest smile Ally's ever seen on a man. For some reason his eyes find Ally's face and he stares for a moment. Ally suddenly feels uncomfortable leaning against that cold back wall. He breaks the contact as he gazes around at his congregation and says the last of his sermon, dismissing everyone seated in the pews.
Many people see him after the sermon, visiting him for their moment of needed healing. He closes his eyes and places a palm on a woman's head. He rambles out a long, spiritual prayer, "In the name of Christ, you are healed!" he says loudly and then opens his eyes and looks down at the woman. She slowly opens her eyes and Ally's observant eyes watch her lips stretch wide.
"The headache's...They're gone!" she shouts with glee. Ally's eyes widen in size. She watches the next few of people who holler joyously about their sudden healing. Ally glances over at the stained glass window and sees the art of a sun standing above a man's head who Ally guesses is Jesus with a kind smile. Ally takes a deep breath and heads towards the priest who is gathering his things.
Ally's steps are slow and unsure as she makes her way. The priest was thumbing through his Bible, perhaps looking for something but he stopped when he felt the extra presence in the now empty church. He straightens out and looks at her.
"Hi." Ally says, forcing a smile on her lips and hoping it didn't look as fake as she felt. I mean, how much faker could you be only coming to a church, only wanting healing, only trying to believe, in the moment of your crisis?
"Hi," the priest replies.
"I...I liked your...your speech," Ally said and she was absolutely sure that's not what it's called but she didn't shame herself for something she's never been taught about. "Well, the bit I heard anyways."
The priest lets out a hearty chuckle, "Thank you." he says, his voice is nicer than she'd expected it to be. He looks fifty. Aren't people in their fifty's cranky and rude? He is suddenly joined by a woman who touches his arm lovingly. Ally notices the golden ring on his left hand and the golden one on the woman's hand. It's no lie that this must be his wife.
Ally frowns lightly, "You're married?" she questioned them. The woman smiled at Ally with both her oceanic orbs and her pale lips. The priest grinned over at his wife and then to Ally, nodding his head.
"For 38 years now." he said.
"But you're a priest...Aren't you supposed to...you know...stay single?" Ally questioned.
He chuckled lightly, "I can see that you've never quite been accompanied with a church's background." he said.
Ally felt embarrassed, her cheeks tinting pink but it was so light that both the priest and his wife missed it. "Sorry," she murmured. They didn't condemn her for not being a church-girl. Their faces remained kind as they looked at her.
The priest continued, "I have a feeling that you didn't come here to make small talk."
Ally gives him a wry smile, trying not to feel surprised by his intuition. She slowly shakes her head. "No...I didn't. I came here because-"
She was interrupted when the priest suddenly shushed her and grabbed her hand in his. She looked down at her hand that was now enveloped into his bigger, slightly wrinkly one. She slowly gazed up at him and tried not to feel awkward by the soft, gentle touch.
His eyes are softer than they were before. So soft that Ally wonders if maybe they will liquefy and come pooling down his cheeks. His gem eyes look deeply into Ally's chestnut-eyed gaze. Then he speaks, his voice softer than the hotel bed she'd slept on last night. "It's heart failure...Isn't it?"
Ally heard a compassionate whimper from the priest's wife as she placed a palm over her chest as if the gentle touch of her own heart was supposed to cure it's breaking. Her eyes are sincere and sad for Ally. Ally slowly looked back at the priest, appalled. She's not feeling awkward, she's not feeling sad, she's not feeling angry. She's surprised. "How did you know that?" her voice is barely above a whisper.
His eyes soften up a little more that Ally is definitely sure that these eyes are fake, but they're not as he keeps staring at her. His lips curling upwards into a smile that is full of every little bit of God's mercy. "Discernment. I had the notion when you walked in. Despite this front people look at, I can see that you carry something with you. A sadness, an intensity."
That didn't make up for how he knew that Ally was suffering from heart failure. She stared at him for a long moment before telling him, "I've always had something wrong with my heart since I was, maybe, eight? Something about my heart valves weakening, I don't know, but I've just entered the first stage."
"I'm so sorry to hear that." he said, his voice dropping lower and lower, nearing the sound of a whisper.
Ally swallowed. "I read about this place online. It said you specialize in healing, physically and emotionally. I thought maybe I'd see for myself." said Ally, "And you can do it, right? You can heal me?"
His soft smile became sad. "I would if I could...But I'm afraid that I don't mess with God's plan."
Ally felt the pang in her heart, the mental slap across the face. "...God's plan?" she echoed, before giving him an odd look, "You're telling me God's plan is for me to die? He planned this? You're not even going to try? His brilliant plan for me is to strangle me with His own hands?" her voice got more angry as she continued.
The priest and his wife looked heartbroken for her. "His ways are greater than ours." the priest replied gently.
Ally scoffed and then laughed out of bitterness. She shook her head as she looked at the priest and his wife. "You both...You're living a lie."
"You're just angry and confused-" tried the priest's wife.
"Thanks for the effort!" Ally said, not even sure why she'd come in the first place. She knew nothing would help her. They psychic wouldn't help, the doctors wouldn't help, the other pastor only gave a hopeless prayer, this priest won't help her, and God surely won't help her either. She's a lost cause. A hopeless case.
Ally spun on her heel and heard the faded sound of the priest's voice slip into her throbbing ear drums from behind her, "Look up Jeremiah 29:11 or Psalm 41:3. Try Psalm 30:3! Surely, it will help!"
Ally ignored the priest and marched away from the building. She jumped into her little red car and listened to the sound of her tires ripping against the gravel before she exited the small parking lot and began to excel over the speed limit. She was driving so fast it looked like the world was racing her and maybe it was. Maybe it was trying to laugh in her face as the lump in her throat was choking her and the unshed tears inside her eyes was trying to drown her.
She glances over to her cellular device that is sitting in the cup pocket next to her stick shift. She grabs it and looks at the screen. Four text messages and one voicemail. She sighs and places the phone next to her ear and plays the voicemail.
"Ally? Ally, it's Trish. Please answer the phone. We're all worried about you. I know you're upset about it. I know. But please...call me."
Ally exited her voicemail and tossed the phone back into the cup holder. She gripped the wheel tighter. "No," Ally's teeth were gritted, "You don't know."
Ally glanced at herself in the rear view mirror. The whites of her eyes looked slightly red as her eyes were glassy. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. She grumbled something under her breath, something like, "You're pathetic."
Maybe Ally was pathetic. That's what she kept telling herself and it's only now that she's begun to realize just how pathetic she really is. It was so pathetic to think that she could stop this. To think that she could save herself. Going to a church? What was she even thinking? God's not going to spare her. She's never stepped foot into a church until today, she's never listened to God's word or read about it, she hardly even knows about the religion.
Her phone rang again but Ally had no intention of answering it. Why should she? She knew what it was going to be about. Oh, Ally, this is so sad! Oh, Ally, you're dying! Oh, Ally, come home! Oh, Ally! Oh, Ally! Oh, Ally!
Ally is so angry that she is practically seeing red. She barely notices the fox that is running across the road. She slams hard on the breaks, her back slamming into the seat. She's breathing heavily as she watches it scurry away but she doesn't have the heart to glare at the small, innocent creature. But is anything innocent? Because Ally had lived her life full of innocence and still, she was getting the worst deal of it all.
She gulps down air, releases the tight grip on the wheel and squares her shoulders. She presses on the accelerator and attempts the speed limit this time. What's the use in getting angry? That wouldn't do anything but waste time.
She gets the thought like maybe she should return all the calls and text messages. After all, her friends and family were only worried about her. Once Ally had learned about where her health had just fallen, she'd jumped in her car, grabbed her bank card, and drove the furthest she could away from Indiana. She never said goodbye to anyone either and somehow she still didn't feel bad.
Ally can feel her legs started to ache from being cramped up in her car. She suddenly realizes the burning ache inside her palms, too, from all of that wheel-clenching. She drives a little further before she pulls into a small coffee shop.
It's odd that there's a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere, but Ally's dying for a stretch and also a coffee, so she ignores the oddity of it. She parks her car near the road because she's sure she could use the walk to the coffee place.
She steps inside and the smell of coffee beans fills her nostrils. Despite wanting the coffee, she gets a water bottle instead. After all, maybe she should stay away from caffeine. Her heart is already dying enough as it is.
She sits down at a table. There chair is stiff and it's cold, but she doesn't care. She gazes out the window, watching the vibration of raindrops drizzle down. It's like the outside gloominess is mocking how she feels inside.
Somebody pulls a chair out and sits in front of her. She looks at the man. Maybe he's thirty, maybe he's forty. She can't tell because he's bald and there are bags under his eyes and his neck and scalp are bruising. His lips are chapped as he gives her a weak smile. "Seat taken?"
"No." she said, before looking outside again.
"Well, you look ecstatic today." The sarcasm soaked his voice in a light, humorous way and Ally knew there was no biting his head off because it wasn't a shock that he must be on the same boat as Ally. Life has kicked them both in the ass.
"Just peachy," she mumbled, looking down at her water bottle and unscrewing the cap before screwing it on again. She did this repeatedly and somehow it amused her.
"So, what's with you?" he questioned her. She arched a perfectly trimmed brow at him. "What brings you to this life-draining place? Everybody who comes here are only people who just battered their hopes from going to that stupid Saint Peter's church."
That's when Ally glances around and it's full of sick people. People who are near the end, people who are sad, people who are balding like the guy in front of her, people who look perfectly normal and are probably stretched into the same situation as her.
She looked back at the guy. "Heart failure. Stage 1." Ally said, flatly. She has never heard herself sound so nonchalant, so void of emotion, so upfront before. But there was nothing to hide anymore. This place was death ridden. She's pretty sure she saw the grim reaper himself standing in the doorway.
"Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. No stage, just dying." he said. Ally looked at him for long a moment before nodding her head. She glanced around the room before scoffing and shaking her head. She gazed down at the lid of her water bottle again. "What?" he questioned.
Ally glanced up at his stingray eyes. "I've never felt so in-place before. I fit right in."
The guy huffed through his nostrils once, his shoulders bouncing as she glanced around as well. He wondered a little bit how the workers could stand being in this place that was surrounded by so much death, but he recalls seeing the father with a bald head and chapped lips, too, so they probably designed this place just for them. Maybe the act is nice, but sitting in this chair, he realizes how much he feels like complete and utter shit.
"I guess that's why this place will never be run-down or abandoned." said the guy. "We all...match."
"I don't want to match with anybody in here. Ever. So why do I?" Ally questioned, looking at him.
"I'm sure we've all asked ourselves the same question opening that door." he said. "But maybe there's comfort with that. You know, knowing that we're all reaching the end, none of us are getting over this. There's no making it for us now."
But Ally wanted to make it. She wanted to live. She wanted to breathe air until she was one hundred years old. That's not okay. It is not okay to be twenty four years old and dying.
"Well," Ally huffed, "We've just hit the jackpot of our lives, now didn't we?"
"You could say that." he replied.
Ally shook her head. "This isn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. This was supposed to happen to everyone but me. So, Why is it? Why is this happening to me?"
"I remember asking myself that once, eventually you'll just have to give in and get used to the fact that it is happening to you and there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing other than accepting it. We're just a group of strangers categorized into one specific group: The losers. Because really, we did lose. We're losing everything. Our happiness, our freedom, our entire damn lives."
Ally looked at him and nodded her head slowly. She bit on the inside of her cheek. "Ally." she said, extending her hand from him to shake.
His hand was cold as he grabbed her palm and shook it. "Lucas."
"Should I stay or should I go? I mean, it feels kind of wrong to leave this place when I fit in so tightly." Ally grumbled.
"I'd leave." Lucas said, leaning forward and looking at her. "Go home, see your family and friends and just pretend like it's not happening. Like one day your heart will never stop beating even though you know it will." he paused, "Make a bucket list."
Ally looked at him, "A bucket list?"
"Yeah. Everything you've ever wanted to do. Everything you've always been too afraid to do. Or maybe just the things that you've wanted to do but never got around to. You could stop you? You're dying. You deserve to live in your last moments." Lucas said. "What is something you've always wanted to do but never had the courage?"
Ally thought for a moment. She honestly didn't know because she thought life was going great up until now. Suddenly, something crossed her mind. She couldn't believe she thought it but now after Lucas's small little speech, it seemed perfect and she felt like she needed to do it.
"I want to do something reckless. Something that makes people tell you that you're stupid, something that you know it stupid but you do it anyways." Ally said.
Lucas grinned. "You should do it. Anything and everything reckless that you can think of. Do it." Ally pushed out of her chair and stood up, grabbing her water bottle. She started walking away. "Where are you going?" Lucas called out to her.
Ally stopped and looked over at him with a smirk on her alchemist rose lips. "I'm going to Miami."
Lucas's lips curled into a smile as he watched her walk out. He nodded his head, pursing his lips and feeling happy for her. She was young. She deserved something that would become a tell-tale.
New story next to all of my other new stories and there are still other stories that I have thought of. My mind just doesn't stop, does it?
Well, Reviews are awesome so you should drop a review even if you hate reviewing. I feel like this story is going to be awesome because I'm pleased with this chapter.
I was inspired from the song Pressure by The 1975: "My broken veins say that if my heart stops beating, we'll bleed the same way".
Once again, Review this.