Alec wasn't a good cook. He could make eggs, and decent french toast, but like an actual meal? He usually let Magnus handle that, or they went out, or ordered in. But with Magnus losing his magic, and him almost dying, again, they hadn't had a home cooked meal in a while.

Alec waited until he heard the water stop running to get up from his position on the couch and sneak into the kitchen. Magnus had finished drawing his bath, the first time he had been able to do so without help or flooding the bathroom. Tasks as simple as turning off the tap seemed to elude Magnus, and he was too proud, too stubborn to ask for help. He had let the bath run over for 10 minutes before he came to get Alec. By that time, the water in the bathroom was up to his calves. It took a while to clean up, and all the while in silence. Magnus was furious that he even needed the help, help that Alec was more than happy to provide. Alec just wanted to make everything better again.

Alec pulls up the recipe he obtained earlier on his phone. Chicken parm. One of their first dates was to Italy, where they had what Magnus called "the best chicken parm in the world." It was a family owned restaurant, and doubled as a Downworlder safe haven. Alec had spent the entire week tracking down the restaurant to get the recipe. They usually didn't give out recipes, but made an exception once Alec explained the circumstances. Magnus was one of their favorite (and best) customers, and they wanted to help Alec make him feel better.

As Alec rinsed the chicken, he read the recipe over again. He practically had it memorized, but he was still worried. His mother had tried to teach him and Izzy to cook when they were younger, but neither sibling had picked up on the nuances of the art like Maryse had. Jace however, was a fantastic cook. All that spontaneous energy made for him being very...experimental with his recipes. Sometimes they turned out delicious, but sometimes he put apples in his soup so they took everything Jace made with a grain of salt.

Alec gathered all the ingredients, and placed them on the counter. With a groan, he began to cook.

Magnus exited the bathroom and walked into the bedroom, snapping his fingers a few times before realizing he would have to dress himself manually. Draining the bath was exhausting, applying lotion and skincare products even more so. He was all wrinkly from bathing for so long, and now he had to dress himself? His body ached from all the activity that went into being magicless. He usually enjoyed doing the little things like washing his hair and taking off his makeup, but when he had no choice, suddenly it seemed more strenuous.

As Magnus pulled on a simple gray t-shirt Alec had left over one day and never took back, he smells...food. Like really good food. It smelled like

Chicken parm?

Magnus finished getting dressed and walked into the living room, where Alec was finishing up setting the table. He turns around at the sound of Magnus's footsteps.

"Oh. You're done. Have a seat, I'll get us something to drink."

Alec waits for Magnus to move towards the table, but he doesn't budge. He shaking, and Alec can't tell if it's from sadness, excitement, or anger.

"What is...all this?"

"You said that Giovanni's had the best chicken parm you've ever tasted, so I got him to give me the recipe."

"How? What did you give him?"

"Nothing, I swear. He just wanted to help. And don't worry, he said your secret was safe with him."

Magnus believed it. Giovanni wasn't one who was prone to gossip. And the food truly looked delicious.

Alec sighed with relief as Magnus moved towards a seat. He grabbed a bottle of Magnus's favorite wine that he had picked up earlier, and poured 2 glasses, setting them on the table. He looked at Magnus, who was staring at his food. They both picked up their utensils, and ate.

"Thank you Alexander."

The words were barely above a whisper, escaping after Alec rose to wash the dishes. Alec smiled softly as he washed, feeling content as Magnus dried them and put them away. This was the most communication they had had ever since Magnus lost his magic. There was no screaming, no anger, no broken item that Alec had to clean up despite Magnus's protests. Only tension, words that weren't said, but left dangling in the air. They hadn't spoken to each other in days, only barely seeing each other as Alec went to and from the Institute. He woke up early to leave and returned late. Sometimes he didn't even bother to sleep in bed, and when he did, he didn't touch Magnus. He had tried, a few times. But Magnus would snap at him, squirm away, until Alec got the message.

After finishing, they both leaned against the counter, facing each other.

Magnus breathed out, and Alec heart almost stopped.

"You really did all this for me?"

"Magnus, I love you. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you."

Magnus smiles, a sad smile that tells Alec everything before the words can.

"I know, and that's why I have to leave. I'm not the man you fell in love with Alexander. I have to find out who I am."

Alec flinched as Magnus's hands brushed against his face, turned his eyes away from Magnus's unglamoured ones.

"You can't make everything perfect Alexander. I know how hard you try, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. But I have to go.

Alec's hands find themselves on Magnus's chest, stuck between pulling him closer and pushing him away. He chooses the latter, stepping quietly out of the kitchen, and then out of the front door.

Magnus sniffles, feeling the tears dampen his cheeks as he flops on the couch. He wanted to be with Alec, went through so much to be with Alec, and now he was pushing him away. But he had to, no matter how much it hurt the both of them. It was better than what they had been living with all this time. Magnus couldn't bare to watch himself yell and scream at Alec, hit him, make him cry. He didn't know who he was anymore. He had to find that out if he ever wanted to be with Alec again.