Had it really been almost a year since Edward left me? Did the time of my depression, disbelief, and eventually happiness pass that quickly? These weren't the only thoughts running vividly throughout my mind as I leaned back against the headboard of my bed, feet stretched out infront of me with books stacked on either side. The alarm clock on my bedside table, in bright green numbers, read 12:34am. As I stole a glance towards the time, an on cue yawn passed from my lips inaudibly. Just as this happened, I instinctively rubbed my eyes and snapped shut my U.S. History book, pushing it aside.
Finals were quickly approaching, which also meant graduation was well on its way. I knew what that meant; I had to make my decision quickly enough. Resting my head back against the headboard now, both eyelids drifted shut but sleep didn't claim me. Instead, vivid snapshots of the pain from a year ago came to the screen of blackness. Soon to follow the pain, however, was that relief, happiness, and sanctuary I felt once Edward had convinced me he was here to stay. It wasn't until after these thoughts had diminished to almost nothing that I realized I was smiling broadly. Feeling somewhat foolish for this unknowing act, I opened my eyes and glanced around my room, hearing the soft patter of rain upon my window. Some things just never changed, I supposed. With a sigh, which was soon morphing into a discreet yawn, I gathered my books and placed them carefully on my desk across my room. Then I took a look to the window, over which the curtains had been drawn.
The tree outside of my upstairs window was moving faintly in the breeze, dancing shadows across the lightly faded curtains. Not giving this much thought, I paced the hardwood floor towards the window; my barefeet making the only noise inside the house, save for Charlie's occasional snores. Inwardly, I was hoping to find Edward outside of my window, as I did on most nights. Reaching out, I withdrew the curtain from the window. Much to my dismay, however, there was only the tree branches there to welcome me. I felt my smile begin to fall before I even realized it. My heart sank as realization hit; Edward wasn't here.
Allowing the curtains to fall back to their original stance, I stared down at my barefeet for a minute, mulling over the idea that he wasn't here and I was going to sulk about it. It sounded like a good idea, until I heard a discreet shuffle which was soon followed by an underbreath chuckle from behind me. Even at that little clue that he was really here, my heart soared and that smile returned within seconds. He was here. In a frenzy to see him, I turned around quickly. That was my first mistake. My second was taking a step just as I turned. Being the horribly uncoordinated person that I am, the floor soon was closing in towards me as I tumbled downward. I prepared myself for impact just as I felt Edward's cold arms close around me and lift me upright once again. For this, I was certainly thankful, yet somewhat embarrassed. The latter emotion was proven by the light pink which stained my cheeks almost instantly upon looking at him. As always, Edward flashed that crooked smile which I had come to love so much. With just that little gesture, my heart was hammering in my chest.
"Bella," he tsked,"Did you honestly think I wouldn't stop by?" I felt almost ashamed to admit that I had, but I did it anyways, giving a short nod. His voice was like velvet. And even after all this time, it still took me by surprise.
"You really should have more faith in me than that," he continued, that smile never once faltering from his perfect face.
"I do," I protested,"I just. . . . " Here, I trailed off with uncertainty etching into my voice.
Instantly, Edward picked up on this and that smile spread; his eyes were amused.
Of course, this did nothing to help the faint shade of pink staining my cheeks. The pink only turned a darker, more prominant shade. But I didn't protest, for that was already out of the question.
Before I could even begin to open my mouth and attempt to salvage what I had left of my words, his marble arms wrapped around me tightly and a smile resided onto my lips instead of words. Just like always, my heartbeat was hammering in my chest and I was certain he heard the skipping thuds.
Nothing like that ever seemed to get by Edward anymore, anyways. I had to blink to make sure I wasn't dreaming. No, Edward was there. My guardian angel, my love, my life, and the only meaning in this entire existance that was worth while. And, he wasn't going to go anywhere. I hoped. I had his word, and that was what I trusted most.
"Edward," I paused, whispering as to keep Charlie from hearing us down the hallway. He still wasn't too thrilled with Edward, and only God knows what he would do if he knew about these frequent 'sleepovers'.
Edward didn't have to say anything, though he looked at me and tilted his head to the side ever slightly. I had his attention then, I knew.
And just like that, the words simply flowed without me really having them planned. It was like someone had taken over and I was just watching, standing by and listening.
"I love you." He seemed confused by my sudden words, which hadn't had anything to spark them to be said.
My eyes flickered over him and then back to the quilt, which was neatly beneath my arms lightly.
"I love you. I just want you to know that, and I've really been thinking about a lot of things. Like, graduation coming up. Finals, and everything else that's been weighing on my mind. It's really frustrating, and I'm sorry for saying anything, or nothing, that may be offensive in the future. For future reference." I gave a half-smile in attempt to keep the mood light and not too frustrating on either of us. This was, of course, a very sensitive topic to be discussing.
A shadow of regret flickered into Edward's eyes, and I was sure that they darkened slightly for a moment. This was, indeed, a very tender topic for the both of us, as Edward still wasn't going to easily allow me to be "damned for eternity", as he so cleverly put it many times before. Before I really realized what was happening, his once cheery mood had slowly begun to deteriorate.
I did the first thing I could in a circumstance such as this. Standing on my tiptoes to make our heights even, or close, I pressed my lips briefly to his and then withdrew quickly. Hopefully that was enough to bring his happier spirits back. There was still a shadow of doubt which was blanketing the back of my mind, though it wasn't dominant at the moment.