Just a couple of disclaimers: First and foremost, I do not own any of these characters. Second, every character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will be appearing, even though the game hasn't come out yet. Also in this fic are characters that I would really enjoy seeing, though that does not mean I think they'll be in the game. The Koopalings and Alph will not be featured, and as for any character that has a counterpart of the opposite gender (eg, Wii Fit Trainer, Robin and Villager), only their default will be included. Finally, Samus and Zero Suit Samus are two different people. Same goes for Mario and Dr. Mario, and Zelda and Sheik. Here's a link (no pun intended) to all the characters that will be appearing, besides Master Hand and Crazy Hand. document/d/12sIiI_eZOooBc4Ie1UmidaThc8bvK_A3DtClO1g3nXg/edit?usp=sharing. Now on to the story!
"YOU BETTER LOSE YOURSELF IN THE MUSIC, THE MOMENT, YOU OWN IT…" If you're a fan of Eminem, chances are you recognize those lyrics. If you don't, and you still recognize it, then you probably live in Smash Mansion, where it was permanently implanted into everyone's heads, thanks to a certain, rap-loving nuisance that people can't help but love. "DARK PIT, IF YOU DON'T TURN THE MUSIC DOWN RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!" Lucina was screaming this at the top of her lungs, but to no avail. The music was simply too loud. She would've turned it off herself, but the angel of darkness attacked her any time she tried. Her, Dr. Mario, Lucas, Toon Link, Falco, Young Link, Wolf, Pichu, Waluigi, Ninten and Daisy were all surrounding him in the cafe, covering their ears. (Except for poor Pichu, whose ears are too big for his own good.) "I GOT THIS!" Toon Link shouted as he pulled out his master sword, and pointed it at Dark Pit. While he was doing this, Chell (Remember what I said about characters I would enjoy not equaling characters I'm hoping for? This is what I meant.) used her portal gun to shoot the radio Dark Pit was using out of the mansion. Her, and the rest of the third party characters (plus Shulk if you don't count him,) were sitting down at a nearby table. "About time you did something," said Falco.
Daisy turned to Dark Pit. "Damn, between you, Waluigi, and Wolf, I have no clue why I hang out here."
This prompted Dark Pit, Wolf, and Waluigi to all say in unison, "Because you looooove us." Either they rehearsed that, or they've done it before, but either way, it was cliche as hell, and they knew it. Just then, Ness burst in, followed by Diddy Kong, Wario, Yoshi, Peach, Villager and Bowser Jr. They were all gasping for air, except for Bowser Jr, who has never gotten out of his clown car. "Who… was it… this time?" Diddy Kong asked in between breaths. Everyone in the cafe pointed to Dark Pit, who held his hands up in defense. "Come on! It wasn't THAT loud!" This exclamation was followed up by Mewtwo teleporting into the cafe. "What exactly was I hearing from the kitchen on the other side of the mansion?"
"Ooh boy!" exclaimed Villager. "You've really outdone yourself this time, huh DP?"
This was soon followed up by a "SHUT UP, BITCH!" out of Dark Pit's mouth.
"Okay, good, you fessed up. Can someone inform Master Hand? I've got some business to take care of." What was this business, you ask? Why, it's what he was doing in the kitchen: hanging out with Samus and Lucario! Because of course it is! "So what was it?" Samus asked.
"Dark Pit and his damn music… again."
"Will he ever learn his lesson?" Lucario thought out loud. When Samus was about to say something, the psychic pokemon answered his own question with "No he will not." Why were they in the kitchen? Two people Samus could not stand resided in the mansion, and neither of them would expect them to be in the kitchen. Unfortunately, both of them entered the kitchen anyway, accompanied by Little Mac, Jigglypuff and Greninja. "Hey, girl. Is your name WiFi? 'Cause I'm feeling a connection." came from the voice Samus knew all too well.
Without even turning her head, Samus responded, "Captain Falcon, do you even know what the word 'no' means?"
The other person, who Samus has known and hated for much longer, took this as his time to talk. "No. Adverb. A negative used to express dissent, denial, or refusal, as in response to a question or request." Ridley said, smartassing his two-sense into the conversation.
"Shut the hell up, Ridley"
Elsewhere in the mansion, Fox was in the training room. For ten years, he has been trying to reclaim his throne as the king of smash, but to no avail. Falco walked in. "Hey, man."
"Sup? Hey, you know what that noise was?"
"Yeah, it was Dark Pit."
"Explain no further."
"When will he learn?" wondered Wii Fit Trainer, who was in another part of the training room. She was just finishing up her training session, and left the room. She went into a separate room containing Kirby, Zero Suit Samus, Luigi, Meta Knight, Sheik and Inkling. "Took you long enough!" exclaimed Inkling. "Where were you?"
"Where do you think?" asked Meta Knight.
"Poyo," replied Kirby, who thought the question was for him.
"Okay Kirby, let's go off of YOUR assumption," responded Meta Knight. "What would she be DOING in Dream Land?" This conversation was interrupted by a hysterically laughing Inkling. "What's so funny?" asked Meta Knight, which only made her laugh harder. Wii Fit Trainer realized what it was. "Is it the voice?" Inkling barely managed to nod her head yes because she was laughing so hard. "If only I didn't sound so much like Antonio fricking Banderas," complained Meta Knight. In case you were wondering, this room was a lounge. On the other side of it was Bowser, Donkey Kong, Ganondorf, King Dedede and King K. Rool. "This chair is so damn comfy!" shouted King Dedede out of nowhere. "If only I could bring myself to get out of this chair and clobbah that th-"
"IF YOU SAY WHAT I THINK YOU'RE GONNA SAY, YOU WILL HAVE IT!" Ganondorf screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Says the guy who doesn't know how to fight!"
"If you want to find someone who can't fight, find the goddamn Mii Fighters!"
"You know what?" King Dedede finally got out of his chair. "I will!" With that, he left, not even batting an eye at that there Kirby, and going to search for the Mii Fighters. The fighters in question were in the game room. Mii Brawler and Mii Swordfighter were in the middle of a game of ping-pong, with Mii Gunner keeping score so she can challenge the winner. Next to it were a pool table occupied by the Ice Climbers, a foosball table occupied by Olimar playing a team of Pikmin, an air hockey table occupied by Rosalina and Luma and a Pokemon fighting ring where Pokemon Trainer was about to battle Pit. In the audience, cheering Pit on, were Palutena and Zelda. "Go Squirtle!" Pokemon Trainer called out.
"Go Magikarp!" Pokemon Trainer went into a fit of laughter. The distracted Pokemon Trainer was laughing so hard, in fact, that he didn't even notice Pit switch out his Magikarp for a Venasaur. He silently commanded the Venasaur to use Vine Whip, put it back in it's Pokeball, and left. Palutena left to go celebrate with Pit, and Zelda went to go find Link. When Pokemon Trainer finally stopped laughing and took notice of his fainted Squirtle, he was the only one in the ring.
Speaking of Pokemon, Pikachu was in the arcade with Mario and Link. The trio was sitting around a table acting chill when the entire Fire Emblem crew except Lucina sat down at the table next to them. And Link just HAPPENED to be facing his worst enemy, outside of Ganondorf. He and Marth glared down each other, and looked like two Asians having a staring contest. Eventually, Pikachu broke the staring contest. "Pika pi!" he shouted, greeting Decidueye as he entered the room along with Mr. Game & Watch, R.O.B., Bandana Waddle Dee, and Duck Hunt. Nobody knows how a sentient dog could get stuck to a sentient duck, and to be honest, nobody wants to know, so Duck Hunt was left alone for that matter. However, what did matter, was what came next, as an angry Master Hand was yelling at Dark Pit right next door. "AM I CORRECT THAT THE ENTIRE MANSION HAD TO DEAL WITH YOU PLAYING EMINEM?"
"Yes, sir," said a defeated Dark Pit, who knew that saying anything else would result in him going through hell.
"One month. Hand massages." Just another day in the mansion for you.
Sorry this chapter was so lacking in dialogue, this was just to show what a typical day in the mansion is like. Future chapters will focus on certain fighters. Leave your suggestions in the reviews. Thanks for reading!