"Oh boy!" said Crash as he danced across the plains with a wide smile adorning his goofy gaze.

"Ahoy, lad," said Aku Aku. "Why are you frolicking through the flowers?"

"Today is the best day ever, Dad," said Crash as he ran up to the tiki mask and slammed it over his own face. "World peace is restored!"

Crash then danced more wildly, wearing his father upon his marsupial countenance. He ran into his local Chili's and demanded eleven calzones to be delivered to him by sundown.

"What happens if I deny your request?" asked the clerk.

Crash tore off his mask and his eyes were still inside. He placed two Wumpa Fruit into his empty sockets and stared at everyone with psychotic killing intent. Dramatic opera singing appeared out of nowhere and he pulled out a pistol that fired hardened Wumpa Fruit.

Everyone in the establishment was now Crash's hostage. "I will pick you off one by one because peace must be restored. What an unholy land we live in…"

Tiny was the manager of the Chili's. He entered the room and displayed his wholesome meaty biceps to everyone. Crash ran up and licked Tiny's abs and then used his cheeking powers to destroy half of Canada in less than three seconds.

"Blimey…" said Tiny. He then looked down at his abs. They had melted for he was allergic to Bandicoot saliva.

"I am your new leader," said Crash as he fired his gun into the air. He then got hit by a plane, knocking his shoes off and killing them.

"Oh my buns, my yeezy's are dead, boyo!" cried Crash as Wumpa juice leaked from his ducts because science.

Crash shot the ground and made a hole. He placed his sneakers in the hole and said some beautiful words that were so grand that Morton Koopa Jr. rose from the grave and congratulated Crash for his righteous speech.

"I try my dearest best…" said Crash with soothing tones that escalated his boyfriend material.

Cortex heard about the recent events at Chili's and jumped into his car and drove to Crash's location. "What have you done, vile scum!" yelled Cortex.

"What a horrible thing to call me!" said Crash, offended out of his mind. He tore off his pants, revealing his Omega Tighty Whiteys. He used them to scale the highest mountain and took of the Golden Goose's blessed egg collection. He inserted the eggs into his powerful Australian nasal cavities and fired like a machine gun at Cortex.

Cortex got hit by exactly one egg and died on the spot.

"Oh no, he is dead," said Cortex's fifteen grandchildren and one dog.

"Do you swear allegiance to my hunky self?" asked Crash as he showed everyone his gorgeous mustache on the big screen.

"Yes," replied everyone including you and your friend Kyle.

"My, my," said Crash as he hopped on his skateboard and visited his homeboy Spyro.

"What up, dawg?" asked Spyro and he and Crash did a high five that created a supernova. A new universe was born from the supernova and Crash became its god. He stared down at his alien children and sprayed Wumpa Juice from his mighty deified tears.

"Who are you, overseer?" asked the small green alien named Jorge of the Sharpened Axe.

Crash smiled and thought deeply about his resemblance to Mario Mata-Nui. "I am just a guy with a need for peace, they call me Crash Bandicoot!"

Every green alien subject was astonished by Crash's holy energy. They all exploded due to the intake of Crash's righteousness and Crash dined on their essence. He then got uber ripped and started an elephant-wrangling convention in New York.

Coco was never seen or heard from again.

THE END