It was a night mare, Harry was sure of it. No way in bloody hell was this real.
And what, you may ask, was this nightmare consisting of?
VOLDEMORT. And not just any Voldemort. No, this one was dressed rather oddly in tight skinny jeans, a bright yellow shirt, matching neon green shoes and cape, and a bright patchwork bag (*cough*manpurse*cough*).
"Harry~! Harry~!" Voldemort exclaimed singsongily, bouncing over excitedly and flinging his arm (and manpurse) out. "I have been waiting fo~ever!"
Harry paled. Yeah, just a bad dream, there was NO way this was real. So, since it was just a bad dream, Harry steeled himself, and managing not to squeak, asked hesitantly "Voldemort?"
"Of course~, Harry! Who else could I possibly be? Although I now prefer to go by Puffmort, Dark Lord of SHOPPING~!"
Harry's eyes widened in shock. Puffmort? What in bloody hell was going on? If he wasn't so sure this was a dream, he'd have already killed himself.
"But name change and self-discovery aside, we have much to do and little time to do it, Harry~!"
"Wha-what? What are we doing?"
"Shopping, of course. Your wardrobe is just atrocious!"
Harry barely heard Voldemort's nattering and fun as his eyes rolled back and he fainted dead-away … and woke screaming in his bed.
Ron ripped open the bed hangings, in anxiety. "What's wrong mate?
Harry was rocking back in forth, and Ron thought that his best friend was a bit pale, which understandable after one of his nightmares. "It … it … was … was … torture."
"Bloody hell, mate! What'd'he do?"
Harry continued to rock, muttering nonsensically "Br – Bright c-colors…."
"Mate?" Ron asked, his friends comment making no sense (obviously).
Harry, white as a sheet and eyes bloodshot, turned slowly toward Ron. "He… he… he wanted… to … to go… shopping."
Okay, if you've ever read Harry's Little Army of Psychos, you'll understand the Puffmort thing. And yes this is a complete crackfic whose bunny came to me why I wondered what a puff, or gay, Voldemort would look like. So, no flames only constructive criticism, please.
And yes, I know most real gay wouldn't be caught dead in his outfit, but this is a fanFICTION and I went with my inner stereotype of a flamboyant gay man (and I personally know several gay men who could disprove my stereotype, but hey this is supposed to be funny!)