Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of the Abyss or any of its properties.
Notes: This was written forever ago as a response to a prompt on tumblr. I've finally decided to update this account with something, though, and thought it this was still good enough to make it here.
Accidental Baby Acquisition
"What . . . the Hell."
The God-Generals shared a wing within the Oracle Knight headquarters. The main room of the wing was circular and served as a common area, and branching off from it were doors that led to corridors that led to their individual quarters. It wasn't at all uncommon for them to regroup there, to leave messages for each other on the notice board or to deliver mission reports or gather new mission to details to continue their quest for Van.
That said, the God-Generals themselves and the Commandant were the only ones that had access to their wing. No one else was able to get in or out, and it was for that reason that the baby sitting on the table in the middle of their common area quite frankly baffled them. Asch was the one who had spoken up first, and now he stared at the baby with an expression of horror verging on disgust.
"Does someone want to tell me how that got here?" Sync asked, his voice echoing the disgust on Asch's face as Arietta peered at the baby curiously. The baby gurgled and waved its arms in the air. "Because whoever let it in isn't going to get away with it." He paused before he turned to look at Dist, who—despite being in the common area, which had plenty of places to sit—was still seated in his levitating chair. "Was it you, Dist? Did you replicate this thing?"
The indignation on Dist's face teetered on the edge of rage. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing! I, Dist the Rose, have far more important things to do with my time than waste it on replicating an infant, much less soiling my beautiful hands with the snot and vomit and whatever else babies are so fond of—"
"Okay, so it wasn't Dist," Sync said, and he raised his voice a little to speak over Dist's indignant shriek about being interrupted in the middle of speaking as he folded his arms. "Who was it, then?"
"It sure as Hell wasn't me," Asch said, and he pulled back to sit in a chair against the wall, as if by putting as much distance between himself and the baby as possible, he could lay the least claim to it. "What about you, brat? Did you have anything to do with it?"
"No," Arietta sniffed, and she hugged her doll closer to her chest. "I would never bring a baby here, I'd take it to Mommy. She knows how to care for babies better than I do."
"Well, someone had to have brought it in here, because no one can get in but us." The door opened, then, and as one the gathered group turned to see Legretta stride in, Largo following in behind her. "Oh, perfect timing. Did one of you happen to leave a baby here?"
"A baby?" Legretta blinked, and Sync stepped aside to motion to the infant on the table. Dist, leaning his chin in one hand and irritably tapping the fingers of the other on the armrest of his chair, snorted.
"Yes, a baby. As if we all don't already have enough on our plates without something like this. As if it isn't enough that they stick us with disgusting monikers, they must stick us with this disgusting thing as well."
"I've never seen that baby before in my life," Legretta said, and once again, indignation flared up in Dist at being ignored. Sync followed Asch's example and stepped back from the table.
"As I was saying before you got here, someone had to have brought it in, because no one can get in here besides us and the Commandant. Since I didn't bring it, and you, Asch, Arietta, and Dist all claim not to, that means it was either Largo or the Commandant."
"It wasn't me," Largo said, and Asch raised one arm to let it thump down on the end table beside him.
"Then, what, it was Van? Why the Hell would Van bring a baby in here?"
"If the Commandant did it, then he must have a reason," Legretta said, but she looked nonplussed as the infant on the table started to squirm.
"Maybe he needs us to take care of it?" Arietta offered. "But if that's the case, then I still think we should take it to Mommy. She raised me, she'll do a good job."
"Yeah, she sure did an excellent job raising you," Asch muttered. Arietta turned to give him a sulky pout, but didn't say anything.
"Well, I for one have no desire to touch that thing, let alone raise it," Dist said, and he turned his chair toward his quarters, zipping toward the door before any of them could move to stop him. "I have more important matters to attend to. If the Commandant wants to find a babysitter, then he had better look someplace else."
"I don't think the Commandant has any particular interest in babies, but I'm pretty sure he'd never subject one to the fate of having you as a father," Sync said. Dist nodded, yet then froze, glaring suspiciously at Sync.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're a freak and no kid should have to suffer through being raised by you," Asch said, and Dist leaned forward, fingers gripping the armrests of his chair, eyes shining with fury.
"Why you little—!"
"Whatever the Commandant wills, we can't leave it on our table forever," Legretta said, and Dist sank back in his chair, glowering at Asch. "We need to find something to do with it."
"I could take it to Mommy," Arietta suggested it. "My gryphon friends could help me."
"Yeah, that's a brilliant idea," Asch said. "We'll leave it to the ligers to either get eaten or turned into another you." This time Arietta turned to glare at him fully, both arms dropping to her sides as the hand not holding her doll curled into a fist.
"Stop being so mean, Asch!"
"Legretta, why don't you go contact the Commandant?" Largo suggested, and as the baby started to make unhappy sounds that were sure to turn into wailing if not mollified, Largo made his way to the table. "I can care for the little one until you clear up the situation with him." Legretta nodded.
"That sounds like a sound plan. I'll do just that."
"I'll come with you," Sync said swiftly, seemingly as an excuse to put as much distance between himself and the baby as possible. Legretta said nothing, but instead simply made her way toward the door, and Dist, seeming to recognize that the baby situation was going to be resolved without involving him, retreated to his quarters.
"You sure you want to do that?" Asch asked, making a face as Largo picked the baby up. The baby was engulfed in Largo's large hands, and Asch couldn't help the image that sprang into his mind of Largo closing his fingers into fists and snapping the thing in two. "You might break it if you squeeze it too hard."
"Hmph." The short little laugh was a bit condescending, and Asch scowled as Largo settled down into a chair by the table. Asch was always surprised the table chairs didn't break under his weight. "The baby is not an 'it,' but a 'him,' just as you are, Asch," Largo said. "And I have no intention of squeezing him. Arietta, could you fetch some milk from the fridge, as well as one of the bottles you use to feed the abandoned young monsters you help care for?"
"Huh? Oh . . . of—of course." Arietta darted around the table toward the kitchen, and Asch frowned. He had other things he could be doing. He could be training, maybe he could go get the story from Van himself . . . but before he could help himself, he said:
"Make sure you sterilize it."
"What?" Arietta turned to look at him, her expression lacking comprehension, and Asch rolled his eyes before he pushed himself up from the chair. Largo started singing something softly to the baby that sounded eerily like a lullaby as he tried to calm it.
"I said to sterilize the bottle, idiot. You can't put a bottle in a baby's mouth that a monster was sucking on." Asch took the bottle from Arietta's hands and grabbed a pot for hot water, and Arietta glared at him.
"Monster babies are just as clean as human babies! Why are you always so mean?"
"I'm not mean, you're just stupid," Asch snapped, but before Arietta could say anything, Largo spoke up.
"Arietta isn't stupid, she's merely inexperienced, Asch—as you were once, too, as I recall. Now, both of you settle down and work together. You'll upset the little one with your fighting, and this job will be completed much faster if you spend less time arguing and more time cooperating." With that, Largo returned to singing the lullaby as the baby started fussing, and Asch—feeling disturbed at the sight of Largo, of all people, acting paternal and gentle—cast a low level arte to fill the pot with hot water.