well i did this fanfic because we need more Seras x Capitan stories, i really love the pairing :) so enjoy and review!
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She never felt this way, she never experimented this kind of pain.
It felt like she was empty, her chest was heavy and she felt like a massive cannon had pierced her stomach.
She have been walking into Integra's room when she heard the thoughts of her former master:
"I love her"
She knew that those words weren't for her, but for Integra; and that was making her upset.
All those years and now, when Integra was dying, he finally was declaring his love.
And now after all those years, Seras finally realized that she loved her master.
She thought it was pretty stupid; but why did it hurt so much knowing that alucard loved Integra?
Well, the relationship between alucard and her was always difficult to label.
The master-fledging thing was clear, but beyond that she didn't know what exactly they were. She knew that alucard cared for her (not in the same way as Integra, of course) but it was difficult to know what kind of "love" was. It was that he cared for her in a fatherly way? Or maybe like when you do something pretty and you are very proud of that thing, and you just want to show it to everyone way? Or maybe like in a friendly way?
Well, she was sure about something, he didn't love her in "that" way.
And the worst part was that she came to realize her love for Alucard after he say it to another woman. A woman who was in the brink of death. Sir Integra was dying, she had been diagnosed with lung cancer (I can't imagine why) and she was going to die in less than 2 months.
Her head was a mess; why would alucard confess to Integra when she was about to die? Why not early, when she was younger, beautiful…and most importantly, not with a foot in the grave? Maybe, it was just a trick so she would accept to become a vampire… but, if alucard really loved her, then it would make sense to convert her into a vampire…so they would stay together for the eternity…
Damn! It was hard to accept the reality, they loved each other, and who was her to say otherwise?
She knew it, she knew from the beginning that they liked each other, but she always keep the hope that they would never say anything, after all that love was forbidden. And deep inside her, she ALWAYS knew that she loved alucard; but again she hoped to just get over it.
She knew that the love she had for her master would never be returned, either because he could not love, or because he already loved Integra.
She didn't know what was sadder; her unrequited love, or the fact that Integra was dying. She loved Integra like a big sister, they had spend 30 years together working against the FREAKS and other supernatural creatures. They used to have each other, just the two of them.
Now she was jealous of Alucard, and at the same time of Integra. And at the same time she was furious with Alucard.
Why she was furious? Well, months ago they were on a mission, nothing was out of normal. She was walking past a church when she heard a scream. When she approached she let a gasp scape her lips at the sight in front of her:
It was like she had traveled back in time to 50 years in the past, to that night in cheddar. A boy was held by his neck, by a vampire, and at the entrance of the church was alucard pointing his gun to the vampire (and the boy, who was a human shield).
"Oh my god he's going to shoot that boy!" was the first thing she thought; because well, she had been in the same situation 50 years ago. But then in mere seconds, alucard teleported next to the vampire and shoot him in the head. The boy fell to his knees and was apparently crying; Alucard told him something and then he exit the church.
She was shocked, she always suspected that Alucard could have save her that night in cheddar; but she always keep telling to herself that there was no other option, that he killed her just to save her, because he cared. But now, she couldn't keep lying to herself.
It was a mystery why he converted her, she just could imagine the reasons. But now, it really didn't matter anymore, she was a vampire and long time ago she accepted it, she never rejected it. But now she just keep wondering if Alucard shot her on purpose.
Until one day she decided to confront him.
She asked him, if he shot her on purpose, if it was the only option to kill her just to exterminate the FREAK. And most importantly, why did he turn her?
"Yes, I could have save you… but I didn't…. and I have my reasons as to why I turned you."
"I want to know why" Seras demanded.
"Police girl, do you regret your option?"
Seras lost it. HER option?! It was never her option, it was always his! He took her live on purpose! But why!? Because he was bored!? because he wanted to make Integra jealous?! ….because, maybe, just maybe, he felt something for her?!
"Don't fucking change the subject!" Seras yelled at him.
Seras was thrown in the wall, grabbed by the neck.
"Remember who the master is in here, Seras" he hissed in seras face.
"You are not my master anymore!" Seras yelled as tried to free her neck from his grip.
"But I am still your older, and I don't answer to you!... my reasons will stay with me." he growled so near her face, that their noses almost touched.
With that, he throw her to the door.
Seras got up, defeated. Even if she was burning with hate, she knew that fighting him will be worthless. She was still young, and wasn't a match for him.
Seras opened the door and exit Alucard's chambers, but not without her last words:
"Now I regret it."
And that, that just make her feel worse; she felt angry, depressed, dumb and most importantly betrayed. Since that day she changed.
She just keep daydreaming about the reasons as to why Alucard decided to turn her into a vampire; maybe that's one of the reasons of her new discovered love for Alucard. It was kind of sick if you think about it; the thought of the great Dracula, falling in love with a silly blonde police girl; so he kill her, and then convert her, just to spend the eternity with her.
These thoughts were gone as fast as they came. Maybe he did it just to make Sir Integra jealous, maybe it was just bloodlust, maybe he knew about the upcoming war, maybe, maybe, maybe….
She was tired of thinking, her head was a mess.
So she decided that she couldn't live like this anymore; no more doubts, no more jealousy, no more teasing, no more heartache…. No more nothing.
She will start a new live.
She had no bounds to anyone anymore; sir Integra was almost dead and she was released many years ago from her master. She was a free vampire and a very powerful one (not that she really cared about power).
She was nearing her bedroom when she felt her master presence behind her.
"Yes master?" she speak without turning.
"Sir Integra wishes to speak with you."
And then he was gone.
Seras returned from where she came from, and walked to Sir Integra bedroom.
"You wished to speak with me sir?" Seras say at the moment she enters the room.
Integra looks at her, with a longing look, and then she lets an audibly sigh escape her lips.
"Seras…"
"Yes sir?"
"Please don't call me sir; I am on my deathbed and I wish to speak sincerely to you. No more formalities" she says in a tired voice but with a small playful smile.
Seras can't take it anymore, her mask breaks and can't help the tears in her eyes and the frown in her brows.
"Come here child" Integra says as she pats her left side of the bed.
Seras walks to Integra and sits beside her. Integra looks at her and can't help but to chuckle a little at the picture in front on her. Seras looks so innocent and small, so full of sadness and fear. Integra can't help but to find funny, that this girl may look pure and innocent, but she knew better to be fooled by her innocents looks. she knew that Seras could be a killing machine, a weapon of mass destruction, a wolf in sheep's clothing, you name it. But she also knew that Seras would never be a monster.
Maybe at the beginning she thought about her as a monster (more like a baby lion, because it can be cute now but when they grow up they can break your neck and eat you.) but after the events of Millennium and the 30 years living and working together, she realized that Seras, no matter what, would never be a monster.
And Integra suspected that maybe that's why Alucard turned her; because even if she was one of the most powerful creatures in the world, Seras would never hurt someone without good reason. That unbreakable will about doing the right thing and help the ones who need it, was what intrigued Alucard.
She loved Seras like a sister, or like the child she never had.
Integra took her cheek and cleaned her bloody tears.
"Don't cry, you knew this was inevitable; I'm a human after all."
"But si- … Integra, I-I'm gonna miss you a lot." Seras was now sobbing.
"I know, but I always be with you… you will never be alone."
Then Integra bent forward to hug her. Seras started to cry harder and clung to Integra's clothing.
"Don't die!" Seras cried between sobs, making her sound like a little girl.
Integra started to caress her hair and whisper words of comfort. Moments later Seras was better and began to break the embrace.
Seras looked up to Integra and smiled to her, a sad but beautiful smile. A smile that meant that she was grateful for everything. A smile that meant a goodbye.
"I will never forget you, and I will always be grateful for the love and care you gave me."
Now it was Integra turn to shed some tears.
They hugged again, this time just enjoying each other touch and saying everything but at the same time nothing.
They break apart and Integra notices that the sky is lighter and the stars are fading away.
"Go to rest Seras; and don't cry for me. Grant to this old lady a last wish, and smile."
Seras started to feel the tears forming in her eyes, but she gave to Integra, one last bright smile.
"Goodnight Integra Hellsing."
"Goodnight Seras Victoria."
Seras tried to sleep but she couldn't.
She felt so guilty for feeling jealousy.
After 3 hours, more or less. She decided that it was the right moment to flee. It was early in the morning and Alucard, as well as Integra, were sleeping.
Seras took a back pack and started packing the few things that she had. Her laptop, books, jewelry and a few clothes; surprisingly everything fit in the backpack. It was kind of sad.
"Fifty years in a backpack" Seras thought sourly.
She was tempted to leave a goodbye note; but decided against it. She felt that if she leave something behind they would be able to find her, that, if someone really care about her leaving. The only person that she was sure, cared, was almost dead; and she already said goodbye to her.
And for her master… well she didn't know. She never and would never know about her former master; he was an enigma and she decided that she would not be the person to solve it or even try to understand him. It was so confusing and she felt so pathetic, even after everything she still loved him.
She was angry with him, but at the same time she wanted him, she wanted him to beg her to stay, to tell her that he loved her, that they would spend the eternity together, that all this it was just a misunderstanding…
She need it to stop thinking about that, she need it to leave now.
With one last look and a silent goodbye to her room and coffin, she opened the door and took her leave.