Act 3, Scene 1
Bernie: Come on Matteo. Let's go wikiup. Let's get a wiggle. The sun is up and the Capones are out. And if we see them, we'll get in a fight.
Matteo: You're one of those bimbos that put their bean-shooter on the table when they enter a juice joint, saying that you don't need it, but when he wants a second cup of hooch he pulls his bean-shooter to bump off the guy that brings it to you.
Bernie: Am I so hard-boiled?
Matteo: Come on. You're as hard-boiled as any bird in Chicago.
Bernie: So?
Matteo: If there were 2 bimbos like you, they would both be sleeping with the fishes because they would both try to blip off the other. You'll fight with a bird because he has more hair than you. You'll burn powder just because a bimbo has hazel peepers. You love fighting people. And you try and tell me not to fight!
Bernie: If I really fought that much, I'd be a torpedo.
Matteo: A torpedo? Really?
Enter Tony
Bernie: Ah applesauce! Here come the Capones! Let's scram out!
Matteo: Who cares? I'm not gonna screw.
Tony: Hang back, mugs. I'll beat my gums to those birds. Good day, guys. Can I spit with one of you guys?
Matteo: You wanna talk to one of us? Make it a fight and we gotta deal.
Tony: I'll fight if you give me reason to.
Matteo: Can't you find beef without me razzing you?
Tony: Matteo, I need to jaw with Raphael. I know you drink out of the same bottle as him.
Matteo: Drink out the same bottle? Who do you think we are? Canaries? If we're canaries, then you can expect to hear noise. I'll use my "fiddlestick" to make you a hoofer. Ah, horsefeathers, drink out of the same bottle.
Bernie: We're in a drum. Go wikiup and spill, or take it on the heel and toe. Wise-heads are ranking.
Matteo: Mugs' peepers were meant to get a slant. So let them have a dust.
Enter Raphael.
Tony: I gotta blow. Here comes my cat Raphael
Matteo: He's not your cat. He'll chase you. That's the only way you could call him your egg.
Tony: Raphael, the only thing I call you is a villain.
Raphael: Tony, I have reason to carry a torch for you and for that I will excuse the insult. I'm not a villain; clearly you don't know me.
Tony: That's no excuse for what you've done to me. Pull your gat.
Raphael: Nix on that. I've never done anything to you. I carry a torch for you that you won't understand until you know the reason. Tony Capone – which is like my own monicker – we won't fight.
Matteo: Not fighting a wop? This is a disgrace! A clip of a heater will end this argument. (draws his gun) Tony, you dego. Will you fight?
Tony: What do you want from me?
Matteo: Tony, you big shot. I wanna blip you off! Will you put up your mohaska? Hurry or I'll drill you before you take your's out.
Tony: I'll fight.
Raphael: Matteo! Put your piece away!
Matteo: (to Tony) Come on fella. Plug.
Matteo and Tony fight.
Raphael: (draws his gun) Come on Bernie. Draw your rod. Help stop this fight! Tony, Matteo, the head of the bulls has said no fighting. Break it up!
Raphael comes in between them. Tony shoots Matteo under Raphael's arm. Tony exits.
Matteo: I've got lead poisoning! I'm pooped! Did he take the run-out?
Bernie: Are you zotzed?
Matteo: And how. But it's shallow. Get me a croaker.
Raphael: The dingus can't be that bad.
Matteo: It's not that bad, but it's enough. I think I've been blipped off. Curse you all! I can't believe he could blow one down! Applesauce! Horsefeathers! If you hadn't gotten between us, Raphael, then he couldn't have burned powder! Curse you all!
Raphael: I thought I was saving you!
Matteo: Just let me bunk in some house around here. Curse you! Youse guys have chilled me off! Horsefeathers! Curse you all!
Bernie and Matteo exit.
Raphael: Matteo, my best friend! He was zotzed while trying to protect me from Tony's insults! Oh Isabella, my tomato! Your keenness has made me a weak sister!
Bernie enters
Bernie: Raphael, Raphael! Matteo has croaked!
Raphael: Oh no! The future is gonna be changed with all this that's happened!
Tony enters again.
Bernie: Oh no! Here comes Tony! We betta' scram!
Raphael: I'm so angry! Tony's still kickin' and Matteo is popped. I'm gonna fight ya, now!
Tony: I'm gonna cut you down! You sap!
Tony and Raphael fight, Tony dies!
Bernie: Raphael, beat it! Here comes the head copper. He'll give ya the chair if he finds you here!
Raphael: Applesauce! I'm such a patsy!
Bernie: Whatcha waitin' for? Blow out!
Raphael Exits. The Chief (Prince) and Mrs. Capone enter.
Chief: What's goin' on, here?
Bernie: I'm wise to it all. Tony, here, chilled off Matteo. Raphael tried to stop the fight, but couldn't. Then Tony took the run out, but came back. Raphael bumped off Tony, 'cause he was so angry. Then, Raphael scrammed. There ya have it. Pipe that?
Mrs. Capone: No! Bernie's a Moran, so he's a liar! Oh Tony! Tony, my nephew!
Chief: So, Tony popped Matteo, and Raphael popped Tony. So who'll responsible for my cuz's croakin'?
Bernie: Not Raphael, he's not a wrong number.
Mrs. Capone: Yeah he is! He's chilled off my Tony!
Chief: And how, so for that crime, he's gonna be put in the big house. Savvy? Tell Raphael to snitch himself to me immediately.
Bernie: Yes sir.
They all exit.