15 Years before the events of Madness Combat 1.
The AAHW, the Agency Against Human Warfare, is still amassing immense power; in the world of the shadows, it dominates, using an immense privatized army and massive R&D facilities to oust all black market competition. With its sheer underground power, it manipulates politics, placing favorable officials in both the mayor's office and the White House. Its ongoing battle with the lone opposing faction, which had long ago renamed itself to the Anti-AAHW, remains a clandestine war, covered in black ink and criss-crossed with anti-hacking firewalls. With the aid of the AAHW, the Sheriff has recently been elected mayor of Somewhere-In-Nevada (known as SIN). Despite the recent massive crime rate increases, mysterious kidnappings, and rampant corruption of SIN, two previously-unknown scientists make the most important discovery of the century...
...a discovery that would plunge the nation into chaos:
The Improbability Thesis
Co Authored: [CENSORED] and [CENSORED]
...Improbability is natural.
Everything is naturally random, or inclined towards randomness. When you drop a glass ball on the ground, it shatters, causing shards to scatter in a random distribution. When water comes out a fountain, the globules of liquid splatter in a random distribution. Most famously, when you roll a die or flip a coin, it shows an unpredictable randomness...that is, until now.
Proved and described in extensive detail here (please refer to: appendix [CENSORED]) is the improbability equation. With it, it is possible to find answers to seemingly "random" questions.
For instance, when I roll a 91-sided die, and the weather is sunny, I can predict with 100% accuracy the resulting number. Such is the power of the improbability equation.
The improbability drive is a machine that is capable of performing these calculations on an unprecedented basis. Because randomness is inherent in the random-stable continuum, doing many improbability equations will accordingly cause more randomness in the vicinity, so that nature may maintain an equilibrium of order and entropy. This is because the improbability equation brings the order of mathematics into the disorder of nature, and thus disrupts the balance of the random-stable continuum.
However, the improbability drive can manipulate objects by eliminating all possibilities of randomness except one for a certain item. For instance, if I wanted to move a rock south, the drive eliminates the possibility of it levitating into the air, or the possibility of it turning into a caterpillar. The sheer volume of equations done by the drive is immense; it may cause irreparable repercussions to its surrounding environment.
Therefore, as a resolution, we are proposing active usage and testing of the Improbability drive MK-1 to discern the possible consequences of large-scale use of the improbability drive. To do so, we would require a considerable amount of funding, well-trained (and well-equipped) safety personnel, a 30 kiloton nuclear fail-safe with a manual detonator, and a 100-sided die...
[Files continued on attached data; please reference.]
Analysis: Excellent proposal, men. I will retain this for additional study. Rendezvous with the scientists of the reincarnation department at area code [ATTACHED: LOCATION ENCRYPTED] to possibly ascertain better results. Your packages will be waiting there. Permission to proceed has been GRANTED.
I anxiously await your good news. Sincerely,
Sheriff
PS: Should this information be leaked to ones unaware of the circumstances, you both will be sent to a re-education center.
I
"...and that's the letter!" Alva leaned back on his swivel chair, tossing the papers in the air like so many pieces of confetti. "Who hoo! We got the money! Purple Pillow Party! I own you, JC! I own SIN! I own the universe! YAHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAA-"
"It is ready. And you are high on cocaine again." Christoff wiped the sweat from his brow as he slid the last piece in place with a satisfying click, completely ignoring his partner's antics. They were excusable, considering that Alva was the most intelligent druggie on the planet.
"HAA-Sure! He hee hee! Cool! You can has ze honors, monsieur! I, on the other hand, must, must, must fix the lack of hippopotamuses in this room! Ha haa! Also! Can't you use contractions?"
"...The honors? Of what? And furthermore, what are contractions?"
Alva spun in his chair, gesticulating frantically. "Geez! The honors of turnin' on the damn thing. What else? And contractions ar..."
Christoff raised his hand, cutting off Alva's explanation. One hundred and ninety centimeters of man-smiting bad-assitude rose as Christoff stood and stood square to Alva, who was puny by comparison. Alva, despite remembering the many times that Christoff had to fight off hired thugs and professional hit-men, seemed to not give a shit. But then again, Alva was high.
Christoff tightened his deceptively strong grasp on Alva's shoulder, his face and voice portraying little more than cold, cold steel. "You have read the papers. You know that all objects in the vicinity may become extremely unusu..."
"Unusual? What the hell about this world isn't unusual in the first place! Eh?" Alva grinned a three-inch grin, and sneezed, skewing his square spectacles as white powder billowed from his right nostril. He shrugged off Christoff's grasp and fanatically pounced at the power-on button.
"NO! We are supposed to take the drive to the designated coordinates!"
But, of course, it was too late. Christoff, sensing the inevitable was to occur, dove behind a desk
"Not knowing! That's the best part, JC! Let it rrrrip! HYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Jebidah Christoff covered his head, and more importantly, his ears, as Alva slammed the button with a white-knuckled fist.
"..."
"Get up."
"...ooog..."
Alva curled up into a fetal ball. The ground was cold.
"Get up. Now."
"Yeah. I know. Shit happened. Sorry. Now leave me alone. Mmgh."
"No. There are other issues."
"Yeah. I can tell without even looking that my dealers are here. Take care of them, please."
"No. Not dealers."
Alva raised his eyebrows as he finally opened his eyes. They were at the outskirts of SIN; three armed men in monochrome gray uniforms to his right; helicopters circled something in the distance. It seemed that an immense marshmallow had fallen out of the sky and demolished a local fast-food place.
"Alva. The drive is secure, but these men are here to apprehend us for disobeying the Sheriff."
Alva closed one eye and stole a quick glance at them before plopping back onto the ground.
"They are the drug dealers, here for some debt from five years ago. They took advantage of the chaos and looted the bodies of some of the Sheriff's grunts, which is why their concealed personal defense weapons do not match standard issue for the grunts. The stocky guy has the Sheriff's letter: it's sticking out of his back pocket. That's how they know the Sheriff's plans. Oh, and the dude in the middle scratched his name onto his wristwatch band. Hello again, Johnny. Take care of them, JC. I gotta sleep the last high off."
"Is this true?" Christoff's glare pierced through "Johnny's" skull and began to bore into the man adjacent to him, who began to uncontrollably shiver.
Johnny hesitated for a second before he snapped the rifle to his shoulder. "Alright! Fine! Act's up, boys! Gimme the drive or shit's gonna get messy."
Christoff gazed pointedly at the gun barrels pointed towards him. "I will take you to to the drive. Follow me please."
As Christoff spun around, he tripped on what seemed to be his shoelace and toppled over, seizing the stocky henchman by the shoulders to maintain his balance.
Alva grinned as he heard the scuffle, knowing well that Christoff had never accidentally tripped and fallen before.
Accidentally, that is.
"Shove off!" The henchman shouted, kneeing Christoff in the stomach.
"Apologies." Christoff grinned eerily, even though his eyes watered with pain. He made an almost imperceptible motion with his free hand.
The henchman appraised Johnny as he dusted off his shirt. "D'ya think he's really gonta give us the package?"
"Ya see here, Larry: Unless he's some goddamn magician, it don't matter if he wants ta give or not. I got the gun. You got the muscle. Lars gots the brains. Nuthin' he can do 'bout us. Jus' watch the crackpot and guard the Sheriff's letter."
Larry seemed satisfied with the answer. He stayed and watched Christoff led his companions away.
He smirked confidently. Another easy job: Johnny was easily the most efficient man the cartel had, or at least the most accurate. That "Christoff" man was so clumsy that he had tripped on a shoelace. There was no way he best the boss.
Larry yawned and instinctively reached for his sidearm...
which was when he suddenly realized what had happened.
"Let me disarm the failsafes so that the machine does not destroy everything in a five-meter radius upon activation," Christoff stated without emotion, as he opened up one of the panels on the black box started to place components on the ground. Johnny's henchman involuntarily backed off to a safe distance.
"Eh? Whaddoes that mean? What the hell he's doin', Lars?" Johnny counted the rounds in his rifle clip before slapping it back in. Christoff removed a large monitor and carefully laid it against the car's doors.
The henchman cracked his knuckles. "Well, Johnny, seem's he's getting it prepped or some'tin. Ya might wanna back up a bit. Keep yer eyes on 'im, our sources'll pay good for that hunk a' junk in his car. Hey! Christoff, right? No funny business, understand?"
No response.
Johnny nodded and walked to join his henchman, where they soon struck up a conversation about some raid they had done several years ago.
Christoff spun on his right heel, holding a chalky white block of what looked like play-doh.
"Catch."
Johnny fumbled his rifle for an instant as the block flew towards him, an opening for Christoff to press a button ... and whip out a non-regulation Walther PPK he had swiped from Larry.
Lars sputtered. "Shit! Johnny, that's a block o-"
"Funny business?" Christoff grimaced as he shot a surprised Lars in his center of mass. The shell casing flew out from the smoking chamber as the gun kicked in his hand.
"This is not funny business." Bang. A shell casing clinked to the ground. "This is Science!" Bang. A shell casing clinked to the ground."This is NATURAL SELECTION!"
Bang.
Christoff back-flipped over his SUV, taking a briefcase with him. Johnny came to his senses, brought the gun to his shoulder, and prepared to fire ... until he caught what was displayed on the screen of monitor:
executing file : failsafe_self_ destruct . exe...
Johnny finally deduced what exactly that block was. He immediately stumbled back in sheer, unadulterated terror. "AHHFUC-"
A shell casing clinked to the ground.
Christoff huddled on the other side of his car just as the C4 violently detonated. Pieces of meat and metal pinged off the car as Christoff opened up the briefcase and visually confirmed that the drive was in working condition.
Larry skidded to a halt as Christoff stood and came around the car. Bellowing an incomprehensible war cry, he charged forward, one fist raised. Larry's well-muscled biceps tightened as he threw forth a fist that could dent steel.
Christoff stepped aside, but slightly too late: Larry's index finger glanced off his shoulder, slamming it with a sickening crunch. Christoff grunted with pain, but shrugged it off and retaliated with swift thrust kick to Larry's solar plexus.
Larry staggered back a single step, off balance from his massive attack and Christoff's counter. Christoff wasted no time in seizing Larry's extended arm. Swiftly positioning himself so that Larry's arm rested on his good shoulder, Christoff elbowed Larry in the abdomen as he wrenched the arm downwards, bending the elbow in the wrong direction...and more importantly, using Larry's arm as a lever to lever to throw him towards the ground at bone-shattering speed. His left hand darted out while Larry was midair, snatching the Sheriff's letter from his pocket.
Larry smashed into the hood of Christoff's SUV, agitating a cloud of dust motes that, until then, had been peacefully drifting ... and splattering blood over the windshield.
JC turned about-face to observe his handiwork, a slight frown on his well-worn and hardened features.
"Looks like it is time to get a new paint job," Christoff muttered as he briskly stepped away. The setting sun glimmered in the pool of red, which dripped off the side of the blue SUV...
Alva was in the exact same posture that Christoff had found him.
"So. How was it, bud?"
Christoff grimaced. "Our automotive was damaged, and along with it, many auxiliary accessories. I saved the ancillary processor in the briefcase."
Alva sat up and rubbed his eyes.
"Nice gun swipe, dude. Almost didn't notice. I see that you got the letter. Cool. Dunno about you, but reeducation centers suck."
His eyes imperceptibly flitted over Christoff from head to toe. Christoff knew that Alva was performing a perfunctory scan for potential injuries; despite his reckless demeanor, Alva still had some slight notions of concern. Well, 50% of the time.
"Beating up three experienced thugs, and only dislocating your left shoulder? Impressive. Can I ask ya where you learnt to fight like that?"
Christoff realized that in their two years of collaboration, Alva had learnt close to nothing about him, and Christoff had learnt close to everything about Alva. Except, of course, Alva's real name.
Christoff sighed. Well, a few secrets told could never hurt.
But business first.
"I will tell you all that you want to know on the drive to the coordinates the Sheriff gave us. Therefore, get off your lazy ass and on your goddamn feet."
"Love ya too, motherfucker," Alva groaned as he peeled himself off the ground, gravel sticking to his unkempt labcoat.
A/N:
Thus begins the great journey (Halo reference w00t)!
If you enjoyed this chapter, or heck, even if you hated this chapter, please leave me a review and tell me what I need to improve on!
Thanks for suffering through my writing, and I hope you stick around for the ride.
-AMaxima