Title: The Price of Utopia
Summary: Four years after the collapse of the walls around No. 6 Nezumi returns, but it isn't the reunion he was expecting.
Note: I'm sorry, I had to! Also, I was thinking about extending this but for now I think I'll just leave it as a one shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own No. 6.
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No. 6, on the whole, didn't look all that different when Nezumi finally returned. On the outside. The infrastructure looked the same, the roads and the buildings, the people going about their business in the same manner. But the fact that he hadn't been stopped while entering, that he had been allowed to enter at all, spoke volumes. Still, he felt uneasy, watching constantly for someone to give a shout and run at him. No one did. A few even smiled in a kind manner.
The one major change that Nezumi noticed on the inside was the absence of the Moondrop. That ugly building that marred the landscape was gone, in its place a new town hall stood proudly. Nezumi smiled at that, imagining that the removal of the blister on the city must have been thanks to Shion. While he couldn't help but dislike the built up area of the city centre, even Nezumi had to admit that the new building was an improvement. People on the whole seemed to mill around the building and the park area that surrounded it. Nezumi, too, found himself drawn to the building on his arrival.
The park surrounding the building was nice, not too crowded at this time. He checked the time, seeing that it was mid-afternoon. There wasn't much longer before schools would let out, and people would head home from their jobs. Nezumi turned away from the town hall and headed toward the Lost Town. It took a while for him to reach the area of No. 6 that he was aiming for, but when he did he located the small street he needed quickly.
At the sight of the sign that read KARAN BAKERY, Nezumi paused. He stared at the sign for a long moment, feeling a nervous shiver run through him. His thoughts were racing and his hands were shaking ever so slightly. He had no idea what to expect from Shion. Hate, most likely. He'd spent a lot of time imagining how Shion would react to his return, but the most common conclusion was hate. Hatred toward Nezumi for leaving, for dragging him into the mess at the correctional facility, for ruining his life eight years ago when he entered Shion's room through the open window. There were so many reasons that Shion could, and probably would, hate him.
But even worse was the possibility that Shion would be happy to see him. Nezumi had allowed guilt to eat at him these past years, but it had been coupled with the idea that Shion would hate him. But if Shion forgave him, if he welcomed him with open arms... Nezumi wasn't sure what he would do in that situation.
"No point standing here wondering," he whispered to himself. "Let's go find out."
Upon opening the door Nezumi recognised the woman that could only be Karan immediately. She was standing at the counter talking to a young girl, but she turned to face him almost immediately with a smile.
"Hi, how are you? Is there anything I can help you with?"
Her smile was kind, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. She looked tired and worn out, yet she smiled. Just like Shion always would.
"I... uh..." Nezumi glanced around the small store. He glanced toward the girl for a moment before he looked back at Karan. "You're Karan right?"
"Yes, that's me." She frowned. She stepped forward, crossing in front of the girl in a protective stance.
"I'm Nezumi."
There a moment of silence, of comprehension, and then the woman's face crumpled.
"Nezumi," she said, more to herself than to him. "Oh, Nezumi. I'm sorry, I..."
"It's fine," Nezumi assured. She looked as though she were about to collapse. He hurried forward to support her. "I know, I've been gone a long time. It's good to finally meet you in person, though."
Karan stared at him, something unrecognisable in her face. "I- It's nice to meet you, too. You're here to see Shion?"
Nezumi nodded. "I've been away for so long, it'll be good to see him again."
Karan's mouth opened to form a small 'o' and her breath seemed to pause. After a moment of simply staring at him she finally managed to speak. "You don't know," she breathed.
"Don't know what?"
But Karan didn't answer. From the counter she grabbed a notepad and a pen. She wrote something on the paper, ripped it off, folded it and handed it to Nezumi. "You can find him there," she explained. "Oh Nezumi, I'm so sorry."
She's sorry? Why did she keep saying that? Was Shion married or something? Or had he moved away? Nezumi bid Karan farewell, promising he would see her again, and left the small bakery. Once outside in the street, he unfolded the paper.
It was an address. Not too far away, actually. He headed in that direction immediately. The nerves that he had felt before entering the bakery were returning now, now that he was so close to finally seeing Shion again. He was almost running when he finally found the street, the image of a sixteen year old Shion in his mind. Nezumi turned up the street.
He was so focused on the numbers that when he came across it, nothing even registered in his mind. A jolt of 'this is it' was followed by a sudden, gut wrenching panic. A graveyard. He double-checked the paper. No, it was definitely here. Karan had definitely told him to go to this cemetery. A cemetery. The idea of Shion being dead hadn't crossed his mind - he figured that it should have, but after the downfall of No. 6 and the collapse of the wall, Nezumi didn't consider that Shion would have died so soon.
Nezumi made his way slowly through the too-large graveyard. It had to have been constructed sometime in the last four years, since the authorities of No. 6 previous to that would have never used the space for such a thing. For such a short time there were definitely too many stones. Still, he was thankful it took him so long to find it. He had braced himself as he walked, but nothing could really prepare him.
It was a black marble stone. A bouquet of flowers lie on the ground before it. And a framed photograph. It was of a younger Shion, somewhere between the first and second time they had met, smiling at the camera. Nezumi found himself sinking to sit before it, staring at the face in that photo. Beside it was a small wooden cross, buried in the ground. Across the front it simply had the word Cravat. The sight of such a small thing was what finally broke him. Just like Hamlet and Tsukiyo... and Shion.
Nezumi found himself trying to swallow sobs. His chest ached with the effort of it. His stomach was in knots. His teeth felt as though they would grind down to nothing. Tears were leaking from his eyes, no matter how hard he tried to stop them. "Shion." The word broke through and he couldn't hold back the sobs anymore. He leaned forward on the ground, fingers digging into the dirt before him as he clenched his hand into a fist. He beat on the ground, dirt spraying. He could feel the tears dripping off his nose.
"No, Shion, I..." He took a few deep breaths, trying to get himself under control. "I don't- know. I don't know what to do. Shion..."
The was no answer. Nezumi found himself overcome again.
Nezumi sat at that stone as the sun slowly set and darkness descended. The city was still lit up during the night, as it always had been, but the light didn't reach him where he sat. The ground below him grew cold. The tears on his face dried. His reserves had been emptied. He sat with his palms flat against the ground, as though it would somehow make him closer to Shion.
As the night went on, and became the early hours of the morning, Nezumi found himself drifting off on Shion's grave. He was numb now, but he managed to move his limbs to lie down. He shifted so that the photo of Shion was right before his face, still smiling. Nezumi smiled in return as he felt himself drift off.
It could have only been a few hours later that he woke. The sun was only just starting to rise, orange leaking across the still-dark sky. He was damp and shivering uncontrollably, teeth chattering painfully together. Nezumi took a little while to sit up, and even longer to stand. Then he looked down at that photo once again.
"I'll be back," he promised. "And this time you won't have to wait four years."
With nowhere else to go Nezumi headed back to Karan's Bakery. He figured he could try to find Inukashi later, or even Rikiga, but for now all he wanted was to see Karan. It only took him little while to reach the bakery. It was closed but inside he could see that the lights were on - Karan was up early to bake her goods for the day. He hesitated for a moment before knocking loudly.
Karan took a few moments to emerge from the back of the store. As soon as she saw him through the window she rushed around the counter.
"Oh Nezumi, you look like you're freezing!" She ushered him inside and straight up the stairs to the living quarters. "You need to have a shower right away. I have some clothes that should fit you - they were Shion's but he had a few things that should fit." She pushed him through the door of the bathroom and immediately started rummaging in cupboards. "Just use anything that you want to. Here's a clean towel," she placed it on the lid of the toilet. "I'll sit the clothes just outside the door for you. Whenever you're read just come down to the bakery and I'll get you something to eat." And then she left, closing the door behind her.
Nezumi moved slowly but mechanically, washing himself over with robotic movements. After his shower he found the clothes outside the door, just as Karan had said. He pulled them on and then somehow managed to locate a hair brush. He brushed his hair quickly and pulled it back again. He didn't have a toothbrush but he managed to find some mouth wash so he used a bit of that too. Leaving his clothes in a pile in the corner, Nezumi headed back downstairs.
As soon as she saw him Karan smiled. She handed him a muffin. "I made some hot chocolate. Would you like some?"
Nezumi stared at her for a moment, remembering the first cup he'd had with Shion on the night that they'd met. The memory brought a small smile to his face.
"I'll take that as a yes," Karan said. She placed a mug before him while he picked at the muffin.
Then she settled herself across from him, a mug of her own before her. She rested her elbows on the table, chin on her hands and watched him. "Listen, Nezumi, I know this is hard for you to take in. I'm sorry for sending you there yesterday without any warning. I guess I just didn't know what to do when you said who you were, it just brought it all back and I didn't react the way I should have. I didn't want to-"
"How?" Nezumi only managed a whisper.
"Sorry, what was that?" Karan strained to hear him.
"How?" Nezumi repeated, this time much louder. "How did it happen? When did it happen?" Why did it happen?
Karan sat back. "It was less than a year after he got back," she began. "There was a lot of hate around then - there were still a lot of people loyal to No. 6 and they hated all the changes that were being brought in with the collapse of the wall. Shion was fantastic," she smiled at the memory. "He was so busy, trying to help everyone, trying to improve the city. A lot of people looked up to him you know." She paused, watching Nezumi for a reaction. He only sat and stared at the liquid in the mug on the table in front of him. "They got him on the way home. There were six of them." She was having trouble forming words now. Her voice was cracking. "He didn't stand a chance against six."
When Nezumi glanced up he saw that she was crying openly. He found himself starting to tear up again, a lump forming in his throat. The sight and smell of the muffin in his hands made him sick. He set it down, as far out of reach as possible. Sobs were building in his chest again. He closed his eyes, trying to block it all out.
Warm arms enveloped him. Nezumi's eyes snapped open as Karan hugged him tightly, her tears falling on his already damp hair. Nezumi found himself responding, burying his face in her shoulder as he sobbed once again. He could feel the rapidly growing wetness on his face, and on Karan's blouse, but he couldn't do anything to stop himself.
After several minutes they had both tired themselves out and Karan pulled away. She wiped at her eyes, giving him a watery smile. "I really have to open the bakery," she explained. "You can go back upstairs if you like. Feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen. And get some rest. I haven't packed Shion's room up so that's free, and if that's too much there is a sofa up there as well."
Nezumi nodded and stood, heading up the stairs as Karan watched. Once he was alone in the apartment he quickly located Shion's old room. The first thing he noticed was the books. It seemed in the few months that Shion had been back here, he had collected as many of the classics as possible. He had a bookshelf overflowing with them, and several on his desk. Some were new, but others looked well worn. On the table beside the neatly made bed was a copy of Hamlet, the pages slightly tattered and dog eared. It was a familiar book, one that Nezumi had seen a million times. Shion must have made time to go back to the West Block, or what was left of it, to get this book and possibly many of the others. It was dirty and warn but it was the exact book.
It made Nezumi picture his home in the west block. He hadn't been back there. He didn't even know how much of it was still there. Still, he found himself wondering if he should go back. Maybe that was the only place he could live. He certainly couldn't stay in No. 6 now. He had no reason to. He didn't know where he could go now.
Nezumi didn't take his eyes off Hamlet as he crawled into the neatly made bed, one that smelled slightly of dust and linen but not of Shion. He was still staring at the spine of that book when he drifted off to sleep.