She doesn't know what it is about that specific moment.
Maybe it's the way Johanna looks as she gives her the gift. The way the light catches her dark eyes. The weak smile that tugs at her lips.
She can't help but think back to Gale, helpless and wounded from the whipping on her mother's table. The tears that fallen freely down his cheeks as they stood together in the Victor's Village of district 12. Of Peeta in the cave.
And now Johanna, back in hospital, frail and wide-eyed. There's something so devastating about her, different from Gale and Peeta. It was strangely heart-wrenching to see Gale, big, strong and burly Gale hurt, to see Peeta, good, gentle, kind Peeta suffer so much from the first of many attempts to save her life. There was something different about Johanna. No snark, no insults just fear. Terror. Hesitation.
She remembers Johanna's words in the arena. No family, no friends, no lover. Nobody left that she cared about. Nobody to kiss away her tears. Her mind wanders briefly to the may kisses she shared with Peeta. Of how guilty she felt because of Gale. And how the feel of Gale's lips against her own did nothing but fuel more guilt.
Suddenly, she feels an overwhelming wave of shame; shame that she has a Gale, a mother, a Prim, a Peeta. Or did.
Without another thought, she pushes forward and presses her lips softly to Johanna's. Her first thought is that Johanna's lips are softer than she ever thought imaginable. She didn't think it was possible that someone could have a gentler kiss than Peeta, whose kisses were laced with longing and love. And technically, Johanna's not even kissing her back, Katniss guesses she's a little surprised, if the tiny murmur lost between their lips was any indication. It doesn't stop her from savoring another few seconds pressed against Johanna's soft skin before she pulls away.
Dread fills her almost instantly, because based on the little she does know about Johanna, she's pretty sure she's about to get slapped across the face. But Johanna doesn't move, just sort of stares at her unswervingly which has Katniss' palms sweating in the increasingly uncomfortable situation.
"I-I'm sorry" She manages to blurt out quickly, almost falling flat on her back as she trips over the chair next to Johanna's bed.
Johanna just stares.
Katniss glances around the room nervously, and contemplates calling out to someone, anyone
Katniss is seriously considering making a run for the exit when Johanna speaks, her voice rough, "Why did you do that?"
Katniss doesn't think she could have answered if she knew herself, and so instead offers a meek shrug. Johanna frowns, "Why did you kiss me?" She asks with a little more force, sitting herself up. All trace of weakness is lost, her eyes full of confusion and anger. Katniss wishes back the fear.
The door isn't that far, Katniss reasons, maybe if she runs she can make it back to her compartment and Johanna will forget the whole thing...
"Try and leave and I will tackle you to the ground," Johanna says flatly, her voice low, "Why did you kiss me?"
With a desperate glance to the door Katniss realizes that this isn't like kissing Gale or Peeta. That Johanna won't let her get away with not giving an explanation for her motives like they will.
In despair, her mind flickers to the possibility of telling Johanna it was a kiss between friends. Like she would kiss Finnick or Delly, even. She immediately bats away the cruel thought that Johanna wouldn't know the behavior between friends now anyway.
"Felt like it" She finally asserts lamely, with an uncertain defiance. Oh great. Johanna's definitely going to hit her now.
Something flickers through Johanna's face that she doesn't quite recognize. But it's nothing close to anger or annoyance so Katniss holds her breath in hope that Johanna will laugh it off. Johanna stares at her again, her dark eyes piercing, "Do it again" She demands.
What?
She stares at Johanna blankly, wondering if she misheard her. Maybe Johanna had decided to take a really long pause before she finished it off with 'and I'll kill you'
She blinks and waits a couple of beats before Johanna speaks again, "Do it again," She reasserts impatiently, "Don't make me come over there, brainless"
Katniss moves forward, her hands trembling. She braces a hand on the bed and leans in, mind in a daze. She stops just short of Johanna's lips and glances up at her warily.
"What?" Johanna huffs impatiently, her eyes flickering over Katniss' lips, "Are you going to kiss me again or are you going to stand there and think about it?" Infuriating Katniss is what Johanna seems to do best, Katniss stares her down, fire behind her eyes and all but lunges forward, capturing Johanna's lips in a heated kiss.
Kissing is Johanna is better when she reciprocates, Katniss thinks as Johanna's hands slink around her neck. In fact, kissing Johanna may be better than kissing anyone in the world. Johanna's lips, soft and full press against hers eagerly, a tongue slipping into her mouth. Her head reels as Johanna's tongue meets hers and curls her fingers along Johanna's cheeks. Forget Coin. Forget Snow. Forget the war. She could kiss Johanna forever.
Johanna is the one to pull away first, panting against Katniss' cheek. She stills and keeps her hands on the back of Katniss' neck, only pulling back slightly.
Katniss takes in her flushed cheeks and swollen lips and feels a rush of giddiness. She did that. Johanna's silent for a few seconds, eyes darkening slightly as if she's contemplating something. She pulls back suddenly, "Making the rounds?" She asks, a bitter smile tugging at her lips, "Who are you off to kiss next? Finnick?"
Katniss frowns, "Of course not,"
Johanna untangles herself from Katniss, moving over to the furthermost side of the bed from Katniss, "Right, sorry. You only kiss Gale. And Peeta. And me"
A sharp sting courses through Katniss at Johanna's words. A bubble of anger floats to the surface, "Oh, you too now?" She snaps, standing. She got enough of this, already. They all wanted something from her, something none of them seemed to understand she couldn't give, "Fine. Sorry I kissed you. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Johanna bites her lip, glancing up at Katniss, "No," She says shortly, "I'd rather you be sorry you kissed them"
Katniss says nothing, but stares at Johanna for a few moments. Without a word, she turns on her heel and walks out, leaving Johanna by herself. She doesn't have time for this. Not for Peeta, not for Gale and certainly not for Johanna.
She leaves feeling worse than she did going in.