OKAY. SO. I DON'T OWN 'HARRY POTTER' AND THIS IS PURELY FAN STUFF. OBVIOUSLY.
I needed to write some shameless self-insert fic and this is the result. Based on the wacky adventures of my friends and I at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We're maybe 7th or 6th years, I don't know. Up to you. Kind of alternate reality? It's just the weird head!canon version of events since Cedric is still alive (I guess we'd be 6th year students in that case.)
Pouring myself another glass of pumpkin juice I listened intently to the conversation going on today at breakfast between my friends at the Hufflepuff table. Tasha and class hunk, Cedric Diggory, were in a heated debate over the upcoming Quidditch match between our house and Slytherin. While most of the girls swooned at the very thought of Diggory, I didn't see much in him. He was a great student and amazing Quidditch player, but my affections lay elsewhere. Tasha was gaga for him.
"I'm telling you, Cedric, you need to watch for Malfoy. He's ruthless! Slytherin and Gryffindor always aim to go against each other at the end of the year. This time, it's going to be Hufflepuff in the running for House Cup." Tasha said, pounding her fist on the table, knocking over a glass and spilling its contents all over the plate of scrambled eggs. Someone nearby groaned and complained about wanting more of those.
"Well, unless you suggest I cheat -"
"No, not cheat. Just play dirty!"
"Sometimes I wonder if you'd be better off in Slytherin yourself, Natasha…."
"Oh, bite me. Just watch out and make sure we end up in the finals! I don't want to be cheering for another house." She rose from the table, grabbed her book bag and as she left, shouted over her shoulder at me, "Catch you in Charms later!"
I was in the middle of eating a blueberry muffin when I made eye contact with Trinity over at Ravenclaw table. Behind her, at Slytherin, Kayla and Whitny were dancing in their seats and making Draco Malfoy very uncomfortable. Trinity rolled her eyes and then made a face that caused me to spray my food all over the table, ruining another plate of scrambled eggs and a stack of toast. More groans of complaint. Trinity motioned for me to come over and I quickly inhaled the rest of the muffin and jumped up from the table. Dodging the people who refused to look before they stood up and those standing around taking up space, I made my way to Ravenclaw and, ignoring the disapproving looks, sat down next to my best friend.
"Did you read the Prophet today?" she asked immediately, unfolding the paper and pushing it under my nose.
"No, I don't read the paper… why? Did someone die?" I asked, taking it from her and skimming over the front page where an unflattering picture of Headmaster Dumbledore in a speedo greeted my eyes. "OH SWEET BABY JESUS. I need this on my wall! Can I cut it out?"
"No, get your own. And that's not what I was talking about. Right there is…" Trin pointed to an article in the corner. The headline said, 'BLACK; DEAD OR ALIVE?' and talked about the mystery of Sirius Black and his whereabouts. There were rumors that after his escape from Azkaban he died somewhere (the only problem being that there was no body to prove it.) Little did they know he was safely in my dorm room. "Don't you have to feed him?"
"Oh snap, right. Yeah. Thanks! I'll see you later, okay?" I said, hopping up and skipping back to Hufflepuff table. I piled a plate high with eggs, toast, sausages (which people thought strange, as I was a vegetarian) and something I think was supposed to be waffles but looked like the waffle machine had gone haywire during the making of them. They could have just been soaked in pumpkin juice, though. Slinging my book bag over my shoulder I said bye to the people I had been sitting around, waved at my younger sister at the Gryffindor table next to me (she ignored me completely, which was normal) and hurried out of the Great Hall before someone could stop me.
The corridors were pretty empty this early, with everyone still stuffing their faces, and I only had a few people I had to give half-hearted explanations to as I made my way to kitchen corridor. The entrance to the Hufflepuff Basement, hidden behind a stack of barrels which I quickly, while balancing the plate of foot, tapped out 'Helga Hufflepuff' on the second from the bottom and middle of the second row. I smelled vinegar and looked to see a first year crying in a corner, complaining that they had no rhythm and they'd never get back into the common room. In a hurry, I decided I'd maybe deal with the kid later. I had a dog to take care of.
Crawling through the passageway was difficult, but I managed it and ran through the common room, down the tunnel toward the girls' dormitory and burst into my dorm. Good, no one was here. I set the plate down and got down on my hands and knees, "C'mere Snuffles… where are yoooou?" I checked under my bed and the others. As I was getting up from looking under Hannah's, she came in. We locked eyes. She glared. I smiled.
"What are you doing? Looking for that awful dog of yours? I finally informed Madame Sprout. You know that dogs are not acceptable pets to have here." Hannah Abbott, my arch nemesis just for the fact that she and I shared a last name (we were not related and made sure everyone at Hogwarts knew that), had ratted me out. She would not escape this dorm room unscathed. "W-what are you doing, Abbott? Get away from me! Augh! No, not my-!"
...
Several minutes later, I left the dorm room, closing the door behind me and heaving a sigh. I checked my watch and with only five minutes till Charms, I knew I'd have to find a way to get Snuffles back later. As quick as my little legs could take me, I made it to Charms class just seconds before the bell sounded. Charms with Slytherin today, I noted and took my seat next to Kayla and Tasha. Whitny was perched next to Blaise Zabini (or Blaise Zucchini, as I thought his name was the first time I met him. The name stuck, much to his annoyance.) Malfoy and the rest of his gang were scattered all around them and when I smiled in their direction, Malfoy must have thought I was smiling at him because I was greeted by a rude gesture.
"I'll get him later for that, Kristen." Kayla said, leaning over and making a few punching motions into her fist for Draco to see. "I'll hold him and you punch him." I laughed. "Why are you so late? Usually you're the first one here."
"Well, turns out Hannah told Sprout that I had you-know-who hiding in my dorm room…" I said, as quietly as I could, which turned out to not be quiet enough, as Justin Finch-Fletchley leaned forward between Kayla and I.
"You have You-Know-Who hiding in your dorm?" he asked, loud enough to get the attention of the entire class.
"Oh yeah, of course. He just loves it there. Don't you ever invite him over?" I mumbled, pushing his face away as Tasha told him to just shut up. The rest of the class must have just thought we had been joking, but the Slytherins were eyeing me now. I was going to be known as Voldemort's booty call for the rest of my life. I wasn't sure if that was really a bad thing, though… Wait. What was I thinking? Of course it was a bad thing!
Kayla had gone back to the real subject at hand. "So what are we gonna do? Break him out of doggy prison? Do you have any idea where he is?"
"No, I don't. I have no idea what to do. We may have to skip lunch, though. Better bring snacks. Hey, you have Potions with Ravenclaw next, right? Tell Trin and Kendra to meet at the greenhouse during lunch. We're going to need all of the group brainpower for this…"
Class went without a hitch, although Flitwick asked where Hannah Abbott was and I had trouble controlling my giggles. They would never find the body. I wrote a note to the others about what I did, which only sent them into a fit of giggles and we had to be excused from class to compose ourselves. During the few minutes we had in the hallway outside, we decided that we'd meet at the greenhouse and then…. Corner Sprout? Could we get in trouble for that? We would find out. Once ready and free of laughter, we finished up Charms and went on to our next classes. Tasha and I passed notes all through Transfiguration and I drew cats in glasses on everything. McGonagall, or McG-dawg, as I liked to call her, had a colored cat in glasses posted on her wall behind her desk that I drew her all the way back in first year. Even though she tried to act like it wasn't true, I was totally one of her favorites.
Lunch came quickly and with the wind blowing on that cold afternoon, Kayla, Tasha, Trinity, Kendra and I all met outside the greenhouse. We had wrangled Longbottom into keeping Sprout from leaving for the great hall and he would be handsomely rewarded with the safe return of his toad. He left and the exchange was made. We all entered the greenhouse and Madame Sprout smiled at us.
"Hello, ladies. You must be here about the dog."
I hope you liked it! I wrote this in maybe… a half hour? I had to keep looking up stuff to make sure I wasn't getting it wrong (who cares about accuracy, though?) I also blanked completely on Hufflepuff and Slytherin students outside of the ones mentioned. Do any even exist other than those?
Anyway, there will be more when I write more. With so much time on my hands,
I need a shirt that says, "VOLDEMORT'S BOOTY CALL" on it.