Disclaimer: Ownership is neither claimed nor implied.
A/N: Puck had to see her one last time, he had to tell her that she'd let him down, let them all down, he was so disappointed in her, he had to tell her…
"Just down there?" Puck asked, making sure he'd understood the directions correctly. He looked again down the dark, deserted alley. "Thanks," he nodded to the weird looking guy who was searching through dumpsters, hoping to add to his eclectic wardrobe by the looks of things.
Puck walked down the dingy, miserable, frightening looking alleyway, keeping an eye out for the sign he'd been instructed to look for. A sudden rush of something by his ankles had Puck's heart in his mouth, caused him to falter, he spun round, glanced up and down the alley, he didn't see anything, except the intermittent blink of the neon sign, 'Ne ri a's Dan e t io'. Puck assumed that was the place he was looking for, Nerrina's Dance Studio. He couldn't quite make his mind up if hoped the sign was broken rather than this being the wrong place or if he'd been sent on a wild goose chase. Cautiously, Puck opened the door and went inside.
As soon as the door slammed behind Puck he was plunged into darkness, he'd caught a glimpse of a dark staircase in front of him before the closing door had blocked out what little bit of light the neon sign provided. From somewhere deep within the building, Puck could hear the faint strains of music, the place wasn't deserted like he feared.
Puck felt his way to the top of the stairs. As he rounded the corner at the very top, light at the end of a dim corridor caught his eye. Puck headed that way, the music was louder, more distinct. As he walked towards the light he heard the music stop, Puck's footstep faltered a little, then he strode on determinedly. He had come here to say this, he had to say it then get out. Puck heard the music start up again, he snorted and rolled his eyes at the song he heard, Tina Turner, Private Dancer.
The doors to the brightly lit studio each had a small window, giving out light into the corridor. Puck looked through the windows, saw her dance, saw her sway, saw that she was oblivious to his presence, to anyone's presence. Puck looked back down the corridor to the darkened stairwell. Anyone could come in here. He had, he'd come in completely unchallenged, he hadn't seen another soul, except for her and she had no idea he was even here. What? Did she have a freakin' death wish or something? Fucking idiot. Puck almost growled deep in his throat just thinking about it, about what could happen to her. He pushed the door open and stepped into the room.
Quinn heard his footsteps on the wooden floor, her heart skipped a beat, fear almost strangled her, she glanced to the door. "What-what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice a croaky stutter.
"I came to see you," Puck replied, his hands thrust into his pockets, griping his keys in his hand, forcing them into his palm, using the discomfort as a distraction, to keep him focused on what he needed to say.
"And now you've seen me," Quinn said breathlessly as she caught the beat again and spun away from him, her filmy skirt fluttering behind her as she leapt and pirouetted.
"I came here to tell you something," Puck corrected himself, silently cursing her for her disinterested, blasé attitude. Puck watched as her steps faltered just a little. "What?" he demanded. "Not interested?" he asked as she continued with her dance.
"Not in anything you have to say," Quinn answered without ceasing her twirls.
"Fine," Puck shouted. "You don't have to listen to my words, but I want you to hear this," he said cryptically.
Quinn stopped dead in the middle of the dance floor. "What?" she cried. "What the hell does that mean?" she demanded, breathing heavily, her hands bunching into fists, resting on her hips.
"It means that he had something to say to you and you couldn't even be bothered to come and listen, to say good bye to a friend," Puck explained, choking back the now familiar sting of tears.
"Don't," Quinn hissed. "Don't even go there," she growled, pointing a finger in Puck's direction. "You have no idea."
"What?" Puck demanded. "Did I miss something? Were you hiding there in the back?" he asked.
"I couldn't…" Quinn tried to speak, her voice broke, she swallowed hard then tried again. "I couldn't face Rachel," she admitted.
"Why?" Puck demanded, completely confused. "What did Rachel ever do to you?" he asked.
"It's not that," Quinn replied, her voice so quiet, almost a whisper. "It's what I did to her."
Puck gulped, suddenly a random comment said months ago made perfect sense. "It was you, wasn't it?" he asked quietly. "You're the reason he did it," Puck added, suddenly seeing everything clearly. "He couldn't live with the guilt of betraying her, that's it, isn't it?"
Quinn nodded, her head down, huge tears dripped off her chin. "Yes," she whispered as she began to sob, huge great body jerking sobs that echoed round the now silent studio.
"You bitch," Puck said, disgust and dismay in his eyes, on his face, he looked Quinn up and down. "Was it good?" he sneered. "Did he get you off?" he demanded, mocking her. "Did he find your hot spots? 'Cos we both know they're buried fucking deep," he mocked.
Quinn sniffed as she looked at Puck with tear filled eyes. "Please," she whispered as she shook her head sadly. "There's nothing you can say that can make me feel any worse, nothing you can do…"
"Nothing I can do?" Puck asked, stepping forward again. "That's where you're wrong," he informed her. "I can do plenty," he added, reaching out to grab Quinn's arm. "Question is, are you going to stop me?"
Quinn gasped nervously at Puck's words, at his tone. She shivered a little as his head descended but she was mesmerised, she couldn't pull away. Quinn's heart leapt in her chest, her eyes drifted closed as his lips touched hers. She didn't want to pull away.
Puck's hands gripped Quinn's head the instant his lips touched hers. He held her immobile, his mouth cruel on hers, he heard her whimper but he couldn't stop, he couldn't show her any sympathy, any mercy. He walked blindly forwards, forcing Quinn backwards till she was pressed up against the barre, her head against the mirror. "What are you going to do?" she whispered as Puck lifted his head the slightest bit, she could feel her lips swelling under the pressure of his.
"I'm going to take what you wouldn't give the last time I saw you," Puck told her, his voice as hard as the look in his eyes, "and then I'm done with you," he decided, feeling a bubble of resentment rise in his stomach, "forever."
Quinn felt her body betray her. She desperately wanted to be able to push him away, fight him off…but she couldn't, she didn't truly want to, she wanted one last time, just one more time, then she could let him go. Quinn's arms wrapped around his neck, her breath caught as he sought the pulse beating rapidly in her throat. Puck pressed forwards, felt her body melt against his, he hitched her up so that she was supported by the barre, their eyes locked as he ripped the filmy black skirt from her body. Quinn gasped again, felt the ripple of fear and excitement shudder through her. Puck kept her pressed against the mirror as he took a step closer, his hands dropped to her waist, he grasped her tights and pulled, he growled deep in his chest as the delicate fabric disintegrated under his rough treatment. Soon all of her clothes lay in tatters around them, Quinn couldn't speak, she gulped nervously, her mouth dry as a desert, she watched in silence as Puck slowly divested himself of his own garments.
Puck lifted Quinn, her legs automatically wrapped around him, her arms around his neck. Puck thrust his hard flesh up, piercing her, his entry made Quinn cry out, a combination of pleasure and pain. Puck's arms under her thighs lifted her and then lowered her, he did it again and again and again, his arms just gaining strength, he grunted as their bodies slammed together, he stepped back to the mirror.
Quinn felt the cold glass against her back, her superheated skin almost sizzling against the freezing cold surface. She let go from round his neck, her hands gripping the barre, Puck unwrapped her legs from his waist, thrusting them upwards, allowing them to rest against his shoulders, he thrust hard into her again, he gripped her waist and rocked her against him, her head banged against the mirror with such force that the whole wall shook, again and again and again. Puck growled as he felt Quinn squeeze her muscles, his fingers dug cruelly into the flesh of her hips, he thrust even harder, faster, with more force than he had ever done before, Puck felt his world spinning out of control, felt the dance studio receding, felt the whole universe shrink to just this space, to just him and Quinn, to just this…then he exploded, his head thrust back as he screamed his completion, sucking in great lungs full of air, his body shuddering until he thought he was going to implode.
Quinn almost screeched as she felt Puck's hot jet of release blast inside her. She felt her own body quiver then the huge gush of liquid satisfaction as she sagged towards him, her breath coming in pants, her eyes rolled back in her head, she felt faint, she saw stars.
"I'm leaving Lima," Puck said quietly once they were dressed, he in his clothes, Quinn in the sweats that she had worn to walk to the studio. "For good this time, I've joined the air force,"
"I'm never going back there," Quinn vowed, "there's nothing for me there."
"You need to talk to Rachel," Puck advised. "She thinks she did something wrong, she needs to know the truth, you have to tell her the truth."
Quinn stood and picked up her bag. "I'm leaving now, take care, don't let anyone shoot at you, have a nice life, maybe we'll see each other when they organise the fifty year reunion," she said, teasing a little, she didn't know how to be with him, she didn't know how to act, the only place they'd ever made sense was in bed and that was never going to happen again.
"Take care," Puck repeated as he watched her walk away. He heard her footsteps on the stairs. "Quinn, wait," he shouted, remembering the dark alleyway and how dangerous, scary that place could be, he chased after her.
Puck looked left and right as he came out into the alleyway, it was deserted, he couldn't see even a trace of Quinn. "Ah crap," Puck sighed to himself. "Who the fuck am I kidding that I don't ever want to see her again?" he asked, shaking his head. He sighed again and thrust his hands in his pockets, walking back the way he'd come earlier, when he was looking for the studio.
The rain started long before Puck reached his car, he was cold and wet when he got in. "Fuck," he sighed as he started the engine, knowing from old that the heater in his mother's piece of junk car didn't work. "Hey Rach," he answered as his phone rang. "How are you?" he asked her, once again feeling helpless, not really knowing how to answer if she told him the truth rather than the much more socially acceptable 'fine' that was such a lie.
"Have you heard?" Rachel asked Puck, her voice trembling with what Puck could only presume were tears.
"Heard what?" Puck asked as he started the car.
"They found her body," Rachel started to say then broke off as she started to cry in earnest.
"Found what?" Puck asked, absolutely sure that he hadn't actually heard Rachel say that someone had found a body.
"Quinn. They found her body. Today," Rachel managed to say between gulps and sobs. "She hanged herself, Noah, she hanged herself. She took her own life because of Finn, because of what they did together," she cried, confusing Puck even more.
"Wait, what?" Puck asked, even more confused. "What the fuck?" he said, looking round the parking lot at the other cars parked there. "I've just seen her, we just…we were just…I've just seen her," Puck stuttered. "What are you talking about?" he demanded.
"Noah, it's true, Judy is standing here with me right now," Rachel insisted. "She's been identified by her sister and her father," she confirmed. Puck gulped, he couldn't work this out. "Noah, she knew that the truth about Finn was going to come out, he'd told her, she knew she would be the next one under the microscope, she couldn't handle it, that's what her letter says, there's one for you too," Rachel said softly.
"I'm on my way," Puck growled, screeching out of the parking lot and pointing the car in the direction of Lima.
"Noah, I'm so sorry," Judy said quietly as she handed a cream envelope to him, she couldn't quite hold back the sob. Puck took the envelope from Judy, he was still as confused as ever, he couldn't seem to make anyone understand that he knew they were wrong, he'd seen her, been with her, he knew they were wrong. Or Frannie and Russell were lying for some strange reason.
Puck opened the envelope and began to read, in his head he heard her voice saying the words. "Dear Puck. Or should it just be Puck? Whatever. Puck, I hope that my mother passes this letter on to you, you, above everybody deserve an explanation," he read, rolling his eyes at the way she'd begun the letter.
"I know that for years we have danced round each other, been close then not close, had secret affairs that no one knew about, or at least, we thought no one knew about. Finn knew, he always knew, but we thought we were so cool, just using each other for sex. Ha. It never really worked out for us, did it? You were too much of an idiot to know which side of the fence actually had the greenest grass and I was too uptight to admit to everyone that I actually, really, honest to God, loved you. Anyway, it's too late for that now. Back to why we're here, oh yes, Finn, it seems so weird calling him that after four years of calling him Mr Hudson, but anyway, I have to tell you that for the last two years of high school, Mr Hudson and I were carrying on an affair, right under everyone's noses, even Mrs Hudson's. Sorry, Rachel's. And yours. And then we were found out. Kitty, the little bitch, threatened to expose us, Finn couldn't stand it, he couldn't bear the thought of losing the job he loved, maybe even going to jail, he started getting depressed, he started doing stuff and…well, you know what happened. It's why I couldn't come to the funeral, it's why I can't even think about attending a memorial, I love him so much and I'm not allowed to show it. I can't live without him, I don't want to live without him, I just don't want to.
"There are some things of mine that I'd like you to pack up, keep them safe, they're for Beth when she turns 18, you'll know the stuff I mean, it's in my bedroom at my mom's house, in the letter to her I've asked her to give you time to do it. It has to be you, it can't be anyone else. Promise me you'll do it, you'll do that for our daughter. Please?
"I will always love you, Puck, you'll always be special to me. Take care of yourself, have a nice life and maybe I'll see you again, in I don't know, 70, 80 years maybe. Kisses. Quinn."
Puck looked at Judy and had to blink to clear his vision. He cleared his throat before he spoke. Judy allowed him to go to Quinn's room, he found the boxes that she'd clearly marked 'For Beth', Puck assumed that was the stuff she'd mentioned. "Thanks, Judy," he murmured as he went to leave. "I don't know if my mom told you but I've joined the air force, I'm leaving next week for basic training, I don't know when I'll be back," he explained. "If there's anything else for Beth, just give my mom a call, she'll come and collect it for me," he suggested.
Judy nodded, still sniffing back the tears. "Thank you, Noah," she said croakily.
Puck drove away, heading towards his mother's house. Somewhere between Dudley Road and Lima Heights, Puck found himself taking a different turn, he drove through the gates of Rose Hill Cemetery and parked up. "What the fuck am I doing here?" he asked himself as he got out of the car. Puck shook his head at himself as he trudged up the hill to the final resting place of his friend and mentor, his teacher, Mr Finn Hudson.
Puck sighed as he sat on the damp grass at the foot of Finn's grave. "I can't believe this," he told the grey, carved granite. "Is this true?" he asked, taking the letter out of his pocket and holding it up to the headstone. "Why?" he asked. "Why would you do that to Rachel? To me?" he demanded, getting angry about it. "I thought we were friends, I thought that on some level we were real friends," Puck cried, his voice getting louder and louder.
"We were," Finn's gentle voice agreed, floating into Puck's ear from somewhere far behind him. "I loved you all, every one of you, but Quinn, I don't know, she beguiled me, she…I don't know, I loved her, so much," he whispered although the sound seemed to be right inside Puck's head. "I loved Rachel too, don't ever doubt that, Rachel was my life," Finn insisted. "And Quinn loved you, too, she really did, I think though that there were times that you were both too immature to express it, to show each other. I'm going to miss you Puck, you're going to have a wonderful life, I just know it…" Finn's voice faded away, Puck felt even more bereft.
Puck sat up suddenly, realising he'd fallen asleep, it was dark, the air even more damp. "Fuck," he whispered to himself as he wound his way back through the graves to the parking lot. He was not surprised to find that his car was the only one in the lot. "Crap," he sighed as he saw that the gates were locked up tight. "Hey mom, it's me," he said tiredly as his mother answered the phone. "Yeah, I'm locked in at Rose Hill, do you think you could get hold of someone to come and let me out?" he asked, suddenly feeling as though he was not alone, his skin crawled, he felt totally creeped out. Puck got in his car and carefully locked the doors. He sat for a while, checking his face book and twitter on his phone, anything to distract him from his surroundings. He almost had a heart attack when someone knocked on his window.
"Hi, Noah Puckerman?" the office asked with a huge grin, seeing the flash of fear in Puck's eyes.
"Yes," he answered faintly as he rolled down the window. "Thanks, Officer, I got to talking with a friend," Puck nodded towards the graves, "lost track of time, didn't realise I'd been locked in," he explained with a shrug.
"Strange how that can happen," the officer agreed, shining his torch up the hill, sending shadows dancing about between the headstones.
Puck shivered. "Thanks again," he said as he started his car. Puck sighed with something like relief as he drove away, heading towards home. "Hi," he called to his mom as he closed the door behind him.
"How did you get here?" Mrs Puckerman asked in surprise. "I thought you were locked in at the cemetery? I still haven't been able to contact anyone, how did you manage it?" she asked.
Puck gulped and blinked. His mind whizzed back to the conversation with the officer. No, he'd never said he was there to let Puck out, he only said Puck's name, that was it. "The gate wasn't locked," he lied, his voice just held traces of a quiver. "I'm going to bed, night mom," he said as he kissed his mother's head. "I think I'm going nuts," Puck whispered to himself as he laid on his bed, still feeling a little shaky.
Quinn looked down at Puck as he lay with his eyes closed. She sighed and shifted, Finn wrapped his arm around her. "He'll be fine," he assured Quinn, "and I'm sure you'll find a way of visiting him again, just maybe don't be so physical with him, that took a lot out of you, I know how weak I felt after I visited Rachel, and she was asleep," he said, giving Quinn his huge grin.
"Mmmm," Quinn sighed, leaning into Finn's arm a little more. "I think I might stay with him tonight, just for a while," she said, moving forward to the bed. "I'll see you later," she added over her shoulder as she lay down beside Puck.
Puck sighed contentedly in his sleep, he felt as though Quinn was with him, inside him, he could feel her, smell her, but he knew, if he opened his eyes, all that would disappear. "I still love you," he murmured.
"I know you do," Quinn whispered back. "I still love you too."