Capaso: Hey guys. I know that I should be updating my other stories, but this just CAME TO ME. In the middle of math class. Weird how that works.
Vatican City: Capaso owns nothing. Except me apparently. I don't know how that happened, but whatever. Capaso doesn't mean to offend anyone in any of the states. She's sorry if she does. She does write in this form sometimes, but-
Capaso: But I try not to if it has a plot!
Vatican City: I was going to say that... Anyways, enjoy!
America: Okay, bedtime!
Nevada: No way! Night life is the only life!
America: Not for a kid. Come on.
New York: I can't! I'm watching the Oscars!
California: WHAT? Those were TONIGHT! (starts sobbing theatrically)
America: It's fine, it's recording! Go to bed!
Virginia: No way! Not without West!
America: Wait, West Virginia is MISSING?
Virginia: No, she left, and she took Georgia.
America: Dude, WHY DO MY KIDS DO THIS? (shakes fists at ceiling)
Voice from roof: I'm gonna jump! Maybe then you will notice me!
America: WHAT? Who's jumping?
Montana: South Dakota. You forgot her birthday again. Can I bring my horse inside?
America: 'South'? There are TWO Dakotas?
Idaho: Dad, watching you makes me want to jump too.
America: Just STAY HERE EVERYBODY! I'm gonna go get your Sister off the roof again.
* ON ROOF *
America: SOUTH! Stop it!
North Dakota: JUMP, JUMP, JUMP!
America: Stop it North!
Oregon: (on the ground) That's it dad. I'm taking Washington and going West. I'm going to find gold.
Wisconsin: The gold rush ended years ago. You should move North. It's nice and cold up here.
Florida: Hey, Dad! Can I get a pet alligator? I'll feed her!
America: (grabs South Dakota and throws her back through the window, followed by North Dakota) No one's leaving tonight! Get back inside, and we'll talk in the morning! You may not have an alligator in my house.
Florida: Okay. Bye. I'm moving in with Australia. (walks away)
Washington: Help. I don't want to go! (he talks like Canada)
(America drags everyone inside)
Michigan: AAAHHH! SOMEONE HELP! ILLINOIS CUT ME IN HALF!
Illinois: You can't prove it! Iowa, you're with me, aren't you? Iowa? Where'd she go?
Indiana: She went to check on her pets.
America: We don't have pets!
Indiana: Iowa does. She has three cows, chickens, a sheep, and a pig.
America: WHAT? Where does she KEEP them?
Nebraska: In our room that you MADE us share. I love animals!
Louisiana: Wait... what? Dad, can we go out for gumbo?
America: It's ten o'clock at night!
Louisiana: Yes...?
Idaho: Hey guys. What's going on now?
America: IOWA! I didn't know you had pets! Ask me first before you do stuff like that! (grabs Idaho angrily)
Idaho: You psycho! I'm IDAHO! Iowa's a GIRL!
America: ... You aren't a girl?
Idaho: ... I'm leaving.
Arkansas: TAKE ME WITH YOU!
New Mexico: Why Seniorita? Americana is a better place than Mexico. You don't have to worry about getting shot while you sleep! It's heaven!
Arkansas: Who said I was going to Mexico? I'm going to stay with the Bahamas for a while. Orevwa!
America: What was that?
Arkansas: It was Haitian for SEE Y'ALL SUCKERS! (runs out door)
America: WAIT YOUNG LADY! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE!
Colorado: Can I sleep in the mountains?
America: Sur- what? We're in... Where are we now?
All the present states: KENTUCKY.
Kentucky: ME! Let's get a horse.
America: I don't think there's any mountains here Col.
Colorado: Dad. That's not my name.
America: Whatever. GET IN BED EVERYONE!
Wyoming: AAAHHHH! ARIZONA HAS A GUN! RUN!
America: Where'd she get a gun?
Wyoming: Where do you think, you idiot? Honestly... You have a WEAPONS room!
America: I have a key for that!
Massachusetts: Check your pocket.
America: (reaches into pocket) ... RUN!
New York: Dad, the New England States are moving back in with Uncle Arthur for a while... Until we get Arizona under control.
America: No! (shot just misses his head and makes a hole in the wall) *$^&! Holy crap! On second thought... Tell Artie I'll call when it's safe.
Pennsylvania: Or not. I don't mind.
New Jersey: I just hope they can still shoot that Jersey Shore show in Britain...
Tennessee: Jersey, they just finished a season in Europe. Ya'll be fine. Now, if everyone would just shut up, I could get ready for the Country Music Awards.
Rhode Island: (shouting at ceiling) HAWAII! YOU HAVE THE FARTHEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE, AND I CAN STILL HEAR YOU! TURN OFF THE HULA MUSIC!
Hawaii: Make me, PUNY! Rhode Island is a tiny, pathetic state and everyone knows it!
Rhode Island: Shut it Banana Brain!
Arizona: HAHA! (shoots gun randomly and runs off)
America: Someone grab her! (chasing Arizona)
New Mexico: RUN SENORITA~! You can out-run Papi!
Oklahoma: Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the antelope play! And seldom is heard... (singing with a guitar)
Michigan: I'M STILL BLEEDING!
South Carolina: Oklahoma... Would you be mad if I told you I killed your pet Buffalo? Just wondering...
Oklahoma: ... I'm going to kill you South.
South Dakota: What? What'd I do?
Oklahoma: Wrong one.
North Carolina: No! I will save you! (runs forward and trips on a banana peel) REALLY HAWAII?
New Hampshire: How come a lot of us have names that start with 'New'?
Maine: Cuse Dad's an idiot, and let other people name you guys.
America: NUH UH!
Maine: Yes, you did. I was there.
Alaska: (walks in) Dad, I started a fire upstairs. You might want to put it out.
America: WHAT? WHY?
Alaska: Don't worry. I just lit it in Delaware's room this time.
Delaware: Say WHA?
Alaska: I'm going to go outside now. (walks outside)
Texas: Does ANYONE understand him? He reminds me of Russia... Maybe they're up there plotting... Oh well. I hope they get rid of Montana first. He stole my cowboy style. Even Dad loves Cowboys!
Vermont: Where DID Dad go?
Minnesota: Probably to stop the fire. Let's go see.
(walks to the stairs and finds America sitting on the stairs, passed out with a bucket on his head)
Utah: What the...
Nevada: Anyone for bets on who did it?
Kansas: Twenty on Arizona.
Oklahoma: Thirty on South Dakota.
South Dakota: I'm right next to you!
Oklahoma: So?
Rhode Island: Ten on Hawaii. She's evil.
Georgia: If we're talkin' evil, fifty on Alaska.
West Virginia: Obviously, it was Nevada! He wanted us to bet on him, I bet he did it for money. I bet 100 dollars on Nevada.
Nevada: Hehe. Okay...
Pennsylvania: Obviously, you're all morons. He probably just tripped and fell.
Arizona: Hey.
Everyone: AHHHH!
Arizona: Relax... It was a spaz attack... I love sugar.
Washington: (ducks behind Idaho) Hide me...
Michigan: (from other room) I'm going to... pass... out... *THUD*
(everyone looks at Illinois)
Illinois: WHAT? Fine. I'll take her to the hospital... He better not get blood on the seats of my new Prius though! (throws Michigan over his back and drags her to his car)
Ohio: Maybe we should do something about Dad.
(almost everyone nods)
Indiana: (sniffs air) Wait. THE FIRE! It's still going! (sprints up the stairs humming 'Thriller'.)
(Everyone runs up the stairs, just as America comes to)
America: Ugh... What happened? Why is there fire? (realizes what's happening) KIDS! GET BACK DOWN HERE! WE NEED TO GET OUT BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HURT! (sprints up stairs)
Maine: (throws random crab at fire) Well, that's all I can do. I'm gonna call the fire department. I have them on speed dial. (grabs phone. The next few lines are of her phone call)
Maine: Hey. Yeah, it's Maine again.
Soft voice from phone: Hey kid. What happened now? Dad unconscious again? Fire?
Maine: Well, actually, both. You see, he hit his head, and Alaska started a fire.
Phone Voice: Okay. We're on our way.
Ohio: Don't they need our address?
Connecticut: They already know it by heart. They know Maine when she calls; she's the only one with a cell phone besides New York.
California: Totally unfair. THEY EVEN WRITE SONGS ABOUT ME! (starts singing) California Girls, we're unforgettable, daisy dukes, bikinis...
Nebraska: (sings along for a few lines) Yes, you ARE unforgettable... (Puts arm around California)
Oregon: (knocks out Nebraska with a gold miner's pan) don't TOUCH her. Aunt Hungary taught me how to use this, and I not afraid to!
Maryland: (shaking) We should probably get out of the house now...
Delaware: Good idea, Mary. EVERYBODY OUT! (starts waving arm like an airport traffic controller towards door)
America: (running up the steps) HEY! EVERYBODY OU- Oh. I was going to say that. (mumbles about not knowing who the hero is anymore)
*OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN, WATCHING THE FIRE FIGHTERS*
England: (walks up) Great job you git. You are worse than I was! By the way, did you lose a few States? (pulls over New England)
America: NEW YORK! Did you take good care of your brothers and sisters while you were with Mr. Grumpy-pants?
New York: Uh, duh? Besides, Uncle Arthur isn't grumpy. Just responsible.
America: Huh. I think you got that confused with boring. Thanks Artie.
England: That's not my name.
Colorado: Don't worry. He does that with everyone.
America: Be quiet Col.
Colorado: THAT'S NOT MY NAME!
America: (rubs temples) Arthur, I know now why you were always drinking when I was a kid.
England: At least I just had to deal with one; you had 13 when you just became a country.
America: Don't remind me.
Original 13 colonies: Jerk.
England: Ha. Just remember this, even though being a single Dad is the hardest job in the world, it's all worth it when you see them all grown up and you get all proud.
America: Awww... Thanks Arthur!
England: I look at Canada now, and I know I've done a good job!
America: ...
Texas: Ouch... That's gotta hurt. (pats his Dad's shoulder)
America: Yeah... BEDTIME!
All the States: NOOOO!
THE END
(or is it..?)
(never mind. It is.)
So what'd you think? You like? Please tell me! Reviews feed my author spirit! (It's seperate from my normal spirit) I'll try to update other stuff soon I guess. I'm running low on motive though. Please tell me your opinion on my assistant story! I want to know who Angelica should be paired with.
Bye! (and thanks to people who review)