This is the first Fic I've posted, please be gentle.

He showed up with flowers, of course he did. Kate wasn't sure he'd show up at all but, if he did, it would be with something to "make it up to her". At first she'd loved that about him, until things got serious, and then she just wanted him to never do anything that required he make it up to her.

"I love flowers" Kate started out softly, Castle's lips turning up at her words. "Don't you ever bring me flowers as an apology" Kate punctuated each word with a poke to his chest.

His face fell, Oh.

Kate turned away from him and walked back into the apartment and he had to strain to hear what she whispered next "you'll ruin the beauty."

Kate stopped and turned after a few paces, eyeing Castle, still in the doorway. "You can go now."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"No. I – I want –"

"You want?! No. I heard enough of what you want, and what you think, the other day. I'm full up on insults for the year."

"I – I—"Castle floundered. He knew this wasn't going to be easy; it had taken him three days of missed calls and un-answered texts to work up the courage to show up at her door. But he thought she'd hear him out, let him make it up to her. Instead she was totally closed off from him, the cold and calm demeanor almost totally hiding the heartache he could only see traces of in her eyes.

Shame washed over him as he took in her steely posture. She was tough – the strongest person he'd ever met – but with him she was soft and loving. He knew he'd said some awful things to her, truly awful, but he hadn't realized just what he'd done until this moment in her doorway.

"You? You can leave." Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest and locked her legs together, hoping he wouldn't see them tremble. Ever since Castle blew up at her she'd desperately wanted someone to hold her, tell her it would be okay. Castle was that person for her and now she'd lost that too. Oh, how it gutted her.

"Go." She said quietly as she wished for some way to make this okay.

He knew, or thought he knew, that she didn't want him to go. "I'm sorry, I hurt you and I apologize. I'm so—"

"Okay."

"Okay?" Castle was puzzled.

"Okay, apology accepted, now go." Kate was desperate for him to leave before she crumbled. She was not going to fall apart in front of him.

"Kate, baby, please let me make it –"

"Get. Out. Castle." Kate closed her eyes at the effort those three words took.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I was way out of line and I'm sorry. Please, let me fix this" Castle found the strength to move and strode towards her, stopping in his tracks when he saw her flinch.

"Kate" Castle whispered, voice breaking, settling for taking one of her hands in both of his "Please. I'm a jackass. I hurt you and I'm sorry. Please talk to me, tell me how I can fix this, I'll do anything…"

Castle's voice faded to the background as Kate looked down at their hands, surprised at how soft his were around hers, she half expected them to burn with the echo of his hurtful words. Anger and hurt flared up at the memory.

She'd let him in, trusted him, when she should have known better. She'd wanted to be happy and carefree again so badly that she'd given herself over to him. He made every day so light and fun, and now she knew why, because he couldn't be serious about anything.

Kate jerked her hand away, as if she'd been burned.

"No, Kate! No. Please, Kate. Please." Castle pleaded, instinctually reaching for her again.

The sob escaping from Kate as she stepped back, out of his reach, tore through him. What had he done.

"Kate—" He stopped, frozen as he took in the anguish on her face and his heart stuttered. He'd done this to her and he'd do anything to take it away. "I can't lose you." Castle's eyes searched her face while he willed her to speak.

Kate kept her eyes down, hidden beneath her lashes – the only privacy she could find. Still, she didn't speak.

"I can't lose you" Castle repeated, taking a step toward her "I love you. I love you Kate and I can't lose you."

Kate closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to block him out. He wasn't here, she would be okay, just breathe. In and out, deep breathes, she repeated to herself.

He watched her struggle for each ragged breath and he couldn't stand watching her hurt anymore. The full weight of her heartbreak hit him with such force he crumpled to the floor in front of her. Kneeling, he wrapped his arms around her, pressing the side of his face to her stomach, anchoring himself to her – desperate to hold her. Instead of relief, at finally having her in his arms, his guilt increased as he felt her trembling.

A mournful sob broke across the room, deafening in its anguish. Castle didn't know if it came from him or Kate, it didn't matter.

"Oh baby" Castle repeated like a prayer against her, she swayed slightly as he tried to rock her from his position on the floor.

Eventually he felt her hands on his shoulders.

They rested there for a minute, Kate relishing in how broad and strong he was, before trying to push him down, away. She didn't have the energy to actually move him and being in his arms felt too good. But it was wrong, they couldn't do this.

"No" Kate gasped, "No, Castle" her voice breaking over his name, and then she was sinking down. She landed on the coffee table behind her, Castle's arms still around her, his head now against her chest.

Her arms wrapped around him unconsciously, holding him against her, as her chest shuddered. Castle sat back, pulling her into his lap as he cradled the back of her head, murmuring comfort, love and apologies as he rocked her.

"No" she cried out, her back still rigid, hands balling up into fists, "Noooo" soft heartbreak escaping her lips as she battled against finding solace in him.

"No" Kate whispered once more as Castle rubbed her back and whispered "I've got you. I love you. I've got you, Kate. It's okay. I've got you and I'm never letting go."

Kate sobbed again, desperately trying and, now failing, to stop the tears from falling.

Castle pressed his lips to her temple, still talking, "I've got you. It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay. I love you. I love you." He held her closer as the tears soaked through his shirt. She was crying, Kate didn't cry, Oh God. "It's okay, let it out. Oh my love, I'm so sorry. Shhh, baby, shhhh."

Kate was still rigid against him but at least she wasn't fighting to get away. He'd do this as long as she needed, forever if she'd let him.

Eventually the tears slowed and Castle worried she would pull away so the words tumbled out in a rush.

"I know I don't deserve it but please let me apologize. There's – there's no excuse for what I said the other day" Kate immediately tensed and Castle stopped, closing his eyes and squeezing her tighter, as if he could squeeze out the pain. "I was scared, I know it sounds like an excuse. There's no excuse, I know that. I – Oh God Kate, there's never been anyone like you. I've been married before and I'm worried about messing this up so I panicked. I should have just talked to you."

"I'm so stupid, and I hurt you. I—" Castle voice broke as he sobbed, burying his face in her shoulder, "I am so sorry, so sorry. I just want you, oh Kate, please tell me we can fix this."

"Why" Kate's voice was gravelly, her throat dry from crying.

"Why?" Castle's heart broke. "Because, because what we have is magic."

Kate shook her head and leaned back to look at him. "Why me?"

"Wh—wh… what?"

"Why do you want to be with me if I'm such a drag, so demanding?" Kate wouldn't be swayed by his tears, she couldn't be, so she looked away and stood – moving to sit on the edge of the couch across from him.

"Kate—"

"If I'm –"

"Enough!" Castle's voice thundered across the room. He couldn't listen to her, wanted to erase the words that she held onto.

"What Castle?" Kate's voice was calm, "Oh sorry, am I boring you again? I'll just shut up like you wanted."

"NO!" Castle yelled, "No!" he brought down his fist against his thigh so hard Kate winced.

"You are none of those things, none of them." Castle pleaded against his own angry words that hung in the air. "You know that rush, when everything else falls away, and it's like you're flying. That's what you are –"

"I see" Kate said and Castle looked up hopefully, "I was a sugar rush, now you've crashed. Cool."

Castle shook his head; they were usually so much more in sync. "No, that's what you're like all the time, not just sometimes. You're the brightest, best, part of every day. You. There's no one else like you, and there never will be. I've been so afraid of screwing this up that I didn't know what to do when you said it wasn't working."

"Why didn't you just tell me that, when I told you how I felt?"

"What?" Castle was confused.

"When I told you," Kate took a breath, stealing herself for what had to be said, "It wasn't easy for me you know, to tell you I felt…" she took another, deep, breath

"Insecure. Why didn't you just tell me that?" Kate's voice wavered with doubt, "If you mean it."

Castle was around the coffee table and kneeling in front of her instantly. This time she didn't flinch when he reached for her, hands settling on her thighs, thumbs on her forearms, chest bumping her knees. "You felt insecure? But you're—I—I thought, I thought you thought this wasn't working, that I wasn't good enough. I wanted to fix it but I didn't know what to do. I was so scared of losing you so…"

Suddenly his angry words made sense to Kate and she reached out a hand to smooth away the wrinkles at his eye, concern marring his beautiful face, and she nodded.

"I felt insecure" she whispered, watching as he leaned into her touch, closing his eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Castle opened his eyes to look at her, hoping she could see the remorse and love in his. "I was wrong. I crossed the line, I hurt you, and I promise it will never happen again. I promise you Kate. You're it for me."

Kate let his words sink in and chase the cold anguish that had been coursing through her for days.

"Tell me again."

Castle watched her eyes slide closed as he leaned in and started to speak. His forehead was against hers as they shared the same air, "I love you. Nobody compares to you, and if I lost you, I would never again be as happy as I am with you." Castle linked their hands, kissing hers before pressing them to his chest, "You are extraordinary, my love. You. Just as you are. I love you Kate, so very much."

Kate's eyed opened to lock on his and they stayed that way for a while, no more words necessary. Forgiveness and love flowing between them until Kate tugged on their joined hands and Castle gave them a squeeze before letting go to join her on the couch. Settling into the corner, with Kate on his lap, he hugged her to him, pressing all the pieces he broke back together.