Hello, people of the Internet! Kyoko is here with another story!
I've read one too many bad Creepypastas today, and so I decided to try my hand in making a parody. Introducing my newest oneshot of the moment: Blood of the Hyper-Realistic Variety!
DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to make other writers look bad; there are some very good Creepypastas out there. This is simply a parody of bad cliches I've noticed in bad pastas. I am not affiliated with Pokemon, Game Freak, or Nintendo. Insert more legal stuff here.
Blood of the Hyper-Realistic Variety
Let me start off by saying I LOVE Pokémon.
I've loved it since before I was born (because logic, that's why) and I still love it to this day. I've played all the games in the series and side series, I've watched every anime episode at least 9,000 times, and I've collected all the merchandise, including figures, cards, plushes, posters, bedspreads, shirts, underwear…
But there's one thing that I sadly lack: a life.
Er—wait, what?
But there was one thing that made me put down Pokémon for a little while. That one cursed game… I wish I never picked it up. This… this is my story.
WARNING: This story is super scary and involves (among other things) HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD, death, and Caterpies. Viewer discretion advised…
So it all started on February 31st. I was throwing my life away by browsing Ebay and looking at Pokémon merchandise. There was a lot of cool stuff out there, but I owned all of it, so nothing piqued my interest.
But then I saw something I didn't own: "LOST POKÉMON CARTRIDGE—REALLY RARE". Ignoring the last paragraph where I said I owned all the Pokémon merchandise, I clicked on it and began reading the information.
It was a red Game Boy Advance cartridge that resembled Pokémon FireRed, but it had no label. Instead, the words "Pokey-man Death Version" were scrawled on the front in black marker. The cartridge was scratched and looked like it was very old.
It didn't seem like anything special to me, but then I saw the seller's information: his name was "I. M. Evul" and he was from Hong Kong. The price tag was only one dollar.
I smiled. Lost Pokémon cartridge? Really rare? Only one dollar?! What a deal! I didn't care how sketchy it looked; I'm a mindless protagonist in a bad Creepypasta! Of COURSE I bought it!
A few weeks later, a small box on my doorstep indicated the arrival of my much-anticipated totally not haunted game. I picked it up and skipped into the kitchen, where my GBA was conveniently waiting for me.
When I sat the box down, I noticed red stuff dripping down the side of the box. It was red… and it looked like HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD!
Or maybe it was ketchup? Yeah, it was probably ketchup.
I ignored the HYPER-REALISTIC KETCHUP and tore open the package, popping the bubble wrap and taking the game out of the box. It looked in even worse condition than the picture on Ebay: it was scratched even more and appeared to have tiny drops of HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD on it.
I shrugged it off. Maybe he'd accidentally dropped it down the garbage disposal.
I plugged the game in, and my GBA whirred to life. After the usual GBA startup logo, the screen turned black… BUT THEN IT TURNED RED. Like BLOOD.
I pressed the A button, and the screen faded to the file selection screen. There was no opening sequence, no title screen… nothing.
I assumed it was a glitch.
There was already a continue option. Rolling over it, I saw that the previous player was named "DEATH" and had played for 9,001 hours. However, his Pokédex only contained three Pokémon. It was rather strange; I thought the timer maxed out when you hit 999 hours of play time.
I was feeling rather curious and stupid that day, so I decided to check out "DEATH's" file and see what he had accomplished.
The game lagged for a bit after I hit the continue option, and a sudden burst of static screeched from my GBA speakers. Figuring it was just a glitch—my GBA was rather old, after all—I didn't react.
But when it finally loaded…
XxX
Pop quiz! Which town was I in when the game finally loaded?
(A) Lavender Town
(B) Lavender Town
(C) Lavender Town
If you guessed A, you were right!
XxX
I was in Lavender Town!
The screen was tinged red, like HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD, and the music was loud and played in reverse G Major. I was standing by the Lavender Tower, and scattered around me were scrambled patches of pixels that were colored red.
Like HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD.
I checked my Pokeymans and found a level 100 Mewtwo, a level 100 ghost (that was its name… "Ghost"…), and a level 9,000 Caterpie.
The Caterpie scared me the most. The level cap was level 100! How could you have a level 9,000 Pokémon?
I just assumed it was another glitch, because that's what mindless protagonists in bad Creepypastas do.
I moved forward into the Lavender Tower, and with a screech of static, the screen… turned RED. LIKE HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD!
The screen faded into the tower. I could see a lot more scrambled sprites. I walked up and interacted with it, and a loud screech echoed from my speakers. A dialogue box popped up:
"It's a dead body! OH NOSE!111!1!1"
But… There's no death in Pokémon games! It's all happy and fluffy and full of man-eating dragons and stuff! There's no death! So what's wrong with this game? Is it a hack, or just some stupid glitch?
Granted, I haven't played with my GBA since last Tuesday, so maybe it was accumulating dust… meh, that's probably what it is.
I clicked out of the dialogue box and went to the stairs. Before I went up, however, I noticed that the reversed G major music was starting to slow down and decrease in pitch… OH NOSE!
I wanted to get away from the scary music, so I went up the stairs. The screen turned to HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD, and when it faded back into the game…
There were more pixelated HYPER-REALISTIC BLOOD spots. I walked past them all, taking note of the cracked tombstones and the scary music. I could've sworn I heard a low laugh come from the game…
"Seriously?! Kefka isn't scary anymore!" the author exclaimed as she realized how stupid this entire plot has become.
As I walked through the graveyard of pixelated corpses, I noticed I was coming closer to the stairs to the next floor. However, the stairs were blocked by something strange…
At first, it just looked like a jumble of black pixels, but when I blinked, I somehow noticed that it was… a GHOST! Oooooooh!
But it wasn't the FireRed and LeafGreen Marowak ghost, no… it was from the ORIGINAL GAMES. It was soooo scary!
I walked up to it and interacted with it. The super scary ghost said:
"I hAvE bEeN wAiTiNg FoR yOu, KyOkO…" it said.
I screamed. How had it known my real name?! My character was still named "DEATH"… It had somehow known my real name. That was some real freaky stuff. It was like it was HAUNTED!
…or maybe it was just a glitch.
I pressed A, feelings of nervousness and apprehension coursing through my spooked body…
AND THEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT.
XxX
Well, that degenerated quickly.
Maybe I'll write more of these things in the future if you guys enjoyed this one. But until then, happy writing, and don't forget to review!