Hello,
This is my first Fanfic ever! I am usually just a reader of all Jax/Tara stories because I am addicted to SOA but Jax & Tara's story line even more so. After episode 6.09 I was soo down as I have been all season about them. They are my all time favorite love story and I hate what is happening with them. So I felt inspired to write my own fantasy of what happens when Jax and Tara meet face to face after Jax learns the truth about Tara's deception. So here's what happens, in my perfect world, when Jax and Tara meet face to face.
I dont own anything.
Jax sat there in the parlor for what felt like an eternity. His head reeling from the truths he had learned tonight. He kept going over everything in his mind to the point he thought he would literally go mad and if his brothers discovered him they might have to get him to hospital for having complete mental break down.
His thoughts taking over, he continued, "How did this happen? Why had it happened? How could I be so completely blind to it all? Was this somehow, my own doing? Did I drive her to this? Or has this always been inside of her? How could she do this to me?"
Then his heart sunk further than what it already had sunk before and he now felt nauseated. Stahl's words from years ago come haunting him as they did then, when she spoke them, "I wish I had that kind of pull over a man."
Then as it dawned on him, he felt as if he were just hit by another freight train. His mind continued, "Tara orchestrated this all knowing the power she has over me and used it as a key part of her plan. She used my weakness, for her and our family, to her advantage. Does she feel guilty? Does she even still love me? Did she ever truly love me?"
It was this last thought that wakes him out of his trance and brings him back to reality and back to his senses. He knows to question if she ever truly loved him, was without a doubt his mind warning him that he was bordering insanity and he needs to wake up. Because if he knew anything at all he knew that she did love him; maybe not now or maybe she doesn't want to anymore but there is no denying that she did. He knows it in his soul that she did. Yes, now he isn't sure of her current feelings and being honest with himself he sensed that even before he learned the truth. But nothing can change the fact that he knows they at least at one time had something deeply real that people dream of experiencing their whole lives.
He knows that she did at one time love him more than life itself. He knew it when they were teens and he knew it when she came back into his life eleven years later. He knew it when they looked each other in the eyes and were able to communicate a thousand words with none ever being spoken. He knew it when their bodies took control and their primal need for each other was unleashed as if they were starved animals. He knew it by all the risks and sacrifices she made with her career that she had worked so hard for, just to be with him.
He was able to settle his stomach with those thoughts but they did not do much for the hole he felt in his chest. He had no idea what to do with this new information, all he knew was he felt despair. It was like he was 19 again and he felt broken and devastated only now he felt that feeling magnified by 100. This time around not only was she again leaving him and deserting him but betraying him by trying to take his children, "THEIR" children. She is plotting and scheming against him, lying to him, manipulating him, using his weaknesses to advance her betrayals. It wasn't even a stab in the back in his eyes. No, to him it was more like her cutting his throat while he sleeps. And what made him feel more pathetic than anything was that he felt the most pain come from the realization that she is lost from him; the realization that she is no longer "his Tara."
He felt the tears pooling in his eyes threatening to spill over as he exhaled a deep breath from the sob he was trying to restrain. He hated himself for still loving her after what she has done to him. He hated that even after she played him like a violin that deeply engraved in his soul was his undying love for her. He hated that he still felt the urge to reclaim her heart as his property. He knew he should hate her, he should consider her dead but he just couldn't.
He tried to stop thinking but his heart and mind wouldn't let him. He started thinking about how they ended up where they are at. He knew he had to take some responsibility. He hadn't kept any of the promises he made her. He constantly put their family at risk with decisions made from the club and he knew she should resent him for that but he still never would have believed she could ever do what she had done. He hated himself again for loving so blindly. But what could he do? He didn't choose to be this desperate for her it was just in him. She made herself a part of him and no matter what he does he can never rid himself of his need for her. He could accept it or fight it.
He tried to fight it the first time she left and that didn't work at all. And while after the first few years he was able to pretend he was ok. Inside he felt like he was slowly rotting away. And while he was surrounded by his brothers, family, and endless pussy; he never felt more alone. Is that what he will go back to now that the damage she caused is done? "Fuck that!" he thought & got up & walked out the parlor with his mind on a mission. He got on his bike. "She's mine! They're mine!" Was all that he was thinking. He headed home.