"Come back to bed, that would be enough." Eliza said, a small pleading note in her voice. Her arms were around his shoulders and he couldn't help but lean into them.
"I'll be back before you know I'm gone." he tried to placate her, his hand coming up to cover hers. His other hand covered his writing so that she didn't see it just yet, hopefully she didn't have to ever see it.
"Come back to sleep." Eliza insisted, tightening her hold on him for a moment. Oh God how he wanted to, he wanted nothing more than to sleep right now and never wake up. He just wanted to go back to sleep.
But Burr was challenging him. Burr was calling him out. And he never backed away from a challenge before, he didn't intend to just yet.
He is not throwing away his shot.
"The meetings at dawn." he said instead, rubbing his thumb against her hand, trying to keep his heart from racing.
"Well I'm going back to sleep." Eliza said, letting her arms slide off of him as she started to walk away. Immediately he missed her warmth.
Best of wives, he doesn't deserve her.
"Hey." he said, reaching out and lightly taking her hand in his. She turned around, a small smile on her face. He bowed his head and kissed the back of her hand, pressing his forehead to it as well.
"Best of wives and best of women." he murmured, looking up at her with a soft smile of his own.
She turned her hand to lightly cup his face for a moment before she walked off, stopping in the doorway for a moment.
Alexander turned back to his letter wanting to finish it, wanting to finish everything. One way or another Burr was going to deal with the actions of tonight, one of them were not going to come back home.
He was focused on the letter in front of him but he could see Eliza still standing there from the corner of his eyes, slowly she turned around, facing him silently and still.
"Alexander." she said softly, melodic, almost as if she was singing his name, singing a siren song to him to entrance her even more to him. "Come back to sleep."
He hesitated.
Words and scenarios flew before his eyes, images and events. Burr and Jefferson and Madison. All trying to drag him down and drag him down and drag him down. He could see Philip lying still on the table, Eliza sobbing over his body. He could see Maria Reynolds on her knees in front of him.
The Reynolds Pamphlet. His legacy.
What is a legacy; planting seeds in a garden you never get to see, America his one true home, his promised land and his legacy.
He thought of Laurens, dear sweet Laurens who never had a chance, he thought of George; his excellency, please call me son one more time I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, he thought of his mother; God he hoped he had made her proud he had tried so hard.
He was so tired.
Burr was waiting, what would happen if he didn't show, refused to engage in this duel, to duel is a crime now, and either way there will be consequences, he needed to write down his thoughts he needed to think, he needed time, he needed time, he needed time, he can't think, there's no more time, he has to go, he has a duel, he cannot throw away this shot, not ever, he needed to go to the duel and not throw away his shot he needed to live another day he needed time he needed to go he needed to-
A hand came down on his shoulder, a body was kneeled next to him, and a head onto his arm. Almost immediately the storm in his mind faded away to nothing and he could think clearly, breathe clearly, once more. Unconsciously he leaned towards it.
"Alexander." Eliza murmured, holding onto him. She brought her head up and so did he, he looked to the side so that their eyes could meet.
Best of wives and best of women.
"Come back to bed." she whispered, staring at him, pleading at him. "That would be enough."
He thought once more of Philip, only seventeen, he had never hurt a soul, he must have been so scared.
He thought of George, his Excellency, his President. They hadn't listened and had created separate political parties. What was going to happen now, everything was being divided, even now the south was becoming more and more dissatisfied.
He thought of Angelica and the vow she had made him give to her. "So never lose sight of the fact that you have been blessed with the best wife. For the rest of your life, every sacrifice you make is for my sister give her the best life."
To give her the best life, to dedicate everything he did for the rest of his life in the attempt to make things better, to renew and restore his honor in her eyes.
Eliza.
Best of wives and best of women.
The pen grew heavier in his hand, he can't find the words to say anymore. He felt at that moment the same as when Philip had died, wordless, speechless, lifeless.
Blessed with the best wife.
"I don't deserve you Eliza." he whispered, because it was the truth. He knew that for a long time, he didn't deserve her, he had destroyed his reputation and hurt her in the single most harmful way he could.
She stared up at him, his beloved, he loved her so much at that moment, being drawn back to the bed she had forbidden him from all that time ago. She brought herself up so that they could press their foreheads together.
He almost felt the pulse of the house, of their home. Their children were all asleep right now, it was just the two of them still awake. He thought of them and of Eliza and felt his heart flutter.
His father had never been around, he had abandoned his mother to their poverty and then their sickness.
He had sworn to always be there for the children, making that same vow that he had with Philip each time one was born.
Staring at her Alexander came to a decision. He laid his pen down on the desk, turned enough to see the paper and fold it in half, holding it carefully. He reached out towards the candle with it in hand and watched as it lit on fire, letting the ashes fall down onto the wood.
"Come back to bed, that would be enough." she whispered to him one more time.
"Yeah, okay." he said, barely there.
They stood together, his hand finding hers. He extinguished the candle and he let her lead him back to their bedroom. He undressed and pulled on his sleeping clothes, letting Eliza pull him down onto the bed and then the blanket covering them. She curled up close to him, half on top of his chest, her head above his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as close as he could, staring up at the ceiling.
Burr would be furious. There will be hell to pay come morning. He might be able to turn it around, say the truth that Burr challenged him despite the illegality of the act. He wasn't entirely sure what to expect in all honesty, he needed to prepare and he needed to write, he bought some more time but…
He had to throw away his shot but...he had the time now but….maybe there was still time, he could quickly rewrite the letter, hurry out, Nathaniel was no doubt waiting for him, if he ran he could still make it and he could finish this and he could-
Eliza curled closer to him, he could feel her body relax against his and he could almost feel the smile.
He could throw away this shot. It would be worth it. His children needed him. His country needed him.
Most of all, Eliza, in her infinite compassion and forgiveness, had decided that she still needed him.
Best of wives and best of women.
Alexander smiled, and closed his eyes, finally letting himself relax, knowing that there will be a storm to face come morning time, but it no longer mattered, he would face anything he had to.
So long as Eliza was by his side, and he by hers.
Best of wives and best of women.
I do not own Hamilton.