Yo yo it's MC.

Is this even a crackfic? Lol I dunno.

Not meant to be taken seriously.

...Are you still reading this?

Please don't, the sheer amount of stupidity will break you.

Oh, so you're gonna do it?

Don't say I didn't warn you.

It was a beautiful day outside.

Birds are singing.

Flowers are blooming.

And Solarisaverti is FUCKING pissed.

"REEEEEEEEEEE SYLVAR DON'T DO KINKY LESBIAN INTERCOURSE ON MY BED I'M STRAIGHT IN THE OFFICIAL CANON STOP PLS YOU'RE AROUSING ME."

She could've easily just blasted them out of the room but last time she did that she had to get a new house because she made stars fly everywhere and the house fucking melted. Fucking idiot.

And as much as you'd probably want to see me type hot steamy lesbian Demon-Goddess Crossbreed on Gay Pride Grim Reaper action, well too fucking bad, we're keeping this weaboo bullshit family friendly, ya hear me?

Besides, we gotta get this plot moving forwards.

Um.

Shit, this is a Gate fic, isn't it?

UH CUE SCENE TRANSITION

Well, uh, the Gate opened. Somewhere.

Ultiel was an ex-archgoddess, because she loved someone and made a contract and gave up her powers so her in-game model could have a second hand so she could dual wield greatswords. Oh and she became fucking giant and got the ability to go at warpspeed even though big things are always slow but she decided to break the mold because FUCKING NORMIES.

Oh and she became a gardener so she could grow stuff like trees and Chaos Weed, because that shit's fukkin kinky.

And that's what she was doing, maintaining her gardens.

But then the super duper primitive dumbass roman/medieval guys from Waifu-land came in through the Gate, ready to fuck your shit, but then one of the dumb idiots stepped on a flower.

Ultiel got fucking triggered like a tumblr user during feminism discussions and pulled a pair of Thistle-blades out of her ass.

"FUCKING NORMIES GET OFF MY LAAAAAWN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Then she fucking wrecked them.

However, in another timeline, another Gate opened and Thus Waifu Whackers...whacked your silly waifu.

[legoblox278: haha wow you guys got wrecked]

[Aziron: your mom got wrecked :^^^)]

[legoblox278: wow thats not very nice]

[DivineEngine: GUYS SHES HEALING]

Rory was having the worst time ever, being attacked by a group of colorful people wielding red-colored Jokotos.

[Strobby: WAIFU WHACKING!]

[H0b0jojo: Wow this boss is easy peasy she doesn't even have ranged attacks]

It was the same thing, several of these weird men would rush her, slash her, before she would kill them, then her overpowered regeneration abilities would then kick in and heal her, the raiders would respawn, and start over. Then there was the one idiot who tried whacking her across the head with a "powerhammer" which was actually just a barbell.

DEMIGODDESS RORY MERCURY HEALTH: 10,000,000/10,000,000

[legoblox278: aaay full health lmao]

[H0b0jojo: where the hell is lazy]

Then LazyTimothy123 came in and before you could say 'sword enema' they fucking wrecked her shit with Lunar Jokoto + Pathogen X zerg rush.

[legoblox278: DPS DPS DAMAGE PER SECOND]

[DivineEngine: DPS DPS]

[Big_Rigs: Aaaay rekt kiddo.]

[legoblox278: aaaay who wants to fight Hardy?]

[thebroz: oh hey an elf]

Tuka was very confused as the group of blocky humanoid figures crowding around her swinging around dangerous god-killing weapons.

Lelei just shrugged like the emotionless magical girl she was.

"Idiots." She mumbled, secretly fed up with this bullshit, not caring that they just reketed Rory Mercury.

Don't worry, there's always another timeline.

"Is that a person, whose head is a scaled model of a battleship, wearing a maid dress?" Itami Yoji asked, pointing at exactly what he was talking about; the glorious Ark-chan.

There are infinite timelines, my boy.

"Cool. Hey, is that a battleship...scissoring...a ladder...?"

Yep.

"Nice."

And then maybe there's a universe where the JSDF actually fought there. Maybe. Dunno.

At this point I stopped trying and started vaping.