Deep in the Elwynn Mountains lived a Gnome, by the name of Sheathen. He was a brilliant, yet senile Gnome, like them all, and he lived in the mountains with his multi-racial family. He was feeling quite content today. He was making his trek up the mountains to return home with his new supplies that he just bought from a merchant in Stormwind, as well as a hot and fresh pizza he purchased for his family from a man in Cutthroat Alley. His mind began to wander, excited about a new machine he was working on. It was innovative, and he was sure it would win him a prize from the Gnomish Council. After ten more minutes, he arrived at his cozy cottage. He walked through the front door and set down his groceries. Nobody was home. Eager to see his machine once more, he went down to the basement where he kept it. To his shock, it was gone. This is not his story.
CLUB SANGUINE
Garrosh Hellscream sat on his throne. The soft crackle of the braziers in his throne room provided a slight warmth to his rough red skin. He sat there, deep in thought. He was expecting a visit from Jastor Gallywix, leader of the Goblins. The Goblins were greedy beings, and Hellscream had no doubt that the meeting Gallywix had requested was going to be about the recent economic downfall the Horde was experiencing. Their economy wasn't bad, far from it in fact. But it had taken a noticeable downfall. Garrosh knew Jastor would find a way to fix this.
Jastor walked into the room. He was never late. Time is money, after all. His grotesque fat sloshed as he waddled his mottled green body to the Warchief's throne.
"What do you want, Jastor?" Garrosh asked nonchalantly. He was actually quite interested in what the Trade Prince had to say, but he had to maintain his badass image.
"Not even a 'how are you'?" Jastor said with a sly, moist grin.
Garrosh glared at him. "This better be worth it."
"I'll cut to the chase." Jastor said. "I've got something that could be the key to our economic ordeal."
Garrosh raised a thick brow. "Go on."
Jastor clapped his hands. "Boys!"
Two Hobgoblin slaves marched in, carrying something about the size of a table, and the height of a refrigerator. It was covered by a cloth, stained with brown spots. The slaves set it down just behind the Trade Prince.
"Behold!" He said, as the Hobgoblins threw off the cloth. Unveiled was a metal plate, with two beams sticking out on both sides. In the right hand corner was a control panel.
"Some spies of mine 'borrowed' it from some Gnomish inventor in the Elwynn Mountains." Jastor said with a smile so wide the corners of his mouth seemed to touch his ears.
"What the hell is it?" Garrosh asked, stunned.
"It's a dimension hopper." Jastor explained. "I got the blueprints right here." He pulled some blueprints out of the back of his pants. "It somehow opens up a rift that will transport you to a new realm, I don't know." He tossed the blueprints to Garrosh's feet.
Garrosh picked up the blueprints and futilely tried to make something out of the Gnomish text. 'How did you make out these words?" Garrosh asked.
"I've got some slaves in the pen. I threatened to feed 'em to the hounds if they didn't translate."
"You're a sick bastard." Garrosh said. "I like you."
Gallywix blushed.
"But how is this going to help the economy troubles?" The Warchief asked.
Gallywix clapped his hands, and rubbed them together on impact. "I'm glad you asked." he said with a sneer. "I'll give it to ya in a nutshell. We send some troops through the rift. Wherever they end up, they gather resources. They come back with those resources, and PROFIT!"
"I see. Hopefully those resources will sell for a good price." Garrosh said in thought.
"Exactly!" Gallywix exclaimed. "People will surely invest in this project."
"But why don't we take further action and colonize the land?"
"Well, there's a slight problem with the device." the Trade Prince rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "The rift closes after 24 hours. If they aren't back beforehand, they'll be trapped in the new world forever."
Garrosh slammed his fist on his armrest. "Damn." He muttered. "Alright. We have a day to send troops through a rift, that could very well malfunction knowing Gnomish engineering, to gather resources that might not even be profitable, and risking losing some of our best soldiers along the way."
"Well...yeah!" Gallywix nodded.
"It's bullshit. But I'm willing to try anything at this point." Garrosh said hesitantly.
"Well, time is money so let's get spending!" Jastor raised a fist, his thick breasts wobbling. "Call forth your best troops and let's begin."
"Alright, men." Garrosh said marching back and forth down the line of troops. "once again, your orders are to enter the rift, gather as much resources as you can, and kill anything and sight."
The soldiers nodded.
"And bring back their hide too!" Gallywix added.
The soldiers nodded again.
Garrosh scanned his men. A nice batch, he thought. Seven of them would lead the army. Orgism, an Orc barbarian, Kyll'me, a Troll archer, Satyrius, a Blood Elf cleric, Whizzpin, a Goblin engineer, Czebtch, a Forsaken witch, and Putahh, a Tauren sage, led the pack. The rest were various grunts and henchmen of every race.
The project was already a success. People had invested good money in it, and all of the Horde seemed to be discussing, finding out about it purely by word of mouth.
Garrosh turned to the Trade Prince. "Jastor." Gallywix looked back. "Open the doorway."
Gallywix swelled with pride, as if the device was his own. He waddled over to the machine, with a grin he just couldn't hide. His mustard yellow teeth seemed to glisten with excitement. He made his way to the control panel.
"Ready, men!" Garrosh yelled. The units stood straight up. "When that portal opens I want you to charge." Garrosh glared at the device.
"Now, Jastor!"
Gallywix pulled the switch with glee. The two rods on both sides began to spark and fizzle. With a loud crackle, two beams of electricity came from the rods, and a blue, spherical portal formed.
"Go, you morons, go!" Garrosh yelled.
The soldiers charged in, one by one disappearing into a realm so gruesome, it would bring the most battle-hardened Orc to tears.
Tableface was a redneck. He lived in a broke-ass igloo on the outskirts of the Town. He spent his days sitting in his rocking chair, and spitting. And spitting. And spitting. He sighed. "Club Penguin ain't what it used to be." He muttered. A little purple penguin came waddling towards Tableface. "Not this little shit again." Tableface thought to himself. That goddamn kid went to Tableface every morning to ask for bullshit redneck philosophy. The kid got to Tableface's feet and looked up at him. He took his thumb out of his mouth and spoke.
"So, uh...what's the prevailing attitude, Mr. Tableface?"
Tableface usually gave the kid some half-assed cockshit that came from his brain's anus. But today, he felt something stirring.
"Well, kid," Tableface said, scratching his rough beard. "A storm's a-brewin'. I ain't sure what kind...but some deep doo doo is comin' our way."
The child scratched his left testicle.
"Wull, okay then." He said. "I'm gonna go masturbate."
The child ran off. "Good riddance." Tableface muttered.
Tableface rocked in his chair. Creak, creak, creak. Once in awhile he'd pop open a bottle of blended chum and drink away. Nothing like sweet, red fish innards pressing against your lips and sliding down your throat like a penguin on the slopes. Tableface sat for another 45 minutes, shit his britches, and fell asleep.
Tableface woke up 21 minutes later to an ear piercing crash. "What in the name of fuck?" Table face groaned as he cracked open his crusty eyeballs. Right before his very eyes he witnessed the opening of the rift. A new spherical blue portal had opened up right on Tableface's lawn. He watched as strange creatures spilled out of it, like poop coming out of an anus. Tableface was in pure shock. The creatures spoke in a strange tongue. It seemed like they were making a plan. Six of them commanded a crowd of about ten. Tableface, half drunk, picked up his pitchfork resting beside his chair, held it up and said,
"Now I don't know who the hell you fucks are, but this here's private property, and I'd advise you to get the hell off my lawn."
The soldiers were fluent in Tableface's tongues of Common. A seasoned warrior must know the language of his enemy, after all. Orgism, the Orc barbarian stepped toward Tableface and glared into his eyes. Tableface didn't hesitate to jab the pitchfork into the Orc's stomach. Only it didn't pierce him. It didn't even leave a mark. As a matter of fact, the pitchfork broke. Tableface looked up, frightened. Orgism grabbed Tableface by his neck and held him up, eye level.
"Fuck. You." Orgism whispered in his ear. Tableface was shivering now. He began to speak, but was interrupted. Orgism dug his massive, yellow teeth into Tableface's head. He penetrated his skull, and pierced his brain, moving his jaw up and down. He finally pulled out, and Tableface's head shattered to pieces like a watermelon as he did. Orgism threw the body to the ground. "Everybody follow me."
The troops trudged through the cold, thick snow that covered the land. After 15 minutes, they came across a cluster of trees, and at the base of the trees, was a discarded map. "That's fucking convenient, mon." Kyll'me said, snickering. Orgism picked the map up and scanned the island. He sneered.
"No barracks." He said. "No defenses."
His comrades nodded in approval.
"Alright," Orgism began to command. "Each of us will take a section of the island and kill as much as we can while the grunts mine and gather resources."
Orgism scanned his comrades. Kyll'me was slender, yet fit, with a choppy red mohawk and yellowing tusks. Czebtch had yellow eyes, glowing with possesion. She had electrifying grey hair and no jaw. Whizzpin had barely any meat on his bones. What he lacked in defense, he made up for cunning. He had an array of explosives strapped to his black leather vest, and wore a pair of red goggles, shrouding his true intentions. Putahh was old, with a grey hide, and a long unkempt beard. His horns were short by Tauren standards. Finally, Satyrius. He wore a flamboyant yellow cloak, with a flamboyant crystal staff, and flamboyant flowing red hair. Orgism looked at himself. He had on heavy iron armor, covered in thick wool. He wore a horned helmet, also covered in wool. He decided everyone was well suited.
"I'll take the Town Square." Orgism began. "Kyll'me take the lighthouse, Putahh take the dojo, Whizzpin take the dock, Czebtch take the plaza, and Satyrius take the igloo neighborhood. Grunts, take the mine and forest to get minerals and cut down lumber. You are to do nothing else." Orgism pointed the way to his soldier's destinations.
The soldiers nodded. Orgism handed a map to the six other leaders. "Move out." He commanded. "Lok'tar Ogar."
Orgism took a deep breath, and charged through the trees with confidence. He unsheathed his axe and roared. Staring back at him was a crowd of penguins. Penguins of all different colors. There was a "Coffee Shop", a "Night Club" and a "Gift Shop". "What the fuck…" Orgism whispered. Slowly, a blue penguin approached him. "Welcome to Club Penguin!" he said. Orgism looked at him, confused. These are the fantastical beasts I'm supposed to make battle with? Well...fuck it, Orgism raised his axe over his head. The penguin looked up, amazed.
"Say your last words, bitch." Orgism said to the helpless soul.
The penguin smiled a cheeky grin. "Be my friend!" He said cheerily.
Orgism swung down his axe with no hesitation or remorse. It struck down on the penguin's head, with a loud splitting noise. His brains painted the snow a dark red.
"Oh gawwwd!" A penguin screamed. All the penguins began to panic running frantically in different directions. Orgism knew hell would be raised today. He pried his axe from the penguin's skull and swung it over his shoulder. The body fell to the ground in the red slush. Orgism roared and leaped into the crowd of horrified penguins, beheading 6 of them with one swing of his axe. He turned to the "Coffee Shop" and casually walked through it's doors.
He scanned the room. Modern, hip and cozy it was. To him, however, it looked completely foreign. He noticed there were penguins hiding under the chairs and tables, shivering with fear. Orgism grinned and walked over to the cashier, a pink female with chocolate brown hair in a side pony.
"Hello." Orgism said
"Hi, how may I help you?" The cashier replied with cheer.
Orgism scanned the menu. "I'd like a caramel mocha latte."
"That'll be 5 coins!" the cashier said, smiling.
"Oh, and can you add some penguin innards to that?" Orgism asked.
"That'll be an extra 2 coins!"
Orgism growled with frustration. "I want it for free!" He grabbed the cashiers side pony and shoved her head in the nearby blender."Sir, you can't have it for free!" she said, still smiling. Orgism pressed the button that read "Blend". The blades inside instantly began to spin, slicing and dicing the cashier's brains. Orgism released his finger from the button, and held up the pitcher of penguin blood. He took a long, big gulp. "I love the taste of my enemies blood!" He declared.
Orgism looked around at all the penugins hiding under the furniture, traumatized. This is going to be fun.
"Little shits." Kyll'me muttered through the bushes. He was watching the penguins outside the lighthouse, with his bow strapped to his back, and his arrows on his thigh. He was hiding in a group of shrubs, caked with cold snow. Trolls, unlike other races, do not posses skin thick enough to bear this cold. Fuck my life. He thought to himself. He glared at two penguins engaged in a conversation. Almost instinctively, he unsheathed his bow and drew back an arrow. "Time to raise some hell". he said. He let go, and and watched the arrow zoom towards the innocents. Just like that, the arrow struck one of the penguins in the arm. Unable to take such pain, he fell to the ground instantly. Before anyone could scream, Kyll'me stood up and strut towards the crowd. They all stared at him in awe. What was this strange beast, and what was it doing on their land? He pulled back another arrow, and turned his head to every penguin in the crowd.
"If any of you fucking dopes move, mon, I'll execute every fucking one of ya." The penguins stared back in awe. Kyll'me looked over to the Lighthouse. "Stay here, mons." He said to the group of penguins. "I want ya to watch this." He sheathed his bow and scanned the crowd. He grabbed a yellow penguin by the arm.
"You're comin' with me, mon." He said, tugging his flipper.
"Please! No!" The penguin resisted. Kyll'me bared his tusks to the penguin, giving him a jolt. Kyll'me led the penguin into the lighthouse. "W-What are you gonna do to me?" The penguin asked with tears in his eyes. Kyll'me didn't respond, and led the penguin up the stairs to the top of the lighthouse. They walked through the hatch leading to the top, the lightbulb was off at the moment. Kyll'me let the penguin out of his grip. "Don't fucking move." He instructed him. Kyll'me walked over to the rail, and saw that the penguins he told not to move were still where they were before, as instructed. He smiled, and looked down at the still crowd. He stared at them for a minute, high above them all. Finally, he spoke.
"We are your gods now."
Without another word, he walked over to the penguin he had hostage. He opened a hatch in the glass, the massive light bulb within. He shoved the penguin in and closed the door. The penguin pressed his face to the glass, pleading for mercy. The glass was so thick Kyll'me couldn't hear. The troll walked over to a red switch. It was covered by glass that required a key to open. With no effort at all, Kyll'me punched the glass case and got access to the lever. He tenaciously grasped the switch, turned to the penguin in the lighthouse glass and smiled. He was going to execute him in front of everybody below. Kyll'me pulled the lever, and the gigantic lightbulb crackled with light. The onlookers watched with horror as the penguins skin melted off, revealing his flesh and bone. He screeched, and this time the entire island could hear the shrill noise. Kyll'me adjusted the light bulb's settings to max power, a level marked "DO NOT SET". The light bulb made a piercing noise, and shined as bright as it could. Everybody within the lighthouse's range began to melt into red fleshy ooze, except Kyll'me who had enough meat on his bones to make it through. The shrieks of despair sent orgasmic chills down his spine. The light bulb began to sputter and shake. Kyll'me's orgasm was interrupted by the sudden movements. "She's gonna blow, mon!" he yelled. He leaped off the balcony and landed safely in the snow. He crouched into a ball as the light bulb blew up into shards of glass that fell to the ground like snow. Once the glass stopped falling, Kyll'me stood up without a scratch and looked around. Piles of bloody mush and bone with broken glass on top surrounded him. Job well done. He thought. Job well done.
Putahh looked up at the dojo with reverence. To him it was not a place to kill or maim, but an impressive architectural and spiritual feat. The climb to reach his destination was a chore, but he had managed. Putahh took a deep breath and walked through the doors. Mats lined the floor, with penguins engaged in martial arts battles on them. As he took his first steps, the battles all stopped at once, the martial artists looking at him with curiosity. Putahh walked down the isle, towards a grey penguin with a beard and conical hat. He reached him, and kneeled down to his feet.
"I would like permission to train in your Dojo." Putaah said with grace.
The elderly Sensei stroked his beard. "So be it." he croaked. Putaah smiled. "But first," Sensei said. "You must do battle with me to prove your worth."
"I shall." Putaah said.
They walked over to a mat, all eyes in the dojo on them. They bowed, and did battle. Sensei made the first move. He took out a hot sauce bottle and sprayed it at Putaah's hooves. Flames spilled out, Putaah just barely dodging. What the hell kind of a spell is that? Putaah wondered. Putaah's move was next. He threw a fist towards Sensei's face, but Sensei grabbed the fist before it could make an impact. "Ah, young grasshopper." Sensei said calmly. "We don't use our hands in this Dojo. Only the elements." Putaah grunted. "Fine." he said, disappointed. Putaah drew both hands back and let forth a bolt of electricity zapping the elderly Sensei, putting him on the verge of a heart attack. Sensei fell to the ground, Putaah looming over him like a tower. The Tauren normally did not get into a battle like this, but he was overwhelmed. Sensei got back to his feet, still shaking from the lightning bolt. "F-Forfeit…" He wheezed. Sensei coughed once more, and fell to the ground shaking. The crowd gasped as Sensei died a slow, painful death.
Putaah cupped his hands over his mouth. What have I done?
"You!" Somebody in the crowd screamed. "You did this! Leave our dojo!" The crowd erupted into angered cries. Putaah couldn't take it. The war machine in him was awakening. He roared like a T-Rex, and walked over to the crowd of angry ninjas. He threw a fist down, incapacitating a few of them. The cries of rage turned into cries of fear, as the crowd began to evacuate. Putaah roared again, and walked over to the wall. He dug his fist into the paper-thin Oriental screen, and tore it up. He then spawned a ball of fire into his hand and threw it to the grounds, setting the Dojo on fire. He ran out to watch the once peaceful site burn to the ground. The cold snowfall conflicted with the raging fire, like a battle of the elements. Putaah got to his knees and laughed maniacally, the flames surrounding him. They got closer and closer, his cackling slowly turned into sobs. The flames began to eat him up. What have I done?
Back in Azeroth, Gallywix was talking to Garrosh in his throne room.
"What do you think could be going on?" Gallywix said, clearly nervous.
"I'm sure they're fine." Garrosh replied. "If they aren't, they'll be hung in the middle of the city for all to see."
"I need somebody to calm my nerves." Gallywix said, this time...seductively. He eased his way towards Garrosh, who was sitting on his throne and began to give him a lap dance.
"What the hell are you doing?" Garrosh asked, outraged. "Don't be afraid of your feelings." Gallywix said, his flabs bouncing. "If you don't get off me right now, I'll turn you inside out and feed your innards to the wolves." Garrosh said through his clenched teeth. "Don't fuck with me." He said again. Gallywix put a finger over Garrosh's lips. "Don't say a word, and let me do the heavy lifting." Gallywix lowered himself to Garrosh's crotch, and started to take off his loincloth. Garrosh started to get up, but he began to feel an odd sensation. This wasn't so bad after all. Garrosh moaned, and fell back into his chair. "Tonight you're mine." Gallywix whispered.
Goddamn its cramped in here. Whizzpin was hiding under the dashboard of a speedboat, waiting for the pieces of his plan to fall into place. Finally, after what seemed like hours of waiting, he heard a group of penguins board the vessel. And it all goes to hell from here. Whizzpin was surround by wires, each of which he knew how to manipulate to his liking. One of the penguins revved up the boat, and slowly began to move out into the ocean. They sounded college aged, probably heading out to have a full day of sex on the seven seas. Whizzpin felt the speedboat jerk and pick up speed. He decided to wait a while before he did anything. Savor the moment. he thought. He could hear the passengers talking from under the dash. "Did you bring the stuff?" somebody said. "Yeah, I got it right here." another responded. "It's gonna cost you though." Whizzpin couldn't help but laugh. This is gonna be fun for the both of us. The boat made sudden halt. "Let's rock!" he heard a penguin say. Whizzpin opened the small door he had used to get into the dash just a smidge and peered outside. Oh my god. The penguins were gathered around in a circle, passing around a bag of yellow snow and taking deep inhales. After everyone in the circle had taken at least three snorts, they all clumped together and began humping and screwing one another like a fucking jamboree. Whizzpin voyeuristically watched as the penguins had an open seas orgy. Now's the time. Whizzpin stepped out from under the dash, and took control of the wheel.
"Good evening, I'm Whizzpin and I'll be your captain today!" He said into the captain's mic. "What the fuck?" one of the penguins said. They were all too stoned and too horny to care that much. "So. where's everybody from?" Whizzpin asked maniacally. The penguins looked at him with blank, dopey stares, all of them still sexxing one another. "Fuck off!" one of them muttered. "Jeez, tough crowd!" Whizzpin said. "Alright, our first stop will be: hell!" Whizzpin revved up the boat, and put it at full speed. The penguins, not wearing safety belts, flew to the back of the boat and hit the wall with a thump. Whizzpin took sudden and sharp turns all over the place, making the penguins fly around in a cluster of smashed horniness. Whizzpin picked up speed and headed for a nearby iceberg. "Tally ho!" Whizzpin yelled as he jumped off and landed in the water. He came up just in time to watch the boat ram into the iceberg, shattering it into a pile of scrap metal and body parts, plopping in the ocean one by one. Whizzpin held on to one of the scorched bodies like a lifesaver, and used it to swim back to the nearby shore.
He reached the shore and looked out to the sea, inspecting his work. A cluster of penguins, boat parts, and ice floated in the middle of the ocean like shit in a toilet. He picked up the body he had used to float to shore. "Oh, my sweet cauliflower." He said as he kissed the body that had been worn to a bloody pulp. His smooching got more and more intense, as it quickly turned to wet licking. Finally, he chomped down on it's beak and tore it off with a wet rip. I love my job.
Czebtch hovered above the Plaza on her broomstick. Czebtch hovered over the Plaza on her broomstick. She saw a Stage, Hotel, Pet Store, and a Pizza Parlor. Seeing the Pizza Parlor bought her back. Back to her childhood. When she was still alive…
The smell. Tomato sauce, Stormwind brie, mushrooms. The Kitchen. I visited the Kitchen everyday after school. In Cutthroat Alley. The grungy wooden floors, and dumpy oven. The oven. Joey. Not many people came to Cutthroat Alley. Joey. He wore those rags. That grey stubble. The long hair. He cooked me pizza every day. Father. Don't go there anymore. Don't go there. Don't go there…
don't
no
don't
STOP
Czebtch glided down to the Pizza Parlor, in somewhat of a trance. She reached the ground, dropped her broom, and opened the polished glass doors of the Pizza Parlor. All the Parlor's activity came to a halt when they saw the rotting corpse waltz in. In usual penguin fashion, the customers panicked, and hid under tables, clutching their loved ones tight. Czebch surveyed the room. That's when she snapped.
"Any one of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every last motherfucking one of ya!" She screeched, holding her fists, currently aflame with magic. She let the magic fade away, and grabbed a nearby penguins wrist. With no word, she dragged him through an opening that led to the kitchen.
The penguin didn't dare to speak, fearing for his life. All he could do was shake. Inside the kitchen, Czebtch found the Pizzatron 2000, a machine designed for making pizzas. It was complete with a conveyor belt leading into a bulky hunk of metal, filled with gears and mesh, and leading out onto a plate. Czebtch pushed the penguin on the conveyor belt, and pressed all the buttons on the control panel. The penguin did not move, he was paralyzed with fear. The conveyor belt lead him into the machine, and out of Czebtch's sight. All she heard was a shrill cry of terror, metal clanking together, and then silence. Out rolled a pizza, scattered with penguin meat and blood.
Czebtch walked out of the kitchen with the pizza and set it on a table. The penguins were still under the tables like before.
"Dig in!" She cackled. Nobody moved. She took the nearest penguin by the beak and pulled him out from his hiding place. She pushed him on the chair, and pulled a blade to his neck. "Eat your food." She whispered. The penguin began to sob uncontrollably. "Eat you fucking food!" Czebtch screamed. The penguin only continued to cry, fearing what he knew was in the food. Czebtch inched the blade closer to his neck. The penguin hesitantly pulled out a slice and ate it. It was dense and chewy, like bubble gum. It tasted like salt and rubber.
"Do you like it?" asked Czebtch. "It's our new topping. I call it...Penguin Special." Instantly, the penguin hurled a dark green substance all over the pizza. He took one look at the vomit, and vomited again, only this time blood came out. He started to have heart palpitations, and then just like that, his ribcage flew out. All the penguins in the room saw this, and they started to hurl. It soon erupted to into a festival of throw-up and blood. Czebtch felt she had done something right, although she wasn't sure what. She walked out of the Pizza Parlor with an empty feeling inside.
"Watch it, motherfucker!" Satyrius yelled to the penguin he had chained to the wall of an igloo. She had on a pink beanie hat and black glasses. The mailbox on the front lawn read Aunt Arctic. He had broken into her home, chained her to the wall using magic, and was currently torturing her pets in front of her very eyes.
Penguins had strange pets. They were little balls of fur called Puffles, and they came in many different colors. Satyrius was currently crushing one under the weight of his staff right now, ignoring Aunt Arctic's cries. Satyrius grinned as the Puffle squeaked in pain, but it just wouldn't die. It was as if it had no skeleton able to shatter. Satyrius was just beginning to contemplate giving up when he heard the screams from an igloo next door. They sounded like screams of distress, and he decided to go investigate, leaving Aunt Arctic chained to the wall.
He stepped outside into the bitter yet warm snow, and made his way to the igloo beside the one he was in. He could hear the shrieks even better now, and he found a window to peer through. He looked through it, and to his surprise the howls were not of terror, but of pleasure. Two penguins, both men, were currently having hot sex with each other. Satyrius would often bottle up his homosexual feelings for others, but these penguins were such interesting specimen. Such supple skin, soft warm flippers…
"Hey!" The penguin who was being taken from behind said. "Wanna join us?" Satyrius thought he was dreaming. He had never wanted to come to this island, but the creatures made it all worth it. Speechless, he climbed through the window to partake in kinky interspecies sex. Nobody said a word. This was purely emotional. Satyrius got in between the two penguins and they shared a wet slobbery kiss. One of them moved down to Satyrius' cock, and began to suckle. Satyrius moaned, and passionately nibbled on his skin. They all fell to the ground and began to rub each other, growing more and more intense. It turned into a full scale orgy. Wet dicks flipped and flopped everywhere, nipples were pinched, anuses stretched beyond they're raiduses. This was a night of passion. This was their night. This was...love.
That's when the horn sounded. It was blown by Orgism, after plundering and raping the areas of the island that the others did not. It to signal twenty minutes before the rift closed. He had completely lost track of time, and was in full panic mode. The island was luckily easy to navigate. He sounded the horn again. "Shit." he muttered. Luckily, everybody heard the call and came stampeding towards him. He pointed to the weakening portal. "Get in! Get in!" He screamed. The grunts were piling in, the troops close behind. It was a scene of complete chaos, leaving behind the land they had just molested. All except for one. Where was Satyirus? Everybody had made it through in five minutes flat, and time was running out. Orgism promised to leave no man left behind, and he signaled the horn again. Nothing. He ran through the forest, swifter than ever and finally reached the igloos. He heard the passionate groans from one, and bashed down the door in an effort to get the hell out. He found, not to his surprise, a mess of semen and horniness.
"Satyrius, come on!" He screamed.
Satyrius rose up from the pile of bodies. "No," He said. "I'm staying here with Kent and Jake. They are the loves of my life."
"Stop dicking around, we have to go!" Orgism yelled.
Satyrius simply closed his eyes and fell back, continuing the orgy. Orgism decided he wouldn't take this shit anymore. He unsheathed his massive axe, and stepped towards them.
"Orgism." Satyirus said, his voice cracking with fear. "You wouldn't." Orgism said nothing and raised the axe over his head. "No!" Satyirus yelled as Orgism bought down the axe and chopped up Kent, and then Jake. Blood and sperms exploded in the room, painting the walls.
"Come on!" Orgism yelled, throwing the crying Satyirus over his back and dashing to the portal. They had jumped in seconds before it closed.
The army was clustered in Garrosh's throne room, alive with chatter. "Silence!" Garrosh screamed. "Bring forth the game." The grunts marched forward, and plopped down their outcome of lumber and minerals. Garrosh and Gallywix both scrutinized them. The lumber and an appealing scent and color to it, and the minerals were glistening with luster. "This was a success." said Gallywix. Garrosh called forth some guards. "Take these supplies to the blacksmith, and make sure he forges many nice things." He commanded. The guards all took portions of the game, and went off. "Good job, men." Garrosh said. "We will split the profits of our outcome. But for now-" Then Gallywix cut him off. "Boss!" He said with excitement. "It looks like the machine has enough juice to transport them to one more land!" Garrosh's eyes opened wide. "What do you say? Is everyone up for one more round?" The soldiers were stunned. Gallywix tinkered on the control panel and opened a new portal. "Do it." He said. "Do it for your faction." Orgism turned to his comrades. "Let's do this." They let out a mighty battle cry, and charged through the new portal Gallywix had opened, this time getting through much faster. "That gets rid of them." Garrosh said. "Now let's get back to having some fun."
The army filed out of the portal, and into a sunny green field. "Follow me, men." Orgism said. He led the group to a town square, complete with a Town Hall, Bank, and Library. "Seems promising." Kyll'me said. Everybody looked around. Animals roamed the area, only they were on two legs, and were wearing clothes, and talking. They seemed frightened at the sight of the army. Satyrius sniffled. "They seem...cute." He said through his leftover tears. "Be on your guard, men." Orgism said. Then, an anthropomorphic mouse approached them and chuckled. "Welcome to Toontown!" He said.