Title: The Loss of My Children
Series: Star Trek: Voyager
Author: Captain Nora Jones
Rating: T
Summary: The Doctor has successfully restored Janeway and Paris to human form, but during their stay in sickbay Janeway can't help but think about what they left behind.
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"Dear God let me have peaceful dreams tonight," she silently prayed in the darkness of sickbay. "Please don't let them be of Tom's mutation, Kazon attacks, Vidian attacks, injured crewmen, or the three beings we left behind."
She closed her eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall. Guilt panged deep within her. Would they survive on their own, abandoned on that planet? What would they grow into? Would they be lizards like Tom and her had become, or would they be something different? There were too many questions and not enough answers.
She sighed,
"I'll never get to sleep."
She hadn't realized that she had said it out loud until a hand lightly touched her shoulder. She whipped around and stared into her startled pilot's eyes.
"I-" He began but she stopped him with a hand.
"I'm sorry I woke you," she said softly.
"Captain," he said. "I'm the one who should be sorry."
"It's not your fault Tom."
"Yes it is," he said with the hard edge of guilt in his voice. "I kidnapped you, I knocked you unconscious, I-" He stopped unable to finish the thought.
"Made love to me," Kathryn offered.
Tom got an uneasy look on his face and took a step back.
"Yeah," he said quietly.
"What do you think they'll be like?" Kathryn asked trying to get him off his guilt trip.
"Who?"
"Our children."
"They'll be smart, quick witted, and beautiful like you."
"Why Mr. Paris," she teased him. "You're lucky it's dark in this sickbay I'm blushing."
"That part of me knew exactly what I was doing when I found you on deck six."
"Oh?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"The inner beast that had been brought out, knew that the only mate it wanted was you."
"Tell your inner beast I'm flattered."
It was Tom's turn to blush and Kathryn's eyes turned sad.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I can't help but think about them," she said turning away from him.
"I know."
"I might never get the chance to have children Tom."
"Yes you will. You will get us home."
"I fear I will be an old woman when we get home."
Tom was silent.
"I have lost my children Tom."
"We can always go back-"
"No. We have far enough to go to get this crew home."
"You're sure?" he said putting his hands on her shoulders.
"Yes," she said quietly. "I just need time."
"To mourn?"
She nodded,
"The loss of my children."