A/N: This one-shot was written as an entry to a challenge from the Facebook group "Lovers of the Potions Master". The challenge was outlined: "Sev and an oc (your own or borrowed if you never made one or create one if you like) are in an established relationship. An argument ensues based on an unresolved issue (feelings for Lily, lack of proposal, whatever) it's up to you what they fight over. It causes them to almost break up (one side or the other thinking this). Angst is what we are shooting for,and romance. Try to make it as angsty as you can without over doing it."
Also, if anyone is interested, note that this is set in the same universe as my long SS/OC fic, "The Serpents' Kiss", and fits in as a side story between chapters 40 and 41. Enjoy, and please leave a review! :-)
A LITTLE WHILE LONGER
Dinah was happy. Severus was working on a portion of Eugene's youthening potion with ingredients innocuous enough to be worked with anywhere, and thus their little 'date' tonight was going to be spent in her rooms instead of in the dungeons.
They had spent time in here to be sure, but this time they had all evening. She didn't have a kitchenette of her own here, but was using all of the magical and Muggle tricks she had to make delicious snacks and appetizers for the handsome Defense professor, her boyfriend of just a little over a month now. A boyfriend who was currently settled on her couch, his long nose shifting from being buried in a book to buried in the little cauldron he'd brought over and had floating in the air in front of him. He made her heart flutter so much more than Dylan, her ex, ever had. She wondered... did it mean this was love? Or could be? Or was on its way to being so?
Severus glanced up at his companion for the evening when he reached a point in his experiments where he had to let the concoction simmer. Dinah, the woman who had roped him into a relationship with her this term, was blissfully puttering around her dining area preparing foods for him, alternating singing and humming along with the music that emanated from her ridiculous Muggle disc player. Severus was ashamed to admit that though part of him wanted to say 'no' when she asked him if he minded she turn it on, he could not bring himself to. He found her voice, in song, to be pleasing. A fact that pleased him very little. But what could he do?
What he should have done, at least, was to tell her there was no need to make so many appetizers only for him. As it was, she would probably eat most of it anyway. She had a voracious appetite, his Muggle Studies colleague – 'girlfriend', he supposed she would rather he think of her – and yet she managed to keep her slender figure. Her metabolism reminded him of that of a golden snidget.
Severus stood. Her cooking would be finished soon and his potion had to simmer for quite a while, so dinner had fallen at quite the apropos time. Dinah did not seem to notice his approach, so wrapped up was she in her foods and her song.
Crossing the threshold between the living area and the kitchen, Severus positioned himself so that he could lean against the edge of the dividing wall and watch Dinah's preparations. She appeared to be cooking using a mix of magical and Muggle methods, and he swallowed back his distaste at the combination. Yet, even for that, she seemed to be quite skilled in cookery, using magic for heat and making the best of the lack of a kitchenette in her rooms. The whole scene felt very... domestic. And it was not something that Severus was used to.
Dinah was just leaning over the makeshift oven she had made out of an old cardboard box to check how her lemon bars were coming along, when she felt a presence hovering behind her. She jumped and closed the box, spinning around to catch her hand to her chest and smile at the man behind her, feeling herself blush as well. She always seemed to blush around the presence of her boyfriend, especially when he was this close, his stringy dark hair framing his face and his dark eyes so... distracted? Yes, his attentions seemed to be entirely focused elsewhere, his gaze looking around her rather than at her, and she could not think of a reason why. "You startled me. Are you all right?"
He seemed to re-gather himself and turned to her, looking awkward as he often did when they were this... close. But he managed one of those little half-smile, half-smirks in return to her bright smile nonetheless, a sign that told her he still intended to stay. She didn't need him running off before she got to feed him. "Yes. I'm sorry. My thoughts were elsewhere. Are you nearly finished?"
Dinah could tell her boyfriend still stumbled through things like being amiable, apologetic, and polite, but he was trying. She nodded. "Just a bit longer."
"Very well." Severus watched as Dinah's face changed. The infernal Muggle device had apparently moved on to its next song, a song that was very familiar to him. The delight in Dinah's face in combination with the familiar tune caused a twinge to arise in his chest. The sort of twinge that always made him uncomfortable, but only occurred around Dinah.
"Oh, I love this song," Dinah spun around in her joy, her robes floating around her and the end of her ponytail spinning high and just lightly brushing across Severus's nose, causing his chest to tighten once again.
Inwardly, he cursed this infernal physiological weakness of his. But he at least managed to keep his trademark sarcasm intact as he responded to her comment. "I would never have guessed."
Nothing seemed to faze Dinah though, and she proceeded with her culinary tasks all the while singing and dancing around to her favorite musical piece.
Severus took a moment to consider where he was and what was going on around him. Dinah did not seem to mind in the least that he observe her at such ease, dancing and singing in her rooms. And more than anything, it puzzled him. Not simply because she didn't mind him seeing her in such a natural state, but that she could be so easygoing. Severus could not remember the last time he had felt light. Perhaps in childhood, the day his father had been away from home, likely passed out drunk, and his mother had recovered from her stupor long enough to teach him how to play Gobstones...
Or maybe it had been one of those delightful days with Lily as children. Before Hogwarts, before Potter. Though there had always been some edge with Lily. His nerves tingling as they played together. When he could see her, and inhale her flowery scent, and wonder if there would ever be a day when she would love him as he loved her. When he could tell her how he felt. But his cowardly childhood self had never managed it, and then it had been too late.
And yet, was it possible that Severus was feeling light now, in the presence of Dinah? When her lovely voice rang throughout the room he felt more at ease and, dare he say, happier than he had in quite a while. He had led a life of darkness, and Dinah had brought him just the smallest amount of light, though he did not deserve it. When he was with her, he felt different than he felt when he was alone...
But, this would end. Severus should not, could not, allow himself to get used to this feeling. Even though he loved this song and her voice. Even though some small part of him wondered if, perhaps, she was so happy because she was singing about her feelings for him, to the familiar lyrics...
And that was the problem. Dinah still did not understand, did not see how strongly he loved Lily. She was living under the impression that this 'relationship' she had tied them together in would last, that she would be able to help him get over Lily. But that was an illusion, and someday soon she would realize that, and then she would be done with him. She would not want him anymore. And he would no longer have any of these moments to enjoy. No longer be able to hear her sing, and to feel light... Someday soon, this would be gone.
The thought that he would lose all of it, the only thing that gave him a bit of solace in this new life where he had no mission to keep him occupied, no place to go, nothing to distract him from thoughts of his losses and his darkness but Dinah...
Maybe it was that thought, those thoughts, that caused Severus to do what he did. But the next time Dinah spun around he caught her, pulling her to him, holding her in his arms the way he had never been able to hold Lily, trying merely to hold on to this bit of positivity that someday would disappear. He closed his eyes and just held Dinah close, memorizing the feelings, the moment. He was not good enough for her and he knew it. She would leave him one day. But right now, he would enjoy what he still had. He would hold on.
Dinah's heart fluttered and she was fairly certain her face was as red as a beet, but Severus could not see that with his arms around her, his chin resting on her shoulder as he held her tight against his chest. He had pulled her out of her reverie so suddenly she hadn't had any time to think and now she was pressed into him, his warmth emanating through all of her being. What had she done, to spark such an affectionate move? She had no idea, but she would indulge the moment to its fullest.
This was only the second time they had ever hugged like this. The first was earlier this week, when Severus had shown her a memory of his pensieve. The memory of when Sirius Black had sent him to the Weeping Willow to die at the hands of werewolf Lupin. He had thanked her for refusing to speak the horrid nickname those boys had given him, and after such a sincere, sad response from her so-often distant boyfriend, she had wrapped her arms around him and, for the first time, he had hugged her back. And now he was doing it again.
Though Dinah did not want the moment to ever end, eventually it did, and Severus's arms released her. Dare she think almost reluctantly? Looking up into his eyes, though, she could not read much. He seemed deep in thought, but this time at least he was still looking at her. "Thank you," she whispered, reaching to brush her fingers over the back of his hand.
He flinched a little and looked embarrassed, but his soft fingers came up to touch her forearm and all he did was nod.
Severus did not know what had gotten into him, but it was past now, and he had at least had a chance to hold on to something he did not want to lose. But of course, it would be unfair of him to ask her to continue to spend time with him when she finally realized he could never truly dedicate himself to her. Perhaps if he was lucky she would wish to remain friends. But, as a general rule, he was not a lucky man.
"It's ready," Dinah said, that little blush and smile still on her face. Severus had to remind himself again not to get too attached. He had had his moment.
Dinah made her way over to that cardboard box and pulled out a tray of what looked like lemon bars, thankfully distracting Severus – at least a little bit – from the inevitable truth of their relationship. He had a taste for the flavor of lemon. When she had opened the box earlier he had gotten a whiff of the bars' scent and to his embarrassment had leaned in a bit to indulge.
Dinah had noticed, of course, that he had been distracted but he had not explained why. And the headmaster still did not know that every time he forced a sherbet lemon on Severus it was actually to a willing recipient.
Severus never intended to tell.
Dinah held her packages close to protect her purchases from the November wind, hoping it did not start to rain because she hadn't thought to bring an umbrella. She had plans for an interesting new activity for her Muggle Studies students and had come to Hogsmeade this Sunday to purchase the necessary materials, then had done a little shopping of her own. She did hope Severus liked the pretty white scarf she'd bought.
Of course, with Severus, she had to have all of her powers of observation at her disposal if she wanted to tell if he 'liked' something or not. He occasionally complimented her looks, it was true, but those moments were very rare. More than likely she'd have to watch him carefully and see if his eyes widened upon seeing her, and then focused in on the area of interest. If she was lucky he might quirk one of those 'almost-smiles' at her.
Yes, dating Severus Snape was a task in and of itself, but one she enjoyed dedicating herself to. She liked being near him too much to let the challenge of getting affection from him keep her away. He was just a subtle man, recovering from a past where he had had too little affection, too little love, to know what to do with such things. But he was learning... Merlin, Dinah was still flustered when she thought about yesterday's sudden embrace. She had been reliving the experience over and over in her mind ever since. He was so warm... What could she do to increase the number of opportunities she would have to feel that warmth?
As she passed by the Three Broomsticks Dinah heard a familiar voice and, like a fool, scampered back the way she'd come to hide on the other side of the building, peeking around the corner as Lucy and Sirius made their way out of the establishment.
They were talking but Dinah could not hear what they said from this distance. But Lucy seemed to be shivering from the cold as Sirius put an arm around her to warm her up, and the way they looked at each other, the way her friend smiled at this gesture and got a similar look in return, was just absolutely heart-melting.
Dinah was having a hard time reconciling in her mind this image of a kind, gentle Sirius, so necessary to the happiness and well-being of her often so vulnerable friend, with the image she had seen in Severus's pensieve of the bratty, self-important young Sirius sending her dear boyfriend to what could have been his death at the Whomping Willow.
Perhaps at the time Sirius had been more of a child who didn't fully understand the implications of his telling Severus about the Whomping Willow. He just didn't seem like the murderous type, not when he could be so gentle to Lucy. And Dinah had never gotten that impression from him the first time she had met him, nor subsequent times. Though she did despise the way he spoke to, and about, Severus. Still, perhaps she was going about this the wrong way, trying to keep her relationship with Lucy as something that was entirely separate from their significant others. Perhaps instead she should be trying to help Severus and Sirius understand each other...
Dinah sighed. She didn't know what to do. She just dreaded the thought of having to tell Lucy that they could be friends but she'd rather have nothing to do with her boyfriend. It didn't seem fair.
Dinah emerged from her hiding place as soon as the couple had disappeared from view, probably returning to that new house Sirius had just procured. Dinah wished she could go and see it with Lucy, but right now that was just impossible. Maybe she could talk to Severus... but things were going so well with them now that she didn't want to rock the boat by seeking some sort of alternative plan. Plus, Sirius did treat Severus like dirt, and he was so childish and immature and... good to Lucy.
It was just a dilemma Dinah couldn't wrap her head around.
Dinah was no closer to solving her dilemma after dinner on Monday, as Severus led her out towards his rooms to do research and they passed Lucy along the way. Dinah was sure that her and her friends' gazes had met for a split second but then she had averted her eyes as quick as she could, feeling once again like a complete fool. And Lucy had that slightly sad look in her eyes again, the one she always had on Mondays after having to leave Sirius for the week. The only weekdays she didn't look that way were Wednesdays.
Dinah was still stuck on the subject when they made it down to Severus's dungeon rooms, so much so that she just couldn't concentrate on her book. Her boyfriend, of course, was never subtle when it came to expressing his displeasure, and finally, after a few loud sighs, came out with it. "Why so inattentive?"
"Uh... I want to make up with Lucy," she admitted.
"Well, then?" he set his book down with a thump and turned his challenging gaze on her more fully. "You decided what you were going to do, did you not? At the Quidditch game? Why haven't you done so yet?"
"I just... I don't know if my plan is right." There. It was out.
Dinah swallowed as Severus's eyes narrowed and his gaze darkened. She should have known this wouldn't go over well. "Then you've decided to befriend the dog? Even after what I showed you in my pensieve?"
"No! No, that's not it!" Dinah instinctively reached out and grasped his left hand in both of hers, ignoring his normal flinch as she tried to be clear. "I despise what he did to you. All the things he did to you! I just... I was just thinking, Lucy needs him, he's good to her, and is it really right to judge people solely on things that they did in their pasts? As children? I haven't judged you in that way."
"No. You haven't." For some reason her words only seemed to be making Severus angry, and she had no idea why. "But everyone else has. It's normal. Most people do not have the capacity for the levels of over-the-top kindness you seem capable of generating."
"Over-the-top..." Dinah felt a little queasy inside. She didn't know what Severus was saying, but it made her feel bad. Reminded her of her school days, for whatever reason... When she had been an outcast... just like him...
"I'm the same as anyone. I hold grudges. I'm sorry you don't."
This was a little too brutally honest for Dinah's tastes. "But you don't have to... No one has to. You're just accepting the status quo. And I do hold grudges!" she protested, a bit petulantly, thinking of Filch. "Besides, it's not that I want to be nice to him, Severus, it's just that I don't want to hurt Lucy by trying to keep our friendship separate from our relationships. Real friends, people in any kind of real relationship, accept the other people in the lives of those they care about, even if they don't always see eye to eye."
"Is that so?" Severus scowled.
"It is so," she nodded. "Besides, maybe Sirius has changed."
"I highly doubt it."
"But he was only a child when he sent you to the Whomping Willow. It was cruel and it was careless but I wonder if he really thought about it as murder. He spent a lot of time around Lupin in his werewolf form. Even though he was in his Animagus form during most of those times he probably became desensitized to the level of danger that was truly there."
Severus snorted. "Enough of your psychological Muggle twaddle. Even were that so, James Potter did not seem to have a problem realizing the danger and saving me to put me in his debt. The whole incident kicked off a chain of distasteful events none of which I care to remember and all of which spring right to the front of my mind every time I'm in that hound's presence! And speaking of which, the distaste between Black and myself is not exactly one-sided. You presume he wants to spend time with me any more than I want to spend time with him?"
"No..." Dinah murmured, considering this angle. "But isn't there some way you two could try to – slowly – reconcile?"
"And who would you suggest make the first move?" he questioned in a tone full of mocking disdain. "Because I assure you I don't intend to do that any more than he does."
"I... well..." Dinah felt her resolve weakening and her self-esteem dipping along with it as her voice grew softer, "I do think that if it were to happen he should still probably make the first move... because he's the one who was cruel to you for no reason in your childhood..."
"Thank you for that courtesy," his voice now dripped with sarcasm.
"Don't be like that," she reached a hand out to touch his cheek but he drew away, his dark eyes still sparked with irritation. "I know you. You don't have to make any first moves but perhaps if you merely tried to be open to an apology if he would give one-"
Severus cut her off with a snort. "That man is so far below the level of an apology..."
"Perhaps someday he'll surprise you." Dinah sighed. "Severus, I think you are the type that can forgive others for their pasts and look beyond to who they are today. After all, I..." she felt like a fool again blinking back tears. "You and Lucy and Sirius were all so instrumental in the war and did so much, while I hid in the Muggle world like a coward and did nothing... waited for it to blow over... You haven't judged me for that and I don't know why. I don't think I'm really the sort of girl that deserves you after all..."
"Don't be ridiculous!" Severus looked a combination of angry and baffled. "I'm sure you had your reasons."
It was Dinah's turn to snort. "Yes, but I'm too much of a coward to talk about them... it's a wonder you believe me. And there are times, especially now, when I think even my reasons weren't enough to justify my behaviors. I don't think you're the type that would give the time of day to a person who abandoned our world at its most vulnerable, but for some reason you've still humored me all this time."
"Because you are-" He stopped.
Dinah swiped at her eyes and forced herself to meet his gaze again. "Because I am what?"
Severus didn't respond right away, and the time that they just stared at each other seemed interminable. His anger seemed to have faded but Dinah was having trouble reading what had replaced it, except that he seemed to be thinking, and his face might have been a bit flushed. Finally, he let out a huff of air and turned his glance away from her. "Nothing. You are nothing."
Dinah knew that wasn't how he'd meant to word it, but it still hit her to her very core. "Yeah. You're right."
"No! I didn't mean-"
"I know that's not what you meant, but it's still true enough." She tried not to cry, standing up and shaking her head. "I obviously can't work today so maybe I should just leave and think this through on my own. Will you show me out?"
"Hmph," Severus's eyes darkened once more and he set his jaw. "So that's how it's going to be, then."
"Don't get angry!"
"In case the headmaster hasn't told you yet, I have anger issues," he snarled, standing from the sofa and storming over to his office and then the door out. Dinah hurried after him, desperate to try and salvage this situation.
"But... about what I said before... about Lucy and Sirius... All I wanted was-"
"You would like a perfect, happy world, where everyone always gets along with everyone else."
"That's not-" But she couldn't think of much of a retort to that one, because that was what she would like. "I should think you and everyone else in the world should want the same thing. Even if it's not reachable, I think it's still worth it to try."
"Perhaps, but reality is not always so kind. So, according to you, I suppose if we can't get along completely with the other people in each others' lives then maybe we aren't suited for each other after all. Good night." Without another word, he shut the door and cut them off from each other.
Dinah was left bewildered with her hand hanging in midair as she faced the door and listened to Severus's steps storm away from it and vanish from earshot, but his last words still rung in her mind, and they twisted her chest in their logic. "Maybe we're not..."
It didn't take long for Severus's fires to cool after he had escorted Dinah from his rooms, but what was done was done.
Surely, now, it was over. She would not stay with him after this. Perhaps it was better that they had broken things off now, before the Lily issue reared its ugly head in full force. In this way, perhaps he was sparing Dinah a good deal of grief. Maybe then it was worth it.
But if so, why did he feel so empty inside?
Sighing, Severus shifted on the sofa, unable to pick up his own research materials now that his mind was full of the argument with Dinah. So, instead, he reached into his robe pockets and pulled out his two most precious possessions. Lily's love... in a letter, written in her handwriting. A letter to Sirius of all people. But he had removed that evidence. And a picture of Lily, the evidence of the remaining Potters removed as well. In this way, all he had was her.
"But I don't have you, do I?" His lips formed the words in a soft murmur as he felt his chest tightening. It was only Lily's image that had the force break through his Occlumency barriers and expose his emotions, raw and vulnerable. So he only looked at it when he was alone. "I forced you away through my own behaviors, through my anger, and now I've done it again..."
Perhaps it was the wrong thing to have done, but there was certainly no going back now. And it was for Dinah's own sake that they break it off. It would have happened eventually, at any rate. It was a simple fact, and facts were all Severus had. No lemon bars, no songs, no Lily, and no Dinah... Only his normal harsh reality. Perhaps it would be good to go back to normal.
If only normal had been good to begin with.
Growling as Lily's photograph and handwriting began to blur, Severus took a breath and stuffed the items back into his robes. It was the only thing that could still bring tears to his eyes, looking at them. And enough was enough. If he was going to return to his normal life then he would have to put all of his barriers back into place and keep them there. It would be difficult enough to build back up the ones Dinah had already begun to break down.
To begin, he must continue his research. So Severus snatched his book back from where he had set it when his most likely former girlfriend had still been here, and forced himself to read.
After two paragraphs, however, he gave up the effort and sighed, leaning against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes. Perhaps he would just turn in for the night after all. Dinah was gone, and he would have to resign himself to that fact.
Even though, and he could still hardly believe it himself, but when she had asked him why he didn't judge her past, he had been about to say...
Because you are precious to me.
Dinah awoke Tuesday morning early, but could not bring herself to get to the shower and prepare for the day. She could only sit there in bed with her knees drawn to her chest and try to think.
Yesterday seemed like a blur. But she clearly remembered Severus closing the door on her and saying that maybe they weren't suited for each other after all. Was he right? Was this really all a wash already? She hadn't even gotten to wear her pretty white scarf for him yet...
Dinah sniffled and wiped a hand over her eyes. She felt so lost, so confused, and now she had no one to talk to about it. Not until she could make up with Lucy. And that was what had started this whole awful situation in the first place.
But now before she made up with Lucy, she needed to make up with Severus. Maybe they weren't suited for each other but that wasn't what her heart was telling her. So she would try to patch things up... somehow.
She took a deep breath and got out of bed. The day's activities still lay ahead. Maybe it would be better to give both herself and Severus some time to cool off? She had wanted to think things through anyway. Still, she wondered what it would be like sitting down to breakfast just a few seats away from her currently-estranged boyfriend.
It was now the second day since separating from Dinah and Severus was doing his best to return to his former self. Mostly, that entailed endless days of lecturing in Defense to mindless dunderheads, grading papers, and handing out detentions. His enthusiasm for research and brewing experimental potions had not returned, however, which was odd because those were things he had enjoyed long before he had met Dinah. The other important difference was that in previous years he hadn't had to sit so close to her at every meal either.
Perhaps tonight he could get some research done. He had yet to decide what to do with the fact that prior to this he had been sharing the research responsibilities with Dinah, and they were still theoretically working with Eugene and Slughorn together, but one step at a time.
"Come on! I'll show you!" The delighted voice of a young girl rang through the hall as Severus turned a corner on the way to his office. He stopped to allow Mae Yates, a first year Ravenclaw, to run past, barely noticing him as she clutched the hand of Slytherin Andrew Speasy in hers and dragged him toward whatever she was intent on displaying.
Severus sighed. Merlin, those two did remind him of himself and Lily. Though so far Speasy seemed to be doing better in the romance department than Severus ever had.
"Not so fast!" a harsh, mocking student's voice called out, causing Severus's insides to cringe as the two students skidded to a stop in front of a pair of their peers, Gryffindors John Wortham and Porter Lee.
"Where you going, Sneezy?" Lee drawled.
"Oh, look! The two little lovebirds are holding haaaaaaands!" mocked Wortham.
The pair seemed to notice this for the first time, looking down at their clasped hands, and Speasy turned bright red and let go, stuffing his arms behind his back. "We are not!"
Severus growled under his breath and reached into his robes to finger his wand. This would not be the first time he had needed to break up this particular group of troublemakers. Indeed, it felt more like the hundredth time. But if Speasy took too much grief from these Gryffindor swine he might snap, as Severus had, and then wind up driving Yates away forever. Best to put a stop to these things before they got too out of control, when he was available to do so.
"Just what do you two think you are doing?" he demanded, approaching them using his firmest stance and his most sinister tone.
"Aww," Lee groaned and turned to murmur to his friend, though not in a very low voice. "The greasy git is here again!"
"How dare you speak to one of your professors in that way!"
Severus closed his mouth quickly and hoped the students hadn't noticed it fly open for a split second at that voice. Damn his still-not-properly-functioning Occlumency. Spinning around, his robes billowing with him, he saw none other than Dinah standing there with her hands on her hips announcing her almost-storybook-like arrival. Merlin, he did wish his emotions would stop betraying him, even to himself. But he knew he was glad to see her.
"And Professor Samson's here again too?" Lee whined some more, not even bothering to pretend to murmur this time.
"You'd better not speak about your professors in that way either," Dinah scolded. "Now, don't you two have somewhere to be? Stop dawdling in the halls and bullying other students and scoot along now." She waved her hands at them in dismissal.
"Yes, Ma'am," they muttered together before skulking off.
Dinah let out a sigh and turned to the other two students. "Sorry about that, you two. Why don't you run along as well and steer clear of Wortham and Lee?"
"We will," Yates beamed, grabbing Speasy's hand again as though nothing had just happened. "Thanks Professor Samson. Bye, Professor Snape!" She waved at him as she ran past.
Severus watched them go, a bit baffled if he was honest with himself about it. No non-Slytherin student had ever been that friendly towards him before.
"Uh... well... déjà vu, huh?"
Her voice made his chest clench again in the way only she could, and he remembered what had just happened. He turned around to see her hesitantly smiling at him, and, unsure of what else to say, he merely nodded and agreed with her. "Indeed." The day they had begun their relationship she had interfered in a similar encounter. It was like then all over again.
"S-Severus, I- Can- Can we talk? Please?"
He was torn. He did care about Dinah, and didn't want to give her false hope by making up with her and then only crushing her worse in the future when she realized they could never be. Yet... he nodded. "This evening?"
"Yes!" She was only too eager to agree. "Will you come to my rooms? I'll make lemon bars again. You seemed to really enjoy them last time."
Wonderful. Now she was plying him with food. But to have another day together like Sunday, even just one more... it was something he could not say no to. "All right. Tonight. In your rooms. An hour after dinner."
Dinah adjusted her white scarf in the mirror, making sure her long earrings dangled over it at the perfect angle as her heart thudded loudly in her chest. He was coming over. She just had to make things right again.
The light rapping on her door that indicated his arrival made her jump, and then she quickly had to re-primp before hurrying out to meet him, probably making the re-primping unnecessary with how fast she ran. But she was too nervous to bother straightening anything out as she opened the door and allowed her boyfriend to come in.
"Good evening. You look... quite nice," he complimented, nodding at her.
Dinah felt her face heat up. He had noticed. He had really noticed without her having to draw his attention to anything she was wearing. With Dylan she had always had to ask him what he thought of this or that. But not with Severus. "Thank you. I – oh, Godric," she sighed, laughing as her big brown tabby came over to paw at Severus's robes the way he liked to do. "Some things never change."
"'Never' is a strong word," Severus murmured, trying to ignore the infernal cat's antics as he thought of the day things would truly be over between them. Even so, he knew now that he was fully intent to win her back, if any winning needed to be done. There was nothing he could do. Until she told him to leave, he would stay.
"Perhaps..." Dinah twiddled her fingers in front of her. Severus had begun to notice that she did that or wrung her hands whenever she was nervous or upset about something.
"Dinah, I'm... I... apologize... for three nights ago," he forced out. "When I said you were nothing, I didn't mean to- that is- I meant-"
"I know. I know what you meant. I was just being over sensitive. That happens to me, when I... when I worry about my past..." she stammered, her lips quirking into a little, hopeful smile as she gazed up at him with those grey eyes.
"I had only meant to say that I... do not judge you. I am not a perfect man, Dinah. I judge many people. But I trust that you have your reasons for having done whatever you did. You don't need to explain," he said, holding a hand up when her mouth flew open. "If the time comes that you wish to, feel free, but only then. I had been trying to say that this... relationship of ours is... not particularly disagreeable to me."
Dinah smiled, and her whole face seemed to light up with that one expression. "Thank you. Is that like when you came in here a few days ago and said that you possibly and/or not possibly enjoyed my company in a hypothetical maybe or maybe not sense?"
"Maybe," he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest as she giggled. But he felt the tiniest beginnings of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth despite his best efforts to prevent it. She was teasing him, yes, but not in an unkind way. She was introducing him to all sorts of interpersonal interactions he had never been privy to in his life, or at least not in many, many years.
"Severus, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to make it seem as though I didn't care... about what happened between you and Sirius. I only wanted to make up with Lucy so badly..."
"I know. I never intended to stand in the way of your friendship. I only wish you wouldn't spend much time with her significant other. However, my enemies are not your enemies... I do realize that."
"That doesn't mean that I accept the way he treated you, Severus, or that I ever will. But... if he were to apologize, I could forgive him. I guess I just wish you would feel the same way. If that were to ever happen..."
"If he apologized to me and I believed in his sincerity?"
She nodded.
"I am open to the... possibility of accepting such a thing. If that were to ever happen," he repeated her own phrase.
Dinah smiled as she gazed up into the dark eyes of her boyfriend. Severus Snape seemed tough and aloof, but deep down she sensed that there was a true kindness in him. One he didn't even fully know himself. But she could see it. "That's enough for me. And... I will continue to try to keep Sirius out of my relationship with Lucy as much as possible, until that day. Or until you two begin to ease up a bit around each other."
He nodded. "Thank you. And will you promise me one more thing?"
"I... of course. What?"
"Will you speak with Lucy sooner rather than later? For instance, tomorrow? It displeases me to see you moping about so much."
"Yes," Dinah's smile widened, until she was positively shining with happiness. Severus had the sudden urge to lift up a hand and shade his eyes, but he did not want to. He wanted instead to keep staring at her beautiful face. "Of course I will. If you'll come with me."
"As far as getting you into her rooms," he agreed. "From there, you two should talk alone."
"Fair enough. I..." Dinah felt nervous but had to do this. She stepped forward and awkwardly raised her hands. "Can... Can I hug you again?" When he looked more perplexed than resistant her nervousness seemed to melt away and she walked forward to wrap her arms around him and rest her head against his shoulder, feeling all of his warmth as his arms moved to embrace her as well. "I just want you to know that I'm still on your side. That this won't go away."
One day it will. Severus only spoke the words in his mind as he held Dinah in his arms once more. A feeling that just a few days earlier he doubted he would ever feel again. Closing his eyes, he indulged in the moment as he had on Sunday, for as long as she would give him. Because one day she would realize he could not give her all of him, and she would – perhaps sadly – end the relationship. This would go away, but... it seemed... that now was not the time.
His assessment from earlier in the week had been incorrect and so, at least for right now, Severus could feel light again. And he had to admit that he was glad.
Because it seemed they were going to be together just a little while longer.