It was dusty. The wind billowed, carrying the sand through the air, only further aggravated by the rolling tanks on the desert road. Dengaku Man had found himself in the back of a cargo van loaded with radioactive Fugu, to be used as ammunition for his captor's Weapon of Mass Destruction. The sand flew through the cracks in the cargo van, irritating the sensitive skin of Dengaku Man's ever-nude but.
"Dammit! I really should talk to those ass holes who draw this show; I need pants!" screamed Dengaku over the roaring of the tanks outside. He stepped over the thresh hold and climbed onto the back of the van. One car over, Osama Binladen was shooting at some U.S. military. That Asian-ass, infidel killing, tank-riding, turban-wearing son of a gun was screaming something in Arabic, but Dengaku Man couldn't understand. He was American. He spoke American. In America. "speakee da Engly, or go to hell!" cried Dengaku Man as he bent over to pick up a conveiniently placed large artillery weapon of a high caliber, as if it was placed there by the writer just for this purpose, because no one would ever leave such a gun on to of a speeding, canvas-backed cargo van. Dengaku Man leapt for the tank. With absolutely no regard whatsoever about the laws of physics, he made it over and proceeded to kick Binladen's face in.
Osama fell into the tank, and Dengaku Man followed! A heated battle ensued, none of which is important, and action scenes take up too much time and often just come across as Gay, and probably end up in some weird-ass Japanese Manga (which I utterly despise). "لماذا لن يموت أنت, أنت أبيض غير أنّ سمكة ب التصق!?" Screamed Osasma.
"I speaky da Engly! You speaky da Engly! Why you no speaky da Engly?!" shouted Dengaku Man, with no regard for other cultures as he did his best to force Osama to understand his words.
"أنا يستطيع لا يفهم هراءك مطلقة, كافر وسخة!" said Osama. And with no apparent understanding of Dengakuman, he again tried to fire his weapon in a metallic container, which turned out to e a very BAD idea.
Dengaku Man, with a vague and slightly less-than-sober understanding of the situation leapt clean out of the tank altogether. And, to make a nice, actiony, action-packed action shot, the tank exploded, and Dengaku Man jumped into the air, once again having no idea what the word "gravity" meant, and rocketed to safety, avoiding the shrapnel f the completely destroyed convoy.
But then, just as Dengaku Man turned to leave, an eruption of flames and detritus from the center of the ruins! Osama had used Allah's magic to resurrect himself in superior form! The towering, 50 foot tall terrorist, flesh half gone and missing a kidney, boomed out, "هو ليس على إلى أن يغنّى ال [سفنت-توو] [فيرجنس], [دنغكو] رجل! الآن حنى قبل ي ويحوّل إلى إسلام!
Dengaku Man, taking that as an insult, screamed in a supreme rage. Using his mighty powers, the tiny tofu-hero sprouted an extra 49 feet, and proceeded to combat directly with Osama Binladen.
Meanwhile, high above them, Chuck Norris in the clouds detected a disturbance below. It seemed that he had not been invited, yet again, to a 50 foot tall monster battle. He, too, was enraged.
Leaping from his perch in the sky, the steroid-pumped Hallmark channel star used his mighty Texas-Ranger powers to roundhouse kick the earth into oblivion, ending life as we know it, incinerating the earth, and blowing up the universe.