Right, so... Welcome to my little adventure. I'll save my super-harsh critiques of myself for myself though I do so want to blurt them out. This is my first venture into the Firefly 'verse, let me know what you think. I feel like my muse will take us on a pretty angst-ridden ride, so be prepared. Not that it needs to be said, but none of this belongs to me. Rating will most likely increase later. Post-BDM.

At least things couldn't get any worse.

They had been through hell and back, his crew. They were recovering – some more slowly than others, but the pace wasn't what was important – what was important was that they were. And they would. And everything would be right in the world. Well, as right as things could be.

And it was that thought – that hope – that had blinded him to the truth of the matter. He never saw it coming, none of them did. Well… almost none of them.

Dinners had been a quiet occasion ever since the table had acquired a few extra empty chairs. The whole damn boat had been pretty quiet as of late. It wasn't anyone's fault, it was just that there was so much to be said and thought and felt that no one wanted to impose on anyone else. With the exception of Simon and Kaylee, everyone seemed to prefer to find a quiet spot on the ship alone. And even then, it seemed that Simon only enjoyed the company of Kaylee and Kaylee the company of Simon.

They had taken to sexin' and sexin' and sexin' some more. There were huge stretches of time where neither hide nor hair of the two of them would be seen, but everyone would know what they were doing. The marks they couldn't hide only made the rest of the crew wonder what the marks they couldn't see looked like. The few times when the spell that had bewitched them was shaken from Simon, he'd attempted to fuss over River and she had always deftly deflected his concern with ease.

It was the opinion of the whole crew that the girl was saner than ever. Ever since Miranda, it was like the gears had clicked into place for their little witch and suddenly everything was working in tip top shape. She appeared more lucid than ever, if not a bit too contemplative for her own good. Much of her time was spent piloting their home, staring out into the abyss with solemnity etched into her features.

Zoe had removed all traces of Wash from where he had once sat happily perched with his dinosaurs. She'd offered them to River, remembering how the girl would sit for hours with their departed pilot, their eyes dancing with humor, but the girl had waved her off quickly enough ("She will need them again before the girl will have the chance to reacquaint herself."). She only felt a small pang of guilt that the dinos had now taken up residence in a box beneath Zoe's empty bed.

Inara had reclaimed her old shuttle for the time being, but had failed to relay any of her future plans to the rest of the crew.

Everyone was still hurting. And then with the clearing of his throat, Jayne hurt them all again.

"I reck'n I'll b' on mah way once we hit dirt side again."

There was a brief pause as silence descended upon the table, stretching just long enough to be shattered by the clattering of silverware, scraping of chairs and harsh language spat in his direction.

"Gonna abandon us now, are ya?" Mal sneered, his chair sliding back with a screech as he stood.

"No! Jayne, you can't!" Kaylee had gasped, turning her attention to someone other than Simon for the first time since they'd soared into the black. She'd stood as well, in order to more fully get her point across by throwing herself at the big merc.

"If that's what you think is best…" Simon's dismissive tone earned him a glare from Kaylee.

"Sir, would you mind stepping off my foot?" Zoe stood in solidarity with her captain as soon as she was able to maneuver out of her chair.

"Mal, there is no need to be out of your chair." Inara admonished. Her face revealed no emotion as she carefully attempted to bring his chair back to him in order to avoid further incident at the dinner table.

Captain Malcolm Reynolds took a moment to survey the paralyzed crew that was set before him. All eyes were on him, as he'd jumped from his chair and immediately taken a hostile stance. His mechanic was battling back tears even as she let the sniffles betray her. His doctor was studiously observing something mighty interesting that suddenly cropped up on his plate. His first mate was standing resolutely at his side, another painful reminder that she would always trust him regardless of the circumstances. His… Inara was sipping tea, but he found his chair pressed up against the back of his knees and followed her glance towards it. In fact, the only two people who hadn't weighed in on the announcement were his pilot and his ex-muscle.

Hell, Jayne had gone back to eating his dinner around a clinging Kaylee like he hadn't just quit on them all after everything they'd been through together.

"If this ben tian sheng de yi dui rou wants to leave, I ain't gonna be the one to stop him." And with that, Mal dropped heavily back into his seat, a scowl heavy on his features. If Jayne could still eat, so could he.

The rest of dinner had been silent except for the wayward sniffle of Kaylee's and the clinking of silverware. It wasn't until the end of dinner that Jayne cleared his throat again and started gathering up the dishes.

"Still a part a' the crew 'til then." He said in explanation, depositing the dirty dishes in the sink and starting to scrub them. It was still his turn to clean up.

Mal muttered something dark as he stomped off, the rest of the crew giving him sympathetic glances as they exited.

It wasn't until he returned to his bunk later, finding all of his clothes freshly laundered and folded at the foot of his bed, that he was sure that he was making the right decision. The only person whose opinion he'd cared about had held her tongue at dinner. He'd made the announcement specifically to see if she'd give her input and she'd disappointed.

But it looked like she hadn't disappointed completely and he was taking the clean laundry as a tacit sign of her approval.

Time seemed to slow after his announcement, only to come crashing down on him when he finally had to make good on his promise. No one had seen him off the ship – everyone too busily wrapped up in their own worlds to bid a traitor farewell. He didn't mind, probably deserved it even. It had taken him a few deep breaths to square his shoulders and take the first step, but once his feet started moving he found that it wasn't as hard as he'd imagined.

Before long, his feet had carried him so far that the ship couldn't even be seen over his shoulder no matter how hard he squinted at the horizon. And with each step further, he found a little weight had been lifted from his shoulders, a little more freedom awarded for his bold action, a little more affirmation that this had been the right thing to do.

It took him another month to get to where he wanted to be, but when he finally did he was awarded with a hearty meal, a warm bed and his mail. The woman who had handed it to him merely shrugged off his confused expression and, after confirming once again that he was Jayne Cobb, went about her business without ever giving him a second thought.

The first package had been forwarded by someone. It was a gift from his mother, another birthday come and gone without Jayne's notice. However, the scarf he unwrapped after so gracelessly ripping through the packaging was enough to turn his introspective scowl into a lopsided grin. It matched his hat.

The second piece of mail – a plain envelope – had answered the question of who had taken the care to forward his mail to him to a place where he'd only known he would visit but three days prior. The feminine loops and curves of the script said it all.

"Gorram Reader." He muttered, tracing the lettering with his fingers.

ben tian sheng de yi dui rou - stupid, inbred sack of meat

Intrigued? Interested in seeing more? I know it's all a little vague right now, but let me know what you're thinking! Reviews are the toast to my jam.