When I first heard the song I knew I had to do this story. This takes place in July. I don't usually feature songs in my fics, and this is my first shot at the Carly/Sonny/Jason triangle (Though I do write a lot of Sonny/Carly) so replies would be extra appreciated J Also, if you see the possibilities for a prequel or sequel to …..drop me a line. I'm also considering this story told from Sonny's vierwpoint so if you'd like to see that. You know what to do!
S&C version
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
When death came, Jason Morgan had fought it tooth and nail. He hardly remembered where he was when the tractor trailer had broadsided his motorcycle. Yes, he was supposed to wear his helmet, especially when traveling at high speeds, but this day he had needed to feel the wind in his hair and the rush of sound as he whizzed by. He wasn't sure if he had been trying to remember her or forget her.
His soulmate.
Carly.
Jason didn't know exactly when she had become his soulmate, but the realization tore into his soul. She was his soulmate and she was with his brother, then his best friend. She hadn't even waited to see if he'd come back before moving on and away from him. That wasn't his Carly. No…she was no longer HIS Carly. She hadn't been since marrying AJ.
Thoughts of the maddening blond seduced his soul, coaxing him to push his bike to the limits. Why he was returning to Port Charles he didn't know, but he had to see her. Visions of Carly danced through his head. He just had to say goodbye. Then he could attempt to move on.
The truck came out of nowhere. Jason barely registered that it was there, then he was aloft. There was no time to panic, no time for the realization that this was the end for him. His last sensation was hearing the sickening crunch that ended his life. Then nothingness…
A nothingness in which thought still existed.
Jason looked around at the street in front of Harvborview Towers. How did I get here, he wondered as he took inventory of his body parts? Breathing was somehow different for him in this state, but he could see his arms, his legs and even smell the weathered leather of the jacket he was still wearing.
Where was he? And WHO or WHAT was he?
Jason knew that the accident had likely taken his life. He didn't really know if there was an afterlife. If so, he supposed he had as good a chances as anyone else of getting to the happy place. The whole idea of life after death was foreign to him, a concept he couldn't quite resign himself to.
But what was he doing here just after being at least seriously injured?
Jason had no answers to these questions. Something told him to keep away from the accident site, some irrational fear that he would be put into a state of nothingness if he reached his earthly body. Jason heeded that thought as he stared up at the highrise building. He hesitated a moment before walking toward the door.
As Jason tugged at the door, he found his hand wouldn't quite make contact. His hand would clench into a fist, but he was prevented from gripping the handle of the door. Curious, he stepped closer and realized with wonder that his hand just disappeared into the door.
"So I can pass through matter." Jason said, surprised to hear that he could still speak. He cautiously placed his hand into the door up to the wrist. His limb tingled a little but there seemed to be no lasting effects. Jason studied his hand for a long moment. Nothing looked out of place.
"All right," he said quietly. He was compelled to see Carly by some force, his soul. He had to know she was all right before…. before what, he wondered. He didn't want to die. There were so many places he wanted to see so much he wanted to tell Michael.
Michael.
The thought of Michael sent a stabbing pain into Jason's heart. He missed the boy so much. Michael had been his heart and soul for every day of the child's life. How could he just abandon Michael like that? In truth, the little boy might not even have a clear memory of the man that had been his father for the first years of his life, but Jason knew deep down inside that Michael would always remember the little things they'd shared. He just hoped Michael
wouldn't make the same mistakes he and AJ had in life.
"I have to stop thinking and start doing." Jason told himself as he summoned the courage to pass through the door. He took a deep breath and held it as he stepped forward. As the door enveloped him, Jason felt the vaguest sense of unease, and then all of a sudden he was in the building's lobby.
Jason looked at the elevator cautiously then glanced around surreptitiously. Could anyone see him? He noticed a couple of Sonny's guards in the lobby of the building and walked up to them. "Hi." He said, his usual self-assurance disappearing into the void. Neither man even budged and Jason sighed. All he had were his thoughts in this place and those weren't exactly clear these days.
As Jason contemplated his next move, opportunity presented itself to him as the bodyguards made their way to the elevator. Jason didn't need a watch to know that the guards were changing times. Even if he couldn't punch an elevator button he could ride up to the penthouse with them. Since he could walk through doors, the rest would be a piece of cake.
Jason felt a sense of sadness wash over him as the elevator climbed higher and higher. Should he be doing this? What if he disrupted Carly's well-ordered life? It seemed as if she had made a home with Sonny now, and he had no right ruining that. Still, he had his needs and dammit he needed to put this obsession with Carly to rest and go wherever it was that he was headed.
The ding of the elevator startled Jason and he smiled when he realized his heart was beating rapidly. He wasn't quite a ghost but he certainty wasn't human. He stepped off the car behind the guard and watched as they relieved Johnny. He hoped that one of them would announce the shift change to Sonny. Maybe, just maybe he would see her.
Jason's heart sped up as Johnny walked to the door and rapped on it.
Carly was sitting on the couch reading a magazine when she heard the knock on the door. Sonny was making pasta and she didn't want to disturb the genius at work so she ventured to the door. When she opened it, she had the strangest feeling of being watched. But no, only the guards were present, two in conversation down the hall and Johnny in front of her.
"Hi Johnny." Carly said with an easy smile. He was her favorite, cute as a button, smart and patient to boot.
"Hi Carly, I'm off for the day. Please tell Mr. Corinthos?"
"Of course." Carly replied graciously. She paused a long moment as Johnny turned away and went to the elevator. Though she saw no one, her eyes searched the small hallway between penthouse and toward the elevator.
There she was. Jason's heart soared as she looked out, a mixture of curiosity and suspicion marring her features. She hadn't changed, yet she looked so different to him. Something inside her was different. Jason took note of her slim figure and casual clothes but could not tear his eyes away from her face.
Carly stood in the doorway for a few moments. Something just didn't seem right. She almost jumped as a pair of warm arms encircled her waist. "Ja…Sonny." She said quietly. Why had she been thinking of Jason? He didn't want her!
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
Jason felt a near physical pain as she said Sonny's name. He didn't know why it effected him so much; perhaps it was the sight of the two of them together. He had never really adjusted to them as a couple, since it had come as such a painful shock to him when he had stumbled upon them in bed together. Hr had been far too wrapped up in his injuries; emotional and physical, to make peace with the fact that Carly and Sonny were a couple. Then he had run. Whatever words he used to delude himself from that fact, leaving town had been running away.
"What are you looking at?" Sonny's voice was silky and his breath warm against Carly's earlobe. She sighed happily and pressed her back enticingly against his muscular chest.
"Nothing I was just watching the guys." She brushed off her feeling of unease as she turned to smile at Sonny. Things weren't exactly smooth for them right now but they were discovering new things about each other all the time. Though their baby had tragically bound them, they had found a way to persevere beyond the little lost soul.
"Well come on, the pasta is done." Sonny said as he closed the heavy wooden door with a resounding click. He didn't know why he felt as if he was shutting out ghosts of the past.
Jason followed them inside; barely entering before the door clicked shut with the same finality of his heart breaking. Jason sat on the couch, head in his hands as the couple sat down to the table. They had carved a sense of domesticity that he didn't even know he wanted until now. But it was too late for him!
With a near groan of anguish, Jason walked to the fireplace, his gaze on the mantle. Pictures of Michael and Carly dotted the area, but his gaze was drawn to one in particular. Carly was holding Michael in her arms and he was standing protectively over them. Jason let out a moan, why couldn't he have at least had a chance at being with her again? He was alone, more alone then he ever had been.
Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
More aware of his solidarity then ever, Jason realized this wasn't the life he wanted to lead. He wanted to be with Carly, with Michael. He wanted to have a chance at happiness with them before disappearing into oblivion. "Please." He whispered; making a heartfelt wish to a God he knew didn't exist. "Give me a chance to try. Don't let this be the end of me."
"So how was dinner?" Sonny's voice broke into Carly's thoughts. She was sure his concoction had been wonderful, but she had been distracted by something she couldn't quite grasp. She felt close to Jason somehow, even though lately she had barely thought of him. She couldn't help the unease that was seeping into her body as the minutes ticked by. Certainly if he wasn't okay someone would have heard something, wouldn't they?
"Dinner was great." Carly replied, even though she hadn't tasted a bite. She walked over to the couch and looked around. She had never felt so uneasy in her life.
And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you
This was agonizing for Jason. As she had come closer, all of his senses had sung. Her perfume intoxicated him; the sound of her breathing made his heart race. He reached a hand out to touch her, but instead it disappeared. "Damn this." Jason muttered, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. "Why can't I hold her, just once."
"Everything ok Carly?" Sonny asked. She had been acting very on edge all afternoon and evening and Sonny wasn't quite sure why. Michael was upstairs and resting after an ear infection, and there were no crises in either of their lives. Things were quiet for a change.
Jason couldn't take anymore. He had seen this movie before. Sonny would hold her, they'd kiss and they'd go to bed. This was too much for his wounded soul. He walked between the couple, drinking Carly's scent in for one last time before walking to the door.
Here I go again
I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name because I can't move on
"I love you Carly. I'll never let you go."
"I don't know…" Carly started before a movement by the door distracted her. Just as she opened her mouth to speak again, Sonny's cell phone rang. She bit her lip in intense concentration as she looked for something that had been out of place at their entryway.
Sonny sighed and snapped his cell phone open. "Hello?" he said in a sharp tone. Whatever the news was, Carly knew it wasn't good from the way his face paled. Sonny sank to the couch, sudden tears making his eyes glisten as he held the phone close to his ear.
"What is it?" Carly asked in a panicked tone. She knew…. Oh God she already knew. "Please not him." she said as her tears started falling.
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me
"Goodbye Carly." Jason whispered, his own tears streaming down his face. "Take care of her Sonny. Somehow, I'll be watching."
Sonny closed his cell phone slowly; one lone tear making it's way down his cheek. He reached for Carly, intending to offer comfort as much as be comforted. "There's been an accident…"
Song used is 'The Lover After Me' By Savage Garden which can be found on their 1999 release "Affirmation"