I don't own Free! or its characters.
.x.
for my senpai ouo
.xkx.
Nagisa glanced at the blinking cursor that was currently taking over his mind. What should he say? Sure, trackstar12 was just a person, but there was something more than that. Nagisa could feel it.
trackstar12 was a person, Rei Ryugazaki, and Nagisa had a strange thought that he had feelings for him.
You know, if he didn't live somewhere far away.
Nagisa let out a small hum and placed his fingers over the black keyboard that belonged to his pink computer. That thought of what he should say crept back to him and he pouted as he watched trackstar12's little white bubble with a green outline on Skype suddenly turn a full green.
He's online! Nagisa suddenly thought excitedly, feeling his heart rate speed up. Oh shit! He suddenly took a few seconds to think about the situation. Now I really have to figure out what to say. Oh—
A ping! went off to signal to Nagisa that the other did indeed send him a message, and he smiled when he read it.
[4/14/2014 8:49 PM] trackstar12: hello, Nagisa-kun. I see that you are on, how are you?
Collecting his thoughts, he hovered his fingers over the black keyboard once again. They've been talking for a while, and he has talked about meeting him in person for over a year. It just would have to be this summer, they both decided, and so Nagisa was buzzing with excitement. One more month until summer! And one more month until Rei! He was just hoping he wouldn't freeze up like this whenever Rei was actually around.
[4/14/2014 8:50 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: hello Rei-chan! I'm doing well, I suppose, I'm really excited for next month! What about you? Er, I mean, how are you? As well?
[4/14/2014 8:50 PM] trackstar12: Haha, I am good as well.
[4/14/2014 8:51 PM] trackstar12: and I am super excited for next month, I can't wait to meet you.
Nagisa felt his heart flutter. He can't wait to meet me as well? That's so exciting…! He thought to himself, looking up when his sister starting singing with her movie that was playing.
"Love is an open doooooor!" Her sister sang along with Anna from Frozen, and Nagisa couldn't help but to sing along with her.
[4/14/2014 8:52 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: I know! I'm super excited too! It's gonna be so fun, I'm gonna show you all of the fun shops we have here!
[4/14/2014 8:52 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: and I'll make sure you'll get everything you want!
Nagisa jumped in his seat, excited and bouncy from the sheer thought of Rei being here, and it made his stomach hurt at how ecstatic he was. His sisters glanced over at him, arching an eyebrow, and his cheeks blushed a bright red.
"So, who are you talking to?" One of his sisters asked as another ping echoed in the room, covering up sounds of the movie. He hadn't realized the notification sound was so loud, since his sisters were singing along to Love is An Open Door.
"Yeah, Nagi-chan, who are you talking to?" Another one of his sisters repeated louder, a smile tugging at her lips.
"Oh?" The third sister asked, peeking over his shoulder. "Who's 'trackstar12'? And why are they coming here?"
"H-He's able to come here, n-next month, so I get to see him…!" Nagisa said, defending himself and lowering the lid of the laptop to shield it from his sister's curious eyes. "Didn't mom tell you that?" He sighed, glancing at the three.
"Why's your face all red?"
Nagisa squeaked, getting up and unplugging his computer, closing the lid completely. "I don't have to answer that."
"We just want to know," they said in unison, and Nagisa blinked, biting his lip to try and avoid the question. "Oh come on, Nagi-chan! Is it a girl? Is it a boy?"
"I-It's a boy, I-I already clarified that…" Nagisa said, holding the laptop to his chest like a schoolgirl would with a book, like it was the most precious thing he had. "Anyway, I'm going to talk to him upstairs, you're all too nosy." He pouted, stepping backwards toward the direction of the stairs.
One of his sisters made a kissy-face at him. "Lover-boy's got someone coming over next month! How exciting!" She teased, and Nagisa rolled his eyes, his face darkening in color as he walked up the stairs. He heard them giggle.
He knew that they were just teasing him, but still, that was so embarrassing.
Nagisa opened his door, walking in and looking around his room while he shut the door with his foot. He peered around the room, trying to find an open outlet. His phone charger was still plugged in, along with a lamp in that outlet. His clock and stereo were both plugged in as well in another outlet, and Nagisa decided to unplug the stereo, since his phone was charging and he needed the lamp and clock on. He opened the lid of the laptop again, clicking on the Skype icon again to open the window.
[4/14/2014 9:01 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: whoops! Sorry about that, sisters were bugging me…. Anyway, yeah! Did you get my last messages?
[4/14/2014 9:02 PM] trackstar12: yeah, I did. And sorry they were bugging you, I wouldn't know that feeling. But, yeah, I can't wait until next month. It's going to be great.
Nagisa smiled again, humming a little tune he had playing in his head. It really was going to be great, he could just feel it. There was nothing that can ruin it. Nothing at all.
[4/14/2014 9:04 PM] trackstar12: I should probably get some sleep, Nagisa, I have a track meeting early in the morning tomorrow.
Nagisa huffed, his shoulders rolling forward and his back slumping. Everything about him deflated, but soon yawned. Sleep doesn't sound that bad, actually.
[4/14/2014 9:05 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: yeah, that's a good idea! Good night Rei-chan!
He tried to seem excited, or at least forgiving that Rei was going to bed so early, but he couldn't blame him.
Track seemed pretty tiring – especially if you barely had any sleep because you were spending the whole night talking to your friend online.
Actually, any sport would seem tiring if that's what you did the night before.
Not like I've done that. Nagisa snickered to himself, hearing one last ping go off and he looked at the computer screen, content with himself.
[4/14/2014 9:05 PM] trackstar12: yes, yes. Good night, darling. Get some rest. I'll be on tomorrow.
And just like that, the flutters in his stomach were back again for a second visit.
Nagisa didn't get any sleep that night.
.xkx.
The next morning, after Rei's track meeting, Nagisa and Rei talked on Skype again, this time about where they should meet when Rei arrives. Almost getting an argument, Rei decided that they both keep it simple and just meet at the airport.
Nagisa was practically squirming in his seat due to the butterflies in his stomach, and his sisters took notice and got knowing grins on their faces.
The two had also talked about how Nagisa could pick him up at the airport and then they could go to grab lunch before heading home so Rei could meet Nagisa's family.
(He blushed at how much it sounded like a date, but he pushed that thought to the back of his mind.)
He really did like Rei, but he just didn't know how to tell him or how to express it, since he didn't even really know who Rei liked. He could have a crush at his town. He could not even be interested in guys.
Nagisa sighed, typing away at his computer again, ignoring his sisters' looks.
We're so close… Nagisa thought, his excitement growing. Only a month away. Nothing can ruin it! He cried cheerfully in his head, the smile on his face brightening and beaming and he was pretty sure his sisters knew what that meant – if they hadn't already picked up on it before.
Ecstatic, Nagisa picked up his phone and typed IM SO EXCITED on the phone's keyboard, sending the message to Gou-chan.
Seconds later, with a fast reply, Gou send back WHY in all capital letters, without any question marks following. She was probably doing something else, like writing or something of the sort, and needed to focus but also wanted to respond back.
BECAUSE REI-CHAN IS COMING IN A MONTH AND IM SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY CONTAIN IT HELP Nagisa typed back, trying to take deep breaths. Okay, he needed to calm down. It was only a month away. Think of it as like it was only just another ordinary month, Nagisa thought, that's what my mother always told me! When there's something exciting, like a birthday and you can't get to sleep, just think of it like it's an ordinary old day. This is kind of like the same thing! Right?
One of his sisters finally clamped her hands down on his shoulders and said, "If you don't stop, you'll have a breakdown similar to a sugar rush and crash."
IM SO EXCITED TOO I CANT WAIT TO MEET HIM Gou sent back.
IM SOOOOO EXCITED He texted, sending the message quickly.
"I'm being serious, Nagi-chan." His sister smiled, smoothing down his hair after removing her grip on his shoulders. "You need to calm down."
"But I'm so happy, I could—"
"Calm it down, tiger. What did I say? Like a sugar rush and crash."
His sister was right.
He ended up sleeping earlier that night, with no chance to talk to his crush.
.xkx.
About a month later, with a few days left until Rei's Arrival (as Nagisa called it) Nagisa didn't sleep a whole lot and could almost taste the excitement building up. Rei was coming in just a few days!
…I haven't talked to him in a while, though. He added sadly before shaking that thought away. He opened the lid of his computer and logged in, opening Skype.
Rei's little bubble on Skype was white, outlined in green. Offline.
"I haven't talked to you in forever, Rei-chan…" He mumbled to himself, pouting just a little bit. "It's been like, four days… Five days at most, I'm concerned…" He sighed, realizing he was just talking to a computer. A computer where Rei was not online. And hasn't been for a few days.
He started to type.
[5/13/2014 8:02 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: uh, Rei-chan? Hello! I hope you're having a good day, even though you're too busy to see this, I still hope you have a good day. We're so close to meeting! For the first time!
Maybe he was just on the invisible setting?
The message sent, Nagisa checked.
He was on the invisible setting. That means he was online.
That made Nagisa feel a little better, but he felt like there was something wrong. He just didn't know what it was. Nagisa's mother called him down for breakfast, which he happily obliged to her calling. He could already smell the pancakes she was cooking.
He took one last look at the Skype screen before closing his computer and heading downstairs. He ate in silence, gaining weird looks from his family, but he didn't care. There was that feeling that maybe, just maybe, he did something to scare off Rei.
He tried spending the whole morning with his family, trying to get his mind off of the absence of Rei, but it kept coming back. Maybe he had said something wrong? Something along the lines of 'I really like you'?
Oh no, I hope I didn't say that! That's embarrassing! He thought immediately and felt his stomach twist up in knots – and not just because of the idea of him saying he liked him.
Did I make him mad? He asked himself, a lump forming in his throat. He headed straight up to his room, sitting down on his bed and opening his laptop, opening up Skype. Still no messages.
[5/13/2014 3:10 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: uhh, hey, Rei? Are you feeling okay? I haven't heard from you… please answer me, im really confused and concerned…!
And, before he could stop himself –
[5/13/2014 3:10 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: did I make you mad or something? I'm sorry…! You're coming over in a couple days, so I hope you're not…
Where could he be? Nagisa shuddered, biting his lip. He's coming in three days. This is ridiculous and really sad… He pouted, his fingers starting to shake.
[5/13/2014 3:14 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: if I made you mad, please tell me…
Nagisa was about to close his computer when the white and green bubble turned completely green.
[5/13/2014 3:16 PM] trackstar12: Nagisa-kun! I'm so sorry for not being able to get online! Our wifi was down and so that meant no Skype for me for a while. We were a bit behind on bills and so I'm sorry if I worried you – which I seem to have done.
His smile returned. This time it was a relieved smile, because Rei was finally back and Nagisa finally seemed to get out of his funk he was in.
[5/13/2014 3:17 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: Ah! Rei-chan! Thank goodness you're back! I was starting to get worried like I had said before but im glad that youre back and I cant believe youre coming in three days!
[5/13/2014 3:17 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: you'll be here in three days!
[5/13/2014 3:18 PM] trackstar12: yeah, it'll be totally fun! I can't wait, Nagisa-kun.
[5/13/2014 3:18 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: I can't wait either, Rei-chan~
They continued on typing, even staying up later than normal, since Rei didn't have any track meet until later on the next day. Nagisa smiled, taking a deep breath every now and then. Because he didn't make Rei mad. He just had no wifi.
And that was enough to make Nagisa feel even happier about Rei coming.
.xkx.
Waking up to his alarm, the first thing Nagisa did was check Skype.
Rei had begun to do that weird thing again where he wasn't on for a few days, but Nagisa just assumed he was out of wifi again. It might be really faulty and it just depends on where he's at, he reasoned out, and wasn't surprised to find the little white bubble with the lime green outline again by trackstar12.
He glanced at their last message and couldn't help but feel a little ping in his chest –
[5/14/2014 1:05 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: I'm gonna go to sleep now… im all sleepy D: good night Rei-chan!
[5/14/2014 1:06 AM] trackstar12: good night, darling. Have a good sleep.
It's time for him to be here already…! Nagisa thought impatiently. Maybe he's already on the plane… I'm supposed to pick him up at nine AM! Nagisa got out of bed, passing by his mirror. Annnd I have bedhair, of course.
He quickly got dressed, smoothing out his hair and fixing anything about his outfit, before he left the house at eight-thirty.
"Dang it," he muttered to himself as he drove down the street. "I should've checked Skype again."
Getting to the airport, with only a few minutes left to spare until nine, he sighed, finding a place to sit on a small metal bench. He kept glancing at the clock, from time to time, looking through crowds of unfamiliar faces, trying to find the face that belonged to his Rei-chan. Well, technically, he wasn't "his," but he decided it had a good ring to it so he stuck with it.
He glanced down at his phone, noting the time to be 9:10 AM, and he figured that was normal to be a bit behind, since no one really knows exactly when the plane is going to land. Right? He asked himself, starting to get worried. Right, he agreed for himself, telling himself he's just overreacting and should probably just calm down.
Like his sister said.
Preoccupying himself with a game off of his phone and a few text messages to Gou-chan and Mako-chan, he didn't realize the time until he looked at the top of his phone.
9:42 AM.
Rei-chan's flight has already arrived.
There's no Rei-chan.
Nagisa looked around confused, thinking maybe he missed him. He got up from his seat, noticing how crowded it is and sighs sadly.
"I guess… I guess he forgot that today was the day."
Nagisa would be lying if he said he wasn't just a little bit disappointed to not see Rei's face in that crowd. He grabbed his bag, finding another seat closer to the gates even though he figured it was pointless. Maybe he was on the wrong plane? Maybe something happened to cause it to be so late (even though his plane already arrived)? Okay, so maybe not that option…
Maybe he himself was late and so he had to get a later flight?
Nagisa convinced himself that was it as he sat down, looking at the doors expectantly, waiting for him. He looked at the clock again, and it flashed a brilliant 9:58 AM.
"P-Please, don't do this to me." He mumbled to himself, slowly but surely texting Gou to ask if she could meet up with him there.
Sure, I can't wait to see him! She responded eagerly, and there was a knot that formed in his stomach as he read it.
Yeah was all he was able to send back, fighting back the tears that he didn't know he was holding back. Don't do this to me, Rei-chan… I love you, you should come out of those doors right now so we can go and explore! He thought to himself.
It was around 10:30 whenever Gou showed up, leaving her sleepy feeling and soft bed sheets and trading them for a distressed Nagisa and no Rei.
.xkx.
It's been two days since the airport incident, Nagisa thought sadly, looking at the Skype messages he's sent to the silent other.
[5/16/2014 11:34 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: you never showed up, rei-chan… :(
[5/16/2014 11:34 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: I waited for you and you never showed up…
[5/16/2014 12:49 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: are you just ignoring me right now or did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?
[5/16/2014 1:22 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: I guess youre not in the mood to talk. Alright then…
[5/16/2014 10:14 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: good night, rei-chan.
[5/17/2014 9:43 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: good morning Rei-chan! Are you online now? Can we talk? I really miss you… Sorry about yesterday, I was really upset… I cried in my room alone.
Nagisa cringed at how he mentioned that.
[5/17/2014 9:43 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: I mean I did but for another reason, just a lot of things happened yesterday so
Lies.
[5/17/2014 10:01 AM] strwbrrypenguin1: did I say something wrong? You still aren't talking to me…
[5/17/2014 9:23 PM] strwbrrypenguin1: alright then, good night… I love you… I really love you! I'm sorry I never told you…
Hesitating at typing, Nagisa kept his fingers placed above the black keyboard. What should he say? He wasn't even online anyway.
Suddenly, it changed to a green bubble and there was the pencil 'writing' down at the bottom, like someone was typing. Moving his hands away from the keyboard, he waited until Rei was done typing to fully read it.
[5/18/2014 10:34 AM] trackstar12: Hello, Nagisa-kun? This is Rei's older brother, I don't know if you knew this, but Rei was in a car accident on May 15… and he unfortunately did not make it out. I'm sorry to tell you that. I don't really know who you are, but I remember hearing your name be brought up by him, so you were really close to him…
Nagisa's breath caught in his throat. His eyes welled up with tears and he felt like his whole world just crashed down on the floor, shattering to tiny pieces.
[5/18/2014 10:36 AM] trackstar12: I'm sorry, Nagisa-san.
Nagisa stepped away from the computer. This had to be fake, there's no way that he was dead. He was supposed to be there with Nagisa, not anywhere else.
[5/18/2014 10:38 AM] trackstar12: the funeral is today. I just finally realized to check his computer for people like you. I'm sorry again, Nagisa-san. I have to go now. Goodbye, I'm going to delete his Skype in a few days... I'm sorry, but I have to do it. So, sorry again. If you'd like to talk to someone about it, contact me at rufflyfe3.
And just like that, he was gone. The green bubble was white with a green outline again. Nagisa felt like he was going to be sick, or pass out, or maybe a strange combination of both. Tears fell out of his eyes, and they kept coming and he felt like there was no stop.
Shutting his computer through blurry eyes, he crawled into bed, sobbing and making all of the noise he could. He didn't care if his family heard him – they probably did and was probably sending someone up right now to talk to him – but he wept, his nose getting runny and his cheeks burning hot as the tears fell down onto his covers.
And just like he called it, one of his sisters (the eldest) walked into the room, sitting down on his bed and drew patterns on his back while he continued to cry.
Because there was nothing else to do but that.
Rei-chan was gone.
And he never knew I loved him.
.xkx.