Sonic was walking down the streets, as he usually did, like always. It's not like he even enjoyed doing so... what he really wanted to do was hang out with his bud Mario shirtless on the patio sipping on bud light.
But by bud light, he literally meant that he made a lamp out of his bud, 'Tails'-Sipping on it only made the feature more interesting. The sharing of a modified corpse only brought the extinguished flame in Sonic's to burn even dimmer than it had before, but the familiarity that he had grown so attatched to partake in such an action with his former rival nonetheless lighted a new and comforting fire with in this reborn hedgehog's chest. It was a feeling better than cannibalism or self mutilation, a feeling called love ;)
But the act of cannibalism only helped that primal feeling of attraction to his new best friend, Mario, as the flesh consumed by both had transferred the love juices between the two hunky video game icons.
...anyway... While Sonic thought romantically about his hunk-a-lunk, he spotted while he originally came walking down this street: a local Blockbuster! Seeing such a dead company as blockbuster only came to remind Sonic of his former friend Tails and how he and Mario feasted on his dead body... even if it had gone a little rotten three weeks later. Which brings us to the real reason why Sonic came to this dead store
Sonic had came to this fine establishment to pick up some other dead bodies for food, as they had been precociously dumped there after people stopped caring about such an irrelevant store. Upon entering the store, he immediately realized the lack of dead body smell and the sound of sirens outside
There was only one option left... He needed to dig. But he didn't have a Shovel!
He needed to take drastic measures, so he ungloved his hands to reveal his gnarly and uncut fingernails which he used to dig not only to escape the oncoming sirens of the police, but also to dig for the delicious smell of rotting corpse. Ironically, the more he dug the closer to a dead body he was, his dead body that is D:
Strangely enough however, the thought of becoming a corpse himself turned him on a little and he couldn't help but nibble on some of the loose skin dangling down from his elbows. Tasty!
But he froze in his spot as he was licking the fine folds in his skin, because he didn't want to spoil his own flavour on a body so fresh. So he decided to take out this knife he forgot he had and end it all-afterall, that was the tastiest solution!
as the knife he had forged himself all those years ago in preparation for this very moment, sonic reflected on his youth and thought of the many moments he had enjoyed cannibalism, both to himself and on others.
After careful consideration of all the events and characters that he had injured and consumed over the years, he realized that all of his memories seemed kind of fake; everything was too ideal and perfect to not be some kind of memory implant put into him by the Government. But why would the government want him to feel this way?
anyways... It was then that Sonic looked out of his hole and saw a world filled with cannibals, a government consipracy to reduce the population and feed the malnourished and povery stricken, much like Sonic himself.
Oh wait, that was the police... opps and I guess they shot in dead :(
But as the police gazed upon the festering corpse of the one they called Sonic, their mouths began to water and soon his flesh and bones had been splayed across the blockbuster parking lot.
"Well well well... Look what he have here...". Mario said while entering onto the scene.
The police turned and said to Mario "Do you know this man?"
"Man... Officers, this is no man... this is my wife" Mario Smiled gleefully
This revelation hit the police harder than even Mario could've thought, as the Police had gotten quite thirsty from their meal and decided to quench their thirst by consuming the breast milk of Sonic from the source itself.
"Actually, I was just joking about the whole girl part, but I can't deny that that does look a little HOT" Mario said while blushing.
"Then what is this white substance that we have been drinking and now currently dripping down our faces?" asked the police officers, now very worried because at this point it was quite hard to put together Sonic's broken anatomy from the red mess on the pavement.
"I surgically implanted a cyanide liquid into his breasts as an April fools joke while he was sleeping". Mario knew that it would be a funny joke to joke about his lover's gender like this, but didn't realize he was THIS funny. Yes, that is correct, Mario is a surgeon, perhaps all of Mario's fiddeling with bodies made Sonic into such a flesh-a-holic.
Mario, or should I say Dr. Mario, was kind of shy about his TRUE career, so he didn't usually tell people about it except in a few obscure games. Dr. Mario was also a bit sheepish as to his true identity because he too was a serial killer and a cannibal, his only way to escape the cops was to change his name to "Mario", but honestly, what would you expect from such a deranged doctor as Mario?
Speaking of escaping, Mario left.
But he could never escape the guilt that rotted in his heart for the horrible deeds that he committed, and so he ran off of a bridge.
Far below that bridge was a Baskin Robbins, and using his jumping and falling abilities, he manages to make it there with only a broken leg (not to be confused with the broken soul he was currently trying to eat away using said ice cream).He ordered some ice cream to sooth his pain, which was fine and all, but in order to make it even better, her tore off his broken leg and sprinkled it on top as a delicious topping.
"Sir, using personal possessions as toppings is against our policies" The person running the store screamed into his ear at a tolerable tone.
but mario didn't have time for that nonsense, in fact his ice cream was feeling a bit empty, so he cracked the man's skull ans used his jellyfied brain as a sauce to his cannibal sundae.
"Eewwwww, Yuck!" Mario spat out the food as he realized that he was secretly Swedish in origin.
Swedish food wasn't that good... unless it was Pewdiepie, and with that thought Mario knew what he needed to do.
He immediately ran home because he knew that something better than eating ice cream in order to fill the void was watching Pewdiepie's Minecraft videos.
Mario's eyes began to get dreay as he saw the block world in front of him "man I wish I was in minecraft."
"Yeah I guess you would you little sissy of a brother!" A mysterious man approached him from behind.
contrary to popular belief, Luigi was actually Mario's brother, can you believe that?
Anyway, Mario punched Luigi in the nose to show dominance
Luigi began to bleed from this slight punch, and this was just the thing to set off Mario's crazy blood lust once more as he began to tear apart Luigi's face and eat his eyeballs like a spicy italian meatball.
But then it start to hit him...the reality of the situation.
"Oh my god! This is exactly why I tried to kill myself earlier, I can't control myself!" said Mario
"Oh wait, I didn't try to kill myself earlier, so I might as well now" Mario said while aiming a knife at his throat.
"Wait!" the mangled Luigi said
"Luigi?" Mario said with tears in his eyes
"Yes, it's me... your brother and secret lover" said Luigi, who would be crying if he still had eyes.
"Luigi, you But-Face, you know that what we had was only a fling and my love is only for Sonic" Mario pouted
"Oh, I'll show you a fling ;)" said luigi, unzipping his pants as he now had mario pinned against a wall.
"no Luigi, Iiii-i'm ...your Brother" Mario squealed.
"In that case, I guess we should share some brotherly love." said Luigi, coming ever closer with a devilish smile.
"Oh" Mario said, slightly disappointed.
And so, after filling up the bathtub, both naked brothers jumped in delightfully. Mario brought his rubber duck, obviously, for sentimental reasons and luigi brought some other rubber toys ;)
"Luigi, I didn't know you also had a rubber ducky, I always thought you were more of a manly guy" Mario said surprised.
Showing Mario his vulnerable side only made Luigi more emasculated, so to compensate he began to buldge his very large muscles, which were so huge that Mario began to suffocate in the ripples of his muscles.
It was not immediatly apparent to Luigi, but Mario actually managed to die inside the muscles he loveed.
There was now only one sure fire way for Luigi to successfully hide the body from the cops, and that was for Luigi to consume his brother, and oh how he prepared for such a delicacy of a meal like Mario.
Well, he was planning to go all out, but he eventually just went the salt and vinegar route like a casual.
It was all he could afford, and plus the cops had been knocking on his door for the past hour.
Then all of a sudden they hammered it down with an actual hammer and immediately shot Luigi in the face with a semi-automatic rifle.
That might have been the end of the story, bt the cops need to enjoy their "Just desserts" first ;). But that's an entirely different story...
One that'll be expanded on generously next time in "The Cops that Ate too Much and Died"
And trust me, they did
I'm sure you sickos in the audience will enjoy just how fat they get too
They got REALLY fat!
So fat that they house broods of frozen animals looking for shelter during the winter months, i mean imagine having thousands of hibernating animals living in your fat rolls.
Actually don't imagine that, its GROSS
or do, if you find that stuff attractive
Which you shouldn't...
but can
Whatever.
I mean, it's not like I haven't imagined that kind of stuff before. That would make me an undesirable character!
And undesirable characters are just the kind of characters that I like!
Just by coincidence
but as they say, what kind of things wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for a crazy coincidence
That's what I believe, anyway
regardless, This story has made me really hungry, wanna go out for lunch some time? Not cannibal lunch, just normal lunch... okay?
Hehehe...
THE END
or is it?
jk it is
and by JK I mean that was a joke
As in: Just Kidding...
Just in case you guys didn't understand my hip internet lingo
BYE!
Au revoir!