I never understood the expression "fall in love". It seemed a little melodramatic. But that's how it felt like at first. I knew I was attracted to her. Why wouldn't I be? She's smart and charming and beautiful and sarcastic and loyal. She's amazing. But I never looked closely at just how attracted to her I was. Maybe I was trying to protect myself. I don't know.
But one day she passed by my office and she smiled at me, just a smile, and I came crashing to the ground. Seeing she makes my day a million times better, I can't explain what it is, when I'm around her I feel like I can breathe.
Then, naturally, came the guilt. What was I thinking, falling in love with her? I was nowhere on her radar. She deserved so much better than I could ever offer. I had no plans to tell her how I felt, why would I, there was no reason for her to reciprocate them.
So I hid my heart as far up my sleeve as it would go and pretended that all was fine.
But it was hard. All I wanted to do was tell her how good she smelled, I nearly blurted out "I adore you, please stay with me forever" in every conversation, I had to sit on my hands to keep myself from touching her, from stroking her cheek, from cradling her face in my hands and kissing her. I couldn't stop myself from smiling when she entered the room; I made the silliest of excuses just top spend time with her. I had no idea how she hadn't found out about my burning desire for her, I was doing such a poor job of hiding it.
How the mighty had fallen. I, who scoffed at the idea of love, had been reduced to this pathetic lovesick shell.