Vash Zwingli stared down the other man. He was trembling, head bowed. His hair was pink and his ruffled, crumpled clothes were a mixture of pink and blue. He'd seen his face in the mandatory photos. His eyes were bright blue and he had freckles. That was the only difference between the suspect and Officer Kirkland. Although that made sense, they were twins, even if life had taken them down different paths.

"State your name for the record." Vash said formally.

"O-Oliv-ver Kir-Kirk-land" the man stuttered.

"And do you confess to the murder of Allan Jones?"

"Yes" Oliver burst into tears, he was crying but also laughing.

Vash waited for the murderer to compose himself. Eventually after much trial and tribulations Oliver Kirkland sat up and looked straight at Vash. His eyes were bloodshot but still a piercing blue.

He hiccuped.

"Why did you murder Allan Jones?" Vash asked in a monotone.

"He was my boyfriend. I… I loved him.. He made me feel so special…." Oliver trailed off.

Vash waited.

"I was always different. I.. I knew that. I like pink. I like cute things. I love baking. And.. And I like boys." Oliver giggled at the end. A desperate, almost insane sound.

"Arthur made sense. He liked the right things. He was normal. Mum and Dad liked him more. I knew that… I know that. People didn't really like me. I dressed oddly, I had odd interest. Boys like boy things and girls like girl things, right? Right. But I liked girl things.

One day Dad sat me down… He then.. He then said to me 'Oliver you can't keep doing this. You need to fit in more. Be more like Arthur. Enough with all this.. pink.' And I tried, I tried so much.

But it wasn't me.

When boys started talking about girls they liked, about what they wanted to do to those girls. I looked at them and I tried want to….

When Arthur came home and he said he had a girlfriend, I looked at her. She was pretty. And then when I one day walked in on them, doing things.

And I was disgusted.

And then I wondered why I was disgusted.

T- The real change was when I realised something. Kuro was a new student and… and I really liked him. He was loud, brash and rude but he could also be so, well I suppose, real. And I told him what I though about him, what I wanted to do with him, what I wanted to do to him.

And Kuro was.. was so disgusted. And he told everyone that I was a … a, I don't like swearing. I can't say the word. It.. it stuck with me for so long.

Mum and Dad were…. Not supportive. I heard the word Kuro used to describe me, told me so many times. Not necessarily from my parents but they didn't try to stop it.

Arthur was supportive. I really appreciate Arthur. All he did for me. He took me to my first gay pride parade.

It was one of the best days of my life. No one was judging me, everyone was being exactly who they were, doing what they wanted to do. I- I was so happy when I said a man was attractive and no one gave me weird looks, some people even agreed.

One thing I remember was the colours. Everything was so colourful. The face-paint, the clothes, the hair. I loved the hair. Everyone had such bright hair. I wanted mine to be colourful too.

The college I went to had a gay pride community. LGBT pride community. And people were nice. And I was happy. So so happy. I was doing a degree in economics but I didn't really care about that. I cared about the people.

The dorms had a kitchen. It was small but, but I could use it. I began making cup cakes. When I was small, Mum used to allow me to bake with her. She stopped making cakes and biscuits when I was still a child but.. but I still remembered the basics. And I bought a recipe book and ingredients and equipment and.. and I baked. I brought cupcakes to the LGBT meetings. And that was how I was known..

The cupcake man.

And I liked that.

And then… And then I met Allan." Oliver smiled weakly at the memory. Tears running down his face.

"We met in a LGBT meeting. He was… he was amazing. He is fiery, he is passionate, he never lets anyone put him down. He stands up for what he believes in…. stood up, I suppose now. Stood up.

I remember when we first met, he marched up to me and asked if my cupcakes were vegan. They almost always weren't, then he'd yell at me for using the products of poor, innocent animals. He didn't mean it seriously. He'd always swear so I started carrying around a swear jar. He looked so stunned when, after some vulgar swearing, I demanded he put a dollar in the jar. And he did. And I beamed at him. I was delighted. We would see each other almost everyday. Sometimes he was loud and yelled, other times he would be flirty and calm. I was always blushing by the time our conversations were over.

One meeting he said to me 'Are you still desecrating animals with your swear word cupcakes?' And I said no and gave him a blue cup cake. And he smiled at me.

And when he smiled at me, I knew I loved him and I knew I wanted him to love me.

When we began dating I was so happy. I was so happy I thought it would be okay to introduce him to my parents.

It didn't go well.

They stopped sending me money. I couldn't afford college anymore. I moved in with Allen. I got work in a little bakery. I loved that bakery.

Arthur wasn't certain about this. He wanted me to move in with him. He didn't like Allan. But I wanted to stay with Allan.

The first few months were great. I would cook for Allan and clean the apartment. It was great. We would go out to dinner. Allan has, had, such a potty mouth. The swear jar became a permanent part of the apartment. We used the money collected for different treats.

I'd told Allan how much I loved dyed hair. And on our anniversary he gifted me pink hair dye. I was so happy. I always loved pink. Allan helped me dye my hair. I got some weird looks but I loved it it. Oh dear, I think I've been repeating myself." Oliver sniffled and wiped his noes with a tissue.

"Allan was always a hot-head. He was loud and he was pushy. He liked getting his way and sometimes he would be angry. We.. would fight. He was strong. And once he hit me. And he was sorry. He was so so sorry. I thought he would never do it again. It was a mistake.

He was so sweet afterwards. Arthur sometimes said to me that he wasn't good, that I should get away from him. But I told him again and again that he just didn't know Allan like I did. That he always acted different with me. Arthur never believed me, I could tell and so could Allan.

We kept arguing. Sometimes we wouldn't do things he didn't want. I stopped meeting up with my other friends from college. I wonder what they'd think if they saw the cupcake man now. I didn't need to go out. It was fine. I was fine.

I was still smiling.

I was still happy.

I wasn't scared.

Then there was the party. Arthur's girlfriend had invited us. At first it was fine. Allan liked parties. Arthur's girlfriend had a brother. He was also French. He was handsome and charming and he kept flirting with me. Arthur said that was how Francis always acted. Oh Francis was the man's name. He kept flirting and the attention was nice.

But then I saw Allan's face.

When he got home I saw how angry he was. He shouted. He raised his hand but he didn't hit me. He.. he " Oliver choked. The composure he had built up while telling his story slowly breaking.

"He.. he tore his b.. bat off the wall . Allan played baseball in high school. He kept his bat from when he won a tournament. He.. he had nailed it to the wall. And.. And.. and he tore it off the wall he was so angry. I was so scared.

He yelled that… that I was a horny, two-faced, insane f-f-faggot." Oliver was crying now, he shuddered as he said the hated word.

"I grabbed the carving knife and… and.. I ran to the bathroom. I stayed there the whole night. Allan kept yelling, he kept yelling. Insults and threats and I just clutched the knife.

Even when he stopped, I stayed there with the knife. The door locked. I was so scared.

The next evening Allan came and apologised and cried and I cried. I thought things would be different.

But he didn't nail the bat back up to the wall. It was still lying on the table. There were marks on the bathroom door. Marks from where he .. he tried to break down the door.

I was so scared. Everything I did seem to make him angry and the bat was still there. Allan seemed to always be so close to picking it up again. And one morning he picked up the bat. And shouted that he'd love to smash my head with it. He then left. He left me alone.

I knew he'd be angry again soon.

Everything I do made him angry and then what would he do to me. I.. I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE MY BLOOD ON THAT BAT!" Oliver yelled that last part. Animalistic terror taking over his face. He was so distressed.

"And I knew I had to.. I had to save myself. I made the vegan cupcakes. The ones I always made. I made the batter and I added… I added …" Oliver trailed off, lost in the memory.

"What did you add?" Vash asked, leaning inwards.

"Bleach. So much bleach. You'd be amazed how well bleach works in cupcake batter. And icing. The blue icing, was full of it.

So I'd made poison cupcakes.

Allan came home, he apologised. I offered the cakes and he ate it. He looked panicked. Bleach mustn't taste good." Oliver laughed at his own comment.

"And he reached for me. I think he wanted to strangle me, or maybe he wanted to hug me. I never could tell. So… so I grabbed the carving knife and I stabbed him. I .. I .. I don't know .. how … how many times I stabbed him. I don't know why… he was dying… why did I stab him? Why did I kill him?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm free, I'm free." He cried, swinging between joy and regret. Vash stared at the sad, little man before him.

He left Oliver Kirkland crying in the interrogation room. He ordered a different officer to watch Oliver. Sometimes, Vash really found his job depressing.

…

Vash never forgot Oliver Kirkland. He thought of the man when he went to bakeries, when he saw LGBT pride parades, he especially thought of him when ever he saw Arthur Kirkland. Arthur worked with Vash rarely, but whenever he did all Vash could think about was his twin.

But now Oliver's story was the reason he was grilling Emil. He would not allow anyone unsuitable to date Lilli. Lilli sometimes protested this but Vash was unyielding. He had to protect his little sister, he had to be a better brother than Arthur Kirkland.

"So Emil, how would you treat Lilli if you were dating?"

The screening was necessary.

..

So yeah one-shot about the totally fucked up relationship between 2p England and 2p America. So if Oliver seems out of character well I'm writing him as a human, so he can't be totally insane. And he's kinda in shock after what he's just done.

Have no fear The List is still being written, I just had a brain wave and was like Dude, what if Oliver and Allan were a real life couple, dude.

Heh it's like half one in the morning when I'm writing this, so this could be totally shit and I wouldn't be surprised.