A/n: I got this idea after hearing this song, and it's gonna be sad- I know, but I still hope you enjoy it. The song it Train wreck from James Arthur's new album Back from the edge. If you want you can listen to the song while reading this one-shot, it might give you more understanding!
A/n2: Cursive is flashbacks, and the fat cursive are the song lyrics.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the song belongs to James Arthur- and everyone who made it.
''Please pick up, please pick up'' Tara cried into the phone, but the dial-tone again filled her ear. Throwing the phone away, she curled herself into a ball- on her bed. Tears leaking from her eyes, as sobs wrecked her body - as flashbacks flashed through her mind. Very painful flashbacks, that will haunt her for the rest of her life.
Laying in the silence
Waiting for the sirens
Signs, any signs I'm alive still
I don't wanna lose it
I'm not getting through this
Hey, should I pray, should I fray
To myself til we're gone
To a saviour who can
''What is this'' Tara stormed into their bedroom, the engagement ring Penelope had accepted a few months ago in her hand. She found it neatly put back in its case- on her desk in their home-office, with not explanation whatsoever surrounding it.
''I'm giving it back'' Penelope replied, while frantically throwing her stuff into a suitcase.
''Why'' Tara asked pained, not understanding any of it.
''I just can't do this anymore'' Penelope replied, pain definitely lacing her voice too- as she worked her way around the brunette, knowing if she catched her eye- she couldn't go through with this.
''I thought we were all right'' Tara said, her lips trembling.
''No, we're not'' Penelope stopped what she did, turning around to face her lover -''You know we haven't been okay, for a while now, and I can't live in a relationship that's based on a lie''.
Unbreak the broken
Unsay these spoken words
Find hope in the hopeless
Pull me out the train wreck
''What lie'' Tara cried out, having heard this a few times now in the past weeks, ''There are no lies between us, I love you''.
''No, you don't'' Penelope snorted, her voice filled with tears -''I overheard you talking with Douglas, so don't lie to me, because I heard every word''.
''What'' Tara furrowed her brows, tears stinging her eyes -''You got it all wrong''.
''Please don't try to make this better, because you can't'' Penelope shook her head, trying to keep the tears at bay- though finding it hard, as she saw the tears stream down Tara's face now.
''I can, if you just let me explain'' Tara pleaded, trying to keep the blonde from leaving her life.
''I'm sorry'' Penelope whispered, closing the suitcase and making her way out of the apartment; and all Tara could do was watch her leave, as she saw her life- her future fall apart infront of her eyes.
She clutched the box containing the ring tight in her hand, as she slipped down the wall- to the ground, a mess of tears covering her face, as she cried her heart out.
Unburn the ashes
Unchain the reactions
I'm not ready to die not yet
Pull me out the train wreck
Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out
Pull me out, pull me out
''What's going on'' Tara came to a halt infront of her ex-fiancé's office, almost the whole team standing in the doorway - as they watched their favourite tech pack up everything in her office.
''Penelope is leaving'' Reid was the first one to speak up, as everyone else was too busy watching.
''Are you serious'' Tara pushed herself past all her co-workers, to get into the lair -''You're leaving''.
''I am'' Penelope replied curtly, not even turning around- as she kept on going.
''You can't leave'' Tara cried out, not caring that they were surrounded by many people- who can hear it, ''I need you'' she said, as she desperately tried to stop her from packing anything further.
''Please, stop'' Penelope's heart started to ache, at the desperate plead in her ex's voice, her heartstrings not able to take it, ''You should've thought about that, before you did- what you did'' she said harshly.
''But I didn't do anything'' Tara yelled back, still not understanding where Penelope got that from.
''Don't lie'' Penelope called out, ''I called him, and he confirmed''.
''You're crazy, you know that'' Tara huffed -''Why the fuck do you trust him- over me''.
''You know what, don't answer that'' Tara shook her head, letting out a hollow laugh -''Why am I still even trying, you won't ever believe me. So you know what, leave, I was lying- anyway, I don't need you, because like you said- our relationship was all based on a lie'' and with that Tara left the office, leaving a stunned looking crowd- and a tearful Penelope behind; who now didn't know anymore, what was right- or what was wrong.
Underneath our bad blood
We still got a sad song, home
Still at home, still at home, yeah
''Tara'' Prentiss hastily walked into the bullpen- and up to the brunette, her eyes wet with unshed tears.
''What's wrong'' Tara immediately stood up- and met the woman halfway.
''It's Penelope'' Emily said.
''I don't want to hear it'' Tara shook her head, walking back to her desk- sitting down, her back turned to the raven haired woman. It had been three months since Penelope left all of them, and they hadn't heard anything from her, not even a message that told them she was at least okay. And Tara's heart hardened at that, their relationship apparently meant that little to her.
''I think you do'' Emily said, coming up beside her, putting the phone in her hand- infront of her face.
Tara's eye catched the words, and immediately a heavy feeling settled in her stomach, ''That can't be true'' she quickly connected her eyes with her friend, trying to gauge her reaction- hoping to see that this was all a joke, or a dream.
''I'm sorry'' Prentiss said sadly, hating to be the bearer of bad news, ''I'm flying out to San Francisco- to see, to help, but there's a minor chance she survived''.
''This can't be happening'' Tara's lips trembled -''Please tell me this is a dream'' she looked up at Emily, pleading with her eyes- to hear something good.
''I'm sorry, but I can't lie'' Emily pulled the brunette into a hug, knowing this must be the hardest thing to ever hear, ''It'll be okay, I promise you'' she quietly whispered into Tara's hair, hoping to comfort her on some level.
It's not too late to build it back
Cause a one in a million chance
Is still a chance, still a chance
And I would take those odds
''Is she coming today'' JJ asked her colleague, her eyes showing a world of worry.
''I don't know'' Emily shook her head, feeling she same worry as the blonde- for their friend.
''This is not healthy'' Reid said.
''I know'' Emily sighed- sadly, ''But I've tried for the past month to get her to leave her apartment, but she won't budge''.
''Guys, we need to think about- that she lost the love of her life'' Rossi spoke up, he too felt majorly concerned for their team mate, but he knew what it felt like to lose someone you care so much about, it can break you- for a while, ''She'll be okay, trust me, but now all she needs- is time''.
''I hope you're right'' JJ sighed, not having as much trust in it- as the Italian had.
Unbreak the broken
Unsay these spoken words
Find hope in the hopeless
Pull me out the train wreck
Tara had picked up her phone again from the ground, and was now looking at the dozens of messages that had lit up her screen, in the past weeks, but none of them could motivate her to leave her personal space. Having heard the harsh news, after Prentiss came back from San Francisco, definitely broke her in two- and she wasn't sure it will ever heal.
At first she didn't want to believe it, she even had gone as far as dialing Penelope's number- and trying to reach her, being completely certain the blonde was going to pick up on the other end. She was certain Penelope would've cursed her out, shout through the phone- or something like that, but at least she would know she was still alive. But she didn't pick up, and she hasn't up until this day- a month later.
She knew they were over, they were through, but that doesn't stop the feelings. After all- she wasn't the one who broke them up, she really thought they were it, that she had found a forever kind of love- after many years of searching, only to see it fall apart infront of her eyes.
Unburn the ashes
Unchain the reactions
I'm not ready to die, not yet
Pull me out the train wreck
Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out
Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out
She has blamed herself a lot, over the past months, even before the news of her death came out. She still didn't know what she did wrong, and why Penelope had brought Douglas up, but somewhere she felt it was still her fault. She wished so bad, that she hadn't done some things, so she would've never have end up in this situation. She had called Douglas a few weeks after Penelope had left, after her anger had settled down, and asked him what he told Garcia, but he wouldn't budge- and said he only told the truth. Which made her wonder- what that truth was, because she definitely didn't know what he was talking about. And she told him so, before telling him that he could go and fuck himself- and never ever contact her ever again.
Tears again started to build, and trickle down her cheeks. This was all so hopeless- and senseless, she never knew a misunderstanding could lead to this, to wanting to lock herself up- and cry her eyes out, and never face the outside world again.
You can say what you like cause see I would die for you
I'm down on my knees and I need you to be my guard
Be my help, be a saviour who can
A ping coming from her phone, made her look up to the lit up screen- through her blurry vision. Her heart started beating faster, her hands started to sweat- and her breathe caught in her throat, as she read '1 message from Penelope' on her lockscreen. Her thumb hesitated with unlocking her phone, there was no way the blonde had messaged her- herself, she had died, that's what they all told them. But even though she was scared for whatever was in the text, she opened it out of curiosity. It were just two words, nothing more- nothing less, and she couldn't make sense of them.
'I'm sorry'.
Unbreak the broken
Unsay these reckless words
Find hope in the hopeless
Pull me out the train wreck
She didn't know what to do, this was a sick joke right. Her love was dead, she couldn't have done this. Clutching her phone in her hand, she got out of bed- this text being the only message that had the effect of getting her out of her apartment. She needed someone, didn't care who that person was, she needed someone to tell her that she wasn't crazy- and that the message was real. That this was all some cruel joke, and that her love was still alive. She quickly put on her shoes, not even caring what she looked like- after having spend a month in solitude and heartache. But before she had the chance to even leave her bedroom, a knock on her frontdoor made her sprint the short distance between her bedroom- and the door.
Unburn the ashes
Unchain the reactions
I'm not ready to die, not yet
Pull me out the train wreck
Opening the door, she came face-to-face with the person she thought- she would never ever see on her doorstep again. At first she thought it was a ghost, or just a figment of her imagination, but when she saw the raindrops drip from her hair to the ground- she knew this wasn't fake, or a dream. Penelope really was standing infront of her, alive, although looking like a drowned cat- the rain from outside not having given her any mercy.
''You're dead, you can't be here'' Tara shook her head, her eyes watering- as she felt too overwhelmed.
''I know'' Penelope whispered, her big eyes full of sadness- and tears, ''I thought for a minute- I was, too''.
''H-how, w-what...'' Tara trailed off, as she tried to wrap this around her mind -''This is a dream- right, like all those others I've had'' she choked out, her feelings being too overwhelmed.
''I can guarantee you, this isn't a dream'' Penelope reassured her, as she looked the brunette up and down- seeing her looking worse for wear. Tears escaping her eyes, as she saw the state she had left her in- all those months ago. She still hadn't forgiven herself.
''But you were on that plane, they told us'' Tara couldn't believe this, ''Emily even helped searching for you, but they told us that there were no survivors''.
''Really'' Penelope choked out, just hearing that for the first time.
''How did you survive'' Tara asked, ''Why were you even on that plane''.
''I was on that plane to come home'' Penelope answered, looking down, her voice sounding full of regret- which made Tara frown.
''Home?'' Tara questioned.
''Yeah'' Penelope nod slowly, looking back up again before talking further -''You'' she bit her lip, knowing this wouldn't be easy.
''Me'' Tara furrowed her brows, not understanding.
''Yes'' Penelope replied.
''Why now'' Tara asked, not knowing how to feel about this; at one hand she was elated, she had gotten a second chance with the love of her life, but on the otherhand- that person had left her before, would this time be different.
''Because I realised I was wrong on so many levels, and I know things can never be the same, but I need to apologize for everthing; it's why I took that plane in the first place, you were the only reason'' Penelope answered, putting her heart on her sleeve- she had to be honest -''I should've never trusted him over you, and that was the biggest mistake of my life, because I lost the love of my life because of it. He told me lies, he contacted me- to warn me about you, but I should've never listened to it, because he never knew you, and I do'' by now both women were crying their eyes out.
Tara was silent, she had no words to say- as she tried to let the words sink in.
''I- I...'' Penelope trailed off, not knowing if whatever she wanted to say- will ever mend all the broken pieces between them, so all she could say was -''I'm sorry'' and with that the blonde broke down- almost falling to the ground, but Tara caught her before she could hit the floor.
Tara slowly managed to get her inside, and get them seated on the couch; the whole time Penelope only holding her tighter- the longer she held her, as she repeated the words 'I'm sorry' to Tara.
Both having missed the other's touch, couldn't let go- as tears seemed to be never ending. As they mourned the lost months, mourned the lost time- the stupid actions that led them to this.
''It'll be all right'' Tara shushed the blonde, her voice cracking -''We're gonna be fine'' she repeated as a mantra.
It was going to be a long road, and they knew things can never be the same as they were, but they were strong enough to walk that road. As long as they could stick together, it was going to be all right, because in the end their love for each other will always outshine everything else. And that's how Tara knew, that they will make it; perhaps not now, perhaps not tomorrow, but someday they will be fine again.
Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out
Pull me out, pull me out, pull me out